Name: "I Don't Think Love Exists" with Anthony Cumia (from Joe Rogan Experience #560)
Uploaded: 2014-10-18T19:40:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Don't Think Love Exists" with Anthony Cumia (from Joe Rogan Experience #560)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Don't Think Love Exists" with Anthony Cumia (from Joe Rogan Experience #560)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-18. Transcript available.

Hello freak bitches well, I think there's a beautiful thing about being
influenced by
Movies and books and songs and that they provide us with entertainment and
inspiration, but they also
Really distort the shit out of realistic scenario life
But I think you're supposed to be able to distinguish between that. Oh, you
know art is one thing and reality is another art
I think is based on reality and then you gotta influences reality so much. Yeah
Yeah, especially with women how many women don't have these just but especially
young women that have these distorted perceptions of Channing Tatum movies
Channing Tatum is that's how men behave and this is reality. It's gonna happen
to me. I just get to find my prince
Yeah, it's just not a bunch of dudes who want to come in you
So it really is out there. They're just lying and both sides the the aggressive
male side and the the men who are pretending
They're not like all the other men because they want to come in you, too
And that's the only way they can go about getting in there is being unique
Yeah, or or just being like on your side
Men are shit, right? Right. I'm hot. I'm horrified to be a man. Men are shit.
Yes. You see that on on
Twitter in its most archaic form, which is the white night. Yes
I fucking love the white night. I don't think I really verbally go, oh, yeah
When reading anything else but white nights on Twitter when you bash somebody
who's a girl and and and you know, you call her out on something
Uh, and then some guy swoops in don't take that you're beautiful. You're a
beautiful person and this and
You just like dude
First of all, you just want to fuck her you want to do the same thing the guy
that's fucking bashing her wants to do
Yeah, he's just taking a different angle. Yeah, you know and you swoop in and
what is their mindset? Oh
DM me you're a good man
They just want love love just want love. It's not gonna get their way. They
just want love. It just doesn't have it
I've given up on the concept of love
I honestly don't think it really exists and this is something a lot of people
have called me on I think love is a a cross between
lust and an obsession
kind of a not really obsession. I think maybe um a
Fascination kind of a just this quick thing that happens. It doesn't last long
It could last maybe a couple a few years class of quite a few years, but it's
still the same thing. It's lust and this
fascination with the person and and that
Conjures up this mixture that seems like something that's love in the perfect
scenario. You don't think that people can be in love
No, I honestly
Honestly, I don't see
Two people I think honest love would be like you just never
Argue you agree with everything. There's never a snooty snippy moment
So it just doesn't exist and in time it
Transmit it transfers into something more a habit a
Habitual thing the the lust turns into habit and the fascination turns into
comfort zone
And then you're just together and you continue to be together
And you don't even know about love anymore. You're not coming home every day.
You're not at the office going fuck
I want to be with her God when you first get together you're like I can't even
work
I love this girl. I want to be with her
I want to fucking smell her hair and kiss her and hug her and then you got to
leave and but you're going to the store for ten minutes
Sweetie. Oh, I love you. Oh, I wish I'd enough to go come with me come to the
store
It's just fucking crazy 20 years of marriage and you're still doing that
bullshit
And you still love the person no you're now a habitual in a habitual
relationship
I honestly believe that he is fucking pissed all over everybody's parade
There's a bunch of people at work right now listen to this going to
Hmm hmm fuck enough. Well, you definitely don't get the newness
But you can still have a great relationship, but what is that it's not love but
the falling in love part the following is the newness
Well, but you know what the newness is the newness is a hormonal rush to make
babies and you're supposed to fuck
Yes, yeah, that's why relationships most relationships peter out around three
months in that's when the woman hits her first trimester
She's already supposed to be pregnant. You're supposed to be out of there right
banging a new one
Why because people were getting eaten by jaguars on a daily basis?
You had to fuck as many people as you possibly could right in order to ensure
that this the species survived
Yeah, the problem is our high mortality rate when they then human beings were
in their infancy our high mortality rate
Led to very specific types of behaviors that are ingrained in our genetics
Yes, and those specific types of behaviors are frowned upon by feminists now
They the very thing that got us to 2014 they're trying to curb back
Yeah
This like deceptive behavior in order to try to get laid, you know any type of
sex other than the sex that they feel comfortable with
I'm happy that this happened if the man's happy. Yeah, fuck doing our left pig
you know, it's anything that's not along the lines of their their their ideal
is right is a rape yeah
Yeah, yeah, and and like you said, it's just
Biological mm-hmm for the preservation of humanity early on mm-hmm. That's how
we needed to add
Here's where it gets more fascinating the women who are trying to tighten this
down as much as possible
Mm-hmm. No one wants a fuck mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah at the very top of the fucking
machine
The very top of the machine is run by troll ladies
Troll ladies they're not they're not like really sexy attractive objects of
desire
Yeah, you know, I think when when they speak about like how like how can a man
dictate what happens to our bodies kind of a thing?
It's the same thing as how can you dictate what happens to a pretty girl? Yeah,
like you're not a pretty girl
So you don't understand what it's like to be that and to be able to you know
manipulate men in such a fashion
So you she should probably the troll ladies should probably steer clear of what
they think
Attractive men and women should what it's really funny though to to watch and I'm
a lonely cat guy in my house
That's what it's come to a lonely cat guy. That's pretty much it. You know, I
occasionally have some bitches over though, you know
You gotta I tell I I'm in there like I said with this whole I don't believe in
love thing
I've had to convey to two girls that could do come over the house
That I am NOT a boyfriend. I'm not your boyfriend or anything
And it's a it's a hard thing you tell them so I'm not your boyfriend
I went through so many years Joe of being with girls much too long much longer
than I should have
Couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was one of those fucking years guys
Like I've stayed in a marriage that I hated for nine fucking years nine years
And I think radio was part of it because I had gotten into radio halfway
through the marriage
So the second half I didn't even pay attention to it. It was all about fucking
radio. I'm in radio. This is great
I'm I'm gonna build this and concentrate on that. So whatever burden she was
was outweighed by the pleasure of doing radio
But after nine years that was that was it so but I jumped right from that into
another relationship that just lasted years
And then after that one I started thinking like maybe I shouldn't be and tell
these girls like that
I feel for them so much
You know, and now I just say look
Understand what this is. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. I am NOT in a
relationship with you
And and it it it almost works. I have to I have to fine-tune it
I'm almost there though
Don't get the message and it's um, I start getting things but then when I start
getting texts. I'd be like these are girlfriend texts
We're not in a relationship that's them. Yes. I go. This is a girlfriend text
Well, like what's an example of a girlfriend text a girlfriend text?
You said I could do this and then at the last minute you told me that I can't
do it with you
I can't go here or do this or something i'm like I change my mind or I have
something else or I made other plans it happens it fell through
Oh, well, you're treating me like shit. This is hey
No, that's a girlfriend that isn't a friend if I call my friend Joe curry, let's
say and I say Joe this weekend
I'm having a party at the house come on over to be like, okay, and then on friday
Afternoon I call him and say Joe no party. It's just not happening. I'm doing
something else. All right, cool
That's like that only if I could fuck Joe curry
See the girls you're trying to make that you're trying to I'm trying to make it
So they understand that that they are one of my friends that are girls that if
we want to have sex and stuff
That's great. It's cool and everything, but we can't have this relationship
Where you live here and where where we are obligated to go out for certain
occasions?
Because you're my top bitch or something or whatever it is. What about them
fucking other guys?
Yeah, that doesn't happen
Yeah, who is this guy no they they they could I don't want to hear about it
just like I don't want to have to tell them about it
Oh, I've heard this one like oh, who are you going out with tonight? This is
none of your business
It's none of your fucking business. Oh, is it this girl? Is it that one like I'm
not telling you. Why would I tell you?
Why wouldn't you ah god? I don't want to hear this. I just don't want to hear
it
But that's you know, there's certain patterns of relation in relationships that
people automatically fall into and they think they're allowed to
Yes, these are these are allowed because it's become commonplace. Yeah, and
that's what I they've been used to their whole life
and that's what this this
a groove that the guys have fallen into over the years where they know like oh
my god
You just realize at one point you go. Oh, I'm in a relationship. I didn't even
want to be in one
We were dating or something or just hanging out
Like why does it always have to turn into a relationship?
And I've said to girls before I've said relationships are the the the death knell
for a good
Companionship all of a sudden now there's obligations responsibilities
Accountabilities all these things that come along with a relationship take away
from the good parts of hanging out
Which is we're watching TV. We're drinking. We're fucking we're going out to
dinner. We're not arguing about anything
Because is that my phone? Oh, I hope not. Is it a ding? Oh man. How did you
manage to avoid?
I'm sorry. It's your girlfriend. No, don't worry about it. It's his girlfriend.
Oh, it's my girlfriend. She's pissed
So you avoided
You're avoiding children. You got no children. Yes. Oh, that's a big one
That is the biggest because I almost had a kid with my wife
Which would have just been I'd have had to kill myself. I think I would have
had to do something to get out of it
Yeah, yeah, she went she got first she got one of those ectopic pregnancies
which happens in the fallopian tube and blows up and she like started bleeding
internally and
Boy, if I had a future me came back at the moment. I was driving her to the
hospital. I may have made a stop at McDonald's first
Or you know, I might have had to pick a few things up while she was in the
passenger seat bleeding to death. Oh
My goodness. Oh, well you say this because she she basically I mean how much
money did she take over the years?
Yeah, that was a bad divorce like seven figures she took and her long period of
time - right? Yeah
She got Dominic Barbara for her lawyer, you know famed bloated Howard Stern
attorney, but Dominic Barbara was her lawyer and he was just
so much fucking
Anger that I had you think I'm angry now people Wow
Oh was I angry and yeah, I hated them. I hated that whole camp the lawyers
They'd come in and I I had to pay her legal bills, which is another one of
those great fucking amazing and feminist things
I had to pay her legal bills and mine
So she hires Dominic Barbara and he's just this fucking way expensive attorney
and I think well
I got to save some money. So let me hire a cheaper attorney. Oh, that doesn't
work Joe
That's ridiculous. I had a guy that would come in with like a manila folder
into court and they were they had hand trucks of those big boxes of
legal briefs and stuff on their side and I'm just
Just like oh, this is the worst thing ever and
well, yeah over the course of
Quite a few years. I had to keep paying her and paying her and then it was over
and I'm very happy with that
Do you ever communicate with her now? No, thank God and I don't have to and if
I had kids I would have to I
Don't understand how that happens. I like a lot of people say well. No, you
know over the years
We've built up a nice relationship. I'm friends with my ex-wife
It's like no you're not you had to develop something or you would have killed
her or
Yourself or everyone involved you have a kid so you have to kind of build some
type of relationship with her I
Have a buddy who's friends with his ex-girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend is now
married to another one of his friends
And they have kids together and they get all their kids together and play. That's
weird. That's just odd. I
Don't think it ever goes away. I don't think that you fucked her ever goes away.
No, probably not
probably not well the the ex-boyfriend and the new husband
They do have a little weird thing with each other with him the new husband will
occasionally criticize the ex-boyfriend and a little bit of an
Over-excessive way Wow cuz he knows that it's kind of cuckolding going on they're
slipping the dick to the missus
Me pretends to be cool with it. But yeah, but we know there's a lot of weirdness
to it all. No shit weirdness
But you got a note hand - oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Dominic Barbara the
lawyer for my wife
uh, he came to my house
Um a couple of months ago for what knocked on the door came to the house
because he heard that I got fired
from Sirius XM and he was like I just got out of rehab
Drugs and alcohol ruined my life. I don't longer have a law practice. I'm you
know, I he got arrested for stealing from one of the
Stores of the miracle mile there and
uh
long long island and
um, and he's just he's destitute now he was living on his friend's couch
He went from that attorney that was always on howard's show and made millions
of dollars obviously made some off of me
Uh, and then he's just destitute now
So I I read the stories in the paper before I got fired and everything and I've
always laughed
I thought good good for him karma motherfucker
um
But and if you if you crow about karma, isn't that bad karmically?
Yeah, yeah, I think it is too. So yeah, whatever
But uh, he he he knocked on my door and i'm looking out the window like I think
that's fucking dominic barbara
And he comes in and he was trying to preach to me like he's saying uh
I read what happened and i'm thinking maybe you know, you need help or
something. Oh, he wants to be your sponsor
What is he talking about probably a sees you as an opportunity to get back in
the limelight and b
feels bad that he stole your fucking money maybe it and he might have been
doing one of those uh
12-step things where he's got to make some kind of reconciliation with me
Uh, so he came over he did that but then at the end he sees like so you got the
new show
You're gonna be starting up. I'm like, yeah
He goes, you know, I know this advertising thing where this and then he's
pitching some type of
Advertising for the show. So yeah, so he
He left his number left and the pitch you stole money from me. Fuck get out of
here. Yes, and people were saying that they're like, why did you?
Even let him in your house. Why you know
And they're saying you should have shot him when he got in the house and say
that he was trying to attack you
He's crazy. He was on drugs. He stole money. He's destitute look at his fucking
record, man
And and check this knife out
By his hand here. Yes, it matches my cutlery set, but
It's a very well very popular item. That was always the um, the
Intense fear of the thought that reincarnation might be true
And even though no one really remembers who they were in a previous life or who
they were gonna be in the next or something
You're always like I don't wanna man. I got a good one this time around
I got so fucking lucky new york united states white male jobs
This fucking is I aced this and then you get reincarnated
You're like fucking you got ebola you're coughing your blood up in front of a
fucking guy fucking a goat or you're a monkey
Or you know, you used to be a person, but you can't talk and you're like
And that's all you can
Bummed out that would be a bummer beaten off bummed out. Yeah, no, you know
what I was 10
I was fucking I was in new york. I was I was a white guy
I was a white guy who had this whole thing where I was telling chicks. No
Girlfriend no girlfriends. It was great and they still came over
It's crazy how many of you think come over because they think i'm gonna fix him
This guy with his no girlfriend you think I think so
I think there have been a few that think like oh
Well, he just hasn't found the right girl and they they'll say they go with it
in the beginning
But then they start getting angry with you. Yeah, as it as they realize oh,
this motherfucker's serious
See, oh, wait a minute. He meant that bullshit guys say these things
But they can't pull it off. No one really means that when they say it. Who the
fuck do you think you are that you could pull this off?
They get that. Oh, yeah. Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck you you fucking idiot? Exactly. Meanwhile, they already fucked you
Rape wait a minute
Take away consent take away consent
Draw the troll women have spoken
The fucking cliff with a horn
We found another one
What are you having fun? What do you live in your life by your own rules? That's
it. Fuck you
They don't people don't like that. I guess
They don't like that. They don't like it. They don't like it too. They don't
like it too

"I Don't Think Love Exists" with Anthony Cumia (from Joe Rogan Experience #560)

Hello freak bitches well, I think there's a beautiful thing about being
influenced by
Movies and books and songs and that they provide us with entertainment and
inspiration, but they also
Really distort the shit out of realistic scenario life
But I think you're supposed to be able to distinguish between that. Oh, you
know art is one thing and reality is another art
I think is based on reality and then you gotta influences reality so much. Yeah
Yeah, especially with women how many women don't have these just but especially
young women that have these distorted perceptions of Channing Tatum movies
Channing Tatum is that's how men behave and this is reality. It's gonna happen
to me. I just get to find my prince
Yeah, it's just not a bunch of dudes who want to come in you
So it really is out there. They're just lying and both sides the the aggressive
male side and the the men who are pretending
They're not like all the other men because they want to come in you, too
And that's the only way they can go about getting in there is being unique
Yeah, or or just being like on your side
Men are shit, right? Right. I'm hot. I'm horrified to be a man. Men are shit.
Yes. You see that on on
Twitter in its most archaic form, which is the white night. Yes
I fucking love the white night. I don't think I really verbally go, oh, yeah
When reading anything else but white nights on Twitter when you bash somebody
who's a girl and and and you know, you call her out on something
Uh, and then some guy swoops in don't take that you're beautiful. You're a
beautiful person and this and
You just like dude
First of all, you just want to fuck her you want to do the same thing the guy
that's fucking bashing her wants to do
Yeah, he's just taking a different angle. Yeah, you know and you swoop in and
what is their mindset? Oh
DM me you're a good man
They just want love love just want love. It's not gonna get their way. They
just want love. It just doesn't have it
I've given up on the concept of love
I honestly don't think it really exists and this is something a lot of people
have called me on I think love is a a cross between
lust and an obsession
kind of a not really obsession. I think maybe um a
Fascination kind of a just this quick thing that happens. It doesn't last long
It could last maybe a couple a few years class of quite a few years, but it's
still the same thing. It's lust and this
fascination with the person and and that
Conjures up this mixture that seems like something that's love in the perfect
scenario. You don't think that people can be in love
No, I honestly
Honestly, I don't see
Two people I think honest love would be like you just never
Argue you agree with everything. There's never a snooty snippy moment
So it just doesn't exist and in time it
Transmit it transfers into something more a habit a
Habitual thing the the lust turns into habit and the fascination turns into
comfort zone
And then you're just together and you continue to be together
And you don't even know about love anymore. You're not coming home every day.
You're not at the office going fuck
I want to be with her God when you first get together you're like I can't even
work
I love this girl. I want to be with her
I want to fucking smell her hair and kiss her and hug her and then you got to
leave and but you're going to the store for ten minutes
Sweetie. Oh, I love you. Oh, I wish I'd enough to go come with me come to the
store
It's just fucking crazy 20 years of marriage and you're still doing that
bullshit
And you still love the person no you're now a habitual in a habitual
relationship
I honestly believe that he is fucking pissed all over everybody's parade
There's a bunch of people at work right now listen to this going to
Hmm hmm fuck enough. Well, you definitely don't get the newness
But you can still have a great relationship, but what is that it's not love but
the falling in love part the following is the newness
Well, but you know what the newness is the newness is a hormonal rush to make
babies and you're supposed to fuck
Yes, yeah, that's why relationships most relationships peter out around three
months in that's when the woman hits her first trimester
She's already supposed to be pregnant. You're supposed to be out of there right
banging a new one
Why because people were getting eaten by jaguars on a daily basis?
You had to fuck as many people as you possibly could right in order to ensure
that this the species survived
Yeah, the problem is our high mortality rate when they then human beings were
in their infancy our high mortality rate
Led to very specific types of behaviors that are ingrained in our genetics
Yes, and those specific types of behaviors are frowned upon by feminists now
They the very thing that got us to 2014 they're trying to curb back
Yeah
This like deceptive behavior in order to try to get laid, you know any type of
sex other than the sex that they feel comfortable with
I'm happy that this happened if the man's happy. Yeah, fuck doing our left pig
you know, it's anything that's not along the lines of their their their ideal
is right is a rape yeah
Yeah, yeah, and and like you said, it's just
Biological mm-hmm for the preservation of humanity early on mm-hmm. That's how
we needed to add
Here's where it gets more fascinating the women who are trying to tighten this
down as much as possible
Mm-hmm. No one wants a fuck mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah at the very top of the fucking
machine
The very top of the machine is run by troll ladies
Troll ladies they're not they're not like really sexy attractive objects of
desire
Yeah, you know, I think when when they speak about like how like how can a man
dictate what happens to our bodies kind of a thing?
It's the same thing as how can you dictate what happens to a pretty girl? Yeah,
like you're not a pretty girl
So you don't understand what it's like to be that and to be able to you know
manipulate men in such a fashion
So you she should probably the troll ladies should probably steer clear of what
they think
Attractive men and women should what it's really funny though to to watch and I'm
a lonely cat guy in my house
That's what it's come to a lonely cat guy. That's pretty much it. You know, I
occasionally have some bitches over though, you know
You gotta I tell I I'm in there like I said with this whole I don't believe in
love thing
I've had to convey to two girls that could do come over the house
That I am NOT a boyfriend. I'm not your boyfriend or anything
And it's a it's a hard thing you tell them so I'm not your boyfriend
I went through so many years Joe of being with girls much too long much longer
than I should have
Couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was one of those fucking years guys
Like I've stayed in a marriage that I hated for nine fucking years nine years
And I think radio was part of it because I had gotten into radio halfway
through the marriage
So the second half I didn't even pay attention to it. It was all about fucking
radio. I'm in radio. This is great
I'm I'm gonna build this and concentrate on that. So whatever burden she was
was outweighed by the pleasure of doing radio
But after nine years that was that was it so but I jumped right from that into
another relationship that just lasted years
And then after that one I started thinking like maybe I shouldn't be and tell
these girls like that
I feel for them so much
You know, and now I just say look
Understand what this is. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. I am NOT in a
relationship with you
And and it it it almost works. I have to I have to fine-tune it
I'm almost there though
Don't get the message and it's um, I start getting things but then when I start
getting texts. I'd be like these are girlfriend texts
We're not in a relationship that's them. Yes. I go. This is a girlfriend text
Well, like what's an example of a girlfriend text a girlfriend text?
You said I could do this and then at the last minute you told me that I can't
do it with you
I can't go here or do this or something i'm like I change my mind or I have
something else or I made other plans it happens it fell through
Oh, well, you're treating me like shit. This is hey
No, that's a girlfriend that isn't a friend if I call my friend Joe curry, let's
say and I say Joe this weekend
I'm having a party at the house come on over to be like, okay, and then on friday
Afternoon I call him and say Joe no party. It's just not happening. I'm doing
something else. All right, cool
That's like that only if I could fuck Joe curry
See the girls you're trying to make that you're trying to I'm trying to make it
So they understand that that they are one of my friends that are girls that if
we want to have sex and stuff
That's great. It's cool and everything, but we can't have this relationship
Where you live here and where where we are obligated to go out for certain
occasions?
Because you're my top bitch or something or whatever it is. What about them
fucking other guys?
Yeah, that doesn't happen
Yeah, who is this guy no they they they could I don't want to hear about it
just like I don't want to have to tell them about it
Oh, I've heard this one like oh, who are you going out with tonight? This is
none of your business
It's none of your fucking business. Oh, is it this girl? Is it that one like I'm
not telling you. Why would I tell you?
Why wouldn't you ah god? I don't want to hear this. I just don't want to hear
it
But that's you know, there's certain patterns of relation in relationships that
people automatically fall into and they think they're allowed to
Yes, these are these are allowed because it's become commonplace. Yeah, and
that's what I they've been used to their whole life
and that's what this this
a groove that the guys have fallen into over the years where they know like oh
my god
You just realize at one point you go. Oh, I'm in a relationship. I didn't even
want to be in one
We were dating or something or just hanging out
Like why does it always have to turn into a relationship?
And I've said to girls before I've said relationships are the the the death knell
for a good
Companionship all of a sudden now there's obligations responsibilities
Accountabilities all these things that come along with a relationship take away
from the good parts of hanging out
Which is we're watching TV. We're drinking. We're fucking we're going out to
dinner. We're not arguing about anything
Because is that my phone? Oh, I hope not. Is it a ding? Oh man. How did you
manage to avoid?
I'm sorry. It's your girlfriend. No, don't worry about it. It's his girlfriend.
Oh, it's my girlfriend. She's pissed
So you avoided
You're avoiding children. You got no children. Yes. Oh, that's a big one
That is the biggest because I almost had a kid with my wife
Which would have just been I'd have had to kill myself. I think I would have
had to do something to get out of it
Yeah, yeah, she went she got first she got one of those ectopic pregnancies
which happens in the fallopian tube and blows up and she like started bleeding
internally and
Boy, if I had a future me came back at the moment. I was driving her to the
hospital. I may have made a stop at McDonald's first
Or you know, I might have had to pick a few things up while she was in the
passenger seat bleeding to death. Oh
My goodness. Oh, well you say this because she she basically I mean how much
money did she take over the years?
Yeah, that was a bad divorce like seven figures she took and her long period of
time - right? Yeah
She got Dominic Barbara for her lawyer, you know famed bloated Howard Stern
attorney, but Dominic Barbara was her lawyer and he was just
so much fucking
Anger that I had you think I'm angry now people Wow
Oh was I angry and yeah, I hated them. I hated that whole camp the lawyers
They'd come in and I I had to pay her legal bills, which is another one of
those great fucking amazing and feminist things
I had to pay her legal bills and mine
So she hires Dominic Barbara and he's just this fucking wa