Name: Joe Rogan Experience #566 - Sue Aikens
Uploaded: 2014-10-23T20:16:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #566 - Sue Aikens' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #566 - Sue Aikens' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-10-23. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #566 - Sue Aikens

you don't play the music okay
all the way from how many miles above the arctic circle uh they are saying it's
197 miles north of
the arctic circle i say it's a few more god so somewhere around 200 miles yeah
jesus
fucking christ what what led you folks who just tuning in right now sue akins
from life below zero
uh which is one of my favorite shows love that show it's uh the realest at all
those shows it seems
to be the realest there's so many of these shows that they'll do like these
subsistence living shows
but you know that they're setting up fake scenarios you know that there's some
producer fuckery involved
yeah there there are some things that some shows out there that are um i would
say very heavily
scripted yeah you know you're told what you're going to be doing not but this
show uh and it's it's one
of my things in my contract i don't do scripted anything i never want to hear
how oh wouldn't
that look great if you fell through the river because i'll be like jump fucker
see how it feels
i'm not doing it you know there's enough interesting stuff that happens
naturally
that uh you don't have to script a lot of action yeah i would imagine i mean
where you're living is
one of the most bizarre remote places on earth for folks who have never seen
the show uh it follows a
series of people uh that live uh in some pretty incredibly remote locations in
alaska but you are the
most remote you're the gangster of the gangsters yeah yeah i'm the the queen of
the badassery when
it comes to remote you know my closest city uh where you could find a walmart
is 500 miles south
and uh when you take a plane from fairbanks to camp once you hit the air that's
it you don't see
another building until you get to my camp what led you this spot even when i
you know i say in in
preschool and kindergarten in the early to mid 60s when they ask you what do
you want to be when you
grow up you know for a girl at that time period you know it was pretty standard
you know wife and mother
for me it was a lighthouse keeper i've always craved extreme isolation this is
just an extension of that
why what um what's the attraction i'm happiest i i'm really happy i like myself
i crack myself up all
the time um i'm really comfortable in my own skin i like challenges if it's if
there's no challenge
in the way that you're living you're not really living you're just kind of you're
doing a script
so it's just this attraction to isolation is almost like a natural part of your
personality
it is it is um i i really bond with the animals around me uh you know and i i
don't feel that just
because it's brown it has to go down i do hunt for the meat that i eat but you
know i find where else
are you going to go my main pack of wolves has 22 in it they're not always out
to eat me so i get to
see some pretty amazing things uh two three winners in a row you always have a
couple of bears that
wake up out of season they either didn't store enough fat they woke up for some
reason but once
they wake up they're straight up killers and the past couple of years i've been
able to watch a pack
of wolves take down a grizzly whoa and you know like this last year they just
have to get him running
because within a mile or two he's used up all of his calories and there's no
way he's going to survive
so when they came running through camp crashing into my building as they go i'm
sitting there on the
inside you know with my gun going yeah come through the wall fucker i'll get
you you know but not
until they do and they went right past and boom they took them down on the end
of the airstrip and
ate him so those are things that i get to experience that for an adrenaline
junkie somebody that's
always pushing the limits that's that's pretty skookum that's pretty good what
what was that like that
had to be insane watching a pack of wolves take out a grizzly yeah well it is
because you know it
comes at the time of the year when i have 24 hour darkness so i only have a
limited amount of space
where i can see them and then it's gone i don't know if they're going to come
around and come back
inside i don't know if they finished it i don't know if there's a couple of
rogue wolves waiting for
me to come out so your your own existence then becomes quite limited to inside
until you know that
it's clear what a fascinating way to live life yeah 24 hour darkness too i did
that i didn't even think
of that yeah well my son is gonna set uh for the last time this next week and
in barrow and prudhoe bay
they get a little bit more sunshine just because or a few more sunsets just
because of their location
they're not around mountains or hills i've got a mountain to the north the
south and the mountain
range to the east so i lose it a couple weeks before they do and then i won't
have another sunrise
until march wow so so how did you you saw these wolves or you heard them chase
down the bear
like how do you know what took place did you put a spotlight on it um you get a
little bit during
this particular time frame that it happened you get a little bit of ambient
light you don't actually
have the sun but your sky will lighten a little bit and even when the moon is
out it lights up it's
an all-white landscape it lights it up and i routinely even in winter as long
as it's not blowing a gale
i go up on my rooftops and i'm always looking around you always want to give
yourself as much
advance notice on anything coming in it could be a food source for me it could
be a predator
it doesn't matter i want to know what's around me and that's where i saw
something going on there and
i saw a big red splotch or what i assumed was red and so i know something was
bleeding something was
attacking something and then i could make out as it got closer that was a bear
running and the wolf pack
was in the river and down there's 22 wolves and they just tag him to keep him
running once he wears
out they've got him wow they're so clever um they are they're top predators and
they're top predators
for a reason and they live in that they genetically are predisposed to succeed
so you know for me as a
human being being there yeah i've got guns i've got other things but you know
left to your own devices
i mean we are nowhere near top predator and they are the only predators that
are that size that act
in a pack yes yeah they think together they they chase people in the fall they
chase animals into a
funnel there's a hierarchy yeah you know you have the alphas who control the
whole thing um they control
who's going to mate who's not going to mate and if you if you go against the
rules you're kicked out of
the pack so then you have rogue wolves and uh so you've got your solitary units
wow and you're living
in these these houses that you're living in they seem like they're made out of
like cloth or something
they are they're uh quonset tents now for for clients in order for me to be
there um as a caucasian
i'm not allowed to own property on the north slope so for me to have a
lifestyle there i have to lease
land from the state and have a profitable business if the business stops being
profitable they have the
right to eject me so there's you know and people say oh it's reverse
discrimination and you have to stop
right there there is no forward or reverse it is a fact i knew that going in
and um so it's a challenge
it just becomes a challenge so i i the clients can stay in the trailers there's
uh bear proof soundproof
trailers they can stay in now if i stay in that it's a very small amount of
head space for me i don't like
that the doors open to the outside world you you have to get your life down to
all of the doors my final
door going to the outside world opens inside because i guarantee 15 20 times a
winner i'm going to open
that door and it's a wall of snow i have to dig a tunnel so i can get out and
open the you know have
an open space if i had a door that opened to the outside world i wouldn't get
out so i've trapped myself
but uh the tent that i live in um i'm not allowed a permanent structure so i
have a tent and you're not
allowed a permanent structure no because i'm leasing the land and you have to
um everything has to be
mobile in case they for whatever reason tell you your lease is up you need to
leave so everything
either is on tracks or it's a tent that you can take down or something you're
willing to throw a
match on and burn you're not allowed to have a permanent structure that's a
strange set of rules
isn't it i mean it seems like no house is permanent they knock down houses all
the time and the even the
term permanent is kind of weird yeah but alaska still i mean uh if you want to
break it down i mean
we still have squatters rights we still have you know if you if you're allowed
permanent structures then
perhaps you're allowing a squatters rights situation to develop i don't really
care about the background
rules i just just tell me what the rules are and i'll meet the challenge wow
and so you're in these
tents how easy would it be for an animal to get into the tent one swipe it's
just uh you know figure your
coleman tent maybe a little bit thicker material and that's it so any well it's
like the bear that i got
this last year that the background of that my dog was outside in her house and
the bear came up tore
her little house out hockey pucked it around the the pad tried to eat her
chased after some kids that
were camping so it became after the bear attack that i had a few years ago um
there was a certain fear
factor i did not aggressively go get bears i waited hey if you come through my
wall i'll take care of you
but i'm not and you know there was a fear factor well now as an owner i can't
afford to be passive
this bear presented a danger to my dog but also more importantly to clients
camping so i had to go
proactive and uh it was 16 and a half hours of tracking um belly crawling over
800 yards and then i
coughed and he turned on me well the the long and short of that story was um i
just got the hide back
now his claws are five and a half inches long so one swipe and it's done five
and a half inches
long yeah and he's almost nine foot wow so and his measurements he uh from what
i understand he's
number five in the world for inland grizzly and people wanted me to you know
there was a push to
do the boone and crockett thing and i'm like he's number five you know if he's
one or two i'll do it
you know number five still pretty damn impressive yeah yeah he he was an
impressive specimen he was
over 34 years old wow so you know i mean this this was a bear that was probably
getting closer to the
end of his shelf life and was going to attack anything when they get ready to
den it's it's
almost um a certain insanity that they reach where you know they they're going
into hibernation and all
they think is i've got to eat i've got to get fat i've got to eat i've got to
get fat if you are
you know i always say don't act like a pork chop if you're acting like a pork
chop you're in their
sights so you were attacked by a bear yep and was that in a camp that was at
kavik um and i and i don't
talk a whole lot about it i mean people always ask you just immediately got
emotional when i brought
this up you could tell you know i try to talk about it in the third person i i
get my water from the
kavik river and at a certain point the water's going to freeze over while i had
one more shot at getting some
water so i went down and what i have to do is get a pump both hands have to be
used to get it in the
river and start it up and i had a juvenile bear that had been every night he'd
come and he'd go
to my helicopter pad dig it up bury his food and run off i could see where he
was going and where he
was coming from and when a bear does that he's trying to claim your territory
as a juvenile bear
between three and seven years old you know he's not hot enough the chicks don't
want him he's not alpha
enough he's not kicking any other bears but but i have this prime territory at
no matter how careful
i am it a