Name: Joe Rogan Experience #613 - Ms. Pat
Uploaded: 2015-02-17T03:32:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #613 - Ms. Pat' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #613 - Ms. Pat' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #613 - Ms. Pat

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day
fresh off of ari shafir's comedy central show this is not happening it's miss
pat
again welcome back thank you for having me back thanks for coming back again
and uh i'm sorry to
hear that a bunch of people were fucking with you online the last time that you
were on here
a bunch of people have contacted you you made the crucial mistake of paying
attention now
well you know i used to fight back in the day so if you say something about me
i'm like well
meet me at the gay coffee shop so i can whoop your ass the gay coffee shop yeah
what's the gay coffee
shop it's starbucks why is starbucks the gay coffee shop because usually all
the white dudes got on
dockers and shit dockers are gay i don't date guys in dockers do you i don't
date guys but if i did i
probably wouldn't have a problem with dockers well i'm used to jeans you know
baggy jeans i'm black
okay okay okay what are dockers exactly like a type of pants yeah i was
thinking of them as shoes what
they keep no i think of them as like doctors or pants yeah they keep the big
wallet in their back
pocket okay and that's not good i don't i don't know i mean i'm just saying i
don't date those types
of guys do you date types of dudes who like have their pants sagging no i've
been married for 23
years no but i mean if you did no no no no no no no no you wouldn't you wouldn't
do that does that gay
too uh yeah that's gay too and raggedy looking and very inappropriate i mean if
something break out
you can't run right exactly yeah that's that's a confusing thing to me that
that pants sagging
thing has lasted so long i'm so confused no what's confusing to me is that the
young girls think it's
cute do they think it's cute yes you know my niece live with me and she love
them they gotta have a
pants sagging really the farther down the cuter they look really yes they get
excited by that my
niece do to me that represents you don't have a job and you stupid and you look
crazy and you's an
asshole i got a son and he's 28 and i was like don't fucking let your pants sag
son you know you can
you can barely get by now pull your fucking pants up but he's not bad with it
he's not bad with it
he's like medium yeah well he's kind of fat so he ain't got no ass so his pants
is kind of sag on
their own he ain't trying to be cool that's how joey diaz is joey diaz's pants
are always falling
down so much so at one point in time he started wearing suspenders yeah so
sometime i think my son
might need him joey i didn't say that shit he did he did he was wearing fucking
suspenders look
what i got dog done with his fucking pants falling out bullshit he started
wearing but he didn't last
he didn't last with suspenders exactly he didn't want to accept the fact that
he was a dude that wore
suspenders you know that's a very particular type of dude that wears suspenders
yeah old guys who golf
who golf yes you got a bunch of categories gay gay coffee shop it's because
there's white dudes in
dockers old guys who golf that's who wear suspenders yes unemployed black men
make that the best sex and
they yeah you said they have the most delicious dick i didn't say that's what
you said delicious delicious
that is what you said that's exactly what you said there's a difference between
when a person is
employed and unemployed how good the sex is really i think so i really do i
think a person who has a
nine to five don't have time to really throw you against the wall at night
because he got to go to
work in the morning versus a dude who don't do shit during the day who can
watch jerry springer with you
and y'all can just practice on getting better and better and better
um so dudes who work too much don't have the energy to fuck correctly i think
so don't you think so
about a woman who fuck a lot don't well yeah i would imagine that women that
work all day are
exhausted but i think anybody who works all day is exactly that's why i say
unemployed dick is the
best dick you got a point i think i guess i know what i'm talking about because
i've had both i bet
i've had both it does make sense well you can only put so much time into one
thing you know like
without you know if you want to have another side thing that you do i mean that's
what sex really
is if you really stop and look at it i mean it's something else it's an
activity right you can't
really get good at that activity unless you if you work 12 hours a day yes
anything right yeah like it's
like being a comedian with a job you're never gonna succeed until you quit your
job it's true yeah like
everything else fighters have that same issue um athletes of all sports you
know if you try to work
a day job and then do something else at night it's much more difficult to do it
is you don't have all
of the energy that you really need to put into it into slinging that good day
you need to take a long nap
eat at a leisurely pace yes relax then think about how you're gonna sling it
yeah i don't have the
dick i'm just saying from experiences i don't imagine but if you have met an
unemployed dude
and you like oh he's not employed but he's slinging some good dick but he's
wearing dockers that's
it it's a deal breaker it might be a deal breaker joe it might be a deal
breaker because i don't know
too many brothers that walk around in dockers dudes don't give a what girls
wear girls could wear flip
flops you can wear dockers if you're hot you're hot a girl with big tits and
dockers you're like yeah
all right whatever who cares and especially once you get when once you married
and been with somebody
for a long time they really don't care then they really don't care i think i
think as the we don't
i'm i've been married with 20 some years and i don't care my underwear hasn't
matched since middle
school what you mean your underwear hasn't matched your bra match yeah bra
bottom guys don't give a
fuck i mean do you really care if if you know if a woman would come to bed with
matching underwear
some women really get into that i'm like i'm i don't give a fuck if the pennies
got a seat i'm cool
i keep my shit to the seat fall out if a dude cares about that there's probably
some other issues
going on for guys like he wants to wear them yeah you think so he wants to wear
them yeah oh he's one
of those guys i don't know i i've never had a dude that would have on my panties
usually i'm bigger than
my minions so they can't wear my panties any damn way if they put on my panties
it's gonna be like a
jumpsuit what would you do if you came home and a dude was trying on your panties
if you came home like
if you came home early and a dude had your shoes on and your pants and he was
putting your panties
on and i would probably slap the out of him what if he's like miss pat like you
gotta understand
like it's not that i'm not a man yeah it's like oh i'll beat this out of hell
but what if he's like
miss pat it's not that i'm not a man it's just this exciting no no i'm excited
by you no not with my
get your nasty dick out of my panties i'll kill you what if he orders his own
we say okay okay okay
okay but are you cool with me ordering my own i'm gonna order a pair that fits
me no that's like
dating a dude with long hair you ever seen a dude who hair is better than his
girlfriend that's some
bullshit i'm not dating a guy with better hair than me i'm not doing that and
you're not putting no
ball dust in my panties but what if he gets his own pants he gets his own don't
you think a dude who
want women panties are gay i try to be open-minded i try to be open-minded i am
open-minded get your ass
out of here there's a lot of men who even have like go through sex changes that
still like women they
become lesbians i heard that my daughter tell you know my daughter is gay right
so a lot of her
girlfriends are getting they uh uh what not girlfriends a lot of her gay gay
colleagues i
don't know what she call them colleagues i don't know i don't fucking know what
she call them the
ones they hang out with they're getting a breast cut off right whoa and they
and some of them getting
their vagina uh their clitoris or clitoris you know little shit down at a man
in the boat yes stretch
longer so it could be a penis and my daughter just tell me this shit because i
be nosy i was like
why is your friend getting their titties cut off then so she tell me how they're
trying to form them
a penis but i'm like isn't it little so what's the purpose of closing i mean
doing it to your vagina
or making your thing longer when you still got to use a dildo
because i don't give a who you are you don't want no small penis i agree yes
yeah well i know that
your dick um or your clit rather becomes larger if they take testosterone like
when you give a woman
testosterone like there's that's always that thing that men freak out if they
date a female bodybuilder
they have a clit like a thumb yeah i don't know it's not like a dick but it's
like a thumb you know
what i'm saying like it never really is it hard i think it gets pretty hard i
don't know i've never
i can't really say i've never really been down there but i've seen pictures
online and it looks
like a tiny dick like a thumb-sized dick what would you do if you about to
touch somebody down
there and they feel like a tiny dick i would go uh were you gonna tell me about
that i would ask them
if you're gonna tell me about that like what's going on down there so you'll be
that calm you wouldn't jump
up and say hey is that a penis or somebody to look out for i would be upset if
if it was a guy
that was dressing up like a woman and didn't let me know i'd be upset that's
rude that's rude that's
beyond rude you go to name and eat the vagina that thing slip in your mouth it's
a dick well if it but
it depends is it an oversized clit or is it a dick like if it's a dick like if
you got a y chromosome if
you're a dude and you're trying to pretend that you're a woman and you're not
letting anybody know
that you're actually dude that's rude that's rude okay that he called it rude
but if you're a woman
and you just have a weird clit like some people have weird fingers you know
yeah some people have
long noses some people have crazy long noses right somebody's gotta have a long
clit i don't i don't
know my click is i don't know about my click i haven't seen your click your
click your clit
whatever's down there i don't really know so yeah i was um on this uh tv show
once and uh i had this
friend who i was working with and her uh boyfriend at the time before she met
him had this issue what are
you doing i told you put that thing down you're messing around with your
goddamn phone oh that's
all right somebody did you get here i'm sorry i'm doing it right there flip
that picture there you
tell me about your friend um she was telling me that her boyfriend had went on
a date with this lady
they got home they started fooling around he took her pants off and she had a
clit like a pinky
and he freaked out and he that's pretty long he came up with some story he said
oh my god i realized
i have to pick my brother up at the airport just ran out the door can you
imagine a click like a pinky
pinky that bitch when she pulled off her pant it just fell on the bed like a
like a soft penis penis
yes allegedly i mean i don't i don't you know that's what he said that it was
like a pinky but like
who's pinky and i'm saying like everybody's pinky like is it like shaquille o'neal's
pinky oh that's
huge that's a dick that's not a pinky or is it like little lester's pinky you
know it's like
everybody's got a different size pinky so oh yeah the little guy from uh what's
the little movie
name the little midget dude would be holding up his pinky oh yeah mini me mini
me now you can deal
with that click that's pretty small that's normal maybe that's pretty small it
depends because who
really know the size they supposed to be like you said they come in all shapes
and size like but what
if you're sucking on it and it comes 