Name: Joe Rogan & Joey Diaz call "Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris" (from Joe Rogan Experience #627)
Uploaded: 2015-03-20T19:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan & Joey Diaz call "Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris" (from Joe Rogan Experience #627)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan & Joey Diaz call "Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris" (from Joe Rogan Experience #627)' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-03-20. Transcript available.

Do you remember Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee?
Yeah, let's watch that real quick. That's sensational.
Yeah, see if you can find Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee.
That came on HBO, and my head almost blew up.
I made my mother get me HBO when the Groove Tube came on,
because the chicks ran through the jungles with tits.
The Groove Tube is cousins with Kentucky Fried Movie.
What is it? I've never even heard of it.
Kentucky Fried Movie?
No, the Groove Tube is...
Groove Tube is Saturday Night Live before Saturday Night Live.
They made two movies called The Groove Tube and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Kentucky Fried Movie.
Kentucky Fried Movie.
I saw a Kentucky Fried Movie. Oh, shit, look at this.
Look at this. This is the game, though. That's the game.
God damn. Look, Chuck Norris taking off his black belt.
Look how young he is.
Bruce Lee. This is a gay porn.
Look how slowly they're unrobing.
No, this is the game.
And look at Chuck Norris' chest.
Charles Norris. Look at his chest.
It's all hairy and shit. It's before a dude's figured out shaving your chest.
When you see this, and then you don't like wrestling, what do you think the big
difference is?
It's a movie, motherfucker.
That's it. That's it. I'm not going to see a play.
This was huge.
Brian, this was...
Look at the fucking...
Look how ripped Bruce Lee was.
Brian, this was something that you cannot imagine.
This was...
Every nerd had a hero.
Every immigrant had a hero.
Everybody had a hero.
Look at the kitten.
Look at the fucking kitten.
Everybody had...
That place has a million cats on there, the Roman Coliseum, though.
Dude, look what he's doing.
He's warming up.
They're both warming up.
They're doing kata to warm up for their fight.
They're not even looking at each other.
This is the craziest fucking scene ever.
This is fucking tremendous shit, man.
Look at this.
America has to put these four movies on and realize why.
Stop telling...
Bruce Lee changed my life.
You only saw one fucking movie.
You got to see all four...
Forget the Game of Death with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
That's a horror show.
Just watch this one.
Look at this.
That's what he does.
When he meows is when the fight starts.
Look at him, dog.
He had like 6% body fat at this time.
This guy wasn't going to die, Joe Rogan.
People like this don't die.
Don't fucking insult me.
He didn't die.
They killed this poor little kid.
But this is really fascinating.
I've never seen a movie that I recall where two guys warmed up like this before
a fight.
But that's fascinating.
How they just don't even look at each other.
They move away.
They go in their own little fucking world for a while.
And they meet in the center.
This is a different thing than a fight in a movie.
This is two guys agreeing we have to find out who's the baddest motherfucker
alive.
They agree to do it the right way.
Everybody warms up.
Bruce Lee catches a good sweat.
So does Chuck.
This is crazy shit, man.
I forgot how crazy this is.
This is the beginning, guys.
Joe and I have talked about the movies of 1973.
You really want to watch this shit today?
Go ahead.
But this is where it starts.
This is where all these movies are stolen from.
And they can't even steal them.
They don't know why they even did this.
Look at Bruce Lee's getting into his fighting stance.
They're both throwing front leg roundhouse kicks to open up with and front leg
side kicks.
No one's hitting anybody.
They're blocking everything.
Oh, Chuck Norris scores with a wheel kick to the face and smiles.
He doesn't even follow up.
He's a gentleman.
No ground and pound.
Right?
Oh, shit.
Chuck is putting a beating on him.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, Bruce Lee grabbed the goddamn chest hair.
That's not fair.
That's rude as fuck.
This is also the beginning of Tang Soo Do when Chuck Norris split from Taekwondo
and he created this shit.
Really?
Yeah.
He's a Tang Soo Do guy.
Yeah, but I don't think he created it.
Well, supposedly.
Yeah, it's his style.
I mean, it was definitely his style, but it existed before.
So they did two different Tang Soo Do's.
Right.
There's Tang Soo Do, Su Bak Do, and I think he went the other way.
There's a Su Bak Do that they all started together, but he went the other way.
Yeah, Tang Soo Do had a little bit of grappling in it.
Yes.
They had more grappling in it than Taekwondo did.
They had, like, some wrist locks and joint locks and stuff.
Here we go.
See, he gets his timing.
He starts fucking jumping up and down, and it's all fucking lights out,
motherfucker.
But the beauty of this is this is going to remind you of something, Joe.
Just keep watching.
Watch him.
Oh, shit.
Isn't it dishonorable to grab somebody's chest hair and rip it off them, though?
Not when you're in the fucking Roman Coliseum.
Whatever happens, happens.
You understand?
You're trying to...
As long as you don't lie, but watch all these.
Watch all.
This is still slow-mo.
Nobody knows nothing.
Watch Bruce.
Hold up.
How fake is this Roman Coliseum they're fighting in?
Look how fake that brick wall is behind them.
They keep showing, like, a picture of the Coliseum.
And then a brick wall.
This is crazy shit.
Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee.
They slow everything down.
This is hilarious.
This is hilarious.
The sound that it makes every time they throw kicks is hilarious, too.
Hey, dog.
It's 40 years ago.
Look at the camera work.
The guy's trying, man.
Yeah.
He's like, kick the fucking camera.
He's trying.
Meanwhile, there's a poster of the Roman Coliseum behind him.
Look at that poster.
They probably shot this in Laurel Canyon.
That's Laurel Canyon.
Chuck Norris is watching his feet.
He kicks them in the face.
Oh, Chuck.
Put your hands up.
Damn!
Damn!
What?
Wow.
Chuck just shook it off.
Beautiful hair back then.
Oh, the oblique kick.
Look at him.
John Jones style, son.
Bruce Lee was the first.
Oh, front leg round kick to the face.
Chuck Norris goes down.
Nobody had ever seen anything like this before back then.
This didn't exist.
You never saw a fight and move like this.
When you were 11 and 10, your head almost blew up.
You left there looking for somebody to say something to you.
You fucked them up, including your dad.
You didn't give a fuck when you left these movie theaters.
Look at this, Joe Rogan.
You know, whether or not Bruce Lee ever competed, you know, I mean, that was
like the big thing
about him is that he never fought.
Like Chuck Norris was like world middleweight kickboxing champion at one point
in time.
Bruce Lee definitely did a lot of sparring, for sure.
There's no way he could be this good.
The way his timing in, his movement, like his understanding of what would and
wouldn't work.
Like these, in a lot of ways, even though some of it is ridiculous, some of his
movements
are more realistic than shit you see in the movies today.
The way he checks with that oblique kick, the way he counters when you're
moving in, it's
very realistic.
Like these scenes, like the way he's fucking this dude up is a lot like the way
someone
who's at a really high level is fucking somebody up in the UFC.
It's really kind of ironic.
Like the way he's, the shit that he's doing.
Nobody does this snowbow.
That's a move and a half.
I told you in the 70s, everybody swept Joe Rogan.
Everybody.
You had to watch that front leg.
You were getting swept.
Once you got into range and you threw two punches and they felt it, you were
getting swept,
dog.
Everybody swept.
The sweep has disappeared from our society.
He broke his fucking arm.
Oh, he broke his leg.
There you go.
Who the fuck you think you're dealing with?
He broke his arm or his leg?
Both.
Look at his arm.
That's on my hand when I was out of eight balls.
That's how it was shaking.
Chuck Norris.
He did.
He broke his arm and his legs.
And his legs fucked up, too.
He fucked them up.
He's trying to get back up.
But listen, watch.
This is a tremendous movie.
This is tremendous, guys.
Next time you see Chuck Norris looking dumb with the wig, think about this.
Think about this move.
Look, dog.
He gets up.
Even though it's a movie, Bruce was very smart.
He goes, let this fucking guy up.
This is a great scene, dog.
He can't stand.
But he gets up.
This is a good fucking scene.
He gets up.
This is tremendous, guys.
Look at him.
Look at him.
He's trying to throw kicks.
Can't get up.
I forget how it ends.
Doesn't he kill him?
Spoiler alert.
Beautiful.
It's a beautiful ending.
He even got up correctly with a fucking damaged leg.
What the fuck?
The cat.
What the...
Oh, yeah, motherfuckers.
This is Cinematography 101.
I didn't think that was real.
Look, he got him in guillotine.
Oh, my God.
He killed him with a guillotine.
First time ever.
He's upset that he had to kill him.
That might have been the first guillotine ever in a movie.
I believe...
Back it up a second.
I believe that was an arm-in guillotine, which is particularly difficult to
pull off.
I don't think...
I don't agree with his technique here.
Let me see.
Back it up just so here...
Is that an arm-in?
Let's see here.
Can't see his other arm.
I feel like that's an arm-in guillotine, which I call bullshit.
No, it's not arm-in.
Is it?
It looks like it is.
It's hard to finish that one, man.
You got to get up high on the neck.
Or you got to have an unbelievable squeeze.
Let's see.
What do you got?
Nope.
I don't know, man.
Tough to tell where his arm was.
If Chuck Norris had the underhook there, it's very hard to...
Well, don't turn it off.
Watch what he does.
This is insane.
This is...
This is tremendous, guys.
Bruce Lee was a fucking soldier.
And he wrote all these.
You know, he wrote all these, though.
Look.
Watch.
Watch.
Oh, the music plays.
Dusts off his kung fu jacket.
By the way, how many black guys dressed like that?
I dressed like that.
In the 1970s and 80s.
I had the full outfit.
My mom was going to send me back to Cuba.
They sent me to the Santeria priest.
They didn't know what was wrong with me.
Here we go, guys.
This is...
No!
No!
What have you done?
What have you done?
What have you done?
What happened?
There's just a YouTube clip.
It's not the whole movie.
He goes and gets his gi and puts it back on top of him.
Oh, did he?
He puts his gi back on top.
And his belt.
And makes it look nice for him.
Very nice.
It's a great fucking scene, man.
That's a...
Guys, come on.
Do you think I...
Yes.