Name: Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud
Uploaded: 2015-04-03T18:39:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-04-03. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud

We're live?
Jesus Christ, man, I'm tweeting.
Ustream.tv forward slash J-O-E-R-O-G-A-N.
Boom.
Tweet.
Fresh from making Bigfoot his bitch.
Ladies and gentlemen, Les Stroud.
What's up, buddy?
Hey, Joseph.
Fun seeing you tonight, man.
What the hell are you doing, man?
I know.
I'm like, you just got off stage at the Comedy Store.
Yeah.
Which I couldn't believe you were there, and I was here.
It's like, ah, ah.
Perfect.
So I was like, yeah.
David Spade, Amy Shuler.
It's like stellar life.
And then you totally brought your engineers.
I was like, what?
Were these guys sleeping?
No, Brian was at the store, too.
Brian was at the store.
And Jamie, I told him today that you were going to come by.
I alerted him this afternoon that we had worked out accommodations.
And here we are.
You got energy, man.
Dude.
Well, you're flying tomorrow morning, too, right?
I do what I like to do.
And if you do what you like to do, you got energy.
I know.
And both my cameraman and my field producer, they're completely my bitches now
because they're
not here.
And they're like the biggest fan of you.
And I'm like, so you're going, what, to bed?
And they're going to bed now.
They're going to bed at the Sheridan.
It's like, okay, well, you're a pussy.
So I'm going to go hang with y'all.
Sleep is for the weak sometimes.
Sometimes it's good.
It's a good idea to get sleep.
It's a renewable resource.
That's what you've got to recognize.
And if you have an opportunity to do some shit that you probably couldn't do
except if you
stayed awake, you've got to stay awake.
If you don't stay awake, you're not willing to suffer.
You can't suffer a little.
If you can't pull an all-nighter, you don't get all-nighter memories.
That's right.
That's right.
I got some all-nighter memories from when I was in high school, man.
Sleeping, sleeping, man, when you, no.
You don't get memories from sleeping.
I know.
I'm getting freaking older and I'm still like, okay, I want to sleep less.
Actually, you do sleep less when you get older.
The testosterone's not flowing as much and you can't do that like sleep until
noon shit
anymore.
You can't do that as you get older, which in the end is a cool thing because
you can hang
out longer.
You're just older.
You can, but you can also get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, jerk off, and go
right back
to sleep.
That works, too.
That does work.
You can sleep.
You just got to fucking make sure you schedule it.
You got to wake up.
As long as you wake up hard, then you know you're still alive.
Not necessarily.
It might mean you just have to pee.
Pee-boner's the best, though.
That's the best fuck-boner.
They're useless.
They barely feel them.
Whose dick is this?
You can't really use them, actually, either, can you?
You can, but you can't use them in the same way.
It's not the same, though.
The cum doesn't want to come through the piece.
It usually lasts longer.
Yes, exactly.
It's a very eloquent way of expressing it.
It's a technique.
Fuck, we started at the bottom on this interview.
Listen, we're drinking.
We just got back from the comedy store.
It's 1 o'clock in the morning.
It's almost 1, 12.30 in the morning.
It's late.
Last time I was with you, it was, like, 10 a.m., but it was all dark inside,
and we had a beer.
Was it only 10 a.m.?
It was, like, 10 a.m. in the morning.
Wow.
But this is way more realistic.
This is better.
Yeah.
Well, I like doing them different times.
I think it's good to do them during the day sometimes, but it's also good to do
it at night sometimes.
Especially, like, we've never done it, like, live, like, leaving the comedy
store and come in here.
But it's a move to do.
I mean, why not?
It's a first.
We own this joint.
We can just come in any time we want.
Why not?
It's like cutting an album, man.
Fuck, yeah.
Neil Young used to only do everything after midnight.
Of course he did.
He probably did it naked, too.
Probably, you know, back then before TMZ, probably everybody was on acid, just
recorded stuff that sucks, throw it away.
I just don't want to picture Neil Young naked at this moment.
Why not?
Just open up.
They usually have strippers, though, at these recording studios late at night.
Yeah, it's not just all dudes.
Why are they not?
So where are they now?
You don't want to.
Fuck up the dynamic.
Listen, man, good set tonight.
Thanks, man.
That was awesome.
I was telling Joe, I was texting him at one point, because I was listening on
Comedy Central, because I'm just addicted to stand-up comedy.
So tonight, for me, was awesomeness, was just going and seeing all those great
comedians.
And I texted him, and I realized, you know how, like, some comedians have, like,
a shtick, right?
Like, the most obvious was, like, Jeff Foxworthy with his, you might be a redneck
stuff and all that.
And with Joe, you were nailing into this stuff, and I was listening, and I
thought, he's got a riff thing that he does there on analogies.
And I started calling it the rogue analogy.
Because it's like, well, you know, like, when you get up in the morning, and
you've got to see, it's like an elephant giving you a blowjob through a straw.
And you're sitting there going, actually, that is kind of like an elephant
giving you a blowjob through a straw.
I did not have a joke about an elephant giving a blowjob in a straw.
This is bad paraphrasing, ladies and gentlemen, from a drunk man.
How dare you?
How dare you?
But you got the analogy down.
You do that.
I'm not doing, like, the Joan Rivers post-smoke-up-your-ass thing.
I was just, it's like, shit, you got that down.
And you, I mean, because I'm a stand-up comedian, just, I love it, because I
suck at it.
I could never do it.
It scares the crap out of me.
I couldn't tell the joke to save myself.
But listening to you do that, and listening to you go into those analogies, it's
like, I'm going, oh, shit, man.
That's right.
That is like that.
And it is like an elephant.
Giving a blowjob through a straw.
I think pretty much anybody who's ever made anybody laugh can do stand-up.
It's just a matter of, do you want to do it?
If you wanted to do it, it would take a long fucking time.
But we all know guys who sucked at it in the beginning, but they were just such
fans of comedy,
they just kept chipping away until eventually they figured it out.
And now they're like legit stand-ups.
It just, it happens.
It happens.
I figure you're 15 minutes out there.
I just did 90-minute sets in L.A. and Vegas with my music, with my concert,
right?
And I did these concerts, and it was great.
We kicked ass.
I figure my 90 minutes is barely as tough as your 15 minutes in stand-up comedy.
It's just different.
It's just different, man.
If you put the kind of time that you've put to searching for Bigfoot and
writing music into
stand-up comedy, you would be really good at it.
Yeah, but I'm not going to try it.
I'm not going to cut it.
Dude, how many more Bigfoot shows are you going to do before you catch this
motherfucker?
I need to know.
Who says I don't already have them, man?
Because you already told me.
Got them in a cage in my basement.
You already told me.
Come on, man.
It's really, it's a really, man, it's a bizarre thing to be part of all of that
and what's
going on.
And how I ended up in this position is because there's so much bullshit in the
field.
Like, there's the nonsense that gets put out with, you know, you've got a show
where you're
trying to find Bigfoot and you've got to crank out 13 episodes so you need to
invent these
crazy stories and silly stories and stupid stories and nothing much is going on.
Nothing much.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
And I come along and I'm like, okay, you know what?
I'll just talk to these guys, these dudes who are into Bigfoot and you say he's
there,
you got him in a field, you're doing it, okay, take me there.
And I'll tell you what, leave me there in the field overnight.
Let's just see what the hell happens.
And so I approach it.
I did six shows this year.
First one premiered last night.
We were talking about this before the show aired, but I bear repeating.
You might have invented the selfie.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You might have.
I mean, it's fucking, it's very borderline because you did a lot of shows where
it was
just you alone in the woods with a camera pointed at yourself and you, you had
the lens, you
know, like if you look at those little video cameras that Les used, you know,
they have
that viewer that you could look at you or you could turn the camera towards you
and flip
the viewer around and you could see what you're filming when you're filming
yourself, which
is like a selfie.
So you might have been.
It was a video selfie.
Nobody was doing that.
You were the first guy.
Nobody.
You were the first selfie guy.
The thing I, the thing I did with nobody else was doing was I put it on
television, international
broadcast TV.
That's the whole thing.
It's one thing to do it.
It's another thing to base a whole freaking show on it.
Way worse than that.
You did it by yourself in the fucking woods.
You did it in Africa.
You did it in the jungle.
You did it in the swamps.
You did it in the desert.
Just you.
Not like that fucking English guy sleeping in hotel.
We don't even say his name on this show.
That English fuck sleeping, pretending to fall down ice slides.
Johnny Appleseed.
That guy.
That Johnny Appleseed fuck.
Oh man, I could go so far on that story.
Don't even bother.
You're right.
Because it gives credibility to shit.
I heard that that guy only exists because you weren't willing to fake shit.
That's right.
You weren't willing to fake shit.
The producers wanted to fake shit.
And they said, okay, we'll get Johnny Appleseed to fake some shit.
Yeah.
With an English accent.
That's right.
If I am swinging from vine to vine looking for snakes, I will eat them.
Bet you ain't eating any snakes.
You're going to eat filet mignon at the Four Seasons, you fuck.
There's a van waiting to pick you up.
It's air conditioned.
You got off all over you.
You're sleeping in fine linen.
Fine linen, you fuck.
He was very pretty, though.
He was very pretty.
He's still very pretty.
You're beautiful, too, man.
You got character.
You got a different kind of pretty going on.
Yeah, it was messed up.
I got asked over a long time.
And like I said, I never put it down on the networks.
I'm still good with the networks.
And networks are great.
Networks can suck my dick.
How about that?
All of them.
It comes down to one person.
It's always one person, though, right?
It's one ass that's just like, oh, now we need you to crank out a
bunch of these.
I actually got asked.
I actually got one producer asked.
And they said, no one will ever know.
And I went, yeah, they will.
Yeah, they will.
And I'll know.
And I said, no, no, no.
And along comes the bullshit after that.
Yeah.
Well, it's not their fault.
It's like that's what they do on every other show.
What they do is these artificial scenarios, even whether it's pawn wars or
fucking storage wars or, oh, we got to get this car finished by Friday, man.
No, you don't.
You don't.
You don't have to get this car.
You do whatever the fuck you want to do.
Well, I thought, I remember the last podcast.
I remember you said you loved reality TV.
You thought, and I said, oh, I fucking hate reality TV.
And I thought, that's something.
No, John, I don't travel.
You did, man.
You did, man.
Yeah.
That's totally you.
Are you too sure?
I didn't say that.
You did, dude.
I love road rules.
He's mocking you.
He's mocking me because he knows me better than you.
I don't love reality show.
I like some shows.
I like Life Below Zero.
That's a dope show.
That's a legit show.
That show they don't fuck around with.
I was liking that Alaska, Last Frontier show, until I saw this fucking bear
eating a filleted
salmon.
I'm like, oh, you're baiting the bears, you assholes.
All that stuff's set up.
I mean, a lot of them.
Life Below Zero's not set up.
I know that for a fact.
That's not.
I don't know the show.
I had this woman, Sue Akins, on the show 