Name: Joe Rogan Experience #656 - Bryan Callen
Uploaded: 2015-06-07T00:55:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #656 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #656 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-07. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #656 - Bryan Callen

A Twitter campaign for me guys Brian motherfucking Callan you can find him on
Twitter at B R Y
I'm sure someone is someone has confiscated B R I and yeah, how dare they and
they probably fucked you
Yeah, probably done terrible things to that account. I hate the name Brian
because I have to always say it's B R Y
It is annoying. It's just you know
It's a unique great so I spent my whole life going actually with a Y
It's it's a boring name to begin with it's not like it's a unique name dude. I'm
Joe
That is the most that is yeah, but you can't really mess with that name J. Oh,
it's just so simple
I've seen people write a J. Oh on that at Starbucks. That's annoying. They're
trying to fuck with me. They're trying to make me a woman
I know exactly right
You have a lot of feminine energy honestly, I didn't say oh, I'm J. Oh
With the features your your delicate features in your face that long aquiline
nose
I have a delicate bones Joe Joe. Is that a girl or boy that guy Rogan J. Oh Rogan's
girl
Mm-hmm. This is how unoriginal my family is my grandmother's name was Josephine
My grandfather's name was Joseph my dad's name was Joseph and my name is Joseph
terrible fucking apes
The fucking kids gotta have my name my grandma's name is Rose grandpa's name is
Dominic
So those are normal names Toria Michael. Yeah
My mother had a cool name, but she didn't like it. My mother was born. It was a
Santa a Santa a Santa
Yeah, she didn't like it. She hated it. So she changed it to Susan
That's crazy. Yeah, she would she wouldn't let anybody but I didn't even know
her name was a Santa until I was like in high school
My friend's mother was a hippie and she named him blue
Quanwantiga
Lawless
Didn't like Gwyneth Paltrow name her kid Apple
Without even knowing that I will say to say to you 100% she did but it's like
You know this we have an issue with that, but what you know, why is Apple any
worse than Joe?
It's not it's just not I think that people I have and I don't even know how to
explain it and I'm gonna get into a larger point about it
I have this strange
Reaction and it's not a positive one whenever a celebrity in Hollywood names
their kids something really cool
Right like it might be adorable if it was your neighbor
Yeah, if your neighbor had a kid named Apple and they were really nice
Well, I think what makes me more what annoys me more is that they're making the
name of the kid about themselves
Not about the kid. Oh, I see what you're saying. I think that's what bothers me
about it
Yeah, I think you're probably on to something. Well, you're on to you sense the
pretension
Yeah, like when when puffy combs, I think the right word it's pretension, but
it's also a little bit of spectacle
It's a little bit like hey look at me. I named my kid Brooklyn
Apple and
Rumor which are all cool names and I'm not saying and maybe I would do the same
but I do feel like that again
Of course, you're making a little bit about yourself. You've got to name your
kid
Maybe you feel the pressure to name your kid something very different. I don't
know
Yeah, I think I'm being a little no you're you're on to something though
We don't like like fake energy people nobody likes like I'm a healer
You know I mean you don't I mean this like that fakeness yeah that comes with
but we do like like we were talking about yoga before this
Show started like we like people that are really in the yoga because they
actually enjoy the benefits of it
And they're really they're really kind of down-to-earth and centered those are
nice people to be around yes
But the ones who are faking that thing are fucking gross well, they're wearing
it like a costume, right?
So it becomes a character that they've taken over and again, that's something
called affectation
Yeah, they're not doing it for the utility of yoga like where you're working
something out whether it's peace of mind or getting more centered or whatever
And getting healthier. I think that some people actually wear that cloak and
become somewhat tyrannical about it
They put on the the outfit the costume now. They're a yogi now
They're gonna speak about being on the spiritual path and within that is always
a little bit of a look at this these common cattle
These people who drink coffee and other stimulants and obviously eat meat, you
know, yeah, that's kind of what I think we react to
I was listening to this conversation in yoga class for this woman who was
advising this man on what he should do with his diet
And she was saying that meat is toxic. She's in well. It's me is toxic. It's
toxic
Go on. I mean the way she was doing is like what do you saw it's fucking
protein and water
Yeah, like it's one of the most easily digestible things that people eat and
good what I love to do with people like that
Whenever they mention toxins like you sweat out all these toxins like what time
what are the toxins?
How's it going through your sweat? Yeah, what are they you know where toxins
gets filtered your fucking liver? Okay?
Yeah, and your kidneys your blood your liver filters it out. Yeah, you're not
getting toxins out of your body, right?
Oh, somebody told me they did some foot thing where they put you in a foot bath
Yeah, because the toxins in your body well, they've done experiments on that
Which is it it reacts with the metal in the water to create with the sodium a
certain sodium compound and it creates rust
It's rust. Oh, so what is it? They're putting on your feet. They put like an
There yeah, they put your feet in there and then they have a electric charge
I'll put potassium in like a nail with electric charge toxins, man
And that brown stuff is coming out of your feet and they make a lot of money
that somebody try to tell me that
They're taking the toxins out of your body and after you do it. You just feel
amazing
It's like oh god
This is one of the beautiful things about the internet is those people like you
can go okay
Is that real and then you google it and you go no?
Here's all these studies and they show that you're retarded
There's a book I read about that where they they break that particular thing
down
That that that putting your feet in the water turns brown and all the toxins
come out god
That's so dumb, but it's like here. It is before iron. Oh look at that 30
minute treatment
Amazing except for you can do the same thing and take your feet out and put
another compound in there
It turns brown as well. Look at that fucking bullshit
Look at that like they're really trying to pretend that all that brown is
coming out of your body
Yep, if you have all that stuff in your body, you're fucking dying. All right,
that's really bad. Yeah, it's very weird
I guess it sucks it out of your body
So gross there's so much that gross fake shit out there that gross fake like
healing and psychic healers and zone healers
But even that even that is always if you actually scratch into it and I spent
enough you know me
I got a lot of patience for those people like I love them and and and how about
the one who came up to you the other day?
The one that we both know that said do something it's about allowing. Oh,
please tell me more
Please tell me more about this text message. We don't have to name names.
Please tell me more
It's just an interesting it's I'm very hesitant to in case he listens to the or
that person listens to your podcast
like everybody else does but
Yeah, some people tend to decide that they I think it's very common
Especially in LA in places for people to believe that they have found the
answer. I know all this conventional wisdom is
is is your thing but I actually have a roundabout way and then they'll play
with words and I'll say it's not about doing
It's kind of about allowing and you're like, I and I you know, I love that. I'm
just like I'll give you rope
I'll be like dude, that's amazing. Tell me more immediately so I can talk about
it on Joe Robins podcast with 16 million
Oh
Christ you deal with that all the time and you you I think and my my biggest
thing with the healer kind of crowd and some of them are great people
Of course, and maybe they do some good of course, but a lot of them are wearing
it at to bludgeon you with it
Or it's a piece of identity. It's it's everything else has kind of not gone
well and they turn their own crisis into sort of a
You know, they they've they've they've found their calling which also healer
Also, I don't buy I don't buy the ideas of people that are like trying to be
leaders or trying to push things and trying to like create
These movements and trying to if they don't do something to push themselves
Like if I see you and you have a sloppy face and a big old double chin and your
gut is hanging off your pants
You greedily await your food as you're sitting around with all these people
that are listening to you
I'm like you're a guy that's caught up in the grips of not taking care of your
own meat wagon
Yeah, so why won't listen to you about how you describe how we're supposed to
live life and how
The peaceful energy flows through your chakras and like what do you what do you
what exactly are you saying?
Are you just trying to get people to listen to you because that's what it kind
of seems like?
Well, that seems like you just want to be a leader. That's that's usually what
it is. They don't lose or not
Yeah, they don't push themselves. Yeah, you know
I think unless you're involved in some adverse situation some situation where
you have to encounter adversity and find out what you're made of
Whatever you're doing whatever pursuit if you're doing one of those what are
those crazy mutters those crazy races?
Tough Mudders
Tough Mudders people love that man. You know why they love that because they're
getting fucking pushed
They have to find out what they're made out of you don't find that in a cubicle.
You just fucking don't right
I think there's a crazy desire that people have to do triathlons
I'm gonna see if I can do it. I want to do a sub three-hour marathon
It's like these fucking desires to push yourself because we don't encounter
enough mortality
We don't encounter enough disease
We don't encounter enough sadness to make ourselves
Aware of the special moment that you have when you've achieved peace
And I really think we have a genetic memory of all those things
I do I do you know you're put in a world where you don't you're not being
tested
Mm-hmm struggle is such a huge part of the human experience it needs to and I
think the other thing about gurus though
Is that whenever you see somebody who talks a lot and they're telling you the
secrets and methodology and technology of life
The problem with that is that when you see people really accomplish something
like John Wayne Parr or whatever
If you ask John Wayne Parr to tell me the secrets of fighting
John Wayne Parr would look at me and go
Well, you'd probably have to go train for ten years and a lot of it is
something you have to experience and practice
not something I can tell you about and I think anybody who has
These a sharp profile who has really really cool ways of putting think words
together
You should be a little where be aware
Well, you're a little bit of where there's a good example that you are what I
would consider a master stand-up comedian
You've been doing stand-up comedy for more than a decade
Professionally you're hilarious. You know every time I see you're killing
If you had to tell someone how to do stand-up, how would how the fuck would you
even begin and
Imagine having the gall to tell someone how they should do stand-up incredible
But the reality is life is kind of like stand-up in a way
In that you have to do it your way, you know
And if you like wearing dresses and ball gags and getting beat up by chicks who
the fuck am I say something wrong with that?
As long as you're not hurting anybody. Yeah, and if you are hurting them is
because they want you to hurt them you're in some weird situation
Who gives a fuck really who gives a fuck? I mean it's so when some guy comes
