Name: Joe Rogan Experience #658 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2015-06-11T01:52:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #658 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #658 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-06-11. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #658 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Powerful Greg Fitzsimmons.
We were reading this badass Abraham Lincoln quote.
It's a quarrel not at all.
No man resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention.
And there's a lot more to the quote, but you'll forget it by the time I'm
towards the end of it.
Find that quote and listen to it.
Or read it, rather.
Where can they find it?
Dane Cook's Instagram page.
Dane had it posted.
Dane has a few too many inspirational posts to my likings, but I don't mind a
few.
Not inspired?
This one is very good.
This one's very good.
No, I'm just busting his balls.
His aren't that bad.
They're a little odd.
His picture's a little odd.
His abs look good.
He's in very good shape.
Very good shape.
We were just talking about what a bad motherfucker Abraham Lincoln was.
Yeah, I mean, when he came up literally dirt poor and found his way, you know,
one of these guys that was working non-stop.
I think he worked in a pharmacy or something, and 12 hours a day, and yet put
himself through law school by reading books.
Like, the guy lived in the library.
He's one of the most well-read presidents of all time.
And he was a real fucking intellectual.
But he made his way based on that quote.
He came in, and he was attacked, and he was marginalized because all the guys
were, you know, they were set.
The politicians, they had the money and the position, and they just kept stripping
him down, and he kept moving past it, flowing past it.
And then think about, what did he do with slavery?
He had to fucking go to war.
And, you know, basically, you know that half the country wants to fucking kill
you.
And you just, you go right around that.
And you go, no, we got a bigger goal here.
Have you ever had a conversation with one of those Southern deniers?
No, that's not what the war was about, man.
The war was about economics.
You're right.
Okay?
The war was about economics.
Yeah.
But they usually don't have the whole story.
Like, I don't know the whole story of what the economic aspect of the Civil War
was.
Well, do you remember Matt Graham?
But they don't either.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like, they just want to have that to say it.
Yeah, Matt Graham had a joke about that.
Remember Matt Graham?
Yeah, I remember Matt Graham.
He goes, yeah, they say it's about economics.
Yeah, you weren't paying the help.
That's fucking hilarious.
Yeah, I mean, it was about economics in the sense that cotton was our fucking,
was everything.
In this country, we're just exporting cotton.
And without the slaves, the business model didn't work.
Is that really what it was about?
Is that what the war was about?
Or did it have, wasn't there some other economic point of contention?
Wasn't there something?
I don't even want to Google it.
Well, it was basically about states' rights versus federal rights.
And states should be able to decide whether or not slavery was legal.
And then when they got out to the, what was the territory that they, the state
that was going to be,
you know, incorporated.
And they were, they were fighting whether or not they should be, uh, Kansas-Nebraska
Act.
Once they hit Kansas and Nebraska, that's when they, that's when they had to,
uh, decide whether or not new states were going to be able to have slavery or
not.
Oh, so it really was all about slavery.
Yeah.
100%.
Pretty much.
So whatever economic thing, it's just like based on the, the economics of you
not being able to have slaves anymore.
So it's not really an economic issue.
Is that what I think it was like something about, there was some issue about
banking.
I probably should look it up.
But, uh.
Well, the banking, I think, came later.
I think that was with, uh, Hamilton.
Alexander Hamilton, uh, created the National Bank.
You know, and, uh, that was not popular in the southern states.
Just imagine that less than 200 years ago, 1865 is when slavery was abolished,
right?
Right.
Stop thinking about that.
Right.
That's so recent, man.
I know.
That's so recent.
God, that's terrifying.
It's terrifying to think that we are just now getting out of the muck of the
caveman life.
Like barely pulling our feet out of the muck.
We had slaves 200 fucking years ago.
I mean, you've got.
It's so crazy.
You've got black people today that can say, like, I had a grandparent that was
a slave, right?
Yeah.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
There's got to be a few of those.
I mean, what, how old would you be?
You would have to think.
1865 is 140, 50 years.
Right.
So that's like if they had a kid when they were, maybe not grandfather, right?
Probably great-grandparent at this point.
Maybe great-grandparent at this point, right?
Although black people do have kids really young.
Yeah.
So a good generation is so rude.
Well, that would be bad for it because you really would want to have kids very
late in order for the kid to stay alive long enough to be alive to remember a
parent or a grandparent.
Maybe.
I mean, a grandparent might be possible.
40, 40, and 40, right?
If you look at 120, like, 40 is, like, about as old as men usually have kids.
That would take you up to 1900.
Then the next kid would take you up to...
1940.
1940.
Yeah.
So that's the kid.
Grandkid would be 1980, and that kid's still alive.
Yeah, that's totally possible.
Would that be a great-grandkid?
One, one, one?
Yeah.
Either way.
I always think on podcasts when you're, like, going through, like, everything I
just said about slavery, big chunk of it.
I probably will be wrong.
And, like, in a regular conversation, that would just slide by.
But people are going to be listening to this that, like, are fucking historians
or have Wikipedia.
Yeah.
And they're going to annihilate me on Twitter.
Okay, so I guess there were some issues.
There were some contrasting economic issues.
The United States was still primarily agricultural in the years before, during,
and immediately after the Civil War.
About three-quarters of the population lived in rural areas, including farms
and small towns.
Nevertheless, the Industrial Revolution that had hit England decades before
gradually established itself on the former colonies.
Factories were built all over the North and South.
The vast majority of the industrial manufacturing was taking place in the North.
South had almost 25% of the country's free population, but only 10% of the
country's capital in 1860.
The North had five times the number of factories as the South and over 10 times
the number of factory workers.
Wow.
So it was really like a bunch of people that were adopting or adapting, rather,
to this new way of living, the Industrial Revolution, engines and cities and
urbanization, and then people that were really rural.
And these are the people that had slaves.
The vast majority of the country is really rural.
That's crazy.
And the slave trade was growing just like wildfire.
You know, they just couldn't bring enough slaves into the country.
That's so crazy.
Yeah, I forget the statistics on the number of slaves versus the number of
white people, but it was going to get to where there was going to be a
revolution anyway.
Here is what it says.
Most Southern white families did not own slaves.
Only about 384,000 out of the 1.6 million did.
Just stop and think about that for a second.
Only.
One out of four.
But only 384,000 people owned slaves.
Like, there's not that many people alive back then.
This is a totally different world.
Well, out of 1.6 million, that's one out of four.
That's just in the United States.
I mean, people are doing this all over the world, right?
Right.
I mean, this is what they did back then.
This was like, I mean, it had to be fairly common.
Forever.
I mean, we are only now in the realm where we come down on the countries that
still have slavery.
You know, the countries like Kuwait and Qatar.
But this is a weird statistic, the way they've got it framed.
Only about 384,000 out of 1.6 million did have slaves.
Only.
Like, no biggie.
Whatever, whatever.
No biggie.
Just more than a third of a million.
Yeah.
Hundreds of thousands of people own people.
You know, it's barely just one out of four.
No big deal.
And, you know, they probably owned the average, probably owned at least three,
which means there was a one-to-one ratio of slaves to white people.
They just didn't have the guns.
Let me throw this at you.
How many people own dogs?
Everybody.
What number do you think, out of all the households that have dogs?
50%?
50% maybe?
Feels about right.
Is it 50?
You got a dog?
I got a dog.
You got a dog?
No.
Jamie's a solo lone wolf out there.
He is the dog.
Gets on top of the roof and howls at night.
I would say it's probably less than 50%.
I'd say less than...
Let's just take a guess.
You say 50?
I'm going to go with 40.
I bet you in rural areas it's higher.
If you live in San Francisco in a studio apartment...
What does it say there, Jamie?
Pet ownership?
67 million households had pets.
Yeah, but that could be like a turtle.
I want to know how many people have dogs.
62% include at least one pet.
So that could be dogs, cats.
But that's the 1970s.
There's not that many people back then.
Here we go.
70 to 80 million dogs.
Wow.
Okay, so what is that?
So 37 to 40% of houses have dogs.
Yeah, so I was right, bitch.
I want to see how right we were on all that other bullshit.
The Kansas-Nebraska Act is probably the whole...
That's probably in the 70s, the 1970s.
I don't know.
I could have been totally wrong.
But it makes sense that it's like 40%.
But it's not much different.
I mean, where they're talking about like 25%?
Is that what they were saying?
Had slaves?
Right.
25% of the population?
Yeah.
Somewhere in that neighborhood?
Well, 300 and something thousand out of 1.6 million.
So one out of four.
So half the number of people that have dogs.
Right.
In relationship to the population.
That's madness.
Yeah.
That's madness.
I mean, no wonder why black people are still pissed.
And they treat dogs better.
Oh, in some ways.
Sure.
Are you kidding me?
Some dogs sleep in the bed with you?
You beat a dog on TV?
The fucking ASPCA will...
Today, for sure.
Shut you down.
Yeah, for sure.
That's why the 12 Years a Slave really hit me.
Because, you know, the thing that Tarantino did first, what was it called?
Django?
Django.
It was like, you know, there was a comic book element to it.
So they were playing it big.
But 12 Years a Slave was like, wow, yeah, they used to fucking beat and starve
and rape them.
Yeah.
It wasn't just that they were owned.
It was a holocaust.
Yeah.
It's terrifying.
It's terrifying that human beings are capable of doing that just a couple
hundred years ago.
Yeah.
Less.
Less than 200 years ago.
You think we'd ever do it again?
Yes.
I think if things fell apart.
I think if things fell apart.
What I think is what we've got now with electricity and air conditioning and
civilization laws and rules and a general amount of prosperity.
Like as bad as the economy is, as hard as it is to get a job for a lot of folks,
there's a lot going on.
There's a lot of shit happening.
You might be able to find your way into this crazy mix of humanity that is an
urban center in Los Angeles or Chicago or New York or whatever.
But there's a lot of shit happening.
A lot of shit happening.
But all that stuff needs electricity.
All that stuff needs – you have to have the infrastructure has to be in place
to get the people the food.
There has to be no stress at all.
You have to mitigate their stress in as many ways as possible.
Give them activities to do so they burn themselves out.
Then and only then can you have those kind of beautiful – and we know that we're
moving towards these kind of beautiful civilizations being everywhere.
That it's like slowly but surely we're going to eradicate most of the violence
and most of the bullshit that's involved in being a person unless some shit
goes down.
Right.
Like a super volcano or an asteroid impact and there's just nothing left.
Or videotapes of cops beating black people again and again and again.