Name: Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2015-07-08T01:57:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz

We're live.
Ba-bam.
So this story's about...
We're talking about G. Gordon Liddy.
So G. Gordon Liddy, in this episode of Miami Vice, was a sergeant in Vietnam,
and right when Saigon fell, he held on to 300 kilos of pure heroin,
and he took it to the United States in dead bodies.
This is what the episode's about.
1986, Miami Vice.
They bring it to Miami, and he sat on it for 20 years
until the value went all the way up, just like an investment.
And then he let it loose, but by that time,
it had gotten contaminated and started killing junkies
all up and down the East Coast.
What a brilliant episode.
Wow.
So they had to go in and dig for G. Gordon Liddy,
and this motherfucker shows up, right, to like this board meeting.
That's when I had to leave the house.
He shows up to this board meeting.
He's like, yeah, the heroin was mine, blah, blah, blah.
He goes, I guarantee...
They called him Sergeant Real Estate,
and in the episode, he goes, I guess you guys forget who the hell I am.
He turns around, he goes in his briefcase,
and he throws a chain of ears on the tape when he walks out.
That's it.
That's the episode.
Tremendous.
And this is 80-what?
This is 86, this episode on Miami.
This is way before American Gangster was talking about it.
This was already out that they were bringing heroin and dead bodies.
And that's how the episode starts.
The reporter takes Don Johnson to the morgue,
and he opens it up in Vietnam, and he goes,
this is your friend.
Stick your hand in there.
It was just pure heroin.
That was what they did, right?
That's what they were doing towards the end.
I don't know, the beginning of that was.
But it was really the CIA.
They're blaming it all on some black guy from Harlem.
Well, you know, there's a guy named Mr. Nice.
I forget what his name is.
Something, Banks?
A famous drug dealer.
And what he said was it wasn't the CIA.
What it was is some people in the CIA.
He said it's some cowboys in the CIA.
And that's what makes the most sense to me.
Like, this idea that the big organization, the CIA,
would be involved in drug smuggling seems like so crazy.
Is he Joe Rogan?
It's too many heads turned.
But there's plenty of people.
There's plenty of people that did do it.
Look, there's plenty of examples.
Like, there's an example right now,
this thing called the Silk Road.
You know about the Silk Road?
The Silk Road was this underground drug-dealing network
that this guy had created,
and they were just selling mad money,
mad drugs, like, underground.
And they created this thing.
Like, it's a total...
What it is is it operates, like, completely under the wire.
And these DEA guys, I think it was DEA,
they infiltrated it.
And they got into the Silk Road.
One of the first things they did,
they started stealing money.
Now, these guys are in jail.
They're going to jail right now.
They're in court right now.
And they're wondering, like,
whether or not this case is even valid
because these guys for sure had access
to this guy's account.
And part of what they were trying to try this guy on
is that he was complicit in the drug selling,
and there was also some possibility
that people were murdered,
although there was no body.
There's a lot of kinky shit going on with this.
And the kinkiest part is that the agents were stealing money.
Bitcoins.
Yes, they were stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin.
So they realized that there was a lot of value in this.
Like, that shit has always gone on.
I think the reason why you have guys like this
that are showing up in the Silk Road case,
there's always been cowboys.
But I think there's been good guys, too.
There's been guys who are in the CIA
that really did it for America.
I had this guy Michael Baker in, man.
I'm pretty good at recognizing bullshit.
You know, and he's a longtime CIA operative.
And he's a fucking great guy.
I mean, he really does seem like he loves America.
Like, I don't think he's bullshitting.
I think there's a lot of those guys,
they get in those positions,
and they get a group of them together,
just like they did with Rampart,
with those fucking bad cops.
They get a group of them together and go,
look, what happened?
Oops, I popped that out.
They get together and go,
look, all these guys are making money, right?
Fuck them.
They're all criminals and scumbags and cunts.
Let's just get some of this money, man.
Let's just get some of this money.
Come on, man.
You're never going to stop these fucking people.
This is what we do.
We keep throwing a few of them in jail.
We do whatever the fuck we got to do.
We're the gang here.
We got the law on our side.
Let's fucking make some money.
When I said CIA,
I shouldn't have said that.
You're absolutely right.
There was factions,
like a brown bag,
like a black bag faction that went in
after the Marines would go in,
and they'd shoot everybody and throw cards.
You know, whatever the fuck it was.
When you're shipping heroin
from wherever the fuck that is considered,
all the way to the United States
through three or two different airports,
and people have to unload them,
and you have whatever people
walking through your plane
when they first come in,
you know, to inspect them.
That's a lot of people you got to grease.
It has to be somebody huge.
You know, this isn't me and you
getting a boat and going to Columbia
and paying some guy with me and Red Band,
and we just shoot across with police scanners
and try our best.
You know, to make, to infiltrate,
to bring in that amount of heroin,
you have to spend a lot of dough.
That's where your costs come in.
That's where you set the wholesale
and the retail prices.
You know, years ago, 20 years ago,
they would smuggle it 60 miles in,
70, 45, 50 miles in from the United States
around Miami,
and they would dump it overboard with weights.
And 12 hours later,
the boom would explode,
and the bales would rise up,
and you'd come by,
the fishermen would come by and put the bales in.
Meanwhile, the DEA was looking for that boat
that was speeding across on their radar.
But they would throw, you know,
that takes expensive equipment to devise,
something to throw you, you know,
50 pounds of cocaine 100 feet under the water,
and then 12 hours later,
everything blows,
and your Coke rises to the top.
And now some guy comes and just picks it up.
This is brilliant stuff.
That's so crazy.
This is what the...
That's really what they did?
That was one part of the things they did.
Oh, my God.
You know, after a while,
to beat the federal government,
you gotta...
You gotta...
And it doesn't...
Listen, man.
What the budget is for fighting drugs
and what a drug dealer spends a month...
I'm talking about a guy
that's bringing in 1,000 kilos a month of powder,
whether it be heroin or fucking cocaine.
That's big powder.
Somebody's gotta be turning around.
Right.
And they were flooding the market with heroin.
I remember being a little boy in New York
and going to visit my godmother
or my mother's friends
and seeing people everywhere nodding.
Early New York, to me,
was a fucking...
This shit that...
What's the show now
where people are dead
walking around Atlanta?
Walking here.
I saw that growing up.
I saw that growing up as a kid.
That's Skid Row.
Where they used to have...
In Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Black Harlem.
Skid Row is scarier than all those places.
You know, they had people nodding at the lights.
People waiting across the street
and they'd nod at the fucking lights.
You know what they don't have, though, in New York
that they have here in L.A.?
See, in New York,
all these cities have buildings.
There's, like, these streets
where these people are.
It's like,
these are places where other folks go.
Like, you got all your homeless people.
You got, you know,
your poor people.
But there's cars
that go through those areas
and it's, you know,
it's well-traveled.
Like, New York blends more.
L.A. has these blocks
that are just homeless people.
And when I mean just homeless people,
I'm talking thousands.
Like, there literally might be
a thousand people on this block.
Oh, dude.
You've seen them?
Oh, yeah.
You make a wrong turn
and you get right in the middle of it.
It's a Michael Jackson video.
Yeah.
It really is.
It's insane.
Where?
Downtown.
There's a, like, spot...
Well, they call Skid Row.
It actually says,
if you go on Google Map
and type Skid Row Los Angeles,
it actually says Skid Row on the map.
And is it, like, a mile long?
I mean, is it a couple blocks long?
Yeah, I'll show you.
There's a lot.
There's a lot of areas.
There's more than one area.
There's, like, one long street.
But we used to work,
when we did Fear Factor,
we used to work in these buildings.
And these buildings were,
a lot of them abandoned textile buildings
or they were renting them out.
So where American Apparel, actually, is made.
It's really weird.
We were in the American Apparel Factory.
We had to go through
the American Apparel Factory
to get to the roof.
We watched them, like, make their clothes.
You know, they do make them in downtown LA.
It's, like, one of the things
they pride themselves in.
Jesus, fight!
Fucking Christ, Joey, DS!
But we would go to the top of these...
Hang up on it.
Jesus Christ.
Are you checking to see who the fuck it is?
No, I'm checking it right there.
Sorry.
That's all right.
We would go to the top of these buildings
and you could literally...
There was areas where, you know,
you could see them,
like, leaking out into the rest of the streets.
And if you drove down there,
if you drove down the street,
I'm not bullshitting.
You would see hundreds,
hundreds of homeless people
just swarming the streets.
And there's these areas
where they have, like, um...
It's crazy, Joey.
They have these areas where they have,
like, they give them food
or they have, you know,
areas where they can get medical assistance,
stuff like that.
And those areas are particularly dense.
Now, when I shot NYPD Blue,
I shot at a downtown location.
That's a pool hall, kind of, sort of.
And they had tons of homeless people.
And while I was standing there,
I heard people going in
talking about how they had day rentals.
The government would pay for 15 days
and they'd be out in the street for 15 days.
Look at all these fucking people.
Shit like that.
But I didn't see that.
Look at all these fucking people.
I didn't see, like, a tent ville like that.
This is...
This thing seems mild
compared to what I saw.
When was this?
What year is this?
Last year.
Well, maybe they've cleaned it up a little?
Well, it's also during the day.
I've gone through the night.
Oh, yeah, night is when it gets crazy.
And that's scary as fuck.
Jamie, but hold on.
Go back, go back.
I want to see what the statistics were.
Go back for the statistics.
There's homeless people
in every city
and it's out of proportion
in some cities more than others.
Here, pause on that for a second.
Skid Row is in the area of downtown L.A.,
2,000 cents.
The population of the district
was 17,740.
Skid Row is defined as
Oh, my God.
What the fuck does that mean?
Defined in a decision
by Jones versus City of Los Angeles
is the area east of Main Street,
south of 3rd Street,
and west of Alameda Street.
So it's kind of like a block.
It's like an area.
But that area has 17,000 homeless people.
Is that right?
That's a goddamn Kevin Hart concert.
With the fire and everything.
Boom!
That's a Kevin...
Kevin Hart sold out Madison Square Garden
three fucking shows in a row.
He's a monster.
Comedy's at an all-time high.
He's the biggest comedian of all time.
Kevin, no one's ever been
as big as Kevin Hart.
As far as, like, popularity,
no one even close.
I can't think of one person.
I think there's a couple guys
that, like, got up to that edge,
but I think he's taking it
to a totally different stratosphere.
Like, Dane got pretty far.
He got on that edge.
Louie's on that edge.
But Kevin Hart is, like,
routinely doing these crazy arena shows.
He's doing 40,000-plus people,
or he's sold 40,000-plus tickets already
for a show in Philly
where he's filming a special.
