Name: Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - July 11, 2015
Uploaded: 2015-07-12T06:35:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - July 11, 2015' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - July 11, 2015' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-07-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - July 11, 2015

I didn't know.
What is up everybody?
This is a fight companion.
If you've never listened to one before,
we try to follow along with the fights
but you never know where it's going to go.
Our captain of the ship, Joe Rogan,
is in Vegas at UFC 189.
Possibly the biggest UFC ever,
according to Joe, especially.
I say UFC 100, but what can you do?
I'm tired of talking about UFC 100.
Yeah, sorry man.
We're 89 UFCs away from that, so we've moved on.
We got a squad here tonight.
I'm excited for this one.
Me too.
Bobby Lee.
What's your nickname if you were a fighter, Bobby?
Yellow scallop.
Yellow scallop?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like a yellow fat person.
I look like I have no formation.
I'm just feet formless.
That doesn't sound very menacing.
Bobby, the yellow scallop.
I'm a scary yellow scallop.
I don't know because I'm not afraid of a scallop.
I want to eat a scallop.
SSC, SSC.
Yeah, but what would be your technique?
Would you just be so amorphous that when you got hit?
No, I go on my back, and then I bend over,
and then they just fuck me from behind.
Is that a move?
That's a porno set, man.
Oh, it is?
You're going to sleep after they're done.
Ah.
Well, I got to get a different instructor then,
because that was the movie taught me.
I think your nickname should be Bobby Lee.
Bobby Kamehati Yeha Lee.
Yeah.
Kamehati Yeha Lee.
Well, no.
That's racist.
That's racist.
Come on, dude.
You're the one who said--
No, I said Kamehati Yeha.
That's racist.
No, the way you said it, you go,
"Hadi Lee de hee."
Now, I would assume in this room, the person who knows probably the second most
about the UFC is your girlfriend, Bobby?
Kalilah.
Kalilah.
No, I'm just a passive participant.
I'm just going to chime in, you know, here and there.
Well, it's always nice to have a nice voice on the mic.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
Kalilah, your job is also, besides me, I mean, obviously I'm a good looking man,
but--
It just got a lot better looking in here.
Yeah, I want to talk about who you think is the sexiest fighter in this whole
group as you watch the fights.
Oh, sure, I can do that.
But see, my taste in men is a little bit weird.
Well, obvious.
I mean, I date Bobby.
You know what I mean?
Whoa, why'd you laugh so hard, dude?
Hey, bro, come on.
Whoa, whoa, dude.
I'm an artist, dude.
No, I'm with you, brother.
No, we don't.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's into--
I mean, I can't help the way God made me.
No, no, no, I know.
No, I think you're a good looking dude.
There's nothing I can do with the vessel.
That's a lie.
You shouldn't, bro.
All right.
I think you look good.
Wait, let me--
Also, you pulled an attractive lady.
What?
You pulled an attractive lady, so you're doing something, right?
Well, you know, she's very attractive, and she's a good spirit, and she has a
great heart.
And also, we met on Tinder, and I wanted to have--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, is that true?
Yeah, I wanted to have sexual intercourse with her first, but then I realized
that I loved her, so then we got into a relationship.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's his, like, point of pride there, that we met on Tinder, and I think it
cheapens the entire relationship.
I disagree.
It's 2015.
But it's Tinder.
It's a hookup app.
It's not like Match.com or anything like that.
I gotta tell you, you're very hot.
Hey.
I have a small penis.
You're wearing a bandana right now.
You're wearing a bandana, and it makes me furious, but I also like it.
It's not a bandana, bro.
It's not a bandana.
It's a head thing.
It's a head thing.
Yeah, it's like a head.
What are you doing?
Is that for sweat in your eyes?
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
My hair is long.
It's uncontrollable, you know?
So I put it on.
You sound like you suddenly got a Korean accent for a second.
You know your boy Matt Brown won tonight.
Supposed to be fight of the night against the Dirty Bird.
He already fought?
Yeah, man.
I didn't know I missed the prelim.
Yeah, so during the fight campaigns, I feel like reaching across this and
strangling.
During the fight campaigns, it's only the pay-per-view percent.
Damn it.
So hold on.
Hold, please.
Matt Brown choked him out guillotine.
Really?
It was a heck of a fight.
Not fight of the night, but a heck of a fight.
This year, fight of the night right there.
That right there.
How long did it last?
Uh, it was late in the first round.
There's like, I think, a minute or 30 seconds left, right, Jamie?
Wow.
Yeah.
That's a big win for Matt Brown.
Huge win.
Yeah.
I mean, he's ranked number five.
I don't think Tim Means was ranked, but still, matchup-wise.
Jesus.
Huge win.
Yeah.
Do you think that's psychological?
Did you see that pre-fight thing where they were on stage together and then,
like,
the other guy?
They're called the weigh-ins.
When they're weighing in.
All right, baby.
All right.
The weigh-ins.
The weigh-ins.
He's been through that.
But you know how you get into somebody's mindset if you, like, are, like, crazy
up there?
No.
No.
Because you know what, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Because you see the guy who put his hand on Robbie Lawler's face like that?
Yeah, it does nothing.
It doesn't?
It does nothing.
It's all for show to hype the fight.
I would cry.
And so everybody there knows.
That's what I would go away with.
Everybody there knows.
I mean...
No one's worried.
That's...
Nothing's...
No one's worried about anything.
Yeah.
Literally, it's like, what?
You just want to weigh and get out of there because you know you're one day
close to the
fight.
Yeah.
That's when things get real.
That's when you're like, Alice, don't turn back now.
That's where you get nervous.
Yeah, it's like, oh, damn.
We're going to fight Andre Arlowski.
Ooh.
And Andre Arlowski's a monster.
He's fighting for the title.
And Brennan beat him, by the way.
He's hairier than Callan.
Yeah.
And he said, I said, how are you feeling?
And Brennan goes, scared.
And that's all he said.
I was like, Jesus.
That's honesty right there.
Does he still wear the mouth guard with the...
With the fangs?
Yeah.
He's one of my favorite fighters.
Yeah.
You fought him before.
Yeah.
And beat him.
I was on the wrestling team in high school.
I used to get really nervous before meets and stuff.
Hell yeah.
Really nervous.
Anything one-on-one.
Yeah.
I'm sure you got nervous before you do stand-up.
When you first started.
When you first started.
Yeah, but the wrestling was still more nerve-wracking for me.
When I was a kid, I didn't know how to deal with that kind of pressure, really.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, because you don't...
As a kid, it's horrible.
I'll tell you what I am digging is the new layout of the UFC.
The design.
It's a lot...
Everything's a lot cleaner.
Like, the graphics are cleaner.
It's a lot more professional.
I like that.
You'll see when the...
Because it's the...
Just to let everyone know.
So, this is the first night that the guys are wearing the Reebok kits, as they
call them.
Yeah.
So, you can't have any other sponsors.
The fighters have to wear these designated Reebok kits.
So, everything looks a lot cleaner.
Obviously, the graphics are a lot cleaner.
I love the look.
What I don't like is the octagon looks like a NASCAR now.
So, now the fighters look cleaner, but the octagon's dirtier.
In other words, all the ads on the...
Wait until you see the octagon.
Yeah.
There's literally...
Ads everywhere.
There's ads everywhere, but then the fighters are super clean.
So, the only issue I have with that, I love the whole look of the UFC.
I'm actually not even mad at the kits because it's super clean looking, but now
the octagon looks dirty.
And then, when you have all those sponsors, no one's seeing any of that money.
The fighters aren't seeing the money.
So, for the UFC, it's great, but for the guys with the talent inside the octagon,
they're not seeing any of that.
That's the issue I have.
Right.
But, I'm sure times have changed.
However, the look, I approve.
Surprisingly, I approve.
I thought people were going to think I was going to hate on it.
Not at all.
I actually like the cleaner look.
It looks more like the NFL or NHL.
Yeah.
Which is what they're going for.
I get it.
Well, the sport's growing and...
You know, here it is.
Look at Mr. Pickett.
People are crunk for this fight.
Pretty crunk.
I hung out with him.
He came to my show in Florida with Thiago Alves and Matt Brown and Mike Brown.
Is he your friend now?
Are you going to say he's your friend?
Well, I was loving it because he's not a big guy, but he dresses very well.
He was wearing a...
Had a hat on, right?
Had a hat.
Had a beautiful, beautiful polo on.
And I think it was a pink polo.
And I was like...
He's a little...
He's a small badass.
Not afraid to wear a pink polo.
I was very impressed with him.
I was in first class once with Hoyler Gracie.
Ooh.
And then when we landed in New York, I asked him for a hug and he hugged me.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Was he cool about it?
I didn't say anything the whole flight because it was so intimidated.
You know?
If it was Hickson, I would have not said anything at all.
Yeah.
It was Hickson.
I saw Hickson at Pacific...
Hickson's a timepiece.
Yes.
At Pacific Greens about 10 years ago.
Good looking dude.
I couldn't understand how he was that good looking.
He looked like a superhero.
And I said...
I didn't know what to say, so I go, "Hickson, hi.
I used to train with Hansel in New York."
You said it like that?
Yeah.
That probably pissed him off.
He goes, "Hansel, okay."
And I was like, "Okay."
He said, "Beat it, peasant."
Wow.
"Beat it, peasant."
They get along, don't they, or they don't?
I don't know exactly the relationship with everyone.
Oh, really?
I'm sure.
Oh, really?
I'm sure.
Hickson's a beast.
He's a beast.
He's probably the best looking one.
Let's be honest.
Let's be honest.
Him or Henner.
Henner's a good looking dude, too.
Did you ever see Henner's a stud?
Of course.
I'm not saying studs.
I'm saying good looking.
No, good looking.
Come on.
Henner's a 6'4" with a Calvin Klein body.
6'5", probably Calvin.
About 6'5".
6'5".
Who do you guys think the best looking guy in UFC is?
Who's the best looking guy in UFC?
Luke Rockhold, Brandon Chobbs up there.
I don't know if I'm up there.
Brandon Chobbs in the top three.
You're very pretty.
You're very handsome.
Pretty?
No, I mean like in a good way.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, you're hot.
You're hot, dude.
Yeah, bro.
Thanks, brother.
He looks like a 1950s doorman.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like you're in Detroit.
I think he looks 100% Puerto Rican.
I look like I wrangled tigers.
What do you think?
A tiger tamer.
A lion tamer.
A lion tamer.
Maybe.
You need a mustache.
If you had a mustache, you'd look like one of those 1920s strongmen.
Yeah.
That's what he'd look like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like to go with the old school haircut.
I like the Great Gatsby.
That's what inspired this.
I want to say that unless you're Chuck Liddell, you're not allowed to have a mohawk.
This is not this guy.
His trainer.
If you're 40, you can't have a mohawk.
You just can't.
If you're 40, I agree.
Unless you're Chuck Liddell.
It's time to stop.
Roy McDonald goes with the same haircut.
I'll tell you what.
As far as marketing goes, not feeling that haircut, Roy.
And Roy's my boy.
And you know marketing.
Why do you not like that for him?
He's clean.
You want him clean cut.
Clean cut or, you know, Roy dresses well, speaks well.
He's a little introverted, but, you know, he speaks well, man.
So why not do it up with the hair, man?
Grow it up.
Brad Pickett is dressed like flea.
I don't like it.
Like he plays bass for a band.
That is flea.
Yeah.
Flea doubles as Brad Pickett.
I'll tell you what, though.
This little dude can punch.
He can hit, huh?
Oof.
Yes, he can box his ass off.
Yeah.
Well, he started, I guess, that was his first discipline.
Boxing, yeah.
Tiny little dude.
He's a small guy.
You guys like those Reebok kits?
What do you think?
I don't mind him.
I don't really have a strong opinion.
No?
I'm liking Mike Brown's beard.
That guy that was there.
Former WC world champion.
Yes, he was.
He was a stud back in the day.
A true stud.
Sup