Name: Joe Rogan Experience #695 - Sebastian Maniscalco
Uploaded: 2015-09-10T00:01:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #695 - Sebastian Maniscalco' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #695 - Sebastian Maniscalco' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-09-10. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #695 - Sebastian Maniscalco

Actually I'm a double date tonight. Oh, oh and we're live if you're looking for
something to do in Hollywood
Tonight at the Comedy Store Brian Redman. Oh, he's right here
He has a big show tonight big show big show at the Comedy Store Jim Florentine
Fucking hilarious Dom Irera Jesus fucking Christ Ben Glebe Steve
I don't know how to pronounce his last name but he's hilarious AG he's fucking
hilarious
I always ruin his last name Dean Del Rey fresh off of a fucking motorcycle
accident the kid can't be stopped
Brian Moses Jesus fucking Christ what a lineup Brian Redman Mike Lawrence Tony
fucking Hinchcliffe Mark Saratella and
Secret Guest two of them which I know which are national headliners and very
hilarious guys
Yes, well I can't say it's a guy or a girl one of them is fucking famous as
shit
Yeah, but apparently this bitch is too big to have her name put on the I say
bitch with all due respect
In reference to Dom Irera would all due respect
Tonight at 8:30 at the Comedy Store main room tickets are only ten bucks on
sale right now
Yeah, they're on Brian's Twitter. They're on my Twitter and if you go to the
comedy store
Dot-com you can buy the tickets fucking Sebastian
Speaking of comedy store over here this guy, you know what's happening nice to
be here
You and I've been friends for a long fucking time my friend time. I remember
when you first started
1998 you were very very prevalent at the Comedy Store when I first came there
you were like a you were there every night and then you left and now you're
back
Yeah, I'm back. I love it back man. I'm having a great time. I think there's
the golden age of that place
fucking amazing now, right well compared to some of the times that we shared
there when
2000 2001 I was a young fledgling comedian and
wearing snakeskin see-through shirts
You definitely had a very interesting style
like a Long Island Club style I
Was trying to bring the nightclub scene to the stage. That's what I guess it
was. I tried that once
I mean didn't you ever go through like I gotta have an outfit. Yeah. Yeah. What
was your outfit?
My first time on stage. This is how retarded I am
Not just my first time my first three or four times
I tried to dress like a comedian from that movie punchline, you know, like I
would wear like the sneakers with a denim
Like a jacket like a blazer
But with the sleeves rolled up and maybe a wacky t-shirt or I had a wacky pin
Like a pin with a smiley face a bullet hole in his head or something. Oh
So embarrassing when I stop and think about what a fucking tool I was, you know,
but
That's in the that's in the normal kind of but I was wearing
Melrose Avenue
Snakeskin see-through where you could see my nip
You were too I remember this isn't bullshit you would wear some of the wackiest
shit. Yeah, it was it was awful
I was trying to find my footing. Yeah, I was just trying to be different and
Yeah, I had to go through that stage. I guess was that all your idea or did you
have a manager that that no this is all me
I came up with these marketing schemes
when I
first came out to
Los Angeles I'm coming from Chicago and I come from a family where my father's
a hairdresser my mother's a secretary
Nobody's in the entertainment business, so I'm like, how am I gonna crack into
this?
So what I did was I went and I took some modeling shots off the expressway and
some weeds
This is professional shots in weeds. Yeah, I did the um, I don't know if you
ever did the
Like Barbison modeling thing where you heard it on the radio if you think you
got it come down in. Oh, yeah, I did that
So I went in I took my photos. I brought them home. My mother's like that the
photos beautiful
You got to send this out. This is Hollywood's gonna love this so what I did was
I
Shrank it down into like a four by six and at the time they had a Photoshop on
the back
You could you could there was like a bunch of people watching a movie screen
So in the movie screen you could type text so I typed in
Coming this summer
Sebastian
Michael like it was a movie. I didn't put any phone number
I
Figured I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna wet their beak with the photo
This is how sick I was so I'm thinking the casting directors are gonna get it
and go. Oh
And then look he didn't leave a number
So when I got to LA I sent out another batch
And it said now playing in Los Angeles with the phone number now one phone call
Call zero was it. That was my entree. I would have felt like they're at least
one dude trying to fuck you
If I was a sleazy casting director and I was of the gay inclination, I think
you're my fucking kind of guy
Perfect. I didn't even see through a bike not see through second a bike
See through snakeskin shirt fucking a man. This is my guy
Terrible I went I went on stage one weekend one of the worst times I ever bombed
in my life
there was a buff a bunch of factors that led to this bombing but
one of them that I was dressed up like I was going out to a club and
I was like the first time I'd ever done it like I had cavaricis remember cavaricis
They were like tight at the top and they kind of ballooned out a little bit in
the legs very nice
I had like a nice shirt button-up look good. I had hair back then
And I was on stage and just fucking eating plates of shit
And then I remember is like being so uncomfortable with the way I was dressing
and bombing I went on after Brewer
It was like one of them was one of the pivotal moments of my young career. I'd
only been doing comedy like I
Gotta say like three years maybe and I was headlining really shouldn't have
been headlining really didn't have the time
It's just bullshit. I was I bullshitted my way into position and I kind of
pulled it off till Saturday night late night show
Saturday night late night show Brewer went up and lit the fucking place on fire
I mean he crushed like I'd never seen any
Comic crush before up into that moment. It was just like Jesus. I was terrified
backstage fucking terrified
Just didn't know how to follow anybody back then didn't know how to laugh at it
and just ride the wave and have fun
Just it went up there and ate plates of shit
But part of it was definitely I was super uncomfortable with the way I was
dressed
I was like what am I doing? But were you wearing that off where you were a Cavaricci
guy?
Or did you just figure I was trying to get laid? I guess I probably I didn't
know what the fuck I was doing. I was so lost
Lost I would wear whatever worked
You know when you're trying to get laid and you're young guy you fucking wear
whatever
They like the clothing is entirely dictated by the success like women's appeal
like what women find appealing
That's what we wear whatever the fuck they there's a reason why the fanny pack
This is why people can't wear fanny packs my beloved fanny pack right here
See I'm married. I could pull that shit off if you're not trying to get laid
You can wear that fucking thing or if you don't give a fuck if you get divorced
you can wear that
But if you if you're a guy if you're a young guy hoping to impress a gal and
you walk around the fucking bag
bolted to your waist
No, it's not gonna like it's you gotta wear what they want you to wear
It's all dictated by women fashion if it was just men on the planet there would
be no fucking designer shoes
There would be there would be nothing there would be nothing we don't be
wearing skins
We'd all be wearing animal skins or whatever the fuck is comfortable cotton
shit shorts
Nobody would give a fuck if there was no women if it was just removed from the
equation if no longer if there was no like
Not only were there no women like we didn't need to reproduce people live
forever and every guy that's here is gonna be here forever
That's it. These are the people done
It would be the fashion industry would tank it would go crashing down to the
ground so quick
but does your wife have any say on what you wear like Joe you want to put like
a
Button up on if we go out she will ask me to wear something nice
If we go out like if we're going out to a nice dinner somewhere and we'll do
like a date night go nice little restaurant
We've been lately going to these Michelin rated restaurants you ever do that.
Yeah, yeah, you go to let me find
Oh, it's a Michelin rated one. Oh, it's a five-star one and you go to these
place
You ever go to those they still have Michelin rated restaurants it is worth
going because it's all those crazy foodie people
Like if you ever met a real foodie like a legit foodie, you know, like
They'll tell you like where the spots are we have some friends that are like so
like Brian Callan knows all the spots
Callan and his wife are like legit foodies Callan is like he's a legit foodie
and a legit wine connoisseur
Like he really knows I just remember shit. I like try to pick stuff. That's
expensive like that's a hundred bucks
It's got to be good. You know what I mean?
It's just like it's kept it can't be terrible and but Callan knows like where
it's from what part of France
They grow the great he'll tell you how the grapes are fucking different than
the other grapes
But these restaurants then like we go to one of those so she'll ask me I have
to wear shoes. I have crocodile shoes
crocodile skin shoes
So those come out on the Michelin night
Yeah, I wore them the other night double date with Callan and his wife. I'm my
fucking gators on
Looking slick dude. I'm telling you is there something that you wear that your
wife hates every time you wear like do you have like a yes?
Those barbell jeans those jeans that I have there's there. They're elastic. Yes.
They're fucking totally the rubber jeans. They're fucking elastic
They're they look like jeans, right? Yeah, but like thanks, but when you pull
them they're like this they're like this cloth
Like they look exactly like jeans like I wear I'm on stage all the time, but
they don't bind you at all
The company sent them to me
Well, there's a bunch of companies diesel makes them now a lot of cut but they
they don't make them with as much
Elastic as barbell though barbells the shit. Those are like fucking there.
There's no resistance
It's like like your legs can you can do full splits in them. No problem at all
You can you kick somebody in the head wearing those you wouldn't have any
resistance
Does she not like them because they're not realistic looking ridiculous like
good girls don't like they don't like anybody finding out you wearing rubber
stretch jeans
rubber jeans
Your fucking husband is wearing them they'll mock him. Oh, so is your husband
still wearing those jeans is he wearing yoga pants, too?
Do you guys go out and he wears yoga pants? So they're like yoga pants in jean
form. They're not that tight, but
I have another pair that she fucking hates. I don't know. I think she hides
them because I can't find them
They they have a drawstring they're like they tie at the top and she's like
those are fat people pants
And I go first of all you fat shaming, okay
Second of all if you are not overweight. I am I'm not an overweight person
So if I'm wearing these will you give a fuck if I'm wearing fat people jeans,
you know, but it
To her like the fact that they have a string that you tie at the top is
embarrassing. Yeah, no no strings
Women do not like any strings, but they wear them button right then it works.
You tie in your clothes forget it. Yeah, but why is that?
I don't know
I got a few drawstrings in the closet nothing wrong with that drawstring jeans
or listen gay
I'm not up to the rubber jeans
That's a whole other deal all the companies are making them now
I see them on the street like there's a big billboard the other day for this
other kind of thing Lee makes a pair of them
Diesel makes them now well, then I got to look into it look into it
I'm telling you go down Melrose next time you're in one of those mad shopping
sprees
You got your bags over your shoulder
That Melrose Street is a strange environment well in the
1998 I used to live on that street used to go to all those st