Name: Joe Rogan Experience #708 - Steven Crowder
Uploaded: 2015-10-15T02:40:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #708 - Steven Crowder' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #708 - Steven Crowder' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-10-15. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #708 - Steven Crowder

so this is the first one ever live is it it says offline let's see
there's probably a bit of a delay right just like youtube or you stream rather
it says starting it says offline to me though say offline to you
oh here we go something's happening i see a spinning wheel proud mary keep on
burning
big wheel keep on turning nope yes success steven crowder you are the first
official broadcast
streamed live on youtube guest it's a great sign why is that bad well you're
gonna yeah you're
gonna get some monsters on youtube jewfag makes appearances quite a bit when i
appear i'm not
jewish or gay does someone call you a jewfag all the time yeah hmm yeah you
which is funny because
i'm not jewish or gay my brother and i did a video um when youtube had just
started it was 2006 so i
don't know if you remember there was a rash of really bad impression videos it
would be like
i'm gonna do 100 impressions and it was some guy doing like kermit the frog you
know cartoons are
not impressions you're just doing cartoon voices like at a kid's party and so i
did one where i did
these impressions that were really mediocre but my brother was my ed mcmahon
and he was just laughing
his ass he just thought it was hilarious and then it goes on for like five
minutes and then i do a
pretty spot-on harrison ford impression my brother's like you need it you need
to work on that one a
little bit and so we have these this is the new youtube was new uncensored and
it's like you're a
jew fag and i hope you get aids from that jew fag not realizing he's my brother
my brother's not jewish
either and there were people who hated it because they thought the impressions
were awful there were
people who hated it because they got the joke and they felt like they'd been
shortchanged and there
are people who liked it because they got the joke and there are people who
liked it because for some
reason they thought the impressions were good and they were all fighting and we
were going what what is this
monsters monsters tapping into monsters but you do realize that you're feeding
those monsters by
bringing up their actual name like saying all that stuff like you're giving
them the attention that
they so desperately seek is that like like poltergeist yes you're feeding them
yeah like candy man yeah
that's a horrible film when you go back and watch it it's not good at all it's
like one of those
things you watch when you're a kid and you're scared and you go back you're
like no no trust trust me
let's watch this you watch it with your girlfriend and you just wish you would
have left it there
yeah do you know what the one did that to me is altered states i didn't see
altered states oh it
was so well i those are what got me into isolation tanks i was uh fascinated by
it that's what got me
into it and it got me into john lily the guy who the whole movie was actually
based on this one guy
not obviously he didn't really turn into a monkey do you remember the movie the
william hurt movie
i don't remember the film he got a hold of some crazy psychedelic brew from the
amazon jungle and took it and
brought it back to america and had these experiences where he regressed into
some monkey
beast thing and he went to the zoo and killed a bunch of animals yeah like he
had like the
change but when you you know i was watching that that's the noise i mean i
probably was like like
larry flint came in that's not larry flint trying to push his wheelchair um i
watched it when i was
like 15 or something like that i was in high school and i was like whoa this is
so cool yeah and i
watched it again when i was like 39 and i was like oh this is such a piece of
that happened with me
like two weeks ago with my wife and i feel ashamed ninja turtles because it was
up late and i'm on
netflix i'm watching the megan fox and ninja this is terrible you know no you
don't know ninja turtles
because there it was at one point it was actually a good film and i take it
back and i watch it i'm like
maybe let's try ninja turtles too and it just gets worse well you know the that's
good when you're
little and it's still good when you're little but when you're not little it's
not good like i took my
kids to see this uh there's a show called wild kratz yeah well i worked with pbs
they'd come in
every now and then oh yeah yeah okay and arthur was my it's a very good show
the show is very good
like the television show the live show is terrible oh it's like a museum where
you just see a video
display kind of deal isn't it like that no it's worse than that it's way worse
than that it's but
meanwhile my five-year-old loved it like i took her to see it it was uh at the
pantages in hollywood
and they they put on these suits like in the show there's this what the show is
about it's an
educational show for people who don't know that it is all about wildlife and
kids learn a lot of
stuff like it used to be zaboomafoo it used to be it was a jumping other shirt
with the kratz brothers
yeah and um uh nothing like an actual lemur no very inaccurate yes they can be
aggressive
actual lemurs yes actual lemurs so you know some kid went to the zoo and just
got his face torn off by a
monkey on red wine and xanax but the um the show like my five-year-old learns
all kinds of shit from it because like she'll say you know daddy did you know
that alligators
or crocodiles i think it is they decide whether or not they're male or female
based on the temperature
of the water i'm like is that true and so i google it like holy my five-year-old
just schooled me on
crocodile uh the gendered assignment i think if we're being honest with
ourselves your five-year-old
would probably school you on the difference between an alligator and a
crocodile because i'm still murky
on it i'm pretty clear on that one every time i get you know i was like well
those crocodiles goes by
the snouts one of them is rounder yeah alligators i know steve had a lot of
respect for the american
alligator steve erwin did yeah he was a crocodile hunter but i remember when he
got around some gators
he was like this is don't these guys are serious well actually alligators are
not nearly as aggressive
as crocodiles crocodiles are way more dangerous that's factually inaccurate it's
the opposite american
alligators are smaller or they're well they're smaller than crocodile like nile
crocs you know
they've these fucking douchebags some people have released nile crocodiles in
florida so they found
a few of them in the everglades and so they have a seek and destroy mission
like if you see uh nile
crocodile like game wardens everyone is supposed to kill it on site that
happened in michigan with those uh
lamp rays you ever seen those yeah and actually as a matter of fact i think you've
done her show
dana lash and her husband they were coming up to my wedding up there yeah and
he was like i'm not
i'm not going up there they got lamp rays in the lake i'm like they have no
sharks they have no
stingrays you have lamp rays you know it's a it's scary it's got like a mouth
full of teeth they're
cool they're like aliens yeah but they're not pleasant to be in the water with
but they've exterminated
like i think 90 something percent of them but it's that 10 something percent
that you still have to
worry about up there in the great lakes yeah well there's a bunch of invasive
species from other
countries that they've done that with those uh asian carp that's one of them
yeah if you haven't seen that
folks you gotta google it because it's the craziest thing you get there's
youtube videos for whatever
reason when you ride boats they jump out of the water and they have knocked
people dead like knock
people out cold they jump out of the water people actually died from asian carp
i i bet people have
died because i know people have been knocked out cold i know i know well there's
personally a lot of
weight yeah oh yeah yeah they're like 30 pounds and they're jumping in the air
well mako sharks will do
that you know really yeah mako sharks can get i mean maybe you can bring it up
like i want to say 60
miles an hour something absurd and they'll go right into boats whoa yeah mako
sharks so they just slam
into but they don't know they get on fishing boats yeah they'll actually like
because they're just going
so fast and i think they're coming for the bait you can find videos if you
bring them up have you ever
seen the video of the kayakers that get fucking swamped by the whale the whale
breaches red moby dick
no this is a real one this is a real one it's a real one yeah see if you can
find that the the whale uh
swamp some kayakers yeah these fucking poor fools are out in a kayak go i love
whales it's amazing to be
in this environment when you're around nature it just makes you feel so
wonderful they care about us
they look this fucking well just these poor
fuckers i was in florida watch this shit oh is it where do i go this way this
one anyone it doesn't
matter watch this oh my gosh kill them all oh you fucked up son kill them all
that's one thing i
talked about i remember and i got someone really mad in stand-up a bit about
sharks i was like watch this
watch this close-up oh jesus fucking christ oh gosh i mean that's gotta weigh
what 10 000 pounds were
they dead or did they just kind of move with it because it's water i mean if
that happened to land
you're dead yeah i would assume they just move with it i mean they probably got
fucked the real
scary thing is if you get knocked unconscious by the blow and then you go look
at that's the impact
of it oh my fucker was it a hunchback what do we know i don't know big oh it
looks like they're okay
have you ever seen whales in real life oh there they are they're fine i've seen
dolphins uh i don't
think i've seen whales i've seen whales i went on uh one of the one of the
things my daughter had
this uh school thing where you go over to uh zuma zuma beach like somewhere
around november i think they
start and it's you don't even believe what you're seeing like you see them in
the water you're like
that's a fucking that's a real whale yeah like you see them and you're like oh
my when i guess it's
like when you see them on tv you go yeah they're big i get it but when you see
them in real life and
you get a perspective you're like oh my god they're just living out there well
it's like lana dunham you
see her in the pictures and you know it's bad and then you see her in context
next to someone i see
what you just did you see what i did there it's okay she blocked me quickly
without me ever even
tweeting her one thing i will say we were in florida she blocked you because of
that video that you
made is that what it was no she brought me along before that video really i get
blocked by people
before i even talk to them i do too i sometimes i'm proud of it well a lot of
them are comedians too
comedians block you get the out of here what comedians have blocked you amy schumer
mark maron
i never tweeted them what amy schumer and i got in an argument uh on fox news a
long time ago you know
about what about a column i wrote and we got into it and i was like okay and i
was actually pretty
respectful but it happens with a lot of comedians a lot of comics what was the
column about the column
was about how you know as a christian how i wasn't having sex and wrote about
sort of the case for
christians who maybe aren't crazy who wait until they're married and she's like
i feel like it's
really judgmental and really harsh and i was like okay well that's fine this is
my case and you don't
have to do it she got really really mad about it you know what's interesting is
if you were like a
tantric buddhist that's exactly what i said did you really say that yeah i
talked about that because
and right away off air the first thing and it's the same thing with with maron
who i you know i
like um is where do you do you're not part of our club are you a comedian he
does that though
he did that with me he's got this weird thing right before she goes she goe