Name: Joe Rogan Experience #718 - Christopher Ryan
Uploaded: 2015-11-04T04:23:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #718 - Christopher Ryan' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #718 - Christopher Ryan' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #718 - Christopher Ryan

ladies and gentlemen dr. Chris Ryan hello America hello Christopher we were
just
talking about the pussy whip phenomenon we're talking about men who have wives
that answer their phones their cell phones not to be helpful like you know
secretarial hey let me get your phone so I'm wondering if there are dudes who
get off on that oh yeah they have a mommy that takes care of them this guy's
kind of like that he his wife I called that was the first time I'd ever called
him before off of this new number and I think she didn't have the number and so
she answered it like accusatory like hello like it was like I was doing
something wrong explain yourself some dirty girl calling her man who the fuck
is this I was just like hi I wish dirty girls called me you just gotta put your
number on the internet they'll call you questions I get I get some dirty email
sometime I prefer that that's good because that you can control yeah you
don't know if you're being catfished though it might be it's all right as
long as they're a nice picture give me a fantasy I'm reading a novel it's like
you're reading the words of a character that's exactly do it well you know I
don't care I'm never gonna meet you anyhow then men would know what men would
actually be interested in well that's the thing I mean I had Bailey J on my
podcast recently you know she is yeah she's coming on months oh good she's she's
wonderful I really like her and she was like I think she said her husband's
straight well let's explain who Bailey J sorry yeah Bailey J is a trans woman
chick with a dick who doesn't give a shit what pronoun you use she does she got
upset at Gavin McGinnis because Gavin was calling her a he did she really yeah
because that's his words though with me she I because I asked her about that
and
she was like I don't give a shit she was really relaxed and funny that's see
Gavin says that but there could have been some other things maybe he was being
a
dick you know very possible he's the only guy I've ever had in the podcast
where
two of my friends called me up after the podcast and went that's not true this
guy
this is not what happened let me tell you Kurt Metzger and Jim Norton both
called me up complaining that what he said wasn't true so he's a he's an
interesting cat that Gavin you know he is names ring rings a bell but I I've
got a
picture of him but I can't remember who he was one of the original founders of
vice and they they call him the godfather of the hipster movement
because he dresses like like a really sharp dress guy from like the 1940s or
something like that he wears like vests and ties and tailored suits and he has
this crazy facial hair that's yeah okay I've seen that yeah and you know dress
is
really nice and he's super like he's on the right wing side of things like very
conservative in a lot of ways and he became a Catholic when he was like in his
forties it's a lot of weird shit going on with that for a woman was it no he
was
already married with kids and he he described it it was a very weird thing he
said that he was like looking at his daughter's foot and he realized that it's
like he's looking his daughter's heel he realized that there's a god I'm sure
given more time he would like to express himself a little more clearly in that
regard but um I have a feeling that a lot of these a lot of these right-wing
people that are um that go pro religion where it doesn't make sense where they're
they're like super analytical and rational and kind of calculated about other
things but then when it comes to religion they just completely give in and don't
question it and just I I feel like it's an affiliation thing I feel like if you
want
to be affiliated with the right you have to be religious and I think that they
recognize that and so they support because they know that if you do that if
you blindly affiliate yourself with with religion and if you you want to be
like
sort of an ingrained in the right you kind of have to be religious there's very
few
people that are conservative or on the right that are atheists or agnostics
right and you're right there's much more unity on the right and the left
everybody's stabbing each other in the back which is why assholes rule the
world
essentially they stick together and well it's it's disturbing to me and I've
got
some people coming up some interesting podcast guests that are gonna talk about
and I talked about it with Dave Rubin recently where he calls it and you know
Dave's an interesting example because he is a gay man who is very he's across
the
board on a lot of different issues he's like he's pro second amendment he's you
know he's like he's relaxed and analytical and he calls it the regressive left
and
he's like it's almost like they've been fighting against the right so long they've
become their own version of that they've been fighting against like the
religious right or the super ultra conservative regressive right that
they've become the regressive left and I think he's got some good points in
that
regard yeah yeah I I try to get away from thinking left right you know because
to
me it's more tolerant intolerant and you know since sex at dawn came out I
expected a
lot of blowback from the right and actually most of the blowback we've received
has
been from the left really yeah from really yeah because all the political
correctness you know oh you're a cisgendered white male with your you know
mansplaining blah blah blah you know you know mansplaining please tell people
that
don't know that well it's like the the arrogant guy who explains everything
knows
everything you know well if you explain things and you're a man man mansplaining
you know what I was thinking about recently and I don't want to get into like a
a men's rights thing you know because I mean and there's there's a lot to be
said there
but anyway I was thinking about man spreading you know what that is yeah on the
subways
right you sit with your legs open you take up too much space here's the problem
with
that a men are generally bigger than women b men have balls where are we
supposed to
put our balls if you can't spread with your legs where do your balls go well
the idea is
that you're being rude though because you're you should like keep your balls
compressed so
that the people next to you aren't you know they aren't encroached upon you
know yeah invade
their space well I'll tell you what my balls are getting encroached upon and
that's got a very
immediate effect right I think design the seats better that's true but the
meanwhile the seats
are what they are yeah and so for a very short amount of time just think of it
as an exercise in
your inner thigh development just keep them pinched and work on like an isometric
tension sort of a
thing I think I think about like putting someone in my guard like I'm trying to
hold a triangle
right keep my legs closed well look I'll go with it if it becomes socially
acceptable for me to put
my hand down my pants and pull my balls up before I cross my legs you know I
think you should just do
that well I do do that but you know it freaks then I shake their hand and
people get all freaked out
yeah you should have like a ball grabbing glove like that you could just sort
of slap it snap I'm
about to give myself a prostate exam this is only so that when I shake your
hand you know that's
right yeah yeah yeah it's it's the design sucks the design of the male body
like the balls on the
outside is really stupid I think it's the design of the fucking seats I'm fine
with my balls I mean
he kicks in the balls oh that yeah it's so vulnerable yeah yeah from a from a
fighter's
perspective yeah it's a bad balls are like the most vulnerable part of your
body next to your brain
and they're right there you know why they're there right keep it cool keep them
cool right so that
your boys are ready to roll at a moment's notice you've always got I in sexed
on we say the external
scrotum is the equivalent of a beer of a fridge in your garage full of beer so
you got a spare fridge
it's always ready to go because you never know when the guys are coming over to
watch a game you got
to have a couple cases cool and ready to go right you can't just pop your nuts
out when you're
thinking about having sex later on that night and let your sperm cool off it's
good but still another
shitty design like why why you know and it's on every animal like every mammal
has balls in the
outside well no not everyone like gorillas they're in the abdomen actually yeah
yeah they have such tiny
dicks tiny little dicks and see that's why because but the male gorilla is
twice the size of
the female i didn't know their balls were in their abdomen yeah chimps are
hanging out chimps are out
bonobos are out and they're huge giant they're like chicken eggs yeah that's
because they're the females
are promiscuous yeah so you got the the balls outside the body that's an
indication of female
promiscuity in the species oh i knew it was the size of the testicles was an
indicator of female
promiscuity i didn't know the balls outside the body right so ladies if you don't
like our
mansplaining how about you stop being whores and if you weren't we won't man
spread if you weren't
ho it around we wouldn't need our balls on the outside yeah we could suck our
balls up into our
abdomen if you girls just keep your fucking legs shut how about that do you
ever see a yogi do that
oh no they do that suck their balls into their balls up yeah have you seen it
no i don't think it exists
jamie find out if a guy can pull yeah i read it too there used to be a thing
about waychiru karate
like waychiru guys supposedly they would have these katas and in the kata they
would be able to suck
their balls up into their body to prevent them from getting kicked i've never
seen it
i feel like i would have saw it already i'm not a big fan of any ball sucking
actually none well no
because it's it hurts well if a girl does it gentle if she's good at it and she's
got like the
the upward stroking thing while she's sucking on your sack it's not a bad thing
i've never popped a
woody on the show before some gals have skills that's all i'm trying to say you
know it's like we're
not all created equal whether it's basketball or painting or dick sucking where
the hell are artists
we started this you said something about what never try to follow this yeah go
back yeah just
follow the bread roll well because i mean for some reason five minutes ago the
thought i had the
thought like i remembered some gay guy saying to me like gay guys give better
blowjobs than women do
or maybe he was bi oh we were talking about someone sending you a letter catfishing
you pretending to be
a woman when they're really a man oh and you said if it's a dude he knows what
gets you off right that
reminded me of this thing and i was thinking like yeah i'll bet i'll bet dudes
give great blowjobs
i would imagine yeah and women lesbians report much higher orgasmic frequency
than straight women do
hmm and it's the same thing right like a woman knows how to go down on a woman
where guys are just
like well i don't know what to do what i do here do i blow on it yeah it makes
sense but that's isn't
that like a communication thing like you tell people what you like and why it
feels good yeah some
people just not good at communicating sexually it's it's interesting because it's
like one of the few
things that people can be like really embarrassed about communicating about was
like people tell you
what kind of what colors they like you know i don't like a couch that's white
yeah my car has got to be
black you know like people have weird rules when it comes to like things that
they enjoy but when it
comes to sex they're really it's really hard for people to express what they
enjoy yeah i had dinner
last night with a sex therapist and we were talking about that and she's like
she was like you know
i've got people come in they've been married 25 years and they've never talked
about like