Name: Best of the Fight Companion - Joe Rogan Experience - Vol. 1
Uploaded: 2015-11-15T05:09:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best of the Fight Companion - Joe Rogan Experience - Vol. 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best of the Fight Companion - Joe Rogan Experience - Vol. 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-15. Transcript available.

Best of the Fight Companion - Joe Rogan Experience - Vol. 1

the Joe Rogan experience and I realized why I'm so fucked up it's wrestling
that's what fucked up
your head oh it's made me crazy sitting in some hot ass room fucking getting
tortured and getting
beat up my coach was a world champion at 17 from Iran and then he left he left
the country and then
couldn't wrestle in the Olympics which he probably would have won because he
didn't have his green
card wow so he would bring in all these super badasses to just kick the shit
out of me my whole
high school career they have a deep deep background in wrestling man they
fucking tortured me Iran
remember the Iron Sheik yes he was legit wrestling I had him in a car legit
kidding you man he was a
world-class he's a good dude man is he came on stage with me in Toronto
I did this weed store this weed show in Toronto they do the show it's like the
underground comedy
show they do it in a weed store and the the weed store is up like a bong shop
in the front and a
comedy club in the back and you go into the back and you can't see 10 feet in
front of you you are in
the clouds man I'm not joking it's ridiculous it's the worst hot box ever no
ventilation whatsoever every
now and then again they open up the back door so nobody dies that's it there's
no air in the room
it's all you're breathing in there you're breathing in weed breathing out weed
it's the whole room is filled with
weed and the Iron Sheik was in there getting high as fuck and he came on stage
while I was up there
he can't any any fucking this is your video of it online it's hilarious of me
and him just talking on stage
but yeah Iranians so imagine me at 15 16 cut weight in a fucking sauna and I
have some 40 year old Iranian dude
massaging me rub my back in a credit card down all my sweat people looking at
us like what the fuck why is that
that man making that little boy yeah hey sir you can't buy him that way he'd be
muttering to me to the far sea you can't just scan him sir
cash only sir slash only if you want to fuck him you're gonna have to hold him
down
oh and I realized I realized the same 24 hour fitness we always went to in Aliso
Viejo was a gay hangout
Holla this is getting ready
Eddie and I worked out at 24 hour fitness and there was this dude who was the
manager there was a cool guy
we used to talk to him and
They had sent him over from the Santa Monica place
He was like a real personable
Real friendly guy like you know real easy to like and so the Santa Monica place
brought him in because they needed to get that place cleaned out because it
Basically become just a fuck house. Yeah, like you don't have to close the
showers
Oh my buddy ended up working that's how I found out my buddy ended up working
at the same place and they used to have to trap dudes gay dudes
that were fucking in the sauna and stuff
and rape them
Call the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. Call
the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. Cause it was right next to the police
station.
That's how people die bro. That's not cool. Don't trap me in the sauna and make
me fuck my way out
You know what's incredible I'm looking Atlantic City starts about three rows
out check out the people three rows and beyond
You guys have no fucking idea what Atlantic City is. I've never been hell first
I've been I've been a bus white trash in from all fucking ports
It's 15 to get on the bus and to go to Atlantic City. Here's the clinker
They give you $10 and quarters when you get to Atlantic City
So they basically give you $10 back then they give you a book of coupons for
another 50 to eat
To try to keep you there all day. So if you go let's say at the eight o'clock
in the morning bus you can't leave
Till five whether you're broke, whether you ate all your coupons
You cannot go back on the fucking bus
I ain't trying to be funny
I'm telling you the rules
So they have a scam
Every fucking hour on the hour from all points in New Jersey and New York buses
go down to Atlantic City
Right now half those people sitting there have already lost their money and
they're just killing time to the midnight bus and
Somebody from the UFC just happened to give them nice tickets. They're sitting
there. They don't even know what the fuck
They're just sitting there
bookmaker who's gonna win the fucking the Yankee game cuz that's how they're
gonna bounce back on Sunday and they could go down the shore and
Look at them. They're mummified. Look at that black guy. He looks like a
fucking old Anderson Silva right there with a hand on his face
That's Atlantic City for you. Where's fucking Dana in his room with eight bodyguards.
Good body shot
Where's Dana White? He ain't nobody to respond yet. They haven't showed him
with the Fertitta brothers fuck. No, they're in their rooms hiding
Satellite feed
comes out like in the the the main like like Fox Sports fights
He comes out for that like towards the end like when we have that thing where
we sit down we start breaking down the fights in the main card
Oh man, that's gonna come back man. Oh Linda Curry. He's got to crack. Oh
school it should take it though, man
He's he has some hard shot stand on his ground, man
You guys are sweating, huh, Brian?
Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Fucking Dana White comes in like the never on Goodfellas
shaking hands
What's the end shaking hands point that people
People what's happening? How about that? He never hit him. He had him down. He
had him flattened down
He had his back and he's not crashing him. He's not blasting with punches. He's
got him flattened down
He's not hitting him. That doesn't make sense. He's also he's also had a full.
He had a full hand. Yeah, I know, but he's also
51 that's true and a fighter 51. That's true. You do 100% correct
And I was like I watched everyone right? I watch all of Bellator. I watch all
UFC. I watch everything so
The Bellator when when the entrances I was like this is so dope
It was kind of like the pride and all that then I was on board you had me I was
on you had right big brown on board
But then when Ken Shamrock walked out I was like what the fuck? How about the
girl who was singing? What was that about?
I don't know see I'm down with that though
I'm down with the girl singing? I would love for Brian to sing for me when I
walk out. He's a man
He's really tall and brown. No, I'm not a good singer. No, not like that. Tall
and brown. He's got great hair and a part inspired by the great Gatsby
Oh my god
That would crush so hard
Big brown
Big brown
Big brown
Yeah, I want Joe to do it
You could totally get an opponent's head by the way when he's laughing at your
entrance
That'd be sick
He's gonna punch this guy in his big fat face and take him down be careful of
his game
No, I don't want a West Side Story thing going in
Yeah, Brian's gonna have
I'm gonna be taking serious
His Jiu Jitsu is second to none
He's really handsome
That doesn't even rhyme
He can turn on a nun
Turn on a nun
Wow
Dude, don't ever play with me
You didn't even try
No, I didn't
It's those numbers that you get in
Those numbers and the idea of what you're trying to do
And then there's all the physical shit
There's some people are just born with different bones
Yep
They're just built
Some people are born like Hodger Gracie
These long ass fucking arms
They can just cinch Darces in from anywhere
Long triangles that can get both your fucking arms trapped in like in a dead
orchard
They can do things with your body if you have these long bodies that you can't
do
But then there's these Paul Harris bodies
Yeah
Like you got this goddamn gorilla
I stand next to that guy, I feel like I'm you
That's what it's like
Really?
I stand next to him
I feel like I'm a dancer
That was dark
Brian is a slender guy
I have a beautiful expressive body
I always feel like a claw
I always feel like an extra wide claw
I see a big ass fucking arm over there
That's what I see
Are you looking at that arm?
No, seriously
I'm Brian?
You do lift, right?
Yeah, I lift
Here's the body of Kermit the Frog
Hey, bro
Hey, bro
What, man?
Bro, what are you talking about?
Your boy's talking about your arm
Kermit has skinny legs
I have trouble with jeans, bro
You're feeling like Kermit the Frog
Hey, bro
Oh, come on
Sir
Look at that arm
Sir
Hey, flex for it
Sir
Show him the trash
Guys, I'm relaxed
Look at that
I'm relaxed as shit right now
I'm relaxed as shit
Dude, did you just say Kermit the Frog?
My legs are way bigger than that
That's so funny
I got big
Kermit the Frog
Kermit the Frog
Is so funny
Imagine Kermit the Frog
My legs are way bigger than that
Kermit's arms
His arms are one size all the way down
Oh there, Kermit the Frog here
Kermit the Frog
Kermit the Frog
Kermit the Frog
Kermit the Frog
Hey, that's a good Kermit the Frog
That's not bad
Kermit the Frog
That's not bad
Not bad
Brad Shaw doing Kermit the Frog
Kermit's all I got, man
Kermit's the farthest I go
I'm picturing Kermit's arms
With no movement at all
Nothing
Just like pipes
Just straight pipe cleaners
Oh, it's so silly
Eddie man, you and I
It's why it's so funny
Cause Eddie is so funny
Kermit the Frog
Kermit the Frog is like the perfect reference
That is like seriously
If you're gonna make fun of a dude's arms
Kermit the Frog's arms
Kermit the Frog's arms
That's the funniest shit of all time
Kermit
I'm pissed now
Eddie Eddie Eddie
I think you have Uriah Faber arms
Thank you brother
Oh, thank you man
Jesus Christ
I said I was in Costa Rica
He goes, oh, I used to work in a clinic down there
You probably have something from there
Probably just a self-limiting virus
By the way, gone the next day
I think it was food on my tonsil
It's embarrassing man
He probably ate a chocolate donut
With like powdered sugar on her
Some shit
I'm a hypochondriac
Powdered sugar got in a little thing
You're that guy
Meanwhile
Oh, eye pokes
I fucking hate them
Jesus Christ
Meanwhile your sister has spots
All over her fucking tongue
And doesn't do shit about it
Bitch doesn't give a fuck
Yeah, she doesn't give a fuck
She doesn't care
She eats grass
She eats grass
She eats grass
Chews up some grass
She's got green mouth
She's got green mouth syndrome
Foamy green bubbles
In the corner of her mouth
Are you chewing that cud again?
Shut the fuck up pussy
Look at you with your mouth open
You don't have four stomachs
Stop chewing cud
It takes a special type of dude
To be with a girl like that
Yeah, I'm not one of those guys
I am
I tried it
I am not that guy
I've tried it too
I like women who are women
Me too
Like women who want to argue with you
And they get fucking gangster with you
That's not interesting to me
That's like when I
When I tried
I had a little affair
With a girl on the national
Canadian water polo team
Who was so hot
But her back was thicker than mine
And her hands
Her knuckles
When we'd hold hands
I was like well your hands
Are a little
Just a smidge bigger than mine
And I have a big problem with that
See that's what I love about
My girlfriend Ioana
Yeah
Is that she doesn't
Start any drama
Or talk shit
But she
She knows her role
She'll finish it
She uses it all up
Giving chicks concussions
Yeah
She's exhausted by the time
She gets to you
She's very
She's very feminine
From beating bitches
I want to see you guys stay
Believe me
If you guys fucked
You wouldn't have much say in it
Tony you lick pussy now
Tony
Lick pussy
No come on
Don't care if you're fucking tired
Come on Tony
She wouldn't be able to handle me man
You're tired
You want to go to sleep?
I know why they call him the golden pony
He's surprising
He has a surprising dick
It's good
His dick is surprised
He's skinny
Skinny like me
But he's surprising
It's more of the ivory pony
The ivory pony
I'd give it to her good guys
I'm serious
She'd have to put her hair up in cornrows
Just to deal with things
I'd give it to her good guys
By the time you're done her hair
I was setting up for my cornrows joke
Come on
I would fucking give it to her man
That's how you know a guy's not laying
He's not laying the proper plate
I was setting up for my corn