Name: Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - November 28, 2015
Uploaded: 2015-11-28T18:32:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - November 28, 2015' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - November 28, 2015' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-11-28. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - November 28, 2015

Two, one. Yee-haw! And we're live, ladies and gentlemen. This is a Fight Companion
podcast.
What that means is, if you've tuned in, hoping to hear enlightening
conversation, or facts about the universe, or ancient civilizations...
Run.
You come to the wrong place, bitches. This is a bunch of people that shouldn't
be awake, but are awake.
Oh, wow.
It's 5 a.m. I'm with A.G. Bra... A.K.A. Eddie Bravo.
Holla!
Yo.
Killer B, Ben Saunders, is up in this bitch.
What's happening?
And then, of course, Brendan motherfucking Sharp.
What up?
A.K.A. Big Brown.
Yeah.
A.K.A. Big Brown Sexy.
And we're here watching the UFC live from North Korea.
And the first fight's about to happen. Sam Cecilia versus Do-Ho Choi.
I think it's Che. I think they pronounce it Che.
But, uh...
Do-Who?
If you've never heard these podcasts before, what we do is we get together and
we just watch the fights, and we talk shit, and we do a lot of the MMA world's
journalism for them.
Because a lot of them, they rely on us for stories.
What if those bitches are on bites, right?
What if those bitches are up?
They're up.
Oh, man.
They're up right now.
They're just waiting right now.
Greasy pencils in their hands.
Just so tired.
Cheeto fingers.
Just fucking...
One day, this is what I'm tired of traveling.
This is what we're going to do.
This was fucking tough, dude.
Well, it was a hard one.
So, I have a long-ass day.
I got to go to San Diego and teach a seminar.
And then after that seminar, I got a friend of mine asked me to be in a music
video, so I'm doing that, too.
Oh, my God.
So, it's going to be a hard one.
You're a video vixen.
Oh, my God.
Like the chick from Whitesnake.
Video vixen.
Like the chick from Whitesnake.
But anyways, so last night I decided, you know, the only way I'm going to be
able to pull this off is if I go to sleep like at 8.
And I go, how the fuck am I going to go to sleep at 8?
I had a couple ambians, so I took one ambian, and I took it like around 6.30,
and I'm like feeling kind of loopy.
And then he calls me and goes, hey, dude, do you have another ambian?
I'm not going to be able to sleep.
I'm like, fuck, you're going to have to drive over to my house.
So, Ben comes over.
Ben comes over.
By the time he comes over, I'm fucking out.
He's knocking on the door.
He's texting me and says, I'm cold.
It's cold out here.
It's cold.
It's cold.
So, I wake up two hours later.
I look at the text.
He's long gone.
He's like, I'm cold.
It's freezing out here, bro.
You must be out.
So, I call him back.
I'm like, fuck, dude.
I'm sorry.
That ambian just crushed me.
So, then he came back.
Did you actually come back?
Yeah.
I left it in my mailbox.
But from that point on, I couldn't go back to sleep.
I'm just sitting there.
And then I got really, really medicated.
Drowsy.
And then that was weird.
Being all loopy on ambian and then stoned at the same time.
Dude, I was breaking down some shit from when I was 15.
I was bringing back memories that I never thought.
I'm like, holy.
I was up all goddamn night.
I didn't really get any sleep.
So, I don't know how long I'm going to do this.
I really don't.
Just hang in there, baby.
You'll be fine.
Yeah, man.
You can figure it out.
It's cold.
You're talking.
How long did you wait out there?
Hey, do you know what new vigil is?
Not too long, man.
Do you know what new vigil is, Eddie?
New vigil?
You ever heard of new vigil?
Some shit that fighter pilots take.
It's something that, I think the official use for it is for people that have
narcolepsy.
But it's like a pill that helps you stay awake.
Like when you're really tired.
But it's not like speed.
It's real weird.
It's a notch under speed.
I'm going to talk about it.
But yeah, we'll talk about it.
Well, I get some of that.
I know a dude.
Oh, really?
I know a guy.
It's going to be a hard fucking, I got to drive two hours after this.
Homie, you're going to be fine.
Nah, you got this.
Plus, we got plenty of these caveman coffees.
One of these little fuckers has 240 milligrams of caffeine.
That's basically what I just drank, right?
Yeah.
Well, no, that's just coffee.
That's pretty strong.
It is.
But it's not one of these nitro things.
It's little nitro things.
That's like a super espresso shot.
It's like a double espresso or a triple espresso with some fucking nitrogen.
I don't know.
Tate tried to explain to me how to do it.
It tastes like the Guinness of coffee, right?
I love it.
There's like a foam on it.
I love that shit, too.
There's a whole box of them right here.
Oh, shit.
I love them.
I love these nitros, but they're fucking super strong.
They're rocket fuel.
240 is like a Venti Starbucks, and it's all in this one little can.
How much is in a Rockstar?
Like one of those regular-sized cans?
That's a good question, because they break those bitches up in servings.
Yes.
You have to do the math.
It says, do not consume all in one day and shit.
Dude, you ever drink one of those red lines?
Yes.
Dude, I drank one of those red lines.
I swear I was going to have a heart attack.
My heart was like a hummingbird, man.
I'll never do it again.
Here we go.
Sam Cecilia.
Sam Cecilia hits hard.
That dude is an interesting character.
He's super game.
Sam Cecilia.
Oh, he got tagged.
He said footwork.
Nah.
He got tagged.
Look at that.
Good butterfly.
Footwork's for the birds.
Did you think everybody up with this?
No, I haven't.
Thank you, Eddie.
Four minutes and 28 seconds right now of the first round.
I think, like I said, it's spelled Choi, but I think it's Chick.
Oh, shit.
Jesus Christ.
Sam Cecilia brings the thunder, man.
That dude's fun.
Hell yeah, this is fun.
Oh, snap.
Oh, man.
Uppercuts.
He fights, like, with his hands way low.
Way low.
Eddie, you can just pass that joint around.
I'm not mad.
You should do that.
Eddie's sitting there, like, he's smoking.
Like a cigar.
In a cafe.
In a cafe somewhere.
I told him, the pity that you know is not the pity of today.
Oh, shit.
I'll tell you.
Oh, snap.
Big Brown, you want some of this?
I know.
I'm good, man.
I'm scared of fucking weed.
Things could get weird.
I smoked that.
Weird.
You want headlines.
Let me smoke that and release the hounds.
Let me smoke that and release the hounds.
We haven't talked publicly since the Ronda fight.
Oh, no, we haven't.
Oh, Sam's out.
He's out.
Oh, damn it.
Enjoy that fight back to the States.
Oh, my God.
He got cracked.
Fuck.
That was a crunk fight.
That was wild for the first round.
I'm not mad at that guy's turboleneck in Korea.
God damn.
Those people.
Why are they so happy?
I'm super psyched.
A Korean guy once.
The Korean knocked the fuck out of Sicilia.
No, they like it.
Hell yeah.
It's not racist.
It's okay to be racist like at sporting events, right?
No, it's not okay to be racist, but you can be proud to be from a country.
Exactly.
You can hate the other guy since he's not from your country.
That was when I forget who it was, but when...
What the fuck is his name?
God damn it.
Mike Pye was fighting.
I'm trying to remember his name.
He fought this cat in Brazil.
And Funch?
I think it was Funch.
And he knocked him out.
And it was just a straight, clean victory.
Everything was good.
No poor sportsmanship.
Everything was great.
Said nice things in the post-fight interview.
But all they're doing is chanting something.
The whole crowd's chanting something.
I can't figure out what they're chanting.
So I asked the translator, and he says they're basically chanting the Brazilian
version of You're a Faggot.
Oh, damn.
The whole crowd.
The whole crowd.
Dude, like 15,000 people.
Dude, Brazil doesn't fuck around.
When I fought Nogueira, the whole crowd was chanting one thing.
I was the same thing.
They chanted one thing.
I was like, damn, I'm gonna fucking hit out here, man.
I turned around to my coach, who speaks Portuguese.
I go, what are they saying?
He's like, you really want to know?
I'm like, fuck yeah.
He goes, they're chanting You're Gonna Die.
I was like, God, dog.
That's intense.
Yeah, that's their thing.
Yeah, let's relax on that.
Imagine if the American crowds were chanting that.
That guy looks like a StarCraft champion.
Like, look at him.
He looks like a dude who would, you know, beat your ass at some new video game.
He doesn't look like a guy who would fuck some Sam Cecilia by knockout.
He looks like he's just a beast with a Rubik's Cube or some shit.
Yeah, I like when dudes are unassuming like that, but are murderers.
I agree.
Hi, hello.
Kenny Floyd's, like, Kenny's the type of dude you would fuck with in a bar,
right?
He's small.
Yeah.
Huge head.
Sexy beard.
Nice watch.
Yeah, man.
You'd like, fuck this dude.
What the fuck are you with your watch?
Kenny's been through some shit.
Your fucking watch and your nice tie.
Asshole.
Who's this asshole face?
Fuck you up, man.
I know.
He's like the most unassuming ass kicker.
He looks like an accountant, but he will jack your world up, man.
You would just realize, like, really early on what a mistake it was.
He's doing that jab.
When he started moving.
In a bar.
He's doing that jab.
Yeah.
You're like, oh shit, this guy does jiu-jitsu.
Fuck.
I had a buddy of mine who worked, he was a bouncer at a strip club, and he was
a purple belt under hoist.
This was back in the late 90s.
And he was a dickhead, and he would go out and start fights, and he would go
out with knee pads on and ties, and he would work with ties that were velcro.
You could just pull them off, and he's ready to go.
This guy's a psycho.
Yeah, he is.
He's a psycho, and he'd fuck people up really easy.
I've seen him fuck people up at the strip club like, just like in Gracie in
Action, take the dude down, pass his guard easily, mount him, he gives his back,
chokes him out, and he did that to some guy right in front of me and said, that's
all you got?
And then he stands up and goes, nice fight, asshole.
He walked away.
He was all mad because it was too easy.
That's his amateur record, man.
But he had some road rage, and he flipped some dude off, and the dude flipped
him off, and he pulled over, and he fought some guy, and he said it went on for
like 20 minutes.
He goes, man, the dude knew jujitsu.
It was fucking hard.
That's it.
And he goes, I think he won.
He finally got a guy who knew a little jujitsu and lost.
Exactly.
A 20-minute street fight on the side of the road.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Just a back-and-forth barn burner on the side of the road.
Nobody pulled out a knife.
Right.
No mace.
Never just all clinched up, probably, you know, on the ground, in the dirt,
just clinched up.
Probably.
This guy knows how to fight.
This guy's who lose a blue belt.
You start talking to him at that point.
Come on, bitch.
Where are you training?
I agree, yeah.
Exactly.
If you get to a good spot, you have a hard.
You know Renato Magno?
Chill out a little bit.
Renato Magno.
Everybody knows Renato Magno.
Yeah.
What is his sport?
What is it?
What is the name of the place?
Street Sports in Santa Monica.
Renato Magno.
Old school.
He's calling out to all his friends in the Starcraft clan.
We still meet for a LAN party.
Dude.
You think he's had eye surgery?
Why?
Oh, you mean that thing with your eyes that some Asians do?
Yeah, they try to get an Americanized, right?
They try to make it rounder.
It's so normal there.
Oh, it's super normal.
It's weird.
Really?
Is that Starcraft champion you put up, Jamie?
It's like chicks with fake titties here.
It's like having your period.
Look what Jamie put up on the big screen.
On the little screen over the left.
That's the best video game play in the world or some shit.
Starcraft champion.
Yeah, that's the Starcraft champion.
Look at Korean zombie.
I forgot about him.
He's out for two years.
Mandatory military service.
They don't fuck around, man.
It's almost over though, right?
I think so.
You know, that's an interesting thing.
He's not in the military right there.
Yeah, he is.
He's got a suit on.
Military suit.
Oh, he does?
I don't know.
I'm just guessing.
He was rolling with Ben Henderson.
Yeah, you see him as a video.
See that role with 