Name: Joe Rogan Experience #734 - Brendan Schaub
Uploaded: 2015-12-11T02:37:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #734 - Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #734 - Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-12-11. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #734 - Brendan Schaub

Yee-haw!
And we're live.
Dum-dum-dum.
Brendan Chobb, I've got to talk to you about marijuana and exercise together as
a group.
Really?
I am a huge fan.
Today I did something I haven't done in a long time.
I haven't been getting high and working out.
I got high and did yoga a couple weeks ago, and I fucking loved it.
It was a 90-minute class, and I thought I was abducted by aliens, and I lost
time.
Hot aliens?
Hot aliens and spandex?
The place I go to is not that, well, they're very nice people.
I'll just say that.
But when I was in the class, usually the class, like 90 minutes, it's rough.
Especially at those last 20.
You've got to grind.
You've got to stay focused.
Mentally tough.
Mentally challenging.
It sounds like bullshit.
Like, oh, come on, these housewives are tough?
Yeah.
I've been through some shit.
I've been through some shit with football and fighting in a 90-minute class.
What?
And I didn't know it was 90 minutes.
I thought it was 60.
I was like, damn, I'm about to freak out.
I didn't have water.
You didn't have water?
I didn't have water.
Oh, no.
I'm super gangster.
I was like, yeah, 60 minutes.
I'm cool with water.
Then it gets to that hour mark, and I look over the girl next to her.
I'm like, damn, aren't we supposed to rap soon?
She goes, oh, no, honey.
It's 90 minutes.
You should have seen.
I wish they had my face on camera.
I was like, God.
How did you do it with no water?
I'm about to break.
I'm about to break.
You need to try that Wim Hof method.
That dude, didn't he do like a marathon in the middle of the desert in Africa
or something
like that?
No water?
Yeah.
He's an animal.
Me making it through yoga, no water.
Just the same as him.
I'm telling you, man.
I'm telling you, bro.
I was about to break.
I was like, damn, these house moms are better.
Look at this bitch.
There was something about doing it high where it was easier, and I don't
necessarily know
if that's good.
See, I think that sometimes those mental struggles, that's good for the mind.
I agree.
It steals up the mind, and the weed made it almost easy.
Easier.
Way easier.
To the point where I was like, that was an hour and a half?
I never do that when I'm sober.
Ever.
Ever.
You're kind of freaking out towards the end?
Not freaking out, but you're just like, damn, man.
Just grinding.
Yeah, grinding.
Just what I try to do towards the end of a yoga class, we sound like the
biggest pussies
that have ever walked the face of the earth.
You know when yoga gets hard?
Jay, whatever, bro.
I love that shit.
If fucking yoga gets hard, bro, the fucking tough gets going.
I toughen up, bro.
I got mental toughness.
I'm doing chaturanga and shit for real, so I don't give a fuck.
90-minute yoga will fuck you up.
It will fuck you up.
But what I do is I just try to concentrate on my breathing.
That's it.
Just concentrate on my breathing.
I don't let anything in.
I don't let any complaints in.
I don't let any I'm tired in.
I know it's there, but I just bear down and really focus on breathing and bear
down and
focus on whatever I'm trying to do physically, whatever the posture is.
Dude, for me, I'm working so much and all I care about is work and it's all I
think about
all the time, but when I go to yoga, it's so hard, it takes my mind off what's
going on.
So it's like a reset button, but it is a motherfucker.
I feel the exact same way.
It does something.
There's something about holding poses and the difficulty and the focus that it
requires to
do it right.
It sort of erases your mind.
It cleans your mind out.
It's almost like a car wash for your brain.
It's almost like a little reset where I can, then it helps later in the day.
Oh yeah.
It helps you.
Like you're so much less, I want to say reactive, but you're more relaxed when
it comes to like
outcomes of things.
You're more relaxed when it comes to interactions with people.
I swear to God, I think it makes you a nicer person.
I agree.
It opens you up.
I'm more open-minded.
I think it, you know, I've been going for about three weeks now in Santa Monica.
When I first got there, literally no one talked to me.
They're like, look at this fucking meathead in here.
No one talked to me.
I was in the back.
I'd come out.
They'd have like their little groups and I'd just be on my own.
Prejudice.
I know, man.
Racism's real.
Prejudice.
Real.
It's not racism.
Race of men.
Race of real men.
That's what it is.
They're racist against real men.
They're my friends.
I want them over now, though.
They're cool.
You want them over now?
Yeah.
What's up, Tina?
You know, all that shit.
Oh, okay.
That kind of shit.
Yeah.
Eventually, you're going to get tea together.
It's tough, man.
Yeah, you never know.
There's a place that I passed by in Santa Monica that has some yoga class, but
it's like
a factory that produces hot chicks with towels under their arm.
Like, what?
You want me to talk about mental toughness?
Try not popping a boner in my yoga class.
Straight up.
I get in there.
I'm like, God damn.
The teacher goes, eyes forward, gaze forward, sir.
Oh, my God.
She tells you that?
Oh, to everyone.
Gaze forward.
Wow.
They catch people staring at asses.
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
That's distracting as fuck.
You imagine if you're in your pose and some dude is staring at your crack?
I bet.
I get it.
It's annoying.
If I was a chick, I'd be pissed.
It is dark in there, though.
Unless that's what I'm into.
Some girls are into that.
I agree.
They go and pretend they don't like it.
God, I hate it when people look at me.
You know what's weird?
God damn it.
How dare you?
I hate it.
Your ass cheeks are hanging out the back doing downward dog.
But some of the dudes in there, you know, God bless them.
They're not in great shape, and they just say, fuck it.
They're in basically a sunga, gut out, that's it.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's this guy that goes to my class, and I admire him.
He's this old, fat, white guy.
And he has, it looks like, probably never done a sport in his life.
He might not have even ever used the stairs.
He might have just used elevators his whole life.
I mean, he looks like he's never even thought about exercise.
Like, nobody informed him what it was.
He just got behind a desk and started eating.
That's kind of awesome.
And then he hit, like, 60.
And I don't know what motivated him.
I've never had a conversation with him.
But this dude is in there grinding.
Grinding.
Shirt off.
Shirt off.
Bandana.
He wears a white bandana like the karate kid.
Yes.
Fucked up.
Folded.
Gray, balding, you know, the whole deal.
It's like the hair is chaos, and giant gut, and gray hair all over his stomach,
and his tits.
But he's in there.
His tits?
He's in there grinding.
That fucking guy's in there grinding, you know?
I appreciate the hustle, man.
Fuck yeah.
He can't do it.
He stumbles, gets right back up, tries it again, gets to the position, holds it,
stumbles, gets
right back up, tries it again.
Dude, I'm way too vain to do any of that.
I hold the position like a motherfucker.
Like, if I fall, everyone's going to be like, look at this asshole.
I stick with it.
Well, there's levels, for sure, of, like, commitment to a position, right?
For sure.
And that's the difference you see in people.
Like, there's this one girl in the class that I go to, she's Indian.
And, uh, I think she's Indian.
She looks like she's Indian.
I don't want to be racist.
You're talking feather Indian?
No, no.
Or dot Indian?
I'm talking people from the country India.
Oh, okay.
Not Native Americans.
That'd be dot Indian.
Because I am politically correct.
Me too, man.
That's dot Indian.
I don't think they like to be defined that way.
I think they like Dollar Mende, Indian.
Oh, okay.
You know who Dollar Mende is?
No.
No?
You don't?
Oh, my God.
To pull up the song Tunic Tunic Tune, this guy, there's a dude named Dollar Mende,
okay?
And he's like this Indian pop star guy, and he's got at least one song.
I tried to listen to his other songs.
Dog shit.
I couldn't get into it.
I bet.
But he's got one song that's one of my all-time favorite songs.
I don't know what the fuck he's singing.
Is it big over here?
You've got to pull up the video and show it to Brendan on this screen right
here.
The one over here so we don't get kicked off of YouTube.
Oh, I hope he's awesome.
Oh, my God.
Is he awesome?
Dude.
You're not even going to believe this is a real dude.
Really?
And you're going to like this song.
I used to play this song when I worked at Fear Factor.
Hold it.
Start from the beginning.
Yes.
No, the music.
And right there.
And then give me some volume.
Here we go.
Look at the shitty graphics.
Terrible graphics.
Asteroids are coming in.
Terrible.
Look at this.
It's like fucking Atari.
Look at this, dude.
I took this audio off the screen.
Look at this fucking god.
You took the audio off?
Do you think they're real close for this?
Yeah.
You think?
Yeah.
Look at this guy.
Oh, shit.
Tell me.
There's two of him.
Him and him in the video.
He's like, you know what we need?
We need more of me.
I mean, he's dressed in traditional Indian, what looks like a magician's garb.
Oh, this is full fucking Adlatan up in this bitch.
Come on.
How awesome is this?
It's awesome.
You know what I like about it?
I have no idea what he's saying.
So it's like music that you make with your mouth.
Is his other songs just dog shit?
I just couldn't get into him.
Maybe someone needs to turn me into the right one.
I'm sure he has some other hits.
It's like Gangnam Style.
You know who Gangnam Style is?
Yeah, that one.
Yeah.
He came out with another one, though.
Is it a hit?
It's a pretty big hit.
Really?
What's it called?
My daddy or something?
I got it from my daddy.
Oh, okay.
Well, people, all you fucking haters out there.
One hit, one under my ass.
You know, Howard Stern was saying that once.
I was listening to him.
He was talking about that guy saying, what's he going to do now?
It's like, it's over for him.
I'm like, why would you hate on him?
Well, this is the other thing.
It's over, but why, if the guy can do it once, why can't, like, what is it that
makes
a fucking one hit wonder?
What is it?
Like, why does someone become a one hit wonder?
Like, if you could put together, like, a banging song, like, there's a series
of one hit wonders.
Like, if you go to websites, like, the best ever one hit wonders.
But if you could put together, like, one of those unbelievable banging songs,
why can't
you put together another one?
Like, I don't get it.
Do you think fame fucks him up?
Yeah.
Like, the struggle.
Uh-huh.
Same with a lot of things.
Definitely.
Yeah.
That's, that's, but that's one ingredient in a giant poisonous stew.
A huge ingredient, though.
Yeah.
It's a big one.
Huge one.
It's also, who wrote that song?
Like, what kind of collaboration?
You know, did the person who wrote that song, did they write the rest of the
songs?
True.
But a lot of times, too, like, when a band gets big and they have, like, maybe
one hit
or one album, and then, you know, fame comes, the tour comes, they're busy,
some guy feels
like he needs more notoriety, drugs kick into play.
Drugs is a big one, man.
Drugs is a big one.
Yeah.
Especially the downers, heroin and stuff, and booze, guys who just booze every
night.
Ah, just slowly pulls away.
It's also, it's just, it gets to a point where I think they're, they're
overwhelmed.
You know, if you were a rock star, and you're on stage, and you're singing
songs, there's
25,000 people out there, and they're all screaming, you would be over, it's
over, it's probably
overwhelming.
Could there be a better job, though?
What?
It's tough.
Because you really don't have to train that much, you know what I'm saying?
What?
How dare you?
Well, no, no, no, don't get, don't get me wrong.
Don't get me wrong, you gotta practice, but we're, we're talking about practice,
you
know what I'm saying?
We're talking about practice.
They practice, man.
You ever seen, you ever go to band practice and watch those guys go over songs?
Sure haven't.
It's way harder than being a comedian.
Way harder.