Name: Joe Rogan Experience #751 - Doug Stanhope
Uploaded: 2016-01-26T10:12:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #751 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #751 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-01-26. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #751 - Doug Stanhope

I try I won't take them unless I can actually sell it but having to sell it
more than once which doesn't happen
Well, you have Squarespace now. I think we're live right we're live. All right
I like that one because it's real like there's no disputing. It's a really good
product
Like yeah, and but Chaley does my website and uses Squarespace
So he can actually tell yeah the shit that it does well red bands made like no
bullshit like a dozen or more
Websites during the time in which it took to do a Squarespace commercial
He would just slap together a bunch of pictures call it Ari's butthole easy and
put it up online in like 30 seconds
And I'm not bullshitting. It's that easy Ari's but yeah
We made what was the one that he made some a gay one with Ari
Do you remember Jamie?
Burt squirts was one of them, but there was something about Ari's legs or
something something sexual
Seeds feet on the table or something like that. Yeah, something like that,
right? Okay, so what that does it's probably not it doesn't exist anymore
Maybe some fan picked it up in homage
But um, it's fucking it's a legit sponsor, right? You can't argue with it. Some
of them to get sketchy. Yeah
There's a couple I turned down some luxurious sheets. Oh god
Yeah, and I have no idea what it was but I do buy nice sheets because I sleep a
lot
Yeah, so they go they're gonna send you a free set of these
Luxurious sheets and I owe these are $300 sheets that are shittier than the
$59 ones I bought from some triple-a promotion on an email spam blast
Like I'm not promoting that. Yeah, money's not that good. Well, we had this one
called Lumosity
I heard of that one and it's like brain games and they're actually kind of cool.
They're fun to play. They're stimulating
But um a pant like games are good for you like if you play chess chess is good
for the brain
It's good for the brain try to solve puzzles try to it's like an exercise
So that's undeniable but I guess someone had fucked up and like made some outlandish
claims like it helps early onset
Alzheimer's disease and
memory loss and a lot of like I don't know who said what I don't know what
happened but they lost millions of dollars in court
So they said some stupid shit they were one of our sponsors and while we were
doing it people like this is one of my sponsors
And that really went sideways
You got in late you're a late adopter
Yeah, they were just it's not a bad product like it's it's it's good. They're
fun. It's fun to play
They're stimulating little games, but I guess they don't you know make you
smarter or fix your my problem is I would promote shit
That's not my sponsor just because I liked it right because I had to go to
break
So just make up a fucking a stuff you like or stuff
I didn't even like I would just pick random things out of you all right
Let's say a Bangor, Maine
Wedding attire and this Google some shop and then do a whole like really dumb
Hey, you're getting married on Tuesday
Wow, where is your wife going to get a wedding dress on short notice?
Just and do the actual company without their knowledge or consent and just do a
really bad commercial just for fun
That's a good move. That's a real good move. Yeah, but the things that I
actually like
I bet on a bet online dot a G
That's where I do my sports betting and then we but I I promote them all the
time
Like how am I gonna get a deal if I'm promoting?
I know anyway, I keep telling you that what'll happen is that's Brian Hennigan
my filthy uncut Scotsman manager sitting in
Who tells me don't say anything for free?
Brian, that's a good that's always a good move. Don't say nothing for free,
dude
You're you're awful often on this podcast very enjoyable. We'll listen you guys
together a podcast pretty badass. I enjoy it
It's so loose. It's one of my favorite because it like it has no beginning. It's
just the conversations in mid stride
When is it on? I don't know if it's fucking on this thing's moving. Okay. It's
my open mic
I don't have comedy there, so I do a podcast as open mic just to keep in the
mode of right talking
In an entertainment arena and your cross training. Yes, basically
It is right. I mean in kind of in a way what's a de facto open mic where
otherwise I'd just be watching fucking Netflix all the time
So I have to at least do something right artistically creatively
Fuck we haven't put out a podcast. We need you know two a week. We try to hit
how many people does Bisbee have?
Just over 5,000
Do you guys do you think that it's possible that you could sustain a small
comedy club a small local comedy club?
Like we were kind of talking about this the other night at the comedy store
Like I think if you put together like a small comedy club like you know 150
seats or so like you could fill that
Even though it's a weird place
It's in the middle of nowhere you could make it like a destination thing like
guys like me would do it
I would do it for sure problem is the and I make jokes about it
but the main source of income in Bisbee is
permanent disability or
Candyman really so that no one charges when I just I filmed this my last
special there and
the fact that I was charging money at all was
Reprehensible to a lot of the the town really fortunately it sold out with out-of-towners
within under an hour
Probably a better move that way, right? Yeah, a lot of people in a small town.
They like I'm a rich guy there
Yeah, really again, it's a destination at the weekend meaning it's the same as
every comedy club on the planet
It may only makes money at the weekends
It could and it could do you could do that because you're only like how far
from Tucson an hour and a half
Yeah, see that's not much two hours from actual Tucson, but that's a no Joe's
driving. That's a fun track
Like that would be a fun track, you know, you fly into Tucson fuck. Yeah, we're
gonna go to fucking stand up comedy club
And then you take a drive you rent a car
You uber if you're baller you stay at two shady dell.com. Oh, you have a place.
Yeah
Well, no that that's a friend of mine's that vintage trailer park. It's I look
for reasons to stay there
Hey, let's fumigate the house so we have a reason to stay at the shady dell
1950s Airstream trailers. I like the silver done looking ladies. Yeah, but
everything inside old records with old record players
silverware and cups or wow
19 you've got a tiki bus. Wow, you could just go back and do you could roleplay?
Hennigan got married there on it. They have a 38-foot yacht. Yeah, you can stay
on just landlocked. Yeah, I'm like, yeah dry dry doctor
Look how well that marriage went
Hey citizen
Yeah, I don't want to insinuate that any crime took place on this podcast. Let's
change the subject rapidly
How ridiculous is that that all you have to do to become a citizen is you got
to get a person in that country to sign some papers saying you guys are
together
Yeah, like you'll let you in we'll let you in but you got it. You got to be in
love
I don't know this is real. It's the fact that they'll fucking investigate like
I don't believe it
I would gay marry someone to get them in the country just for the 10 minutes of
material
Well, we were gonna gay marry each other on the man show last episode of the
yeah
Just to save each other's money right right before it was officially canceled
I remember I was in the Atlanta punchline parking lot drunk and I called Zoe
Friedman
I go I know the show is gonna get canceled
But please it was just when Massachusetts had legalized gay marriage. It was
New Hampshire
Was it was it was big news and I go we were just let the last episode be me and
Joe getting gay married and then show how
Perfect a marriage that would be we don't fight over the remote control. You
want to go bowling?
I want to go fishing. There's no problem
Yeah, we explain how awesome the gay lifestyle really would be
Other than the gay parts. Yeah, other than all the butt fucking and dick
sucking
Seems like a great time
We do that before you get married. Yeah, I guess just get it out of the way
every fucking sitcom with a married hetero couple is
You wanna fuck? I don't wanna fuck
Well, what's fascinating to me is the reinvigoration of manhood that I witness
and men that are in their 40s that get divorced
Like people like I'm fucking alive again, you know, don't you notice that the
saddest part is
And it's men or women, but I noticed the women who just they had kids when they
were 18
And they married some fucking dentist and now they're pushing 40 in the kids in
college
And they get divorced and they're gonna go out on the town
And we're gonna have fun tonight and they're just stand out like they're trying
to dance when no one else is dancing on the dance floor
And yeah, it's it's sad. It's odd. It's way different. They go right back to
you know when they graduated college
Yeah, but now they're 41
But isn't it it's fascinating because like as a human being right you're
supposed to be like living in the moment
You're supposed to be enjoying the moment like you are alive
Is it just the inevitable doom of the clock ticking in the background that
makes it so sad is that what it is?
It's every morning for me. I
Do not wake up a morning without thinking about how much time do I have left?
Yeah, when will I die?
Stinks the great demise, but I've been doing that since my early mid-30s
So Wow well if you think about it, it becomes inevitable. I mean that because
you also have everyone bashing your lifestyle
Because there was a an era the Sam Kinison era probably bad example
Well, he died of the drunk driving accident. He wasn't even drunk. Yeah, he was
sober
But yeah, you know where that was acceptable and then it became unacceptable
So I'm you know, I can name me and Ron white as the two comics of any
Tenure that still actually drink heavily and smokes
Cigarettes he smokes cigars whatever
Dama rare drinks pretty heavily does it yeah, he's pretty open about it. He
drinks pretty much every night. No, yeah
Yeah, we had he's not known for it like he doesn't bring it up a lot
He doesn't walk out on stage with three drinks under his arm like Neil
hamburger, right?
But for real no, he'll go up there with a drink or so but Tom Marrera is he's
such a great guy
I just saw him last week or two weeks ago. He's the salt of the earth that guy
That expression it's no more true than that guy. He's just so sweet. He's such
a lovable guy. Oh, yeah
I see him. I just can't wait to hug him. You know we're on a cruise ship. I was
just a
Passenger it was a the impractical jokers, which I fucking love their shows so
much
They put on a fan cruise and I found it and I go
Bingo and I who's the impractical joker jokers. Yeah, it's two weeks ago. Who
are they? It's on TruTV
One of the worst networks out there. Oh, that's and there's four guys
They're old friends and they do pranks like you would do with your buddies
It's not like fucking Ashton Kutcher on punked. They just dare each other to do
shit shots fired
The thing is when you explain it Doug. Yeah, I'm the first to say an Ashton Kutcher
The guy you haven't heard about in eight years is a douche
But when you explain now that explaining the true TV
Pat and practical jokers is kind of it doesn't sound that funny, but when you
see it is fantastic
Genuine and that's yeah, I say for the record. I met Ashton Kutcher. He was
very nice
But the show sucked and I love hidden camera. He was a very nice guy
CBS hidden camera thing
I mean, I only got to talk to him once but he was very friendly. This is
totally normal valet driver is if
He's a he's a fake and what idiot would just hand their keys to anybody?
Well, anyone who goes to a valet would it's just a smarmy tone do she's a douche
Anyway, he on my man Ahmed almost got in a fist fight with
Travis Barker
Ahmed Ahmed they were doing this prank on Punk'd or Ahmed Ahmed was telling me
the story
He gotta get like in Travis Barker's face
Who's Travis Barker the guy from blink 182 the drummer covering tattoos, right?
He's from blink 182, right?