Name: Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2016-03-29T23:11:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-03-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz

Brownies are 180. For two brownies, they're 90 apiece.
And you got these are 125s.
'Cause my kid loves edibles.
We're live.
We're live.
This is too much. You want one of these, Tarzan?
No, no, this is the bag.
Explain what's going on in there, Joey.
This is force one, right? These are stars.
These are the stars of debt.
So these purple ones are 200 milligrams.
This is what, you know...
I take one of those, I'll sleep for three days.
This is 200 to go.
You just popped it like it's a milk.
Sure, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with?
How many milligrams are in those?
200 in this one.
You just threw a 200 down the hatch?
I want some to go.
You got it to go.
No way, take one of these.
Dice, I don't know if you know, but an effective dose is 20.
And what is he popping?
Just popped to 200.
An effective dose is 20.
And he'll drive.
Oh, fuck yeah. He'll drive well.
Yeah, I can't smoke.
I can open up with three of these.
I can open up with 600 milligrams.
That's so insane.
And just ride out the fucking waves.
You have no idea how insane that is.
I go to bed at night like a baby.
I put that mask on.
I sleep like a fucking baby.
Sometimes I get paranoid in my sleep.
And I wake up at 3 in the morning with my heart pounds.
I wake my wife up.
Come to the living room and check on me.
I'll tell you why I stay away from the edible.
Because I like to smoke at night, right?
Right.
Alright, so I get high one night.
And when I was at this one place, they gave me some edibles.
They gave me a bag of popcorn.
Okay?
So I'm all stoned out and I just want something to eat.
I open up the popcorn.
Okay?
Now, the next day, Valerie is...
She can't figure out why I'm not waking up.
I slept for 19 hours.
And she found the wrapper under the bed.
She was starting to panic.
Like what happened to...
I slept till midnight the next day.
She goes, "You ate this whole bag?"
I said, "I didn't know.
I was stoned out.
I just wanted something to eat."
It was popcorn.
I didn't think they really like...
How did they even get it in the popcorn?
They make it with the butter.
They use cannabis butter.
And they pop it in the butter.
And then they might even sprinkle some butter on top of it.
Some cannabis butter on top of it.
They fuck you up.
They got fruit loops now.
Fruit loops.
They had a benefit.
A pot benefit at the store.
And they were handing out those bags.
Bags of that popcorn.
It was fucking death.
Death.
You open it up, it smells like pure weed.
I was so scared.
Pure fucking weed.
I felt so vulnerable.
I just love how open it is now.
Oh, it's crazy.
That we can talk about it.
You're popping them like Tic Tacs.
But Dice, not everywhere else.
If you tried to do this in Texas, they'll fucking...
They'll have cops waiting for you outside.
Yeah, but I have no reason to be in Texas.
You don't do shows in Texas?
I don't believe in it.
No, I've gone to Texas.
But like, you know, in Vegas it's great.
Now they're opening up places.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got five stores, right?
They should.
I haven't gone to any of them.
I normally bring my own stuff.
You know, if I go to New York, I'll bring my own stuff.
It's one of the easiest businesses.
And at the end of the day, businessmen want to be businessmen.
They want to make some money.
And they look at this thing and they go, "Hey, do you how much fucking money
they're making
in Colorado?
They made more money in taxes in Colorado from weed than they did alcohol.
That's never happened anywhere.
That's fucking insane."
I'll definitely take weed over alcohol any day of the week.
Oh, 100%.
You know what I always say with weed?
Like, as stoned as you are, let's say, God forbid there's some kind of
emergency.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Businessmen want to be businessmen. They want to make some money and they look
at this thing and they go hey
Do you know much fucking money they're making in Colorado?
They made more money in taxes in Colorado from weed than they did alcohol. That's
never happened anywhere. That's fucking insane. I'll definitely take weed over
alcohol any day of the week. Oh 100%
Because you know what I always say like with weed like as stoned as you are let's
say god forbid there's some kind of emergency
You know what I mean? You just throw water in your face. It's gone. It's not
like alcohol, right?
You know where you don't know what you're doing, right? Right, right? You know
what I mean?
You could perform on the weed. You can bang on the weed. You could bang more on
the weed. Feels better. Listen
You can keep banging on the weed. You eat one of these stars. Ain't no water
gonna help you
The fucking fire department's got to come home. You're eating like a pint of
this stuff
Yeah, he's talking about smoking pot. It's affecting the meridian. I'm watching.
I go home at night after doing comedy. I'm so fired up
The only thing that counts me down is one of these H-bombs and a fucking joint
of death like I'll smoke three pipe loads
Oh my god. It's hysterical. Have you ever seen his periscope show? No. It's the
best thing in the internet. I do it 8:30 in the morning
And I just go out there and start giving advice and stuff
He gets hot. I got in trouble for doing it. Like I was doing a periscope with
wheels
You know, and I get a call from Bruce. He's going, what are you guys doing?
Because we got all stoned out
And now we're in the bathroom of my hotel room. We turned it like into a steam
room
And you could hardly see us. You see my fogged up fucking glasses
You know, and I get a call from him. He's going, what are you guys doing out
there?
I go, no, it's it's it's a new show I'm doing the periscopical thing, you know
And he goes they're spending millions of dollars from Showtime to film this and
you're doing it for nothing
Get it off the air, you know, right Bruce didn't you get I got a whole thing
happened. That's ridiculous advice
Why would you take that off the air?
Because we were first gonna film my series, you know, and they go they're
writing episodes about this. You can't just
Periscope an image. I'm trying to change his image. He's killing it
Who's at the manager in here that he's
You gotta understand this guy's got a history you would love. Okay, you know
cuz number one he he's he built the whole career again
But you can't tell someone to not do periscope or they're not do Twitter
No, but I understood it when a network's putting up millions of dollars the
first film a show right about these things I do
You don't just put it up on the air
Fuck yeah, of course. Yeah excited about seeing you
Well, the only bad part was like I had this this this fight with wheels
Like where I tack him in the room and we'll just go and you know, I go he goes,
you know, I'm a wrestler, you know
Like yeah, okay, you know, I'm not worried about it
And I and I'm having Eleanor do the filming where I come into the room and I
jump him on his bed
And he actually got me he flipped me up like a professional wrestler
He legitimately got me. Do you know how angry that got me? I look like an
asshole
Did tap you out or did he just pin? No, no, he pinned me. I was done like he
really knows how to do that shit
He's like a genius with certain things
Like I would understand if you could do it. I get what you can do, but I'm
going it's wheels
There's no way he's on the bottom already. I got him and he just flipped me
Like a toy. See now if you film that and put that on YouTube. Yeah, I put it on
the
The periscopical thing why would you ever take something like that down because
I got yelled at I
Always get in a visit. I know the way of thinking I know the way of thinking
but the more of you the better
It's just gonna make people want to see you. It was funny fucking shit
You know, it was funny. It's crazy when you were doing that
Sorry, I was doing that filming at the store you were doing that fucking years
and years and years and years ago
You do little sketches. No, well, I I want to take all that stuff now and just
cut it up
And do like little three-minute things and put it on that funny or die stuff.
Yeah, because everybody was it you were in it
Everybody was in it. Everybody played a part Bobby
Yeah, you had these little things that you would do
The foreign comic
Um, my which Ronnie we'd call him the foreign comic, you know, and it was just
these crazy
But I remember you coming over to me one night and you go dice. Can I ask you
something?
Because I was using the comedy store like a set
You know, like I'd be filming I changed all the lighting in the kitchen. I put
the red lights
Blue lights for filming, right? I was doing it for a year and the cut and waitresses
would come in to get like drink orders
And I go I can't have you in right now. We're filming you can't be in you're in
my shot
And everybody's asking like managers like what show is this?
There was no show but everybody was in it Steve Ren is easy was in it Mike
black was it Mike black?
You know, I become friends with my fucking black
so
For whatever reason I come over to this guy he's sitting in the booth in the
kitchen and I go hey Mike
You want it you want to be in the show and he's going what you I go
It's it's it's a reality show and reality wasn't really happening yet
It just wasn't happening so people like well, what is I go?
You just do what I tell you to do just say what I tell you to say and do it
I said so what he goes. Yeah, I want to be in it, you know
I go okay, we're gonna go to the top of the bellies the the belly room the
steps and I'm gonna throw you down the steps
Okay, and I got to get a couple angles so we'll have to do it two or three
times
You know and he goes wait a minute he goes what do you mean you're gonna throw
me down the steps?
I go yeah from the top so you just go with it
You know just fall down the steps and he goes I don't want you to do that to me
I go why not what's the big deal?
It's what you do he goes. What do you mean? It's what I do I go aren't you a
stunt man?
And he goes where'd you hear that? I go the comics told me that that's what you
do besides comedy
You're a stunt he goes. I'm not a stunt man. I don't want to be thrown down
I want to be in it
But I can't have you just toss me down a full flight of steps like that. I'm
gonna get hurt
So we had to do it in pieces, you know
Like a fake fall? Well, no, he would go like halfway and then I go to the
bottom of the steps to get the rest of the fall
And then I try to like kill him with a chair and Ari Shafia jumps on me at the
right moment to stop me from killing this guy
It was always so I could do watch just so I could do a line
From Bronx Tale where I'm on top of him now and I go I did this to you
And he goes but what will that mean I go don't worry about it when it's edited
you'll see the whole
Series the image. Yeah, I just do it what I tell you this because I'd go over
the comics
I go all right look that way and in four seconds say that guy's gonna have a
fucking problem
And he goes but there's nobody there. I go don't worry about that part
There'll be somebody on the other end at another time and that's how I would
piece those so I want to take these tapes
Just have some some editor do like three minute because it was I did it for two
years
They'd come to my house for a barbecue it wound up fighting
Eleanor gets into a fist fight with Steve Renazzisi's wife where he's screaming
knocked the shit out of her
She's got her up against the garage because she said Eleanor like you know was
is like the house is filthy
You know and Eleanor screaming at me in the kitchen going she said that when I'm
so fucking nice to her
I'll handle this right now and Eleanor comes out of the backyard now the comics
sitting there don't know this is gonna and she goes
Hey, bitch
This is to Steve's wife, right? And she chases a slams her against the the
garage starts beating the shit out
Eleanor was a pro. There's Mike black and Dave Taylor and Steve Simone and my
own kids screaming killer
just fucking kill her and
The end of that episode is Dave Taylor, you k