Name: Joe Rogan Experience #799 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen
Uploaded: 2016-05-17T02:20:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #799 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #799 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #799 - Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen

Da-da-da-da-da! We are live!
That better be the black bottle, too.
We're discussing how annoying it is.
I listened to the podcast, an episode that I did with Whitney Cummings.
I was listening to it because I had the long drive back from Irvine,
and I realized how annoying it is. I'm always clearing my throat.
I was telling Jamie he makes the best butter coffee,
but it's a stout batch, and it gives you a lot of ahem.
A lot of butter, son.
Yeah, it's good, though. Tastes goddamn good.
Hell yeah, I'm wired right now.
It's like a hug.
It's like a coffee hug.
Tate says about coffee. Tate from Caveman Coffee.
Yeah, warm coffee.
He says it's like a warm hug. That's what it is.
I was with Keith Jardine.
I kind of ran into him at the airport,
and we were somewhere. I can't remember.
He said, you've got to follow me.
I was like, what? He goes, just follow me.
There's a very special coffee place here.
And literally, I'm like, okay, I don't know where I'm going.
And we walked like a mile, like, you know, one of those airports.
Brings me to this place. He goes, this is the one place they have very good
coffee.
You know, he talks kind of like, really kind of.
And they were closing, and he said, do you mind staying open just a little bit
longer?
And the guy was like, looked at his ears. He's like, I suppose.
He goes, thank you. We'll have a couple of these coffees, please.
Guy pours us the coffees.
And it was just so funny to watch this brute of a man sip the coffee with such
detail
and break down the taste.
He's like, a lot of citrus in this.
It sounds like you're about to get raped.
I know.
It sounds like he's about to, yeah.
Well, then I fell, Brian.
No, but then I...
Just suck this.
Because I...
Come with me. I don't really want to.
Just come with me.
Just get over here.
Can you stay open?
We don't really want to.
Just stay open.
This is weird.
Why are your hands on my shoulders?
It sounds like he's a bully.
Sit down.
I'm going to talk to you about something nobody gives a fuck about.
The flavor of coffee.
Now, I want you to smell my breath after I drink it and get a little closer to
my mouth.
There it is.
Now, let's go ahead and drink deeply of my lips.
No, for real, though, Keith loves coffee.
Oh, yeah.
He's a smart dude, too.
He's a very smart dude.
And he loves to go to coffee shops.
I remember when we were training together.
We'd get done training, and he would take off to a bookstore or a coffee shop,
put on his
glasses, and just read and sip coffee.
It's like, damn.
I love it.
Yeah, he's a smart dude.
He's a brute.
He's a very misunderstood guy, Keith Jardine.
Very misunderstood guy.
Soft-spoken, the nicest guy of all time.
Yeah.
Yeah, if you've got a problem with Keith Jardine, you might be a piece of shit.
That's right.
You've got a problem with all of us.
Yeah.
How is it even possible?
Such a nice guy.
He's so nice.
Yeah.
He's just a very unusual, interesting, humble guy who fucking loves coffee.
Yeah.
As does Tate.
Tate loves this shit.
Tate drinks too much.
Tate will sit here, and we'll do a podcast together.
The motherfucker will down four nitros.
Jesus.
Each nitro is 270 milligrams.
Two milligrams of caffeine.
Dude, we're in his club.
Beast.
Where were we at?
In Texas?
In Dallas?
We're at one of his clubs.
We had our after party.
The honky-tonk place?
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah.
And he goes, bro, I have four kegs of nitro.
I was like, it's one in the morning.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell are we supposed to do with it?
You go all night, man.
We don't understand.
He's sober.
Dead sober.
Oh, yeah.
Dead sober.
And he'll use a lot of butter in that beard.
He'll use a lot of butter in that beard.
And he's not above grabbing me about the waist and pulling me right into his
lap.
Yeah.
And I'm just like, I'm sitting in your lap right now, and I'm afraid to move
out of the
way.
He smells like a bookstore.
He has like a unique smell.
Like a hippie bookstore.
Yeah, like wax and B.O.
You call it tattered covered books.
You call it B.O.
I call it possibility.
It's a weird vibe.
He smells like Woodstock.
But see, a lot of those dudes that are sober, and you know I love Keith, not Tate
to death.
I love both of them, but I love Tate to death.
Like, Tate's my brother.
I love that guy.
A lot of the Alcoholics Anonymous guys, any sobriety guys, they drink a lot of
coffee.
A lot of coffee.
That's like, that's where they're getting there.
They're just getting a little charge, a manageable charge that doesn't fuck up
your life, but
it gives you a little, they like it.
Some of them like cigarettes, unfortunately.
Yeah.
Coffee and cigarettes together for Alcoholics.
Like, boys, I don't know if you're doing, I mean, I guess you're not ruining
your life
in terms of like decision-making with the cigarettes like you would be with the
booze.
You're messing your body up though more, right?
It's still a nicotine addiction.
Arguably more.
It's replacing one addiction for another.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It depends on how much you're boozing though, right?
I bet you could kill yourself.
Well, you could definitely kill yourself in one night with booze, right?
100%.
Yeah.
And you can't do that with cigarettes.
No.
So I guess it's more toxic to drink.
A lot of those addicts become like marathon runners because the endorphins they
get from running
long, it's the same thing.
So they get all skinny.
I was with Joe Schilling yesterday and it's just so cool to watch that guy just
light up
to be just a world champion kickboxer and then just smoke a cigarette once in a
while.
It's just like, I'm so fucking, tobacco doesn't fucking fuck with me, man.
I'll kick cancer in its ass.
I was like, how long have you been smoking?
And he goes, since I was 12.
Yeah, it's unfortunate because I think it slows him down a little bit.
Joe's awesome even with it, but I definitely think it's a performance detriment.
It just is.
If a sport relies on cardio as a huge factor, why would you personally limit
one of the biggest
factors?
You could, I mean, you can mitigate it somewhat with hard training and a
healthy lifestyle and
moderation, only smoke a few days.
You can mitigate it.
But think about a sport where people are trying so hard for little tiny fucking
bumps of improvement.
At that level, yeah.
Yeah.
Talking about 1% is your world champion.
Sometimes, though.
But hold on, is there a difference between, I mean, the amount of decrease in
performance
you would get from smoking cigarettes versus the amount of increase in
performance you
can get from taking some things?
Like, what's this shit they keep getting popped with?
The Russian boxer just got popped.
And the Melodium.
Melodium, yeah.
Is that, what is it called, JVC, if you could find that, please?
It's, um, I think it's called Melodium.
Is it like a version of EPO?
Like it raises your red blood cells?
Novitski explained it to me, but a lot of Russian guys are getting caught with
it.
All of them.
Well, this is so chafing.
But here's the thing, and this is what's important.
It was legal until December.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But going back to Joe Schilling, this is my only, and I don't advocate smoking
ever, right?
My family members die from it, cancer, all that stuff.
But with Joe Schilling, a guy like that, if he smokes every now and then, I don't
know
how often he's smoking, but if he's smoking cigarettes and it allows him to be
more free
and creative inside the ring, it's almost helping him.
How could cigarettes rely him to be more creative?
Maybe it calms his nerves.
He's been doing it for so long.
It's a ritual for him.
So it's almost the same thing with Jon Jones.
Man, you can smoke a little weed and still be world champion, the best man on
the planet.
We don't have to take all this weight and wear Dockers and act like God's child.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, I've seen people who have to be very, very specific and correct and
intense in something.
A lot of times the way they manage that stress, the stress of competition, the
stress of living up to expectations,
is they have one vice.
Right.
They typically will give themselves a recess.
Most don't.
Whether that's smoking, girls, whatever it might be, human beings tend to do
that more than they don't.
Most athletes don't.
And I would say that was my biggest problem was everything had to be mapped out,
had to be written out,
plan for plan, minute by minute, and if anything went wrong, I freaked out.
And I always wish I was more of that maverick, Joe Schilling, maybe have a
cigarette,
maybe go crash a Bentley with hookers and go game.
But don't you think that that's maybe, like, the cigarettes aren't necessary.
It's the attitude behind the choice to make cigarettes part of your life.
Correct.
That's what's necessary.
That was made, though, when he was much younger.
Yeah, but he doesn't have to continue that pattern.
No, he's a smart guy.
It's a very destructive.
He doesn't smoke a lot.
Like, I noticed that.
I know.
Yeah, we've talked about it.
And I know he's trying to stop.
I mean, he's trying to stop.
Here's my feeling.
If you try to stop something, it means you want to stop something.
So if you try to stop and then you don't stop, that means it beat your ass.
Like, that is an important part of your life where you can win.
You're in a competition with yourself, and you can win and you don't.
This is my feeling about this, and I'm not trying to be hard on people, but I
think this
is an important distinction.
When you fail yourself, when you decide to yourself that you're going to take
care of
something, and you're going to kick an addiction, you're going to do something,
and you don't
do it, you don't like yourself as much.
Yes.
It's one of the most important things about accomplishments and about
overcoming bad
things in your life.
If you have something you're doing, like smoking cigarettes, and you don't kick
it, you won't
respect yourself the same.
The only thing I would say, though, is that sometimes liking yourself isn't so
important
for accomplishing great things.
There are a lot of people that...
Well, it's for happiness.
Well, yes.
Right?
Yes, but sometimes happiness can be the great stopper.
It's like Harriet Doerr, when she won the book award, they said, were you happy
being a housewife
for 35 years?
And she said, why would anybody who's happy write a book?
I'm not saying that you have to be suffering, but a lot of times, I don't know
that being
satisfied, having peace of mind, and even being happy, which of course we all
are striving
for, sometimes that can be a hindrance to what got you where you are in the
first place.
And I'm speaking primarily, a lot have been great books, screenplays, films
made by smokers.
No, you're right.
And so in that sense, but when it comes to addiction, one of the things that
they found
that's way easier to deal with, so a lot of people say, well, stop smoking
because it'll
kill you, or stop smoking because it makes no sense, or stop smoking because
you're not
disciplined.
That tends to not...
That might work for a short period of time, but people always go back to their
set point.
And what does work better...
Well, I don't think you should say always, because a lot of people quit.
They do.
But what helps with quitting from what I have read and what I've talked to, and
even in
my own experience, is that you have to start associating the act of smoking, or
whatever
your vice might be, with something negative and associating and even feeling
the difference.
It's like I always say about people who want to get in shape.
If you could feel...
If people are out of shape and eat a lot and eat shitty food, if they could
feel how much
better they feel...
I'm just talking about the pleasure principle.
If they could feel what it's like to be in shape, I think they'd have a easier
time going
over that direction.
To get there, though, you won't realize how good you feel smoking until the
withdrawals
and all...
It's going to take forever, man, to get through that point.
So that's a hard point to argue.
A