Name: Joe Rogan Experience #800 - Bobcat Goldthwait
Uploaded: 2016-05-17T09:01:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #800 - Bobcat Goldthwait' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #800 - Bobcat Goldthwait' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-05-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #800 - Bobcat Goldthwait

we're live Bobcat Goldthwait what the fuck you doing going to a Bigfoot
convention and then a Mothman convention well no no you're a smart guy you're a
grown man I just went to see where the Mothman was or had been there wasn't a
Mothman convention no because I was about at the I was in the at the Ohio
Bigfoot conference which was less than two hours away from Point Pleasant West
Virginia where the Mothman appeared and when I was talking with some of this
you know Bigfoot researchers I said that with air quotes when you say that the
researchers I was talking to him and I said hey you know we're really close to
where the Mothman was and they're like well the Mothman is not real no no some
did you know that's the thing there's different categories of Bigfoot people
there's people who are self-aware there's people who seem pretty regular and
you
know that's the thing you go to these convention and and you have this idea of
what a person is who believes that there's an 800 pound wood ape out there and
then when you get to know them you realize that um they're really fucking weird
yeah
no I'm kidding but there is that there is a lot of that there's a lot of that
but I have to say I I I love them I had a great time and it was really fun it
was great
I've had some people that I talked to was the professor from Meldrum yes
professor
Meldrum who's a really interesting guy who is you know who he is yeah pretty
prominent yeah in the Bigfoot community who's a very rational reasonable person
and
you told me he would cut his pinky off to know the truth oh whole pinky and you
said you know what I can do it I'll do it with an
arrow I'm more fascinated about about I mean I'm sure your listeners are more
you know over it but about you going out and hunting a bear with an arrow
what's interesting eating them is really interesting what kind of what is it
they're good they taste really good like like up like
the way I described is like a deer fucked a pig
it's kind of almost taking a the tofurkey
to a new level but I you know my brother
who's he passed away my brother was a
I couldn't say a hunter but he was actually a poacher my brother really yeah
there when he passed away
people said hey can I can I have your doe permit and I was like what he's like
my brother had been getting a doe permit in my name
for like 20 years
oh really yeah yeah he had all these forged doe permits
he shot animals all year long he didn't really the game warden would bust into
his home with
bolt cut you know lock cutters and
crack open his freezer and there'd be all this
game out of season oh man he yeah, but you know he ate it right but he yeah
yeah, he didn't abide by the rules well no no did not abide by anyone's rules
his his funeral was
It was awesome and eclectic but there's two things someone should have given me
a heads up
Well, first of all the couple of the pallbearers were in camo
Really? Yeah, you're like a serious hunter. Oh hunter biker. Where'd he live?
Central New York in Syracuse and then Rome and in around but yeah, I love my
brother
But he was wild and and then the other thing they probably should have given me
a heads up that
His friend
Little Ricky
Was one of the pallbearers?
Yeah, he was
It's like I'm I don't want to use the word I was gonna say it's like a munchkin
good save
I didn't want to use the other M word. I mean he wasn't you know a tiny person.
He was a little person
He wasn't a dwarf but cuz you right, you know, he was regular size almost I don't
know
He was right tiny, right, but he didn't look you know, I mean I get it
But nobody said Ricky was gonna be a pallbearer or give me a heads up. So I
looked down the end of the church
He's in the middle on one side of the casket in the middle. Yeah, and I said to
my daughter go looks like Ricky's riding a subway
My dad is like I think you just got air
And so the priest is going on about how my brother Tommy loved the outdoors and
he loved animals and then I went on after the priest
I go father. I don't want to be you know impolite, but my my brother like to
kill animals
There's a lot of deer right now in the woods going whoo
Upstate New York is a very dear rich place. People have a lot of tolerance
those animals a lot of yeah
Well car accidents well, there's a lot and there's more now than when when I
was a kid, but
When you know Tony V Boston King so Tony I went out to visit my brother
I'd given him some money to buy some windows for his house. It's a long story,
but he lived this is what he's really out in the woods and
We pull up to his yard and there's just
There's just corn growing like there's no rows
It's this whole front and backyard of corn like there's like psycho corn. There's
no rows or anything right and
And Tony didn't know my brother and he comes out and he goes hey, what's what's
up with the corn?
He's like it's for the deer Bobby, you know, he's like until he's like oh you
help him through the winters like no
I'm gonna blast them
Yeah, oh that's so fucked up
And I go I'm in the bathroom in the but new windows cracked that I go tell me
what happened to this new window goes
Yeah, Bobby had a little problem recoil so my brother would sit on the toilet
and shoot deer
Swear to God swear to God
I'm sure he's probably burning one
Taking a shit
You want to go hunting? Yeah, meet me in the kitchen, you know
And then then one time him and his friends got really high and they they just
turned this
Station wagon into a convertible with their Heliark torches and
And shoot out of it. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so I brought this part of the
story
So so so Tony V's going your brother's certified
So Tony Tony and I get back in the car and we're heading to the car and Tony
sees this woodchuck across the street and Tony goes what is that and
It's a Chucky the woodchuck and then and then we're not even down the end of
the driveway
And we're blam
And Tony's going I just fingered that woodchuck
I go yeah, man
That woodchuck's dead
You dropped a dime on that woodchuck
You fingered that woodchuck that woodchuck
His family's gonna go Papa
Papa
Come to the door
Oh my god
Yeah, my brother
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, God rest his soul
He was a wild man
What did he do for a living?
He was a sheet metal worker and, uh, you know, he rode bikes for a long time
He was always, uh, uh, you know, there was always our home when I was a kid was
like, you know, the movie mask
And it was just always bikes and motor clubs will come over the house and keg
parties and stuff like that
Woah
Yeah
Yeah
It helped me to go to the Bigfoot conference
No, no, yeah
So that's what I grew up with
You know, guys named like Lowlife and all these guys
And my mother was great because they would come in, you know, uh, my mother was
sweet because she would know the only know their, you know
Their biker names
Yeah, yeah
And so, you know, like
Hello, shithead
Yeah, exactly
It would be like, like, Lowlife showed up with a shirt that said Harley's the
best, fuck the rest
He's like, Lowlife, not in my house
Turn that in, sorry, Mrs. G
And they had to turn the shirt on, yeah
Oh, that's hilarious
So I grew up with bikers and it wasn't until later on I realized, oh, you know,
some bikers aren't rad, you know what I mean?
Like, you know
Oh, I see
Do you know what I mean? Like, I saw him, I'd go, hey, how are you?
Like, they're nice guys, so you associated bikers
To me, they're always nice, yeah
With being, like, cool, fun guys
Yeah, and my brother had a lot of clout in that world, so, yeah, so everyone
was cool
But then later on I was like, oh, some of these guys aren't so awesome, but
So basically, bikers are like bears at the dump, like, they look cool, but stay
in the car
Yeah
Yeah
Or in your case
I had an idea that I forgot
I know, and you're not gonna go with it, but it reminded me of, uh, I was
'Cause I was reading people's tweets and they were asking what am I up to next,
you know, for next movie
But there was a movie I wrote that I even thought of you, but I know you don't
act and everything
And I don't even
It kinda came up on it
Yeah, you won't do it, but I
What is it?
You won't do it
I won't do it?
I don't know, but it's
It's about an alcoholic clown?
No, no, no, no, no, no
It's a gay Billy Jack movie, like, 'cause, 'cause, 'cause, 'cause I love Billy
Jack
Come on, man
Come on, man
This would be perfect for you
Do I have to fuck anybody?
Well, it's implied
It's implied
Well, it's all tasteful, but it's like, um, from the guy who shot a baby on
camera in a movie
It's all tasteful
So, um, no, it's, um, uh, I was, I was married at the time and I said to my
wife, I go, I'm tired
Of being broke
I'm gonna write a genre picture
I love Billy Jack movies when I was a kid
Uh, so I started writing it and I was about 40 pages in and she's like, uh, how's
it going?
I'm like, well, he's gay now
And she goes, so I'm just gonna keep renting? We're not gonna get a home?
I go, yeah, pretty much
So, uh, and, uh, and I, and I was talking to Gus Van Zandt, I said, I wanna
write a, uh, an action film
You know, like if you were a 13 year old gay boy, it'd be the coolest movie you
saw besides the 300, you know?
And, uh, and so, so, so he's, it's just classic Billy Jack, you know?
He goes into the bar, he's trying to have a drink, redneck town, and he's like,
hey, fag, he's like, I'm gonna have to ask you to stop using that word
He's like, oh god
He's like, what are you gonna do?
Well, I'm gonna shatter his kneecap, I'm gonna fracture your-
Oh, Billy Jack style
Yeah, yeah, the whole thing
And I'm gonna, I'm gonna shatter your windpipe
Or, you know, it goes through the whole list
And you wanna know something? There's not a goddamn thing you can do about it
And then it says, and he does
And then he goes back to, he kicks ass, goes back to the bar, finishes that
drink that he was trying to drink and puts it down
And he says to the bartender, he says, is there a decent man, is there a decent
place for a man to stay in this town?
And then it cuts and he's in bed with that dude
Oh god
Come on, Joe
Come on, Joe
Come on, Joe
I don't even get done moaning
Come on
Come on
Come on
Reinvent
Well, I mean, look at Brokeback Mountain
Yeah
I mean, it was essentially like a cowboy romance movie with a twist
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I mean, it had all the elements of like a regular cowboy romance
Yeah, and I wanted this to be like, to me, the political
Yeah, as Billy Jack
Yeah, right?
It was triumph, I didn't even know he had a triumph
Yeah
Well, he, but I was thinking about, do you remember, uh
Do you remember, uh
Like Jay Leno
Do you remember that?
That's a jacket Jay Leno would wear
Yeah
When I see, when I see what you do to this beautiful flower
It makes me wanna go nuts
Two Jews walk into a bar, they buy it
And so, uh, but I, I wanted him to have the bike that, uh, you remember then
came Bronson?
You're younger than me, you wouldn't remember that
Then came Bronson
Yeah, he was badass
He, he, uh, he, uh, was kind of the forerunner to, uh, to, to Billy Jack
It was a TV show
And, uh, yeah, he, he, uh, there you go
He was, uh, a reporter that got fed up and then he just drove around and, uh
Really?
Yeah, kicked ass
See, I'm gonna have the triangle, but it's not gonna be the, yeah, it's not
gonna be that
That's a sweet bike
Yeah, right?
Isn't that rad?
Oh, yeah
But I'm just gonna have a pink triangle
But he's got the Illuminati on his bike
I know, he's got the Illuminati
I'm just gonna have a pink triangle instead of the Illuminati
Fucking Illuminati
Look at that
Yeah
But he was bad
Um, my brother was really into thinking Bronson
I love motorcycles
I'm just scared of crashing
Yeah, well, you can't, well, I mean, you can't have them here
But it's so dangerous
Yeah, yeah, I know
If I live somewhere, like, real quiet
Sure, man
I would seriously consider getting one
Sure, man
I think it would be awesome
And that's like, yeah
And growing up in Central New York, you could do that
But not here
Or my daughter wouldn't allow me