Name: Joe Rogan Experience #860 - Russell Peters
Uploaded: 2016-10-15T01:54:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #860 - Russell Peters' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #860 - Russell Peters' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-15. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #860 - Russell Peters

It's been three years since he texts back.
We are live right now and our brother Joey Coco Diaz is in Chicago tonight if
you are lucky to get tickets to his
show at Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois. It's not technically Chicago, right? How
far away is that?
Rosemont is like 20 minutes, 20 minutes. Just outside.
That's where Joey is and he's filming tonight for CISO. CISO is some new thing
that Doug Stanhope has a special on CISO.
Now Joey has a special on CISO and apparently it's like NBC is doing something,
something that NBC is doing.
Well, Netflix is giving apparently 40 million dollars to Chris Rock.
So what? Did you hear that?
What? 40 million dollars for two specials.
Jesus. That's fucking insane.
Jesus. That's 20 million dollars to special.
Um, that's a record. Yeah, I would say. They got into a bidding war with HBO
apparently for like, uh,
Yeah. Wow. HBO went up to 30 million and then Netflix said, "Fuck you, here's
40."
Holy shit, Netflix is ballin'.
Yeah, but now I feel gypped.
Netflix is out of control right now, but so is HBO. I've been watching Westworld.
Have you watched Westworld yet?
Is that on HBO?
Yeah. Holy shit, it's good.
Holy shit, it's good.
I've heard about it, but I thought it was like on CBS or something.
Good. Yeah? It's good. Yeah.
That's where they go into that weird, uh, like a fake world and robots and shit.
Yeah, it's like, it's based on that 1973 movie with, uh, Yul Brenner, Westworld.
Good old Yul.
Yeah, which was basically the same kind of movie. It was basically the same as
the show.
How many times is I going to say basically in the first five minutes?
Uh, but what it was is, uh, it's, you know, so people can go and have like a
fantasy and live in the Wild West.
But obviously the robots don't play and they start malfunctioning and that's
where it, I'm in episode two, it should start to get weird.
It's kind of like, uh, Cowboy Logan's Run.
Logan's Run? Wow, I don't even remember that.
Really? I don't remember Logan's Run?
I barely remember. I'm trying to remember.
I loved Logan's Run when I was a kid.
What was Logan's Run? Was it a series or was it a movie?
It was a series. I think it was a movie and then it became a series.
Yeah, there it is.
Oh, wow. I remember the poster.
Welcome to the 23rd century.
Isn't that weird?
We're not far off.
That is weird.
It's so weird what they thought we were going to be living like.
Like, do you remember Space 1999?
Oh, yeah.
I remember everything was, I remember when I was breakdancing in 1984, there
was a move called the 1990 where you jumped on the one-
You remember that move? You jumped on one hand, you flipped upside down on one
hand and spun.
The move that Cuba Gooding Jr. did in-
Go back. Go back to those pictures. Go back to the first one you went to. Look
at that.
They got one thing right. People are going to be wearing pre-ripped pants like
assholes.
Yeah.
And girls are going to be showing their vaginas.
Yeah.
They got both of those things right.
And that hairstyle's back, so.
Both hairstyles are back.
Chicks are wearing hairstyles like that, too.
Yeah.
So what was the move? The 1990?
It was called the 1990 and then, oh, that's good stuff.
Is that real?
Yeah, it's cosplay, but I could-
Keep causing, girl.
Yeah.
Whatever you're doing, I like it.
I almost had an or-cosm.
See, I'm so happy that girls still dress like that.
All this crazy talk of women, you know, like, not dressing sexy or alluring
like that is
just disturbing to me, Russell Peters. I don't want that to change.
I mean, you know, it depends on when and where they're doing it, right?
No.
Do it whenever you want.
Give them the green light.
Office buildings, everything.
Office buildings would be great.
Fuck yeah.
I remember going into office buildings, just getting a hard-on, looking at the
secretaries and the heels.
A full hard-on?
It was in my early 20s, late 19s, you know, you know.
You're a madman.
I was a lunatic.
You're a different kind of guy.
I was knocking shit over with my cock.
You didn't grab any pussies, though, did you?
I was not a pussy grabber.
I'm not either.
No, I don't even know how you'd grab a pussy without actually fingering it.
Yeah.
Like, how do you grab it on the outside?
Man, that's the benefit of having those little hands.
Yeah, those little hands could just fully grab a pinch.
Like one of those folder holder things that you use to...
Those little paper clips?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I know those ones.
Clamps.
Yeah, the little clamps.
With the little stainless steel.
Donald Clamp, running for president.
Clamp and pinch.
There's a fucking hilarious meme that I saw that somebody put online.
It's so funny.
It shows different presidential quotes throughout history.
Like...
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your
country.
John F. country.
John F. Kennedy.
Grab them by the pussy.
Donald Trump.
This is where we are.
This is really where we are.
We turned reality into reality.
Yeah.
Do you think that that's what started it all?
That like reality TV, like from Survivor on, exposing the world to, instead of
to people
that we've created, like Magnum PI or, you know, fill in the blank.
Yeah, they gave us things.
We used to have things to strive to want to be.
Yes.
And then they took it down to lowest common denominator and made us go,
"Oh, thank God they took away all that and now we can just be normal again.
We can be hopeless."
Yeah, they brought it down to Snooki.
Yeah.
You know, they went from, they went from people that you could never be like.
MacGyver.
MacGyver, yeah.
Gets out of every situation, but that's confusing too though, right?
Because people start thinking that they can be MacGyver or that they can solve
the world's problems.
Well, it gets your brain moving.
Yeah.
You know, it kind of gives a little jog.
It makes you think sideways, you know, and gives you the opportunity to think
laterally.
But when you got a dummy just saying things that you want to hear, you go, "Oh,
okay.
I could turn it off now, guys."
That's the one thing that confuses me the most about Donald Trump.
I didn't know there were that many assholes out there.
Like I kind of knew, but I didn't know they were going to organize.
It's weird to me that, you know, when you meet people that, again,
you thought were level-headed thinking people.
Is that Eric B, like Eric B and Rakim?
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Eric B is actually living at my house in Vegas right now.
Shut the fuck up.
Really?
Yeah.
Damn, dude.
You know, I keep it hip-hop, son.
You do?
Yeah.
You do?
What about Rakim?
Rakim's not living in the house, no.
No?
They're, uh, secretly, I think they may be getting back together.
Secretly?
You just gave it up on the air.
I mean, I can't say that they are.
I said they may be.
I mean...
Well, you're starting rumors.
Is that what we're doing now?
That's the way to go to get that one started.
Trying to get everybody paid.
Oh, I love those guys.
We were just talking about them yesterday.
Were you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We were talking about-
Who was on yesterday?
Was that Jesse?
Uh, Jesse Ventura and then Red Band.
But we were talking about, uh, Eric B and Rakim.
We were talking about EPMD.
Yeah.
I'm friends with DJ Scratch from EPMD.
Oh, shit.
I'm almost friends with the DJ of the group.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah.
Well, you're a DJ.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
It's like us being friends with comedians.
Yeah.
We happen to know one or two of them.
Yeah.
Isn't it a funny thing about being a comic?
Like you run into another comic somewhere and you're like, oh, you.
Come here, you.
We're around regular people.
Get over here.
Yeah.
We're all left brain thinkers.
We need to be together.
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
That's the left brain?
Yeah.
That's what I've heard.
We're left-
Is that real?
I don't know.
Like if you kick somebody in the left side of the head, does it up their jokes?
I don't know.
Somebody sent me something that says, that's in my iTunes, whatever, but it was
about how
some sort of head trauma can make your brain relate everything to a joke after.
Well, there's a book that Sam Kinison's brother wrote, Brother Sam.
And it's all about how Sam, well, it's all about Sam, but it's all, a big part
of it is
how Sam changed when he got hit by a car.
He was a little kid and he got nailed by a car and really fucked up.
And from that point on, he became this maniac, this wild, crazy, reckless
motherfucker.
Like before that, he was like a normal kid.
Bang!
One hard shot to the head and all of a sudden he's like, oh, oh!
Like all the crazy ranting and the sermons he used to give.
I guess when you get close to death, you look at it one of two ways, right?
I don't think that's it.
I think it's traumatic brain injury.
Well, that's what I'm saying, but like, again, your brain goes, oh, fuck, well,
we didn't
suffer through that.
Now let's just enjoy the rest of this.
That would be nice if that was, if that made sense.
If that was a fact, I don't know.
But I like making up my own facts.
I think what it is is it's damage.
I think damage to the brain, like actual physical damage affects impulse
control.
And it has something to do with that and getting angry quicker.
There's a bunch of factors that come into play that you see with football
players, too.
Yeah.
That you're saying, I'm sure.
You think they'd be hilarious after all those times.
I know, right?
Maybe they are.
Maybe we need to find one right before they become too stupid to talk.
Yeah.
Just ask them, like, what do you find funny?
I mean, they weren't that bright to begin with.
How dare you say that?
They can be bright if they were big and giant and they wanted to make money.
Football's the way to go, right?
What else are you going to do?
Be a strong man?
I don't know.
I mean, you could fight if you want.
How much a strong man?
You can't even fight if you're that big.
Because, like, at 265 pounds, that's the weight limit for MMA.
There's a limit on that.
There's a fucking limit.
That's so weird.
So weird.
Because remember Emmanuel Yarbrough, was he 600 pounds?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, look what happened to him.
Keith Hackney bitch slapped him in a normal coma.
That's true.
It's true.
Did he break his wrist on that?
He hit it with a bitch slap.
It was that side weird side.
Well, once he got him down, he was hammerfisting him.
He was, like, one of the first guys to do the hammerfist in a fight.
I remember seeing that and going, that's a terrible punch.
It's effective.
You know what's cool about a hammerfist is, like, you can do this to the table,
like this oak table.
And it doesn't hurt your hand at all.
Right.
But if you did that with your knuckles, you'd be like, ah.
Yep.
But it's weird that we punch with our knuckles.
Well, you know, we just associate this soft padded part as not going to hurt
you.
Exactly.
It fucking hurts a lot.
Yeah.
Like, hammerfists are very effective.
Have you hammerfisted anybody?
No.
No, I never hammerfisted anybody.
Not that I can remember.
I just realized we went into fisting real quick.
When you're spitting backfist somebody, there's two ways to do it.
You could do it with the actual back of the hand.
But that hurts.
Like, if you hit someone's chin.
Yeah, it's very tender there.
Yeah.
If you hit someone's chin with the very back of your hand, you could fuck your
hand.
You could break your hand for sure.
But the right way to do a spinning backfist is with the hand down, with the
palm of the hand
facing down with the fist.
So in that way, you are hammerfisting someone.
It's really a spinning hammerfist.
It's a spinning hammerfist.
Yep.
More than a spinning backfist.
That's the way to do it right.
I've never done a spinning backfist on anybody.
No.
No.
It's a brutal move.
You've got to really time that one right.
Yeah, you do.
You've got to know what the fuck you're doing.
You've got to be very confident knowing that you're turning your back on the
guy real quick.
It's weird how the different