Name: Joe Rogan Experience #880 - Jon Jones
Uploaded: 2016-12-01T23:21:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #880 - Jon Jones' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #880 - Jon Jones' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-01. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #880 - Jon Jones

You got a publicist with you, huh?
Yeah, she didn't want me to do this without, at least.
Definitely don't chew that on the air.
Boom! We're live.
People are going to get mad at you chewing that on the air.
They're hearing it right now.
They're like, God damn it, Jon Jones.
Almost finished.
You had all this time.
Almost finished.
You got to finish that fucking thing.
That's an athlete.
That's someone who works out a lot.
There's imperatives, right?
You got to get that food in there.
Nutrition is key.
It is key, but that's shit.
What are you eating?
What is that?
A cotton bar thing?
That's bullshit.
Oh, it is, but...
Is that a good one?
Is that one with the five grams of sugar
or one of them Carmel fake candy bar type gammy's?
Yeah, five grams of sugar, definitely.
A little closer to that.
Jon Jones, how you doing, brother?
I'm on the road, you know?
I understand.
I got to get you some stuff to bring with you, man.
Bring some good ones.
You ever fuck with that guy, Primal Kitchen, his stuff?
He's got some great stuff.
I'll give you some before you leave.
I'd love to try it.
Yeah.
You're doing the number one thing that people get mad at on this podcast.
When we do Fight Companion podcasts, it's chewing.
People get furious.
So sorry.
There's something about being in someone's ear.
Like, my daughter was in my ear last night, and she was chewing.
She was trying to sit in my lap, and she was chewing in my ear.
And I'm like, this should not be bothering me.
Like, why is this bothering me?
I was having an internal dialogue.
I'm like, honey, you're eating in my ear.
And to her, she's like, what do you give a fuck?
So I'm eating in your ear.
I'm your baby, you asshole.
What do you give a shit?
How old was your kid?
This one that was on my lap was six.
That's my youngest.
I have three.
Oh, great.
I got a 20, I got an 8, and I got a 6.
You got a 20-year-old?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Good for you.
How many you got?
I have four.
Whoa.
John Jones.
Yep.
Eight.
Nine, eight, six, and three.
All girls.
It's crazy, right?
Yep.
I want a son so bad.
Jeremy Stevens says it's the fighter's curse.
I've heard that.
Yeah.
Badasses get all girls.
Mark Coleman, all girls.
Yep.
I think Don Fry's got all girls.
Yeah, I want a son.
So there's a surgery that you can do.
Uh-oh.
Where I guess they take my semen and they take out all the girl, like all the
girl hormones
or whatever, chromosomes, and inject it into the wife.
Gives you like a 90-something percent chance of getting a little boy.
Really?
Uh-huh.
Is that legit?
Have you Googled it?
I've heard a lot about it.
I haven't Googled it, but if it's a possibility, I think we're going in that
direction for the
next one.
Yeah, see, that's one of those things that I would Google.
I would make sure that it's not some horse shit created by some dude who just
wants to
collect your sperm.
I feel like, I think I heard Kanye did that to get a boy the second time.
Oh, yeah?
In Kim.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm obviously going to look into it extensively before even trying to go in
that direction,
but that's the plan.
Hopefully it's real.
Wouldn't you think in some way, now I'm not really too much of a spiritual,
well, I wouldn't
say I'm spiritual, but I don't believe in, I don't, how do I phrase this?
Would you worry that you would anger the gods by trying to fuck with DNA?
That's so funny.
That's a great question.
So I actually thought that, you know, because obviously I'm a religious guy, I
thought that
my theory has always been God is going to give me a son when I am mature enough
to raise
a man, to teach a man how to be a man.
So that was always my thing.
And I felt like, I felt like God was waiting for me to get married before
giving me and my
fiancee this boy.
That's deep.
And yeah, that was my whole theory.
I was just like, when I'm mature enough and, you know, and when we're married,
you know,
God feels like we're in this good place.
He's going to give us a boy.
And then I'm thinking, you know, but if we have another girl, that trial and
error is so
expensive, that's 18 more years of raising some, another girl, you know, so,
because me
and my wife, I already had three.
I call her my wife and my fiancee.
She's pretty much my wife of being together forever.
So I'm like, I don't want to risk.
I don't want to risk.
Do you think about it in terms of a financial risk?
I can afford to have a thousand kids.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like, what are you doing?
But that's something that, like, gets ingrained in your head.
People always say that, oh, the cost of raising kids.
Right.
And you start thinking about, man, the cost of raising kids.
It's more the time.
Yes.
That time that, you know, you've got to put in, like, you know, you're raising
another
little girl and it's all trial and error.
So I'm thinking, let's just put a little science in there.
I feel like God gives people the intelligence to come up with these ideas and
these different,
you know, surgeries or whatever to be able to, you know what I'm saying?
Like, God gives someone the idea to be able to do this.
So maybe he's okay with you choosing boy or girl.
Well, they didn't have the foresight when they were writing the Bible to take
out genetic
diversity testing or whatever the fuck they're doing.
What would they be doing?
Like, some sort of DNA chromosomal jazz.
I don't know what they're doing.
I don't know.
I don't know what the process is.
But, yeah.
Well, people, I mean, wouldn't you say personally that, like, people who are
religious, almost
all of them sort of pick and choose what they decide to agree with and not
agree with?
I agree.
I mean, you're a religious person, but you have a tattoo.
Right.
You have a religious tattoo, which is double ironic.
That's funny.
Because it says in the Bible not to get tattooed.
Right, not to mess with the temple.
Right.
But then you got to pick and choose, right?
What you want to listen to.
Yeah.
It's not the way it's supposed to go either, but, you know, we're imperfect and
he knows that.
Do you think, when you were talking about, like, wanting to wait until or that
God would
give you this opportunity when you were more mature, when you were mature
enough to raise
a man, do you think about that?
Like, man, why do I have to wait?
Like, why am I not mature enough right now?
Like, if I can internalize that and if I can understand that, like, what is the
difference
between me in the future when I am mature enough to have a man and me right now?
Like, why have I not learned enough lessons?
Right.
Why have I not balanced myself out enough?
I feel like I'm learning lessons every year, you know, every month, every day.
I feel like I'm growing as a person, as a man.
But I know about some demons that I still struggle with, and I feel as if when
I'm over those, I'll
feel ready to be able to raise a man and teach a man how to be a proper man.
But you don't feel like you're over those yet.
No.
You're in the middle of it.
You're in the struggle.
Yeah, definitely kind of still in the struggle of some things, you know, but I've
definitely
got over a lot of things that I used to struggle with, which I'm excited about.
But, you know, life is a work in progress.
Well, you were telling me before the show that you don't do Instagram anymore.
You're not doing anything.
You're just sort of laying low.
You're not doing any interviews.
So, like, before you were about to do this, you're like, oh, shit, I haven't
done anything
like this in a while.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The main reason why I decided to come on your show was I'm getting ready to do
this grappling
match against Stan Henderson on the 11th, and there's going to be a lot of
media surrounding
it, and there was a lot of, you know, I got to do like a one-hour phoner with a
bunch
of different media guys, and then there's a few reporters that's going to be
there physically
to do some interviews with me.
And I feel like there's kind of just like a lot of things kind of untalked
about.
You know, people are just wondering how I'm feeling and what I've been up to
and stuff
like that.
And I didn't want to have to answer the same exact questions over and over for
1,000 people.
So I was just like, you know what?
Joe Rogan has a lot of respect amongst the MMA community.
You know, his following goes obviously beyond the MMA community.
He's a smart guy.
And I was just like, you know, I'd rather let me just talk with Joe about kind
of everything
and get it out of the way.
But yeah, outside of this interview with you, I have not really done anything
publicly since
July when UFC 200 was canceled.
You've been on a crazy ride, not just through July, but for the last couple of
years.
You've been involved in a lot of crazy shit, you know?
Are you disappointed in yourself with a lot of this stuff?
Yeah, I am.
I totally am.
I totally am.
Yeah.
What does it feel like?
Like, give me the thought.
Like, we can go through all of them.
But give me the thought.
Like, probably the most I was disappointed in you, and I love you as a person.
I think you're a great guy.
I love you too, Joe.
Thanks.
I really do.
I've always had a good time hanging out with you.
But I was very disappointed with you with that car accident thing.
When you ran away from that car accident, that to me was like, God damn, John's
in a bad place.
Yeah, I was in a bad place.
It was a messed up situation, man.
I literally was in a point in my life then when I was winning all these fights,
I was the
it boy in the UFC, sponsored by Nike and Gatorade and, you know, greatest of
all time, finishing
legends after legend after legend.
Just really in this position where I felt so untouchable, and I just felt like,
I just
felt like everything was meant to go my way in that time in my life.
Started to, I was, obviously I was smoking pot, you know, the majority of my
career, drinking.
Me too.
Shit, maybe it's happening in a minute.
Drinking, you know, every weekend pretty much, you know, to the point of blacking
out.
Blacking out?
Yeah, just being hammered, you know, and just being a total party boy.
But still, still training my butt off.
You know, I'm working really hard, believing really hard.
I have big goals, big dreams, but just being a party boy.
And I think I just took everything that I had for granted because everything
for the majority
of my career has gone my way.
And that morning I got in a car accident, man, I just, it was, it was just, it
was, it was
a huge reality check.
And it was, you know, I think in some people's mind, they envision me, you know,
hitting this
car and running up and seeing that it was a pregnant lady and then taking off
running.
And then people said that I came back and grabbed a load of money, which is the
stupidest
thing ever.
Why would a millionaire need to grab cash, right?
Did you run back to the car?
So I literally, I, I went through a light.
Um, it was like a green light that said that I could turn left, but you're
supposed to yield
for the right of way, right?
To, to turn left.
And, um, um, person came through and I, I just assumed it was my green light to
go, obviously
being, um, not completely clear headed.
And I ended up running into a car.
Um, I was definitely disoriented, um, disoriented from the accident, from the
accident, for sure.
Just kind of like what the hell just happened.
It was a really big hit.
Um, but I was fine.
I had no injuries and I just felt like, well, maybe it wasn't that bad of a hit.
So I literally, um, I step out of the car and I realized, like seconds later, I
realized my bull's
in the car.
So.
Your bull.
My bull.
My, yeah, my, my, my, my, yeah, my pot bull.
Pot, pot.
Yeah.
And I wasn't smoking weed in the car or anything like that.
But it was in the car.
But my bull that had residue was in the car.
So I literally, I opened my car door.
I had like take two steps away from the car and then I go back to the car and I,
I like
search the, the car cause I had it in my cup holder.
And when I hit the bull fell somewhere, who knows where it flew to.
But I