Name: Joe Rogan Experience #894 - #WhoIsFat Weigh-in - Day 1
Uploaded: 2017-01-02T22:40:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #894 - #WhoIsFat Weigh-in - Day 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #894 - #WhoIsFat Weigh-in - Day 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-02. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #894 - #WhoIsFat Weigh-in - Day 1

I don't know. You don't look very fat to me.
If I had to describe you to someone, I wouldn't say that's a fat guy.
It feels good.
You would definitely say stocky.
I wouldn't say you're fat either right now.
I wouldn't say you're a fat guy.
I know you're wearing layers right now.
I'm wearing a lot of layers.
Because you're weighing in, so you're trying to dehydrate.
Yeah.
Because you kind of came in late to the game.
He sandbagged me.
This motherfucker's been working out since August.
And it's November, he says, hey, let's do a weight loss challenge.
I'm at 240.
I'm 256 at the time.
I'm like, okay.
Wait, that's a little bit of a Bert-ism, though.
Bert's, I don't know if you know this, Bert's prone to exaggerate slightly.
It's called hyperbole.
Okay.
He was 256 on Thanksgiving after a full binge.
That wasn't his walk around.
It was a New York binge where I drank every day on OP radio, drank every single
night, and then came back.
And then he weighed himself.
And then I, like, I was a full binge.
And Ari said to me, he's like, there's no way you're 244.
I got on, because that's what Buns was on November 11th.
That's when my special and Showtime came out.
And that's when we weighed in.
It was the day.
I saw you the next day at the End of the World podcast.
Right.
What did you think I was there?
That's November 8th, though.
I didn't check.
I was robust.
You were big.
I was big.
You had a gut.
Now, what made you guys start this?
Fucking Ari.
But actually, Ari made the challenge.
But I was thinking about the origin of Bert is Fat.
It's you.
It's you and your wife when you get together are dicks.
Hashtag your mom's house.
Hashtag your mom's house.
The name of the podcast is the thing you said to other kids when you didn't
like them.
Yeah, that's where I was, your mom's house.
You wonder where this hate-filled fucking podcast comes from.
So wait, though, but this is where it came from.
We were watching a movie.
And do you remember a few years ago, the head of the International Monetary
Fund, Dominique
Strauss-Kahn, was in the scandal?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In New York?
Yeah.
Like a maid?
He raped a maid?
That's right.
He was accused of raping the maid.
It was eventually cleared.
And it inspired a movie that I think was on HBO or Showtime.
And we were watching it.
And they did it like loosely or mostly based on that story, but it wasn't a biopic.
And the guy that played DSK was Gerard Depardieu.
And there's a scene where they have him get arrested and do the perp walk, and
then they
do the strip search, like at Rikers Island.
And he had this totally bloated, distended, like big booze body.
And we were like, that looks like Bert, but bigger, like way bigger.
So then we talked about it on our podcast, and then people started to Photoshop
Bert onto
Gerard Depardieu.
I did not get it.
I was actually taking it as compliments because I know he's a very talented
actor.
I was like, oh, that's cool.
By the way, this is all blindsiding me.
This is happening in their little fucking world where they're just, and then at
the same
time, I started a vlog.
Remember when I did my vlog, Jamie?
And I knew that one of the things that was popular on vlogs was weight loss.
So I was like watching my weight loss, and I was losing weight, but I was
always weighing
in on a Speedo.
And it was very self-deprecating.
I was trying to make it funny.
These two are watching at the exact same time and making fun of how fat I am.
I'm oblivious to this.
I'm oblivious to all of this.
And then one day, Doug Benson and I get into a fight.
I remember, I think everyone knows what I'm talking about here.
Yeah, that was on his podcast, right?
It was a live podcast, and it was very uncomfortable.
And it was bad.
And I think I spoke, I called Tom.
I went right to the bar after it.
I was fucking worked up.
I was like, I think I called him.
I was drunk.
And I go, he goes, hello?
I go, hey, we need to talk.
And he goes, I am so sorry.
I go, for what?
And he goes, wait, what are you calling about?
And I go, Doug and I had a blowout.
And he goes, oh, never mind then.
I go, wait, what are you sorry about?
And he's like, you haven't been online, have you?
And I said, no.
And he goes, all right, let's talk about what you're upset about.
And then after we're done, go online.
And I just want you to know, Christina and I are very sorry.
And we'll make this stop.
And so I go online.
It is trending.
I mean, it is.
Bird is fat.
And by the way, and this is at the very beginning of it.
And I have to be very clear and honest about all of this emotions.
Because there are parts of this that are like, trigger warning.
But like, it was funny as fucking shit.
And you couldn't get mad at it.
Because it was all their best fans making hilarious fucking jokes.
One guy took the name Burnt Chrysler and made his own fucking profile for it.
And he made a website.
He registered a website.
And by the way, I saw him in Hartford.
He's obese.
He's obese.
Enormous.
And he just sat in the front row the whole time going, Bert's fat, Bert's fat.
Next day, his mom shows up.
Hey, buddy, your mom's morbidly obese.
And the first word she says to me is, why are you so fat, Bert?
She has five bills.
And she said, why are you so fat, Bert?
And I'm like, oh my God, this is getting out of fucking control.
So he heckled you?
Not heckled.
He was being funny.
He was actually a cool guy.
But people say it as I hit the stage, too.
Yeah.
Like, as I walk on stage, half the audience goes, why is Bert fat?
Like, they yell it.
Ari and I were in Calgary doing a stampede.
And when I got on stage, all they were yelling is, Bert's fat, Bert's fat.
Why are you so fat?
And Ari's like, Ari said two things to me that night.
He's like, I've never seen that.
And then at the end, I was like, I'm not telling the machine.
And they started booing.
And Ari's like, dude, you got to tell the machine every fucking time.
I was like, yeah, no shit.
My career's gotten out of fucking control.
I have no control.
I'm fat, and I got to tell the fucking machine.
And so then, here's the crux.
Machine story, if you don't know.
It's a crazy story.
Go to the one that's on Facebook that went viral over the weekend.
Yeah, 12 million views over the weekend.
What is it?
The machine story.
The one from the special.
It got 12 million views over the weekend?
On Facebook.
Holy shit.
I was telling Tom, marketing companies were calling going like, hey, what was
your secret?
Yeah, how did you strategize this?
Oh, God.
I put up a good story.
Gross fucks.
And like 10 people that are popular online retweeted it.
Yeah.
So go to it.
What's really cool about it, a little sidebar from this, but what's really cool
about this,
which I think you'll get a kick out of Joe, is you guys heard me tell that
story four years
ago on this podcast.
I think half the people, everyone liked it.
Half the people thought it was a lie.
You know, other people go, I don't give a fuck.
Some people are like, I bet it is true.
The reason it went viral, I think, is that people in my class tagged in the
comment section,
this story is 100% true, and posted pictures of the entire trip all through the
comment section.
So you can see what Igor looks like.
Oh, Jesus.
You can see what Sasha looks like.
You see us that night on a train, drunk as fuck with the two gangsters.
Wow.
All those are in the comment section.
And so everyone that's ever heard the story lost their shit.
Dude, I got messages like, one guy said he has cancer, and this is the best
thing that's
ever happened to him.
Terminal illness is so tough to deal with.
Thank you so much.
And I'm like, dude, but anyway, that's a sidebar to that story.
Go to the Facebook, my Facebook page.
Anyway, one morning I wake up.
Now, I'm dealing with what Bill Burr does reference as fat shaming and quote,
unquote,
taking on water.
And I am fat, and I wake up with panic attack at four in the morning because I've
been drinking,
and I go on my wife's friend's Instagram, and her mom passed away.
She's mom hasn't been hospiced.
You know this one.
And I write, oh, my God, so sorry for your loss.
We'll see you later today.
And then one of Tom's fans, and my fan, I guess, writes in the next comment, so
sorry
for your loss.
Did Burt sit on your mom?
Next one is, hey, if you keep her cold, I'll eat her.
Like, it's just, I mean, it's just brutal.
Like, and then this woman comes over to our house.
She had lost her mom.
Lost her mom in the middle of the fucking night, and her first words to me are,
I'm sorry what's
happening to you online.
Dude, how about, do you remember when you went to the zoo with the girls?
Holy, you want to talk about fucking bizarre.
I actually FaceTime him, and I just, it's a random call in the middle of the
day.
So he answers, and he's in public, and I see him.
He's like, hey, man.
And I go, what are you doing?
So I'm here with the girls.
We're talking about the Burt is Fat, Tom is Fat shirts.
He's like, I'm going to make these shirts.
Yeah.
I'll put them on my website.
We'll split the profits.
Yeah.
Just whatever.
Just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just tell them on the site so we can split the
profits
so we can track them.
And I'm like, cool, cool.
And I see, like, his daughter walk by.
So I'm like, oh, it's people that he's, you know, maybe his sister's there with
him.
And then someone behind him was like, Burt's Fat.
Burt's Fat.
And I'm like, uh-huh.
Yeah.
Like, I figure it's like a friend's, a friend's mother or something.
And then later he's like, yeah, that was a stranger.
It was right then.
It was right then.
It was right then.
I turned the phone around and I go, I'm talking to Tom Segura right now.
And she goes, oh, shut up.
Hi, Mommy.
I'm a big fan, Jeans.
Or whatever the fuck they say.
But here's the other part that went crazy was after we, first of all, we had, I
did press
in Syracuse, I think.
You know when you do morning TV and they go, what do you want us to lead you
with?
And it's always like, you know, comics will be like, ask me about birds.
I got a great thing, you know?
And like, they want like a bit.
So I was just like, ask me why Burt Kreisler's so fat.
And I'm thinking, because most of the times they go like, well, I don't know
about that.
You know, they don't want to get racy.
And the lady just goes, okay.
So Christina Takamimi.
Yeah.
We're just in the middle.
She goes, oh, I got to ask you something.
And I go, what's that?
She goes, why is Burt Kreisler so fat?
And she said it wrong.
And by the way, Tom doesn't make a joke out of it.
He goes, well, he's an alcoholic.
Yeah, he's got a lot of problems.
And so we play that on the podcast.
And we go, ask.
The whole thing was, ask Burt why he's so fat.
So why are you so fat?
What I didn't realize, I thought that like a hundred people would tweet it to
him.
Dude.
I didn't know that they would destroy his Instagram, Facebook.
Like, Twitter.
Destroy.
To the point where I had to tell my daughters, you can't read this.
Like, it's bad.
And I've never blocked anybody.
But then Joey says this.
There are these people out there that are fucking broken.
Yeah, yeah.
And say really hateful things.
And you're like, hey, man, I'm all about a good time.
Yeah, yeah.
You can make fun of me all, you fucking.
Well, I take it.
Like, I tweeted some guy today that, I forget what he said.
Oh, he goes, to be honest with you, I think both of you guys are winners in
this challenge.
Congratulations.
By the way, Burt, you're still fat.
And I just, I was on the treadmill and I stumbled.
And I started laughing.
And I went, there's ones like that that are out there that are fucking great.
There's some funny ones.
And I also, I remember I called him when I thought it was too much.
I go, I'll do a thing now where I say, and he was like, absolutely, you're not
my fucking mother.
Do not do that.
Do not.
Not coming out of the front seat going, he has asthma.
Stop picking on him.
I was like, I'll take this on the fucking chin.
But that's when we started to go competition.
No