Name: The #WhoIsFat Weigh-ins - Tom vs. Bert
Uploaded: 2017-01-04T09:27:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The #WhoIsFat Weigh-ins - Tom vs. Bert' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The #WhoIsFat Weigh-ins - Tom vs. Bert' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-04. Transcript available.

hello freak bitches okay so first of all let's do rock paper scissors see who
goes first okay so you two ready yeah one two three I'll do the count I'll do
the count you guys get your hands up ready one two three gotcha okay Bert
won that one one two three okay even one two three gotcha okay Bert wins so
would you like to go first would you like Tommy go first I'd like to weigh in
first okay I'm so fucking thirsty okay so we're gonna move over to Tom's
microphone over there so we'll be using that camera up here here we go take
your
clothes off first of all you definitely want to take your clothes off well I
know it works hold on like I know but let's make sure we know exactly if it's
exactly right because it may not be like my skill at home I'm always around 200
pounds 201 so I'm 201 with my clothes on just like one night he's got a rubber
suit on the whole deal okay so for folks that are just listening here we're in
the
studio here and Jamie is setting up the camera for YouTube so that it will
point
directly down the scale Bert is looking considerably slimmer considerably slimmer
he's got multiple layers on and now he's down to underwear which are probably
wet he
took the first layer of underwear off socks drum roll ladies and gentlemen
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum he's drying himself off like a wrestling
tournament
jesus christ okay here we go below 227 everybody here we go Berg Chrysler
call it up to 21 holy shit holy shit holy shit oh no but it's right I checked
my own weight it's
right this is what I use at home too but we can we can't check that was 221.6
right 35 yeah 34 point
yeah that's it that's it that's it 221 Tommy 221 ladies and gentlemen holy shit
Tommy now my
holy shit Joe my prediction was Tommy wasn't going to take his shirt off for
weigh-ins
oh I will I will he's got to now that shirt is some precious ounces 221 my man
went
hard fuck yes dude I feel like fucking he's taking his watch off oh I have my
watch on
that's probably at least a few ounces that's a good watch it's a beautiful
watch by the way I'm gonna make a drink
oh he's gonna drink while it's going on oh my goodness this is this is chaos
here we go
Tommy looking very slim too here we go ladies and gentlemen
shut the fucking 19
shut up
holy shit
holy shit
holy shit
holy shit
shut up
wow
first of all
congratulations to the both of you
that is that's gigantic
i'm so thirsty it's ridiculous
we got some coconut water if you want to get some electrolytes in you
holy shit you guys want a coconut water no no i'm good god do you want coconut
water
are there calories in this uh no not at all it's uh stevia it's it's called zevia
it's like a soda
holy holy shit
wow so those extra pounds like whatever you know you didn't drink water that
that all made up for it
god damn so we gotta do this all again together tomorrow of weight
what happens tomorrow let's say tomorrow
that's a good question
well first of all we have one victory well here
man let's sit down let's sit down okay we go we got this out of the way
oh my god i'm so thirsty wow so let's just cut the shit and get right to the
way we're going
right to the fucking way right let's do it i should weigh in first because i
have a feeling that
okay don't be a don't be scared okay folks jesus oh by the way we did the uh
height tests
uh because ari shafir who was supposed to pay if they got below 227 are
supposed to pay for their
trip the loser has to shave their beard and the loser has to pay for the winner's
trip of their choice
they can get down to 227 in which ari shafir agreed that he was going to pay
but now ari is balking and he's saying that they have to be uh their their
height has to be measured
because the body mass index would indicate that they have to be a certain
height or they're obese
it was really weird so we we tested the heights okay um uh tom is just under
six feet tall and for all
you assholes that say i'm five foot two we tested me too i'm five eight and a cunt
hair
um and bert is taller than tom so bert's good you're about six one so the body
mass index i think
dude you look good get on here get on here all right so bert was at 221
yesterday you look
significantly thinner today i feel i'm hurting okay he's hurting let's see he's
getting on the scale
220 220 220 for bert for one pound one pound less one pound i think tommy's got
it here let's see here
say goodbye to my beard say goodbye to hollywood
he's going to paris gain weight please have gained weight please have gained
weight
you you fucking do 16 tom gets it running away ladies and gentlemen we have a
winner
in the hashtag who is fat contest the winner is tom segura down to 216 pounds
outrageous outrageous
coconut water c2o coconut waters must be consumed now get those electrolytes in
your system boys uh well done
well done amazing effort it's not easy to lose weight it's really not easy to
lose it the way
you guys did it two days in a row man crazy that was the that was that yet
today was the hardest
workout i've ever had i ran eight miles lost one pound that's crazy that's it i
think my body was
like in shock that's what happens that's what happens to fighters it shuts down
so have a seat
you guys pull it off i've been thinking about that drink this entire day we got
a beard we got a beard
trimmer over there charging up you should probably uh shave your beard after
you have some pizza
yeah i mean have a live a little i'm gonna have a hard time eating pizza with
this fat face
it's not gonna look good how do you lose that weight man you're not so fat yeah
you look pretty
skinny today man you did you do look significantly skinnier today i don't know
man i think you were a
little distended yesterday with that pulled pork in your stomach from the night
before the night before
the weigh-ins collard greens pulled pork yeah well he got you bird you know
what i want though seriously
what it's that long strand dna i have like that long strand dna i have that mickey
mantle gene you
got that mickey mantle gene i gotta be honest with you derek jeter you showed a
little mickey mantle today
how did you get down to 216 what did you do different do you know what's so
funny you lost three he said
something in passing and that's what i did what but i just didn't acknowledge
it he goes uh should
go to burke williams and just sweat it out in the spa that's what i've been
doing for two days i just
can't eat today i just can have fluids today and then go to burke williams and
sweat it out
how are you feeling bro i feel great i want to give a shout out to god without
him and nothing's
none of this is possible and then uh uh jake smith thank you jake who's jake uh
he's a fighter
who gave me all this insight on how to prep for this oh cool jake
go yourself jake smith shout out to pizza anybody oh my god can you do this
yeah i can do this