Name: Joe Rogan Experience #915 - Nick DiPaolo
Uploaded: 2017-02-13T22:15:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #915 - Nick DiPaolo' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #915 - Nick DiPaolo' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-13. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #915 - Nick DiPaolo

Five, four, three, two, one.
Nick DiPaolo, ladies and gentlemen.
Joey boy.
Nick, how do we become old men that don't understand computers and technology
anymore?
How'd that happen?
Even if I was 20, I still wouldn't get it.
I'm not smart enough.
You would have done it.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Your boy Jamie seems to have a grasp on it.
Jamie's on the ball.
He must be German.
No, he's just on the ball.
He just understands shit.
He understands certain shit that I...
Is there anything that I understand that you don't understand?
Yeah, a lot of shit about cars.
Well, why is he doing that right there?
And chicks, right?
What happened there?
Yeah, well...
A lot of things about cars, but that's just because you don't pay attention to
cars.
It doesn't register.
Some of it just goes in and out.
Car stuff?
I've heard about it a lot.
Some things with electronics is the same way.
There's a certain level of electricity.
I'm scared of electricity.
Ohms and stuff like that.
I don't want to die, so I just stop listening.
My buddy Jimmy Dettilio from Newton, Newton, Mass, he is an electrician and one
of the guys
he used to work with.
Well, I'll never forget this.
He was telling me this.
Oh, look, someone likes to fucking hear the ding every time the text goes off.
No, I don't.
The ding!
That's how bad I'm shutting off.
Electricity.
He was working with this guy, and I don't remember what he was working on, but
the guy
just got just totally zapped, blew off all of his skin, his fucking ears are
gone, his eyelids
are gone.
I mean, it just became a monster, but survived, and I'll never forget that.
I'll never forget him telling me about that guy, and from that moment on, from
when I was
like 16, I've been fucking terrified of electricity.
Yeah, because you can't see it and shit.
Yeah, it's crazy.
We live in a box, right?
And in the walls of this box is this fucking invisible thing that if you stick
a fork in
there, it'll kill you.
Just blow your fucking brains out.
Well, it actually does.
It's like a fail safe, right?
If you stick a fork in it, you'll just get a horrible jolt.
That's the thing I got.
Yeah, I don't know.
Wasn't that?
That's the difference between alternating current and direct current, right?
Isn't it?
If I knew that answer, I wouldn't be afraid of it.
Well, apparently in England, they have a far higher level of electricity that's
going through
their walls.
Yeah, because the shit, when you go over there, you have to have special adapters.
Yeah, that shit just kills everybody that's stupid.
We let the stupid people live.
In England, if you stick a fork in the wall, it finds your whole family.
It kills them, too.
It's apparently super powerful.
I was changing the filter.
I have a generator, a cola generator.
You know, it runs on like natural gas and shit.
Oh, for in case the winter comes, when winter's coming.
I live at the end of a dirt road in the woods.
So when the power goes out, mine's usually the first house to go out.
And it kicks right.
It's the best thing I ever did.
But I'm out there like fucking changing the filter.
And then all of a sudden I look over and there's little instructions like on
the inside
of the door saying you have to disconnect the battery.
Oh, no.
And you're not.
I got like a fucking can of Coke in my hand.
You know, I can hardly see what I'm doing.
Screwdriver in your mouth.
Yeah, I am frightened of that shit.
When I lived in Colorado, we had one of those.
It was running on propane.
So when the power would go out.
It's awesome.
The power would go out.
It goes click.
And then right up.
You would hear it immediately.
In one second.
It just fucking.
The guy that sold me the house told me to get it.
He had like a small one.
He said you should get her, you know.
Does yours run on propane?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's 250 gallons.
Yeah.
That lasts a long time too, right?
250 gallons lasts a few days.
Unbelievable.
It ran for.
We had last year.
We had a storm and the power went out.
It ran for two and a half days.
And it only moved the needle like a little.
It was like this is the fucking balls, man.
I know.
It is kind of crazy how little it uses.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When that big storm hit.
Was that like a year or two years ago?
Where the one where there was no food and people were going to Dunkin' Donuts
and eating up all the croissants.
There was like nothing there.
That just goes to show you how goddamn fragile our whole structure is.
We have this false sense of security that.
Much more so over there than over here.
Over here at least it doesn't get cold.
But over there, you know, when you get trapped and it snows, you're kind of
fucked.
Like I just got back from New York.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You mean, oh, yeah.
I just flew back yesterday.
And I was supposed to fly in on Thursday.
But they got hit with 14 inches and everything just shut down.
They just canceled the flight.
It's going to advance.
I was headed to Chicago.
Mine got canceled.
Yeah.
So, you know, then the airlines like to do you a favor.
They send you a text like at three in the morning while you're sleeping.
Exactly.
We found you another booking.
Oh, that's great.
It's a fucking LaGuardia, which is 48 miles from my house.
It's 7 a.m.
You're sitting in seat 48G.
Oh, yeah.
I can't wait for fucking.
Thanks.
And I had to change in Louisville.
And I did that.
And we sat on the tarmac for two hours.
That's always fun.
This is why I don't do the road anymore.
People out here yell at me.
You never come to California.
I go, I'll drive to New Jersey, make the same money in one night.
Also, it's hard to get out here in the winter, especially.
Yeah.
I was on the tarmac yesterday, and they had to de-ice, and then we apparently
sat on the runway
too long, and then we had to go back and de-ice again.
Whatever.
Whatever.
I'm complaining.
It used to take six months to get over here on a horse.
No, but it's still fucking aggravating.
I mean, you know.
They used to ride horses.
They used to take a horse with a wooden wheeled fucking sled behind it, and you
used to tow
that, and your baby would be on the sled with your wife, and everybody would be
scared
of Indians.
They still do that in Tulsa.
I don't think they do that anymore.
I actually, I actually, but people make fun of the flyover states, and I sit in
New York
traffic, because I now live in the suburbs like an asshole.
I have to drive into the city, and the car, the mayor does not want cars in the
city.
He's made it impossible.
There's bike lanes on both sides of you.
There's skateboard lanes.
There's lanes for old people.
Where is this?
In New York City.
Is that hard?
It doesn't move.
Oh, yeah.
No, the city doesn't work anymore.
Change the lanes?
Oh, fuck yeah.
You can't, you can't, you should not bring your car in, and I do all the time,
like an idiot.
And I'm, well, I'm sitting there, and I'm complaining in my car.
I go, you know, I would fucking kill to live in Tulsa right now.
Eight minutes.
Yeah, easy.
Downtown to pick up something.
Oh, I think everybody has a totally different opinion of the flyover states now
that Trump's
president.
They're like, oh, they get to vote, too.
Yeah.
No, exactly.
I always like them.
No, you're exactly right.
That's exactly right.
Oh, their votes work.
This is real.
They're paying attention to it in Ohio?
Well, that was a really good point that a lot of people had when Trump got
elected,
was that all these people that live in these predominantly liberal areas, like
California,
New York in particular, New York City in California, they were all like, oh my
God, Trump is horrible.
Oh my God, Trump is horrible.
We love Hillary.
We're so excited to have our first female president.
It's going to happen.
It's 100%.
It's going to happen.
Do you know anybody that's voting for Trump?
I don't.
Because they're so insulated.
Yes.
They literally don't know any conservatives, so they were convinced that she
was getting
in.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
But they said if you take out LA County and New York City, that he would have
won the
popular vote, too.
Yeah.
Not even the whole state of California, just LA County and a couple of bars in
New York City,
he would have won the popular vote.
You're right.
They're in a bubble.
And what's crazy is he's not a good candidate.
It's not like he's the perfect Republican.
No.
He's not like some Ronald Reagan character.
That's exactly right.
Some upstanding guy who just look at him and you're like, yeah, that's a
president right
there.
No.
No.
It's chaos.
Which is kind of refreshing.
You like it?
Yes.
Everybody, for the last 30 years, I don't want to go there, but you guys know I'm
a right
wingers.
I'm not fucking ... I'm sure your fans don't like this.
A right winger.
Well, no.
I'm labeled that.
Are you a right winger?
Or you are a centrist?
I am a centrist, but people in show business, if you lean right on two issues
out of 400,
you're a fucking Nazi.
Yeah, I've been called a right winger.
Well, yeah.
I'm a pot smoking hippie for the most part.
I know.
You're a nice blend.
You're the perfect ... You're like fucking Jerry Brown when he was ...
When he was sane?
Yeah, when he was sane.
That crazy fuck.
I can't believe he's really the governor.
Nobody even notices.
California doesn't even need a governor.
Like if he died and no one said anything, he'd be like, where's Jerry?
I don't know.
What do you guys want to do?
Let's go eat.
Chipotle, what do you want to eat?
You're right.
He doesn't show up much.
He just pops up every once in a while.
Nobody talks about him ever in this state.
And he's 70 what?
He's got to be 74.
He's a thousand years old.
He is.
No one complains about him.
No one talks about him.
No one praises him.
It's just, he's a non-governor.
Like when Schwarzenegger was the governor, everybody talked about him.
I can't believe the Terminator's the governor.
They had governator t-shirts at the fucking airport you could buy.
I mean, it was a real governor.
Like we knew we had a governor.
Right.
Now you ask the average person who just walked on the street, who's the
governor of California?
They will fucking stare at you like you have three heads.
They don't even know.
Yeah.
I like that.
Well, is California going to succeed from the union or what?
Oh, we have to.
We have to.
It's like, you might as well.
Oh, those assholes that are using non-organic.
What is this?
Where is Governor Jerry Brown?
Governor Jerry, what is this?
It's just 24 minutes ago.
It's posted.
There we go.
Perfect.
Governor Jerry Brown's office remains mum on his location.
Oroville grapples with emergency efforts.
Oh, you heard about that fucking dams ready to blow.
Holy Christ.
Yeah, they're evacuating the area.
While the governor, hold on a second.
Go back there.
Sorry.
While the governor issued an emergency order Sunday, there has not been an
update since.
His office was mum on his location.
Oh, he's fucking dead.
He's dead, and they don't want to give up position.
They're worried.
It sounds very Russian.
Remember?
The Russian leaders.
They obviously don't hear about them.
Or Scientology, when that guy's wife was missing.
Shush.
No one talks.
Oh, yeah.
And Leah had the balls to ask where she was.
Dude, I had her on the podcast.
I know you did.
I love her.
I'd like to meet her.
She's a ballsy lady.
Yeah.
Brooklyn Spitfire.
Yeah, she's a little animal.
Very, very interesting that she was a Scientologist her whole life.
It almost goes contrary to, like, how she calls bullshit on everything.
Like, how the hell did you not call bullshit on that?
It's weird.
That's my first question when I watch that stuff.
I go, really?
Yeah.
You walked into some office in L.A. and fucking they gave you some pamphlets
and said,
look, we can put these on.
We'll fucking...
How is Catholicism any less ridiculous?
I don't believe in that shit either.
Yeah, I know.
And I was, you know...
I raised...
Yeah.
I was forced to go to church until about seventh grade.
And then I used to start wrestling, my father, you know, breaking shit on
something.
And he