Name: Joe Rogan Experience #917 - Steven Crowder
Uploaded: 2017-02-16T03:14:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #917 - Steven Crowder' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #917 - Steven Crowder' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-16. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #917 - Steven Crowder

We'll write it and we'll do it live. We'll do it live!
Fuck it, we'll do it live!
That will go down in history, right?
It's one of the all-time, like, hissy fit celebrity moments.
It was one of the first remixes, too.
Did you ever see the Bill O'Reilly remix, the dance remix?
Yeah, I did.
I was amazed by that with Bill O'Reilly, where he was going, you know...
They're going, "Yeah, that's what we're gonna do."
"I don't know what that means to play us out!"
I'm like, "How do you not know what it means to play us out?"
He's so angry.
Yeah.
So angry.
Yeah, he's an angry man.
We were talking before the podcast started about some...
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't want to talk about that?
No, I can't talk about that.
That's inside information being at Fox for years.
I can't.
Ah!
Ugh!
But bad stuff.
Okay, I'll let it go.
But you can talk about Moby, though, right?
Yeah, we can talk about Moby.
Moby says he has, like, inside information about Donald Trump,
that he knows that Donald Trump talked to the Russians.
First of all, when you look at Moby with his fucking hashtag vegan t-shirt on,
do you really think anybody in the Russian fucking intelligence community is
talking to
Moby?
Actually, it would be a brilliant ploy from the Russians.
They just give a little info to Moby, like, "You go, you tell them, and he's
going to do
it."
They should definitely leak this information.
Yes.
It will be the downfall.
Then they found out he wasn't Enya, and they made a mistake.
He, um, he, my mom was a wardrobe stylist, so costume designer, for a show
called Le Crie.
It's like the French-Canadian sort of letterman, like, kind of like Graham Norton
in England.
So they'd have stars come in all the time, and Moby was there.
He was just a head case.
The guy was just absolutely out of his mind.
Nothing was good enough, and he would want something, and then say he wanted to
change it.
Like, what kind of things did he want to change?
I don't know.
I can tell you this.
There were only two people who made my mom, like, come home crying.
One was Brett Butler.
And, uh...
Brett Butler from...
Grace Under Fire.
Oh, well, she was all pilled out of her head.
Yeah, she was.
Was this in the '90s?
When she was crazy?
When she was crazy.
My mom.
She was the wardrobe person.
You might have even, if you did one of the galas.
And, uh...
No, I never did the galas, because they wanted me to work clean.
Did they put you on the nasty show?
Yes, I was always on the nasty show.
They always advertised it.
When I was on my own shows after a while, I would do my own shows.
But the, uh, the galo, they were always like, you have to be clean.
I'm like...
Not interested.
Yeah.
Not interested in being clean for Canadian TV for no money.
Thanks, though.
Well, the flip side is the nasty show.
Like, just don't market it that way.
Just make, make the show.
You know, everyone would come in like, I'm going to the nasty show.
Yeah, but they liked it.
Like, that was, they would go to see it, and it would be like, the way that the
festival
would sort of differentiate.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Not the worst name for a show.
I guess.
Nasty.
Like, like, they're little kids in the schoolyard, like, he said a bad word.
Like, we know comedians, you know, it's going to be a raw show.
Dirty.
Dirty people.
Yeah.
Nasty.
Speaking of nasty, we are gentlemen today, and we have pipes.
Oh, yeah.
Because Crowder had a, um, he had pipes.
I don't think we said that.
I'm Crowder, by the way.
I don't think we even mentioned it.
No, I don't ever do that.
Do you know?
Uh, Steven Crowder, who's from Louder With Crowder.
His, um, internet show, and he, uh, has a-
Thank you.
A thing on his internet show where you have, like, a little pipe-
Rack.
What would you call them?
Yeah, a pipe rack.
Like a trolley.
Would you call it a trolley?
Just a pipe rack.
Pipe rack, okay.
I wanted to come up with a better name.
You want to come up with a better name?
Mmm.
So, I saw it, and I said, "I've always wanted to smoke a pipe, man."
I just think they smell good.
Yeah.
Have you- Did you smell that?
Smell that.
That's actually from my brother out there.
That's called a seersucker.
What kind of-
So, your brother's a serious pipe.
He knows more than I do, yeah.
So, isn't this, like, a seersucker's a type of suit, right?
I know, but that's what they call it.
Oh, so they call this seersucker?
There's all kinds of weird names, like Lane 1Q is really common.
It smells actually really good.
It smells really nice.
It's interesting.
And then you have English blends, which he smokes.
We don't want to do that now.
It's super heavy nicotine, but, like, Latakia, you get some Perique.
It's very smoky, like, incense-y, barbecue-y.
Mmm.
I have some Dunhill Nightcap, which it'll put you to sleep, though.
So, how much do you put in the pipe?
Okay, so-
Like a pinch?
Yes, no.
Here's the rule.
So, what you're going to do is put it up to the brim.
Up to the brim.
Just kind of the brim.
Pack it in there.
No, no.
Don't pack it in yet.
Oh, okay.
The general rule is, the first, when you tamp it down with your finger, the
strength of a child.
Then you fill it again, the strength of a woman.
Then you fill it a third time with the strength of a man.
Okay.
So, a child?
Yeah, just barely.
Now, a little more.
Strength of a woman.
Well, what kind of a woman, man?
Like a Chris Cyborg woman?
No, not like a cyborg.
Let's not talk about that, because that can go sideways in this show.
Okay.
Woman.
It's already gone sideways.
I know.
The fact that I said her name.
She's like Candyman.
I'm going to Vige.
Joe.
Then a man.
Yeah.
What kind of a man?
Like a Moby man?
Or like me?
You know what I'm saying?
Well, Nakajara just is arm-wrestling Courtney, who's like super CrossFit
extraordinaire this
week.
She's really strong.
She can like squat 265.
Whoa, that's a lot.
But I think he's going to smoke her in the arm-wrestling.
Why do you think that?
Well, people can tune in and watch.
I think because he's a man.
Wow, sexist.
I am, yeah, right away.
Well, she thinks he's going to win, too.
Wow.
But the bet is like 74.
She's setting him up.
Yeah.
So you tamp that down.
What you want is to be a little springy.
Okay.
I got a little springy there.
Yeah, a little springy.
Running on moss, perhaps?
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
Okay.
And then I didn't have a lighter, so that matches.
You've got to follow in there, too.
I do.
So what you do is you light it once, and that's what we call the charring light.
So what you're going to do is you're going to see that tobacco.
Oh, this is already turning me off.
It's too involved.
I know, I know.
By the way, only tobacco in that pipe, or it'll ruin the briar.
Let's just close.
You mean if I put weed in there, it'll fuck it up?
Well, you won't be able to taste the tobacco from there forward.
Yeah, because it'll taste like something better than tobacco.
So around in a circle.
Yeah, around in a circle.
Around it?
Do I suck on it while I do it?
Yeah, suck on it while you do it.
Oh, gosh.
And then you're going to see that tobacco kind of raise up.
So puff it.
Keep puffing on it.
Yeah.
And then you tamp it down one more time once it goes out, and then you light it
again.
Okay.
This is super involved.
I know it is.
It's not something you just kind of light and go, and it won't last long on the
show.
Hold up.
Immediate head rush, by the way.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
By the way, don't inhale it.
Well.
I'm a pot smoker, bro.
I know everything.
Well, you don't want to inhale that.
There's no filter on that.
What are you, pussy?
Well, I'm saying that's like, you'll get actual chunks of tobacco in your lungs.
There's no filter.
That's a big, big...
Maybe you will.
Well.
Not me, bro.
Probably.
Maybe you, bro.
But smell that, though.
Doesn't that smell nice?
I've got to stop inhaling it.
I've got to stop inhaling it.
Now, do I use a lighter?
Can I use a lighter?
Yeah, as long as it's not a jet lighter, because that'll damage the briar.
Oh.
So.
Like I said, it's not a...
I like it.
I feel like, uh, a distinguished gentleman.
Like, who's that, uh...
Nigel Farage?
No.
No, he's not that distinguished.
He's an asshole, but he's a lot of fun.
Yeah, he's fun to listen to him talk to people.
I love when you guys, uh, had that thing when he, uh...
Oh, the thug life?
Yeah, the thug life thing.
It was hilarious.
Yeah.
Not Gay Jared came over and gave you a lap dance, and...
I was a queen.
You guys were getting silly.
Yeah.
Nigel liked that show.
I don't know how true it is, but...
Well, you guys are one of the very few...
I mean, you're a conservative guy, but I would say...
You get a bad rap, dude.
You really do.
Yeah, I do.
And that's one of the reasons why I like you.
Is 'cause you are...
You're a pretty much fact-oriented guy when it comes to a lot of issues.
Political issues, social issues.
You don't bullshit.
And you don't...
You don't, like, try to sway things toward one side or the other when it's not
accurate.
It's not factual.
Well, I appreciate that.
And by the way, these, you know, these probably will go out.
You have to relight it 'cause it's just kind of an art, so...
But I've had people talk to me about you, and they give me this bullshit take
on you.
And I'm like, "No, he's a smart guy."
I go, "He's just...
Yeah, he's conservative."
Yeah, I know a lot of people that are liberal, too.
Yeah.
And a lot of people that are in the middle.
What?
You can't talk to someone?
Because they have...
Well, I appreciate that.
And not to kiss Ashley, but people out there need to know that Joe has been
incredibly fair
and very kind behind the scenes.
Because you have every reason not to.
And I think a big reason of it, honestly...
You know, here's a good example.
The Young Turks.
And we've seen this transition with Trump or people who are really afraid to
speak out now.
You're seeing that change online because the establishment has been Barack
Obama.
So kids who were raised for eight years under Bush, "Man, I hate Bush.
You know, listen to NoFX.
Go to the Vans Warped Tour," whatever it is.
And now they've been raised under Obama for eight years, and all this political
correctness
is run amok, and they're rejecting that.
So for the longest time, you know, I had this small YouTube channel, and I was
on Fox.
So I was kind of muzzled a little bit because I was there, and there were
certain things
that I could say or couldn't say online because it was a liability.
You were a little youngish at the time as well.
I was 21.
It was hard to take you seriously.
Yeah, I was 21 years old.
Yeah, you little fresh-faced little lad.
How old are you now?
You're not even that old now.
How old are you now?
I'm 29.
Yeah, you're a young fella.
So what happened is they kind of had their interpretation from whatever the
Young Turks said about me.
Because when I had 50,000 subscribers, it was like their day job to go after me.
And now, when I've had Alex Jones on, we've been doing proactive parodies of
the Young Turks,
calling them out, asking them to debate.
They will trash talk every conservative not named Steven Crowder.
It's like I'm Voldemort.
My name won't be spoken.
When I had 50,000 subscribers, they would talk about me all the time, and they
had, you know,
a million or two million.
Now that's changed, and people are able to come here directly.
I feel lonely that you're not smoking a pipe.
Well, give me your lighter.
The matches are getting annoying.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So, you know, I'd like to think, but you know, there's also the real
possibility that people
just don't like me because, you know, I'm kind of a dick.
Well, you can be a dick sometimes.
Yeah.
But you're a funny dick.
Like, you do some funny shit.
Like, one of the things that you did that was really funny was, uh, what was
that feminist
rally thing that you went to?
Was this the recent one where it was a tranny?
Yeah.
And I actually interviewed Wendy Davis.
I don't think you're supposed to say tranny, bro.
Yeah, I don't really care.
Well, see, that's why people don't like me sometimes.
B