Name: Joe Rogan Experience #928 - Arian Foster
Uploaded: 2017-03-09T02:04:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #928 - Arian Foster' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #928 - Arian Foster' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-09. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #928 - Arian Foster

we're live yeah what's up man how you doing likewise i have never seen a single
silly statement like i could kill a wolf one-on-one get so much hype that's the
weirdest
people are so excited about this it's the weirdest thing i've ever seen man i
can't i can't call it
it was just i tweet random shit all the time and that just for some reason that
uh everybody had an
opinion on it that's a weird one man it's funny though i've seen a lot of
people tweet really
ridiculous shit but i don't think i've ever seen anything get this much
speculation discussion
debate people are mad at you yeah people pissed off like you you can't you can't
be a wolf you can't
i'm like jesus christ bro you got wolf cousins man what's the deal yeah it is a
weird thing man it's
a weird thing the the social media today it must you know what it's i think it
is i think you said
it at a time where people were looking for some to argue about that has nothing
to do with trump
nothing to do with climate change it's like oh we got something here
i'm glad i could be that source of uh distraction entertainment yeah it does
seem like that though
doesn't it it's like you caught like i think it's like peaks and waves because
if you did this like
waves the day 9 11 happened nobody nobody would give a yeah they probably you
don't uh you don't respect
it it'd probably be like that yeah exactly but i can't believe you're doing
this on that day yeah
some people are probably if you did it today they'd be like i can't believe you
say that on national
woman's day bro yeah it's national woman's day you want to talk about fighting
wolves this is what's
wrong with men people this is wrong with the patriarchy uh i can't call it man
that's it
it was interesting though my mom calling me and stuff it's hilarious man people
i ain't talked to
for years like bro you can't be the wolf like i don't know man i don't know so
do you always just
tweet random yeah man whatever just randomly just whatever's on my mind i'm
pretty active on there
well that's what twitter's supposed to be about exactly it's it's it's a great
platform man it's
better it's one of the i think it's the best social media platform yeah well it
keeps people from
rambling well it is it's a it's an extended ramble yeah well you can you know
you can go on those
little one two three fours where people like yeah continue them okay but what i'm
saying is like
if you read people's facebook people get so verbose on facebook i couldn't do
it i haven't been on
facebook for a while and the reason why i decided to get off was um my grandma
requested me she's
like you know so so lucy mays shout out to lucy uh she's like lucy mays
requested your friends like i
can't i can't be on facebook right right my grandma's on facebook man your
grandma's not on twitter she's
not on twitter no some people that like they're not in the public eye they don't
know what to do with
twitter yeah like what do i do with this exactly one of my boys just got on
matter of fact he's got
a smartphone actually yeah he just got a smartphone he's been out the loop man
and uh so he gets on
twitter and he's like so what do i what do i do you just tweet man say well
what do i say like whatever
you want to say man and it's like it's hard i guess it'd be hard to gain the
following from scratch
like unless you know a lot of people or you have a platform so well you got to
say something up and
then someone's got to retweet that yeah and then people start following you i've
seen people do that yeah i
think that's where that's where trolling started oh yeah for sure gaining an
audience and just trying
to piss people off trolling is very weird it's like i wonder how many i wonder
who has like the most
fake accounts like there's got to be some dude out there that has like a record
number like 150 fake
accounts just trolls people i don't understand it like well that's because you're
a successful man
with an actual life that's for me that's true i appreciate that man says a lot
coming from you but
uh i don't know man it's just weird like your whole like uh internet existence
is just to piss
people off i guess there's humans like that in real life anyway so oh there
definitely is that makes
sense yeah there definitely is but it's a there's a new thing you know the
ability to do it without
seeing the person without being in contact with them physically you could be on
the other side of the
planet yeah i said matter of fact i saw a um some documentary you were on that
you you described
it beautifully about how when we first got on the internet and there was that aol
dial up everybody
was just kind of mumbling around everybody just kind of bumping into each other
and then we're slowly
finding a way to interweave it into our existence it was a dope analogy that
you put up to us well we're
in a weird stage right now where it's gonna i don't know what it is what's
coming next but whatever's
coming next is going to be way more invasive than this it's got to be a man
probably jamie's got some
goofy glasses he's got on check these out he's got these snapchat glasses snapchat
glasses they have
light bulbs in the eye like look when you're filming that's cold look at that
so you can actually you can
actually snapchat from them yeah yeah i'll go to my phone and then i put it up
like i don't have to
put all of them up and it's not going oh wow yeah see this is like just stage
one eventually it's
going to be live all the time like contacts right yeah put in contacts that'd
be cold that's definitely
going to happen it's definitely going to happen yeah now when you when you said
this about wolves
right how serious were you were you half serious around well it's i mean i was
half around
but it's like when you start thinking about it and breaking it down i really i
feel like i can but
like i i everybody thinks like i'm talking about like everybody like especially
on twitter like you
they're posting these big ass wolves with these 200 pound plus wolves i'm like
all right listen like
those are rare right so like i'm not the biggest human on earth and you gonna
give me a picture of
the biggest wolf you can find like that's not it's not fair it's not fair right
so google average wolf size
and i feel like if it was you know my life was depending on it like you have to
think like that
right if you run into a wolf and he's threatening you and you like i can't get
him you dead so well
i feel like if you had something on you you'd have more of a chance i would
have serve a knife yeah
something yeah i feel like i don't i wouldn't be in the woods without something
but wolves man do you
know how hard they bite yeah you know i've done a little research i've done a
little research um
i think it's like 1200 five times stronger than a pit bull right right i think
it's 2500 i think it's
2500 pounds per square inch see if you could find i was looking yesterday yeah
i think it said a
a mastiff was stronger than a wolf which is weird it wasn't it wasn't in the
top five big
fucking dog alligators and crocodiles were stronger than that a gorilla was
stronger the
gorillas bite stronger yeah wow i would have never imagined that yeah they're
eating broccoli and
shit i mean strong branches well they just have to fight other gorillas for
because they have
they have a one-inch dick and they they control a bunch of chicks they have to
have a good bite how
do you know that they have one is that i know a lot of shit about girls that's
what's up man
well it's about uh whether or not the females are promiscuous see when uh when
you look at like
it's it's it's it's actually the truth with humans too but testicular size and
dick size is directly
correlated to the amount of promiscuous females around really yeah so if you're
around a bunch of hoes
your balls get bigger that's interesting what is the uh evolutionary advantage
oh i guess
well you gotta procreation you gotta sling as much dick as you can because
these
bitches are just running around with everybody not on national woman's day bro
no i'm sorry i'm so
sorry i'm so sorry you're right i apologize it was so thoughtless of me but
that's that's why chimps
have big dicks and chimps have giant balls you ever see chimp balls never seen
a chimp ball pull up
some chimp balls there's a there's a there's a picture of this hairless chimp
who's sitting there
and he has balls that just look like i was like where he kicking back yeah yeah
okay i've seen that
like two juicy ripe pears like two georgia peaches look at his balls wow dude
the size of his
fucking balls he's so like hugged he's so big he's so jacked that's what chimps
look like when you take
the hair off of them that's crazy and that's only you know 150 pounds so they
have a shave this chimp
no he has mange okay see all his hands like he's got the skin condition all
over his hands and chip
yeah you know a lot about yeah chimps and gorillas well here's an even crazier
one pull up this picture
jamie a direct correlation between testicle size and brain size and chimps
versus humans yeah see
that's a human that's a chimp brain on the on the top and a chimp ball on the
bottom and what's the
correlation they have giant balls and little brains if our balls were as big as
our brains we would have
a serious problem first of all we wouldn't be able to walk yeah we wouldn't
have a lot we would have
to figure out some sort of a harness i feel like our balls would be bigger
though balls would be
bigger than chimps they're not no no they'll be uh bigger than they are now if
what if we had smaller
brains yeah probably yeah probably i guess yeah what they think is that when
with chimps especially
because chimps are seriously promiscuous like there's no monogamy in the chimp
world good for
chimps they just everybody good for them we're just getting it yeah everywhere
yeah we still holding on
which barely we say we're holding on but it's like 50 divorce rate it's it's
high man yeah which means
50 percent divorce rate and out of the people that are not divorced how many of
those people are living
in abject misery yeah just constantly being just beaten down by life and not
not being happy it's
an old uh it's an old custom man for sure it's definitely an old custom there's
an old quote from
thoreau that most men live lives of quiet desperation that's real shit my
favorite is uh chris rock he said
he said a man is only as faithful as his options yeah that's uh that's a good
quote too the uh the
chimp thing though what's interesting about it is that gorillas have figured
out a way to hold it
down like gorillas keep all those women like faithful all the females so he's a
polygamist gorillas
yeah okay well he has a bunch of women he has a harem but the women don't
around with any other
males other than him so he's got this little dick that's for sure and not big
balls either gorillas are
mormons i didn't i didn't know that yeah and just giant you know so they're
giant and they have you
know giant muscles giant faces and giant jaws and they could kill other gorillas
you know by biting
them and tearing them apart and shit but that's the only thing they use their
mouths for eating branches
and shit and leaves i don't know why uh they need that strong jaw then fight
off all the other gorillas
but they strong super strong but so are other gorillas i'm always interested in
the like the
evolutionary uh reason as to why things are the way they are yeah it's
fascinating so it's like
it's their first instinct to bite you know what i mean because ours ours isn't
i think they show
their teeth more than they bite you know they show their teeth they beat on
each other intimidation
yeah because i've seen videos of gorillas beating the out of each other
this oh yeah this is one recently right this is one at the zoo these two gorillas
go at it silverbacks
yeah and a big gorilla is like about 500 pounds right and this size is a big
one i think
these dudes just start circling each other but this is just becaus