Name: Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton
Uploaded: 2017-03-15T00:46:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-15. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton

Henry Rollins was on the podcast before, three, two, one.
You have a very specific style of wearing the headphones with like one off to
the side.
And Henry Rollins does the same thing.
And I said, oh, you're wearing your headphones Jim Norton style.
I didn't know that you guys had had some sort of an altercation.
How long was this?
Recently, like a couple months ago, two months ago.
He didn't say anything.
Someone else told me online.
Oh, I thought Henry was still mad about it.
I'm like, no, that was minor.
Was it?
Minor.
Oh, fucking online people.
They blow everything out of proportion.
We've talked since then.
I like him a lot.
We've interviewed him.
I think he's great.
He's an interesting guy.
Very interesting.
We were talking comedy one time and I forget what he was talking about with
Richard Pryor on the phone.
But he was a little like, oh, you don't know Richard.
Like there was some.
Oh, that's right.
I remember this.
I vaguely remember it.
Yeah, he was trying to pretend that you didn't know Richard Pryor.
And you're like maybe one of the biggest Richard Pryor fans of all time.
Yeah, I love him.
And it was a silly thing to try to, like for what?
Like there's no valor in knowing Richard Pryor.
I know.
Set himself on fire on purpose.
There's a weird thing that people do when they pretend that knowing things
makes them better than you because you don't know things.
Yeah.
It's very strange.
Like knowing something is just like, oh, you know about it.
It's all it is.
And we also get caught up in where Colin has a brilliant joke about how people,
if you learn something from a movie, people are embarrassed to go, I learned
that from TV or I learned it from a movie.
So they try to act like they read it.
He's like, you're smarter because you read it.
I hated him for thinking of that great point.
But you do people feel smarter if they read something.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
My daughter was just telling me that today that she learned something from an
animated movie.
And she said, that's the weirdest way to learn things ever.
And I'm like, well, it's really not.
I go, it's just a thing.
It's like you can learn things from anything.
It won't be any different learning it from there than if you hear somebody say
it.
But there's just ways that we think are smart.
Like I feel so much smarter if I read something.
Oh, yeah.
And just hearing it on TV, I'm like, oh, I'm a fucking dope repeating what I
heard again.
Well, I have a friend who will get upset if people say they read a book if they
actually listen to the audio book.
Really?
Yeah.
He's like, did you read it?
Or did you listen to the audio book?
I'm like, fuck, man.
Like, leave the guy alone.
I think listening to it's better.
Well, it's way more productive.
Like you can get it done while you're doing stuff like driving your car or at
the gym or whatever.
Can you, my focus has gotten so fucked up.
Like, can you sit down and actually just come through, I read a book and then
all of a sudden I'm like, I gotta be doing something addictive.
I can't fucking read a book anymore.
I hate that I can't.
My focus is not there.
I read at night before I go to bed.
That's what I like to do.
I like to read and when I start, like, having a hard time paying attention,
that's when it's time to crash.
How long can you read for?
A couple hours.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm good for a couple hours.
I'm usually good for no more than, say, like, well, if I sat down during the
day, I could read for about three hours.
But at night, at night, I'm good for about two.
You have that kind of focus?
Depends on what I'm reading.
If it's really interesting.
Right.
You know?
I can't do it.
Well, I'm reading now.
It's kind of research.
It's about, it's a book called American Serengeti.
It's about what the wildlife used to be on the American plains, like, before,
in the Pleistocene era, I guess.
You know, before the Ice Age.
It's pretty crazy shit.
I understood none of those words, except for, like, the American, you said the
first part I got, and the rest of it I've never heard of.
Well, there's this guy that I'm having on the pod.
He was supposed to be here last month.
We had to reschedule it to next month.
But he's a wildlife historian, or a biological historian, I guess he would be.
I'm not sure which one he would be.
But his name is Dan Flores, and he wrote this amazing book about coyotes, about
the history of the coyote.
And he wrote another book about the history of extinct wildlife in the American
Southwest, or the American West.
And at one point in time, we had all sorts of crazy shit.
We had cheetahs.
There was cheetahs.
There was lions that were bigger than African lions.
There was a thing called the short-faced bear, which was this fucking enormous
bear, bigger than a polar bear.
We had, there's a reason why, like, have you ever seen an antelope, like,
American antelope, like a pronghorn antelope?
Do you know what those are?
I've seen antelope, but that's only because someone said that's an antelope.
Right, right.
They could have been lying.
Well, they're this weird animal that lives in, like, Colorado, to Wyoming, and
New Mexico, and a lot of different places.
It's a strange animal because it runs way faster than anything that can kill it.
That's it right there.
And the reason being is because this animal evolved way, way back, hundreds of
thousands of years ago, when there were cheetahs here.
And there were really fast things that would chase it.
Like, those fucking things are lightning fast.
That can outrun a cheetah?
Well, they can do their best.
Yeah.
They can make a cheetah work.
Yeah, but whereas, like, a deer has no shot.
Like, a white-tailed deer is, if a cheetah's going after a white-tailed deer, a
cheetah's going to get it.
Did you see the video of, uh, I'm such a fruit.
Like, I go online.
I like to watch happy animal videos, like, baby elephants cuddling.
I went on a fucking baby elephant, like, YouTube loop, just watching people cuddling
with baby elephants.
They're awesome.
Elephants are amazing.
They're really fucking smart, man.
They're not really smart, just really smart, but they can remember individual
elephants from, like, decades ago.
Like, they could be separated from their family and not see their family for 20
years, and then they reintroduce them.
And when you see the two of them get together again, it's fucking heartbreaking.
Because you're like, well, it makes you think about, like, the elephants that
are in zoos and the elephants that are in the circus.
You're like, whoa, like, what are these things?
Like, they're not, they're not, they're not stupid.
Right, they get it.
There's something wrong.
Yeah, there's some animals that are, like, deer are beautiful and everything
like that, but they have a very limited cognitive function.
Sure.
You know, their brain doesn't work that good.
It's just real simple.
Like, is there anything you want to eat me?
No.
Where's the grass?
Let me eat the grass.
Yeah.
Anything you want to eat me?
No?
Where's the grass?
One of two thoughts.
Yeah.
And then time to fuck.
Once a year, it's time to fuck, which is crazy, which is why they have antlers,
to fight off all the other men and to fuck.
And then the antlers fall off and then they're back to normal shit.
Right, and people think we're unique getting, like, Porsches and Lamborghinis.
It's the same thing.
That's just fucking nicer antlers.
Yeah.
Well, they have weapons, really.
They fight each other to the death.
They kill each other all the time.
They do.
Yeah, it's fucked.
But that's what those things are for.
Those giant antlers, they're for stabbing.
They just slam into each other.
They headbutt each other and they occasionally catch one slipping and they
broadside them and go right through the fucking lungs.
But a lot of times they'll just kind of back off.
Like, all right, he's got bigger antlers and he's smashing me a little bit and
I'll fucking...
Yeah.
It's fun to watch one animal, male animal, back off another animal.
It's so much like human beings.
A lot of times it's just posturing.
I'm just going to show you that I could rip your head off.
All right, you'll beat it like hippos.
Yeah.
They'll bite each other a little bit and then one's like, all right, fuck it
and leaves.
I was elk hunting once and I saw these two elk duke it out.
These two huge animals.
They were about a thousand pounds and they're slamming heads into each other.
Just running towards each other, bang, and headbutting and smashing antlers
together.
And they were so big.
I mean, these were like enormous elk.
Both of them were around, somewhere around a thousand pounds.
And just the force that they generate with their heads just colliding with
these antlers.
All of it just for pussy.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly.
That's why I don't think people are so bad to do what we do because it really
is an animal.
We're chimps.
Yeah.
And we're one step beyond and we just don't do it that way anymore.
But it's always us fighting to fucking mate or to get laid.
We do it with gold Lamborghinis and fucking beautiful watches and shit.
Yeah.
Or even shows the strength.
There's guys that do it, you know, just brutal guys who are big and can fuck
you up and they get hot girls.
Sure.
And then just people at the gym, just wearing little clothes, flexing.
Yeah.
Picking up weights.
It's humiliating.
It's weird.
It's like we have a weird sort of connection to these ancient animals that
needed to do that in order to make sure that the women were attracted to the
strong genes to stay alive.
Right.
Even though it's not nearly as important anymore.
It's weird in the gym too because I dress like shit.
Like I obviously, you know, I can't wear a tank top and I'd look silly.
So I wear like sweatpants and like an old rotten hoodie.
I really look like a bum in the gym because I know that I can't compete.
So I'm almost going totally the opposite way.
Like people wonder like what kind of shape I might be in.
But I know I can't compete on a level of looking good in a gym.
Like I'm never going to get laid in a gym.
Never?
No.
You never picked up a girl in a gym?
I dated a person who trained me.
I dated when I trained, but she knew me.
It was a personality thing.
It was never like, it was never like, wow, this guy's cute.
I'm going to fuck him.
Like it's never worked that way.
Damn.
No, never.
Never.
I just kind of like, I become friends with them and then all of a sudden we're
fucking like a year later and they're like, how'd that happen?
You sneak your way in.
I really do.
I just personality my way into it.
And the one girl who I really, she's still a really good friend of mine.
We dated for maybe two months and I think she's in a different place in life
and kind of wanted kids.
And I'm a fucking perv.
I just can't do it.
I mean, I'm not.
And I know I'm not, but I was so attracted to her.
I was so, I wrote a bit about her in one of my, in back on Please Be Offended.
I did a bit about following a girl up the steps and looking at her vag in the
back of her pants because it was so nice.
And you told it was about her?
I did.
I told her after we had dated and she loved it.
She thought it was really funny.
She's like, oh my God, that's the greatest.
She was really a fun person.
But yeah, I lusted her for so long and then we wound up dating, but I knew her
for like a year before we dated.
When you lusted for someone for that long, finally, when you finally get there,
it's such a nerve ragging experience.
You're like, you're like trying to hold back the jizz.
Yeah.
Well, you can't believe it's happening too.
Yeah, right?
Like finally.
I like to come fast though.
Do you?
Yeah, I do.
Because sometimes I'll lose my rod.
So if I come fast, I won.
Then I can compliment them.
See, because the experience, like if you lose your heart on, you're like, oh,
sorry, this, you know, whatever, I'm fucked up.
But if you come quick, it's like, wow, you did great.
Right, I get it.
I'm a mess.
It's hard for me to let someone else make me fe