Name: Joe Rogan Experience #976 - Morgan Murphy
Uploaded: 2017-06-19T21:44:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #976 - Morgan Murphy' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-19. Transcript available. Morgan Murphy is a stand-up comic, comedy writer, and actress.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #976 - Morgan Murphy' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-19. Transcript available. Morgan Murphy is a stand-up comic, comedy writer, and actress.

Joe Rogan Experience #976 - Morgan Murphy

people like it's not natural i say what the fuck is natural
powerful morgan murphy we are live we are live we are live how are you the fuck's
going on
is that a space balls t-shirt you're wearing uh no it's um it's a no no limit
no limit soldier
t-shirt oh shit like master p whatever happened that dude he's got a weed store
i think murder
oh see murder isn't he in jail for murder how odd there's a lot of uh yeah a
lot of people are in
jail for murder right now it's very big yeah you don't have to do uh your
entire life though i used
to think that every time you murder someone that's it you go to jail for life
when people get out of
jail for murder yeah that seems a little fucked up doesn't seem a little fucked
up a little fucked up
to have to uh i always imagine like i wondered if they go back to their
hometown like where they
murdered somebody like that's always the fucked up part to me it's like going
back to the place where
you're you're the town murderer yeah it's fucked up that in a moment of just to
freak out you could change your whole life your life's fucked and the
other another person's life just isn't around anymore just stops done yeah the
finality of it all it's crazy it's a little
uncomfortable i don't want you uh snapping i feel like you could snap i'm not a
snapper
are you i'm super calm really yeah pretty much especially in like physical
altercation type stuff i'm very aware of consequences
what if you were on like your 10th lift of something like an aggressive workout
and you're in the middle
you have all the you know all your energy is just moving forward and you're
lifting your
the kettle thing and it's number 10 and someone just comes in and like tells
you your mom's stupid
i would be even less likely to do anything because i'm already exerted i get it
i think of the body
this is a shitty theory with no biology attached to it at all but i think the
body is like a battery
and i think almost like maybe a battery if a battery was a bucket and this
thing can overflow and i think
that's what you get when you get road rage that's what you get people that snap
for no reason i think
they're already coming at you at like eight they're not like hi i'm morgan hi i'm
joe and we meet each other
at zero right i think some people are meeting you they're already at six and
they're just ready to
snap right there's nothing to do with you they should have let a little out at
the starbucks a
little out in the car a little out you know at home with the kids and then uh
and then they wouldn't
murder anybody at the end of it and people will say well you know you just need
to work on your
breathing and well you need to work on your your being present and you need to
be mindful and i think
all those things are correct but i really think that your body has a certain
amount of requirements
and i think depending upon your stress level those physical requirements might
be higher
all right like if you have a job and your job is like some high level
accountant at some big firm and
you're crunching numbers and it's fucking stressful as shit i feel like your
body thinks that there is
some physical danger involved in this and i think your body amps up for that
and then when the physical
danger doesn't come your body is just fucking primed and ready to go but there's
nothing there's no
action there's no fucking action this fucking cut cut me off and then they
start doing that shit
fuck you fuck you they're getting their car and they're just fuck you fuck you
because in your car
you're ramped up even more because in your car you're aware that you have to be
you have to be
really acutely aware of everything that's around you you have to make sure that
no one's making any
mistakes because you're all going 65 miles an hour and a little error can
happen really quickly so
you're on edge already when you're in your car even if you're calm you're even
if you're calm
you're in your car your sensors are tuned in if you're fucking paying attention
if you're a healthy
human being you're looking left you're looking in the mirror you're looking
right you're checking to
make sure that you're okay you're making sure that no one's doing anything
stupid and then you
compound that with the stress of your daily life with no physical release right
we don't have
animals chasing us anymore exactly and we don't have invading tribes that would
be fun though to have a
buffalo chase you all day and then you would have you would release the proper
amount of energy given
the threat it would be a realistic we'd have a more realistic population number
two i like it that would be uh
one thing we don't like that though we just whenever anything like gets like
too close we just kill
them off yeah just kill them off that having buffaloes everywhere kill them
fucking kill them stop stop there's consequences i gotta go to work kill it
kill it
that's a bigger problem right around america do you know that uh they reintroduced
wolves into america in
the 1990s now there's this giant debate whether or not wolves should be here
really where'd they do that
yellowstone oh yeah i think they're badass but you got to keep an eye on the
fuckers
yeah i got a lot of coyotes in my uh in my neighborhood a lot like i have a lot
of coyote
neighbors yeah super common all the time i had a biologist on who tracks coyotes
that's what he does
oh he does track coyotes around los angeles and he's like dude they're fucking
everywhere yeah
he said they were living in middle of downtown l.a in the most crowded area
they had a den
it's crazy yeah i call my neighbors when uh when there's a uh coyote if i see a
coyote going up
their driveway hey there's a coyote or i call them if uh somebody knocks on the
door asking for money
for some organization everyone gives each other an alert oh that's coyotes or
uh you know people for
environmental la or whatever yeah those people just knocking on your door oh
that's a bad feeling i gave them
money for bees one time they got me all nervous about bees and saving the bees
and i was like oh
shit i gotta i really went from like i'm i'm having coffee and a cigarette to
like oh i gotta save the
bees now it's my responsibility to solely do it does that also depend on like
where your head's at right
like if your head is in a really good place and someone knocks on the door and
you don't know who
they are it's cool you're like hi you're like hi we're here to save chimpanzees
you're like oh
okay like what do you what do you guys do and then you start talking to them
well if they can like
within a minute make you understand something you didn't understand before you're
like oh
shit now i gotta pay attention right like they sucked me in because i wasn't
aware of our bee
situation oh so they immediately hit you with some facts they hit me with some
facts and i was like oh
boy now how are they going to save these bees i don't know with my with my 40
dollars i think
just hey or take this paper and just go handle it yeah yeah go handle it yeah
if the bees die
were dead we're all dead apparently yeah except in china they figured out a way
to pollinate things
with uh just a brush there was an issue where they were really low on bees and
tried reintroducing bees
and didn't take so um last ditch effort was they took people with a paintbrush
and they dusted the pollen
on uh all these different plants like one at a time yeah yeah they pollen they
literally pollinated all
these plants and apparently it worked way better because bees are sort of non-specific
like bees are just going over there and they're doing their thing and they just
get shit on their
body and it transfers over to the plants it's really kind of fascinating how it
works but these
people did it very specifically with a paintbrush it's really hard to do a bee's
job see if you can
find the video of it it's kind of weird because like you could make the
argument like we don't really
need bees unless you want honey honey's not even really good for you how about
that that was going
through my head and then they explained to me why we need bees which i forgot
but it was enough i had
a guy come to me at whole foods this is my most intrusive i think the most intrusive
is when you're
in the parking lot at whole foods because that's when they usually get you when
you're walking out
they try to get you right as you're walking out it's hot outside and you have
like ice cream and
shit you're like hey dude you also have like 17 you know 17 dollar ice cream so
they know you have uh
they know you have a few bucks that's right now because of amazon we won't have
to do that anymore
amazon just bought whole foods so just just be able to one click your shit
but um this guy he hits me up stops me in the middle like stops me stands in
front of my cart
puts his finger up do you have one minute for gay rights like what's it's not
gonna one minute is
not gonna help man like what are you talking about i vote like what do you want
me to do want me to
donate so what's this one minute what are you gonna tell me what are you gonna
tell me you're not gonna
tell me shit i go no i do not i i vote for gay rights though take it easy man
like you're
fucking that's an annoying activist what uh whole foods was this at with the nils
all right right here
right up the street all right i was trying to like uh figure out politically
what where that whole foods
aligns i don't know what the deal is like where they're allowed to have people
this was a couple
years ago honestly i still complain about it because i'm kind of a whiny bitch
but um i don't know what
the deal is like are you allowed to just set up shop anywhere and put like one
of those picnic stands and
you know they have like one of those little plastic tables they set down and
they show you a picture
of a baby with a bloated belly and they show you yeah you hope it's girl scout
cookies and it turns
out to be just a horror show yeah pending apocalypse i almost think like when i
see someone like some
kids selling lemonade or something like that i'm like oh this is like you guys
are doing like a throwback
thing you know yeah i almost feel like oh you guys are doing like an old time
you're making your own
butter look at your kids you know i think this is not sustainable this is not a
real thing anybody does
anymore you get a lemonade stand okay did you did you how did you make did you
get a horse and ride
your horse over here with this lemonade stand there's always parents now
helping the lemonade you can't
you can't do it alone you can't do anything alone anymore always it's always
parents there and it's
always those helicopter parents don't touch the money billy don't put your
mouth i would sell
when i was a kid i would like take my books and stuff and sell them in my front
yard like i would just put
them out i thought it was fun to have my own garage sale but i didn't see my
mom for like you know
seven hours of the day and i come back inside and she what you doing i made
four dollars like
she didn't know how i made four dollars i was selling all my in the front yard
she didn't see me or ask me anything different times different times parents
were just they just
let you out they let you out but i was this was like in the 80s which was prime
i mean that was
like uh that was kidnapping was was hot you know your mom had faith in your
avoidance skills maybe yeah
yeah you think about like how people used to raise people like everybody i
talked to they just let
their kids out like when you were you know my age like uh i'm 49 when i was
like uh 7 42 years ago
they just let you out of the house i got i used to get kicked out of the house
but i was given a
time i had to be back it was a very like broken system of like get out but come
back by five and
don't walk under the uh an overpass tunnel like i was given rules that's where
the trolls yeah i was
given rules like what year did they stop doing that like just letting kids out
like when did that stop
because