Name: Joe Rogan Experience #983 - Natasha Leggero & Moshe Kasher
Uploaded: 2017-07-05T23:31:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #983 - Natasha Leggero & Moshe Kasher' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #983 - Natasha Leggero & Moshe Kasher' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-05. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #983 - Natasha Leggero & Moshe Kasher

Yes, yeah
Natasha put your phone
You're trying but this is not coming up there goes this interface. It's very
hard
It's very hard. Um, are you guys worried that by calling your tour endless
honeymoon?
You might put the jinx on it sort of like how rob and black china and doing a
reality show
A jinx on what our marriage or the tour
We can pivot we can pivot into the endless divorce tour very quickly
Right because you guys would be friends even if you hit the rocks strictly homies
tour
Well, the way we thought of it is when we were in newport rhode island
We learned about this rich couple who went on a 10-year honeymoon
And then they came back with four kids
And I just thought that sounded so romantic to be so rich that you just like
went away for a decade
Yeah, you have kids on the fly you go away
Newlyweds you come back grandparents
That's super bold too. Like they don't even know their doctor. They're in
fucking sweden and shit
I mean, they're rich people
Those people were so rich man. Do you know about the newport that the the seat
of wealth that was newport rhode island?
Oh, yeah
I used to do a lot of gigs in rhode island
There's these insane mansions there
The in the this is the well in the gilded age in like 1900
Basically 90% of the wealth in america was in rhode island and then everyone
else was living like
You know in squalor because they hadn't established personal income tax yet
It was like the years right before personal income tax had been established in
this country
So people had like 35 indoor servants 55 outdoor servants
Like you could people like would come from australia and boats and you would
just make them your it was like slavery
But yeah, this is the show at the endless honeymoon tour
We do an extended lecture on personal income tax and the history and slavery
Yeah
No, my show another period is based on that. That's how we know about it
But yeah, they were like these people it was the carnegies and the rockefellers
and these like seat of power like illuminati old
You know, like carnegie had a billion dollars a hundred years ago like these
people were they were just but now
We've come full circle and people have figured out how to legally steal money
and not pay income tax
So but not that many I mean the difference is pretty shocking
But don't like the romney's of the world don't they know how to not pay or like
the romney's are you talking about?
Well, like the like politicians don't they kind of know how to you you're
talking about
She's talking about big old corporate oligarchy billionaire people
Any super rich people are gonna try really hard to hold on to their money and
pay as little taxes as possible and form
LLCs and corporations and all kind of jazz, but it is funny the comedians are
like mostly super liberal
Yeah, right and they're all like man. We got
Bernie and we got to like pay these high tax rates and anyway, I'm incorporated
and my llc's name is
Like you're doing a corporate fiction, too
It's a tax shelter for for entertainers
But here's the problem like where's the money going like I'd be willing to give
away more money in tax dollars
If I knew that it was a rock-solid establishment
They really knew what to do and also
Take if you could take like little fill little bubbles like oh, I'd like most
of my money to go to education
Not nothing to this nothing to that. Oh, that'd be amazing
It would be but the country be fucked. Yeah
The roads would fall apart quickly. Oh, everything would fall apart. You know
cops would be out of business
Well, no because half of the country at least would be like all my money to the
cops all my money to defense
I would love to see I would love to I don't I wouldn't love to do it because I
just don't think that that amount of power should be in people's hands without
a lot of research first
You know, I think that's a big part of the problem even running for president
and voting for president
You don't have to have any research done before you choose a candidate. You
just like them
And also you don't have to have done any research to be the president. Also.
There's like no choice
It's like okay. I guess I'm a Hillary person. Yeah. Yeah
You could become a Hillary person just because you didn't want a reality show
with
Contestant or whatever the fuck he was but that's a crazy thing about and I I
do think I think we're talking about this last time
I do think Trump in in if he's doing anything good for American society. He's
pointing out how
Ridiculous and arbitrary the worship of the American president is. Oh, yeah
People are going that's not presidential. Well
Presidential means that you look dignified while you bomb a village in Yemen
like so we should just destroy
Presidential as an idea Gore Vidal said that he called it the uniquely American
religion of president worship
President worship. Yeah, that is really I mean, it's really just a new version
of kings
Oh, we that's so funny that our whole foundation mythology is based on the
rejection of the king and we immediately
Established king kingship, which is what they did in in Christianity. I think
of Christianity this way like it's based in this Judaic religion that says
Let's get rid of the idea of a man that you worship or a figure or a god that
you bow in front of there's one right in front of us
Right, let's get rid of a statue that you bow down in front of and the next
religion was like
Let's worship a human being like it's so that is so in us. Well, it's alpha
male chimpanzee stuff
We always try to look to the number one the one that knows the most the oldest
with the most scars
It's gone through the most battle as the most wisdom lead us because you want
to know which snakes are poisonous and what plants you can eat
And what's going to kill you right and and and everybody worships the past that's
what's so funny to me about
American it's the day after july 4th and everybody talks about the founding
fathers is like those were dudes who had the education of the
They were brilliant people in the 1800s and 1700s, but I'm not like trying to I'm
not trying to go to a doctor from the founding fathers days
Or like yeah, people probably stunk people probably did say Thomas Jefferson
probably stank
It probably just what what people smelled like back then like if you caught a
gal after a bath you were psyched
Even a bath a bath is let's be honest about what a bath is. It's asshole and
vagina soup
You're sitting in a big tea pot, but you don't put your dick or balls in there
It's just the men put their assholes in women put their vaginas in but men they
hold up their assholes their dicks and balls
So they don't
Concern me what a guy smells like, but what a girl smells like concerns me and
but maybe it wouldn't have back then
Maybe it wouldn't know. Yeah, maybe just your standards change if you're horny
enough. You don't care. That is true
I'll never forget this past I do
Always
But you're an incredibly horny person
Classically horny
My wife let me just say guys my wife is so horny. I love that word
I like how you did it in a sort of a gay
Why isn't it funny that like being
Mobile is gay is gay. Yeah, if you just start going like this people go. Oh,
that's gay as fuck
There's a there's a story about Tom Cruise we heard this that he came to I can't
remember who some
Comedy person who's like a normal human being right like but famous but not
like Tom Cruise famous right Tom Cruise like connected with that person
I can't make it a better story if I remember who it was but it's somebody like
that like your level or like or
Or like a Mark Duplass or you know I'm saying like and they don't know who Mark
Duplass is well
He's a guy at your level no
The Duplass knows who everybody is. I don't know who the Duplass brothers there
And they're they're made the show togetherness on HBO my point isn't about the
Duplass brothers is like they were just like semi-famous not like
Okay, what did Tom Cruise say? Tom Cruise got himself. Yeah, she's so horny.
She wants to get to the fucking
So he got invited to a Super Bowl party at this person's house, right?
I can imagine if Tom Cruise is coming to your house for the Super Bowl Super
Bowl party. He was like
Asking Tom Cruise and he says yes
Honey he said yes. What do we do?
Right and imagine me Tom Cruise be like I think I will be among the humans
today
So Tom Cruise apparently shows up with a brand new like clearly fresh football
that his assistant like you know
He's like tossing like a literal brand new football in the air, and they're all
talking about marriage at some point in the day
He goes you know what the best part of being married is though, right fucking
your wife am I right?
You just fuck your wife and everybody's like like felt like tumbleweeds roll
through the party
He's sort of like a robot huh like an alien visiting us. Yeah, he must be
amazing to hang out with
I would love to hang out with him fucking your wife, right?
I mean when you're that famous your work ethic, it's like you just devote
everything to that I think
Because like I have my my agents were like they know that the agents who are
Tom Cruise agents
They said Tom Cruise always gets back within an hour when we send a script
Because I'll like keep a script for like three weeks and then by the time I
read it the parts been cast
He reads it in an hour?
They said Tom Cruise will read a script in an hour and get back to them and
either like it or not like it
Like he's just like on the ball. Yeah, he's like he's trying to win
Yeah, he's one and it's an inhuman
Instinct because our human instinct is to just atrophy
In a way I mean you have to kind of fight it but yeah easy to be lazy and to
procrastinate
It's definitely easy to be lazy, but it's not if you're gonna be Tom Cruise
really have to be on the ball
There's no other way it doesn't just he doesn't know that's not just what's
going on
There's some weird alien sort of behavior patterns that we don't recognize as
being normal like when he jumped up on Oprah's couch
It's like I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in love and it was like what the fuck
is going on here. I think it's a person
No, it's like a person who doesn't understand French, but you're speaking
French to a French person. You're saying all the right words
Like what the fuck is wrong with this guy? It seems like every choice he makes
outside of acting is based on what he's assuming
Normal human beings think is the normal behavior, right? So because oh love is
when you jump on a couch and go
I love her which is
informed by movies really right like that's more movie like right that's like
John Cusack and say anything like oh
That's what love looks like. It's not, you know, or telling a bunch of the
fellas, you know
We're gonna have sex talk with the fellas. Oh, so I like to fuck my wife, huh?
The friction of her vagina makes me just splooge, huh? Right guys?
Never I died just don't relate to that joke that you made
Yeah, what a fucking strange guy. He might be one of the strangest guys of all
time
I wish he would just like come clean with like one day just
Just sit down and just be like give him some ecstasy and how you just talk
about who he is like
I don't even know the fuck. I am and I've been in Scientology for so long. Yeah,
like 13 guys last year
I'm always worried they're gonna tell
I'm always worried they're gonna tell
Well, he did Chris Hardwick's podcast
Right, he did he did a one-on-one interview
I wish you get could get him on here because you you
You get a you get in but I don't think you could pierce that impenetrable layer
I think he would be fake with you, too
But even if he's fake you find out if he's fake you fight some stuff. I will
this you still pierce
He was telling Chris like I love movies, you know
I'm passionate about movies and Chris goes oh, yeah, like what are some of your
favorite movies?
This is how politically like constructed he is he goes yeah, just movies all
movies all movies like he could
The biggest movie star could