Name: Joe Rogan Experience #988 - Nick Swardson
Uploaded: 2017-07-26T01:13:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #988 - Nick Swardson' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #988 - Nick Swardson' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-26. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #988 - Nick Swardson

turn on the lava lamp he knows how to turn on everything his name is young jamie
three two one i'm live with nick swartzen former drug dealer nick tell us your
tale tell us your
tale of youth gone wild it's a tale of youth gone wild we are the youth gone
wild how many people
like broke windows because they heard that song like yeah it's me man i'm crazy
i'm wild finally
somebody labeled it we are the youth gone wild like in songs could be inspiring
in a bad way
sometimes right yeah they can get you to do some stupid dude you know how many
people carelessly
whispered i know fucking careless dude how many people woke people up before
they go-go yeah
woke them up they were not ready to go-go yeah they don't they weren't planning
on going so low god
yeah we lost a lot of people this year when you stop and think about george
michael
prince who was the latest one there was some big one lincoln park chester bennington
yes that's right
chester that was a big one and chris cornell both in the same way yeah and then
chester committed
suicide on his birthday chris cornell's birthday dude yeah that was a really
that was a weird one man
that guy was 41 on top of the world the lead singer one of the biggest rock
bands of all time but it's
it's hard to say like what caused him to be so fucked up but most people point
to he was like
very sexually abused when he was a young kid and that just he never he just
never recovered from that
and then you know yeah i never knew him but i had friends that were really
close to them and
they just said he was like the most gentle sweet guy fucking powerful voice man
oh yeah yeah that guy would
shred
whoo powerful yeah no it's horrible it's so hard for people to understand that
you could be
the lead singer of like i mean arguably one of the biggest bands of our
generation yeah giant huge arena
filled up there was a photo of him standing on stage with no shirt on in this
massive arena show and
everybody had their cell phone lights on you know people do that now instead of
lighters back when
i was a kid back when i was a boy we didn't have cell phones we burned our
bodies we had fire yeah we
had fucking fire hazards but he was um he was standing on stage and i was like
yeah that's the photo like
look at that man that's sick no one could ever possibly imagine that that guy
would not be insanely happy
i mean look how many people love that guy you're just getting a tiny fraction
of the love that guy
must have gotten and it still wasn't enough yeah yeah so hard to understand i
mean yeah that level of
just inner sadness and darkness i mean good lord it's just awful to think that
that guy went through to
get to that point and he had six kids yeah so i mean it's just like it had to
be so much that even
having kids and being with his kids wasn't enough fuck man that's a crazy
picture though that's a sick
photo oh my god i mean all the way up in the rafters yeah i mean that's
probably like 30 000
people or something crazy yeah look at all the people that don't have phones
yeah what's their deal
losers maybe they're just cheap maybe they're like ari like maybe they just
went flip phone i can't
handle it can't handle all the apps it's just too much too much temptation ari's
resisting it he's
gonna be chopping his own wood soon ari's gonna have a well i guarantee you ari's
gonna he told me
he wanted to buy land and i was like uh do you want to like build a house he
goes no no no i just want
to camp there it's like what buy land to camp on yeah he's gonna buy like land
but he's not going to
build a house like land land or like a plot camping he's kids they were calling
it glumping which is
camping with cum it was him camping big j oakerson big j posted it on his
instagram page but he loves
being outside he loves nature he just i mean i get it look if you can camp if
you really don't need a
house what do you need you need a trailer to keep your in you need like a
trailer to put pots and pans in if
yeah yeah if you still want shit you know what i mean you can't you can't have
posters anymore but
yeah no posters can't put farrah fawcett on the roof of your tent can't put the
youth gone wild poster
yeah how many why does he just go camping why do you have to like buy that to
me that's not camping if
you're if you own a plot of land and then you're just sleeping on it is that
technically camping that's a
very good point that's sleeping on your land that's like if you're hunting and
there's a fence around
the animals and you're only on one acre exactly is that really hunting it's not
hunting you're just
chasing down shit that can't run away yeah yeah you're cheating you're not
camping no bears are
going to just wander up by your campsite nope that's part of the thrill of
being a camper yeah you're out
there for real in the wild yeah you can't be on your own little land unless
your land is huge but then
if your land is huge and yet it's like say if you have like one of those ranches
in texas right you
ever see those you know texas is like something insane amount of texas is
private land there's not
a lot of public land in texas it's just all giant ranches and some of them are
like 10 000 plus acres
like 20 000 100 000 like you could camp there i guess because it takes you like
three hours to drive
across it that's weird yeah drive to your house that's too much land it's too
much right it's too
much why do you need that much land how about ted turner doesn't that guy own
like the most land of
anybody in the country here today king ranch sprawls 825 000 acres of south texas
land an area larger than
the state of rhode island oh my gosh are you kidding me that's the home of 35
000 cattle and over 200
quarter horses king ranch is one of the largest ranches in the world today i
wonder if they hunt
on that ranch who owns that which king some fucking baller he might as well be
he's the king of rhode
island burger king maybe it's a burger king guy that is insane man that is
insane no gay bars i'll get
this three or four in there for sure that would be amazing no gay bars but
there's plenty of trek stops
rest stops are like where they're at now they haven't really gotten to the full-on
gay bar not full
admittance they just wanted to meet at the rest stops yeah remember we were
kids that was like the thing
like you'd always know that dudes would try to bang dudes at a rest stop 100
like if you're at a rest
stop and someone knocks on your door and it's a dude he's looking to get a blowjob
yeah there's no
rest there nobody's resting you're resting people are wide awake dicks wide
awake and in your mouth
but how did they figure out to meet at rest stops i've always wondered like how
does that work cb radio
that's how it was breaker breaker one nine i'm looking to suck some dick
anybody out there holler
back 69er 69er coming in breaker breaker one nine i like to meet in bathrooms
smell of
shit excites me over remember when that was it a senator or whatever the
politician was the the gentleman
who got arrested in a sting operation because so many dudes were sucking dicks
in the bathroom at the
airport i think it was like it was in minneapolis where i'm from yeah yeah then
people called me
about it i was like what the fuck i don't know hey man what's the code what's
up with your airport
what stall was it how many taps but it had to be so many people that they
actually went and put a cop
there to try to bust people i mean how many people have to get their dick
sucked in a place before they
hire a cop yeah well we found a hot spot like they figured it out here it is
senator pleaded guilty
reportedly after bathroom stall incident that's yeah arrest minneapolis st paul
airport yeah and he
was uh he was like tapping on the ground they had a way of tapping yeah there
was a tap
move yeah okay what does he said at the time of the incident incident i
complained to the police they
were misconstruing my actions i was not involved in any inappropriate conduct
he said i should have
had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter in hindsight i should not
have pled guilty
i was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously oh i get it
and i travel wearing tap
shoes see part of me thinks this is hilarious but part of me is sad that this
guy has to like hide
what he's into and he has to hide in bathroom stalls and and learn some fucking
secret tap and just smell
farts from around the world as he's coming according to the arrest report cited
by roll call craig tapped
his right foot which the officer said he recognized as a signal used by persons
wishing to engage in lewd
conduct but what if you're there and you're just tapping your foot yeah what if
you're just impatient
because your shit's taking so long other stuff next oh he also then entered the
stall next door and
blocked the door with his luggage oh jeez what does that mean how does other
people get in then oh my
god oh was he in there with somebody he was trying to block anybody from coming
in oh my god he must
have been just going to town on guys in that airport that was his spot and
people were kicking trying to
kick in the door what was happening there i got a shit but how does like how
does a spot become notorious
like how does arrested what does it say proceeded to swipe his hand under the
stall divider several times
i want to know what the fuck with the cop was saying if he's like stop i can't
do it here i can't tuck
your dick here we don't know what the cop was saying right the cop was totally
leading him on i mean it
sounds like he got the green light unless the guy's a total psychopath when you
go into a stall with
another dude and you stack up your luggage in front of the door that's a bold
move that's weird it seems like
you would only do that if you were emboldened he didn't just tap his foot he
touched the officer's
foot with his foot he reached his foot all the way under here's my question we
know cops are full of
shit right just like people people are full of shit but cops are people not all
cops a lot of
cops are awesome we know some cops are full of shit like when when something
like this happens i feel like
that's one person versus another person i don't really feel like a cop's word
is worth more than a
regular person's word because i think a cop is just a regular person right i
think you should listen to
them when they're doing the job but something like this it might have been
exactly as this cop described
but it might have been like that baltimore cop that got busted planting drugs
with his fucking camera
he had a body camera on and what he didn't understand is when you turn on a
body camera it records 30 seconds
before you turned it on so just in case you turn it on in a moment of duress
with something crazy is going on
like shut the camera and you press it on they can see someone committing a
crime perhaps so it's a 30
you have a 30 second buffer i didn't know that he didn't know that either dude
so they they got on
video 30 seconds of him going back and planting the drugs that he then
pretended to find oh my god dude
that's horrifying horrible fucking horrifying that's horrible see because if if
you're going to be
able to convict somebody and this guy says this and that guy says that and who
do you believe well i
believe the cop he's an officer of the law that's crazy because it's just a
person this is not a
disrespectful thing against cops i'm not i'm not a disrespectful person no but
that's a scary amount
of power it's a scary amount of power and it's just a person now some people
like i have a bunch of
friends that are cops and they know how to handle it you know they've handled
it and they've they
get it they know what it is and they're real cool about it like big john mccarthy
the ref for the ufc
he's one of the best examples big john is a he was a serious cop and involved
in some
fucking hairy shit for years one of the nicest guys you ever want to meet and
totally fair and
reasonable guy and he was 