Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1001 - Mike Baker
Uploaded: 2017-08-22T00:30:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1001 - Mike Baker' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1001 - Mike Baker' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-22. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1001 - Mike Baker

all right ladies and gentlemen we're live the president's now blind he's been
staring
at the sun all day trying to see the eclipse there's photos of it mike baker
help us out what
what are we doing man well i'm telling you that's probably again it's it's it's
an indication that
they don't have a lot of discipline in that communications department of the
white house
no one got him the message don't sir sir don't don't look at the sun not only
that definitely
don't look at the sun while people are looking at you yeah yeah jesus christ
the whole world is going
to mock you don't you know that everybody knows this since they were a kid
right even even if you've
never been involved in an eclipse every kid knows don't look at the sun it's
the one thing that every
child learns somehow you know what i tried to do though i'm a fucking idiot i
took uh two dark
sunglasses i put them on top of each other that'll work i put one pair and then
i put another pair over
them it doesn't work folks yeah but it looks good it does look good i only
looked for a second and i
went oh okay this doesn't work but you know where i could look at it i could
look at it through my
pool like the reflection oh sure yeah yeah see the eclipse there you go but it
never really got
fully dark here you know we're too low yeah we i just came down from from idaho
um i was up there
in the mountains over the past few days and it was just it did just hippies
coming in from left and
right and the entire state just overrun with hippies and they're i mean they're
parking in people's
you know ranches they're just driving up on fields that have just been planted
they're just
it's the weirdest shit it's like they don't even think and so they but they
came out yeah you know
hey god bless them i don't know that i was intellectually curious enough to
really you know
worry about the eclipse there's a balance and you know what i think a lot of
intellectual curiosity is
great and a lot of hippie values are great but then you go too far into the
hippie retard gene pool
and you get these dopey hippies that are hippies that you know they're the
worst kind of hippies the
hippies that don't really want to do any work but they want universal basic
income they want all these
hey man these one percenters they have plenty of money so the new one should
have to work ever
they just passed a they passed a tax up in seattle that's gonna they're
probably gonna get struck down
but it basically was up in seattle well god bless them up there they they've
decided that they're
gonna go against the state charter which says you can't have a tax right an
income tax and uh they've
gone ahead and done it for the i think it's for the top two percent oh only tax
them only tax them
only tax the people who are doing something right because you know you got to
make this thing more
equitable that's hilarious yeah that's really funny well what's interesting is
that's the whole reason
why a lot of companies like amazon and microsoft that's the reason why they've
located to seattle
you fucking dummies and they're gonna pull out and then you wouldn't have any
jobs and then you'd be
poor but you know what somebody's gonna pay for that we came from we moved out
from uh fairfield
county from new canaan connecticut when we moved out to idaho which was the
world's greatest move
oh it's the best move of all time connecticut sucks i say it over and over
again
sucks and sorry folks yeah i mean but they know it right the people in connecticut
know it and good
people but you live in a sucky spot and and they their plan um the the the plan
of the governor
uh and the rest of the crew there is when you need more money tax fairfield
county right which is home
to new canaan and greenwich and darien and stanford the people that work in the
city or the people that
are working in finance and now what they what they've had over the past three
four years uh ever
since the the governor's been running the shop is uh people moving out i mean
every ge moved out
general electric the entire operation with general electric said went to the
state and said i know
people are thinking why are we talking about this but they went to the the the
state house they said
you can't keep doing this you can't keep jacking it up on us to pay for
everything we're happy to pay
and we are pairing our fair share but so they did that general electric said we're
going to move the
state didn't believe them they've all relocated to boston um they've got uh who
else is moving to etna
i think the uh the large insurance company you know now connecticut's known as
sort of the insurance
capital right they're leaving hedge funds private equity groups moving down to
florida and again great
pay your fair share but at a certain point everybody's got to contribute
something right you can't just say
that's what you're going to do and i'm not in the one percent i wish i was it
used to be when you were
a kid you wanted to be rich right now you know i don't know what people want
you want to be in the
middle you want to be comfortable yeah that's what you want to be comfortable i
i don't know i i always
thought it'd be pretty cool to be wealthy you know and i think i'd be pretty
good at it my friend brian
count said it best once and it stuck with me forever he said you know what you
want to be you go you
want to be to the point where you don't have to worry about your bills and you
can go to a restaurant and not
worry about what you order he goes everything other than that is yeah because
everybody you know what
and that's that's a good point i guess because that's you take that stress out
of your life yeah
and then i get well i guess you're going to worry about something else well
people find extra stress
they'll find stress right i mean like look at these assholes that buy these 500
million dollar yachts
it's like they just realize like i don't have enough problems in my life i need
to buy a
fucking floating city and then i gotta i gotta hire a crew of a hundred to hate
me yeah they've talked
shit about me every time i turn my back i mean i want to fuck my wife yeah damn
it i'm gonna get in
line yeah it's a bosun's mate finished i mean it's made i don't know if i came
up with bosun is that a
real thing i think it is yeah i think there is such a thing as a bosun's mate
there's always like this
like ebb and flow right i mean the the people that have accumulated too much
wealth especially when it
comes to like hedge fund people and finance people it's like what are you
actually doing right and
you're using that money to influence policy and that policy allows you to
extract more money from
the system and it gets real slippery because occasionally you guys up and it
crashes the whole
economy right like that kind of money is like very creepy but when you're
talking about someone who's
developed a legitimate product they sell it and they're successful they work
hard they've made
something some sort of business exactly yeah yeah they're hiring people they're
you know no there's
a there's a balance yeah for sale up in the hamptons now there's a house for
175 million dollars seems
logical yeah 175 million dollars but you know what it's on the beach so it's on
it's got waterfront
to it so i guess that explains the price tag but here's the thing about that
waterfront anybody can
walk in front of your house yeah that's true that's a huge problem in malibu
there's this uh a couple
of my other i'm friends with and their sons surf and they live in malibu they
have a house in malibu and
they were surfing in the water in front of this house this guy comes out and
yells and screams at
them you know get the off the beach because you know he's this 10 million
dollar house right there
on the beach and they're like what are you talking about like we live right
over there you piece of
shit yeah and like not only that anybody can be on this beach this is the ocean
you cunt yeah you don't
own the ocean you don't see any private beach signs up and for the most part
that's true up in the
hamps i think this actually has some private beach frontage which again so the
175 million seems
somewhat reasonable hampton's most expensive home there it is right there 175
million yeah look at
that he's got a lake uh he's got a lake and then further past the lake wow they
all have lakes yeah
what is that is that fresh water or brackish water that must be brackish water
right i guess i guess
that'd be pretty badass though to fish in your front yard like that i wonder if
the kitchen appliances
convey how big is this house yeah is that wait a minute that overhead view was
the entire property
mm-hmm baller you know what though it doesn't think but look at that picture
though does that look like
175 million dollars in your mind i mean you think the whole fucking thing
should be plated in gold 42 acres
wow okay there you go that's what that's what it is yeah oh the ford family oh
ah oh yes the car
company yeah so hashtag ballin on mustangs if you get i think you're right if
you get to that point
where you can entertain the idea of maybe i'll put 10 down and then i'll take
the rest of the mortgage
um then yeah you've probably got too much money it reminds me of that scene in
the big lebowski when
you meet the big the other lebowski and he's in the wheelchair and his wife's
offering to suck dudes
dicks for a thousand bucks you know it's like that's the kind of that happens
you
get a trophy wife you buy yourself a mansion and your days are just filled with
stress that's such
a great movie it's a great movie god i used to use that movie to judge whether
or not i enjoyed
people's opinions really okay tell me what you think about the big lebowski oh
it's stupid i didn't
get it oh okay i've talked to a lot of people they said i couldn't make it
through the first hour
and i'm thinking oh how do you not how do you not find this funny jeez i let my
kids watch it i mean
admittedly the two youngest walked away but the older one hey you know so
anyway uh yeah i'm taking him
fishing tomorrow morning we're off to alaska in the morning oh salmon or halibut
uh salmon nice and if
the salmon aren't uh you know interested in us we'll go after some halibut
maybe this is uh silver salmon
season right now right okay so you're on the open water yeah where you guys are
going well we'll go
yeah we're going up to ketchikan uh which is uh really interesting place by
itself and then we're
gonna take a uh plane out of there about uh about 45 minutes outside of there
to a little place
called yes bay and they have a really good operation up there and you spend a
lot of time
and to be honest with you if the fish aren't you know biting then we just go
hiking i'm gonna take
my boy this will be the first time for him to go up there and it's gonna be
great that's good but
i've just now emptied uh the freezer of uh salmon and halibut and rockfish from
the last trip
so it's time to stock up again but it's it's just a great time of year isn't
that a great thing to
have fish that you caught in your freezer that you can go back to that you know
it was only like an
hour old by the time you threw it on the ice yeah it's it's fantastic and so if
and just also just
getting up there if people haven't been up to alaska get up there and see it
before it melts
i don't know why i said that i think it's gonna be depressing it'll be fine are
you worried about it
um you know what not in the sense that oh my god if i if i don't quit driving
my wagon here
the glaciers are gonna you know all melt away i you know i'm sure we have some
impact it's like
everything else right the truth is in the middle somewhere right right so i'm
sure we should all do
our part but do i think we're all gonna you know the polar bears are dying off
tomorrow i don't know but
i don't know well there's definitely everybody with their ideas yeah there's
definitely some issues with
polar bears and areas that have less ice but apparently the polar bear
