Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1007 - Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2017-09-05T01:44:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1007 - Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1007 - Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1007 - Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura

Did you have you had him on who wheeler? Oh, no. Oh, we don't have my punch
drunk
We had a conversation me and him and then in the middle he goes hey, this is
Ben talking
He might be going crazy, but I know that guy too. Yeah, I know both of them.
They're different dudes
Comes on my podcast as wheeler like he's different than when he came on the
podcast as the other fella
He's been doing these promos where he does voice over like a famous person so
it's like Garth Brooks
Talking and he talks over. He's like hey, it's me Garth me my private jet. I
hate regular people
Tell me you showed me the video he
Brooks here won't tell you about my new favorite records called whole wheeler
by wheeler Walker Jr. I love blasting it here on my private jet
I don't fly commercial anymore. There's always a bunch of dumb crackers who
will when my autograph when we sing low places with
Fuck him. I like being by myself, you know
Ain't got enough dick to go around
Look at my dick so I'll see you guys later. I'm Garth Brooks. I'm fat
At the bottom it says it's been retweeted by Garth Brooks
No, that's funny
Garth Brooks didn't retweet it
No, they photoshopped that all the time
No, that's him retweeting from Garth's account
That's right
Oh, it's so it's fake
Yeah
Damn it
I ain't got enough dick to go around
Damn it
When he makes that motion with his face
He's like
This is a call to Garth Brooks
This is a call to find out how cool you are
You should retweet that
That shit is hilarious
You should definitely retweet that shit
Repost that on Instagram, Garth
That shit's hilarious
And I'm a Garth Brooks fan
I don't give a fuck what anybody says
I'm not
But that
How dare you
Wheelers
We have friends in low places
If that comes on you don't get excited
Nah, man, nah
What?
It's alright, it's fine
It's fine to fuck for a second
I listen to Bar Jam
I'll listen to Country Boy Can't Survive
I'll get fired up for that
That's different
I'll get fired up for that
That's complete next level
Wait, that's not Garth Brooks
No, I'm making a point there
I'll get excited about that
That's a good song
That's a killer song
Fuck, yeah it is, dude
Save a horse, ride a cowboy
I want to fucking be in a pickup
I want to drink beer
I want to have a dip in
I want to shoot somebody
Hank Williams Jr. Motherfucker
That song is fantastic
That was Matt Hughes' walkout song
Yeah, that's right
I had a fight for that
Country Boy Can't Survive
It's a great song
That's a great walkout song too
That might be the best walkout song ever
Oh no, it's raining men
Who did that?
Me, if I ever fight
Oh, but you know what
Homer Sims is why can't we be friends
Mickey Gulls might be the best
What do you have?
He comes out to a mo
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine
You're so fine
Hey Mickey
That might be the best
I don't know
That's fucking
To not take it seriously at all
Legitimately hilarious
That he comes out to that
And he's a beautiful man
Yeah
Beautiful man
Did he wear weird shit?
Like different cut
Like pink stuff
Like as a making a point
Someone did, right?
A bunch of guys have
But I went to a fight once
Where like some dude came out
Like in a tutu or some shit
What?
Yeah, he was wearing like something girly
And everybody was like
He better win this shit
A tutu?
Something like
I don't know
Like a skirt
The pride days they did that
They dressed like Lil Bo Peep
Yeah
And they walked up
Down the aisle
Whatever
Well, there was one dude
Who fought in K1
Who was a famous crossdresser
In Japan
And he was a bad motherfucker
He wasn't like necessarily
A constant crossdresser
Yeah
But occasionally he would dress up
Like a schoolgirl
Yeah, it was cool
Yeah
What is this?
This dude beat the fuck
Out of some people
Who like underestimated him
Yeah
Because he dressed up
Like a schoolgirl
See if you can find that story
Schoolgirl?
I remember it in like flashes
It was Lil Bo Peep if I remember
With an umbrella
That's ballsy as shit though
I was like Japan
They go crazy
Yeah, he did some weird shit
Where he dressed up
Like a female anime character
Or something
I can't really remember
Entirely how the story went down
But I remember
He could fight
And it was like
Super confusing for people
Because he was knocking dudes dead
And he, you know
In the part time
He dresses up like a schoolgirl
Or whatever the fuck the outfit is
That's the most psycho move
You could do
You guys UFC fight
In a girl outfit
Just do that
I'm gonna fight you
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Like come out with pigtails and shit
And just fuck somebody's world up
And then lick your lollipop on the way out
That's like
That would be like
Spine
That's like
Tell me that was like
The fucking
Brutus the barber beefcake shit
Yeah
Just like
That would be some
Next level mind game shit
Like you're past all the aggression
That's nonsense
I'm pretending I'm a girl
I'm gonna fuck you up
And I'm gonna pretend I'm a girl
Up until the moment I fuck you up
Yeah
Yeah
That's the polar opposite
Of what other dudes go for
If you could pull that off
You'd be so relaxed
In a fight
Yeah
If you could figure out
How to act
Like a girl
In front of a dude
Who's ready to beat
Eat the fuck out of you
If they had an out of the closet
Queenie gay
In the UFC
But it was super well trained
That would be the best
That would be the best
It's totally possible
The post-fight interviews would be amazing
Amazing
Yeah
It's completely
Why isn't there that?
It's completely possible
Yeah
Completely possible
You're putting a call out to the universe right now
Start training queens
Yeah
You just gotta get a super queen
Yeah
You know
Some like queen who's built like Czech Congo
Yeah
You know
Just there to fuck people up
Just there to smash people
And get them to suck their dick
Oh shut up
This is the Japanese guy
Yeah
A little bit of people
Umbrella
UFC 94
Oh no no
This is
Isn't this
Oh no
Who
Is this the one you saw Tom?
No
Yeah
It's Gono
He was in Pride though
Yeah
This is the UFC fight
Where he came in
Dressed like a girl
Yeah
Did a choreographed dance
Oh that's great
Is this the one you're thinking of
Or are you thinking about the Japanese guy?
No the Japanese one
But this one I remember now
He did a choreographed dance
I forgot about this
Did he win?
Jamie
Strong pull
Strong selection
He was good right?
Dude I don't remember this at all
Did he win this fight?
I hope so
I don't remember
I don't remember who Gono fought
Wait
Well if you just go further
Oh it's a fan video
Oh
Akihiro Gono
Yeah he was like
Man I think he was in Shudo
He was definitely a Japanese star
A lot of those guys
By the time they came to the United States
They've already been in so many wars
They just weren't the same anymore
Yeah
Like Gomi
Gomi wasn't the same anymore
Sakurai wasn't the same anymore
He's got heels on
Yeah
Look at this
Wow
Oh my god
It's a good move man
Yeah
It's a good move
I'd like to be one of the side bitches
Yeah
I think they're well well trained too
Oh yeah
I think that's probably his fight team or something
Probably
That's what I was saying
I guess at the time of that fight
Gono
That's Gono
Akihiro Gono
You know
I like this dude checking him out
It would help you relax
He's biting his head
Oh hell yeah
Over here
Oh yeah
I know that guy
He's like what
It's probably seriously a good idea
Hey man you gotta take your dress off
Hilarious
Take your heels off too
He fought John Fitch
I do not think he won
I think he got beat down
John Fitch had a super long win streak
Right around then
Yep
I think that was before John fought
GSP for the title
Yeah
I think he tied the record for most wins
And they hadn't given him a title shot
And like oh we got
That's ridiculous
Is that who he's fighting on that card?
Is it John Fitch?
I was looking
And I came across this other entrance
Oh
Is this him again?
I wonder what year this was
Trying to remember
Trying to remember when the UFC
Brought back the 155 pound title
Because for a long time
170 was the lightest weight
You could fight
You gotta give this dude credit
For his entrances
There's a lot of thought
Put into this
He obviously does a lot of work
Maham Miller had a great one once
He had like a bunch of dancers
Behind him and shit
He had a whole choreographed entrance
When he fought in pride
Yeah
I like that
Yeah me too
I thought Mayweather
Was so ridiculous
He always had ridiculous entrances
I don't know what's up
With his ski mask
The ski mask
What was that?
He's stealing money?
I guess
Anybody who ever questions
Whether or not Mayhem
Was a good fighter
Because you know Mayhem
Had some hard times
And getting a little nutty lately
Yeah
But if you go back to
When Mayhem
Fought Sakurai
No not Sakurai
Sakuraba
In Pride
Dude he smashed Sakuraba
Smashed him
Went right through him
And submitted him
Really?
Woo
Yeah
Pull it up Jamie
See if you can find it
It's a very impressive fight
What's the one he lost
On disqualification?
Mayhem?
Yeah
In the UFC?
Or where?
No Pride
In Pride?
Did he lose one by disqualification?
Boy I don't remember that
Did he?
I don't know
I didn't see it
It was like on his record
This is his dream
Oh this was dream
This wasn't Pride
Oh wow
That's great
A bunch of schoolgirls
Outfits and ties and shit
Asian schoolgirls
Come on
Come on
How do you not love this
It's hilarious
Oh that's awesome
You know
Mayhem's had some tough times
But
He's always been cool to me
I like that guy
I like him a lot
I see him
He comes out to my shows
When I do Irvine
He's a good man
He's a great guy
I mean he's got some problems
And you know
He was always
He was always a
Extraordinarily nutty dude
Yeah
He did the MTV show
For a while
Yeah
By the way
I ended up binge watching
That one day
And watching dudes
Fuck up guys
Who don't know how to fight
Yeah
Believe it down
It was amazing
Dude you know what
I remember one time
When we were in Australia
For fights years ago
Rampage was there
And I guess
Those two are good friends
So I was going from
Like different areas
In like this mini group
With Rampage
And every time
Somebody wanted a picture
With him
They put their arm
Around his
You know like
Around their shoulder
And every time
He would throw their arm off
And he's like
Get your fucking arm off me
And they were like
Okay
And then they'd be like
Scared for their picture
Like huh
Like that
So we're going like
Get your fucking arm off me
That was Rampage
That was Rampage
Yeah
By the way
I let people pinch my nipples
In pictures with me
Rampage doesn't plug
So I'm sitting like
So I've witnessed that
Like ten times
And then we moved
To like some bar
Somewhere
And it's
You know
There's like
I don't know
If it's like roped off
People over here
There's a lot of people
In the place
But it's like
A small group
Like this
And Rampage is here
And Mayhem
Comes up
And I don't know
That they know each other
I don't know
Their relationship
And he
Immediately grabs them
By the throat
Like man
And he goes like
I'm gonna fucking kill you
But for a split second
I saw like
I saw like all this
Just split like violence
Come into Rampage's eyes
Like he was about
To fucking murder someone
And then I saw it
Disappointing
He saw him
He was like
You crazy ass
White boy
But like for a quick second
He turned like
Just to break him in half
And I was like
That was
More terrifying
Than any fight
I'd seen
Rampage is a beast
Yeah
That cinder block
On his shoulders
Oh yeah
That head is so
Crack too
He gets so hard
Rampage had some
Epic fights
And pride too
Before he ever
Even came to the UFC
He has the all time
Greatest slam knockout
Ever
Yeah
All time greatest
In the triangle
Yeah
In a triangle
Smashes him down to the ground
What the fuck was the guy's name
That he fought
Very good
Rampage was in a triangle
Yeah
Ricardo Arona
And he stood up
He fought Arona
Shut the fuck up
And the guy still had his legs around him
He just picked him up
And then
BAM
Yeah
This is like
This is here
Yeah
This is
And knocked him out
The dude went for the triangle
But he was elevated
And like
Watch
Go
Find the video
So in the video
He went for the triangle
And rampage elevated
Li