Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1010 - Brian Redban
Uploaded: 2017-09-08T01:39:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1010 - Brian Redban' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1010 - Brian Redban' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1010 - Brian Redban

and we're live ladies and gentlemen it's the end of the world as we know it
Montana's been on fire for a month Florida has three hurricanes headed
towards it and Houston is still half underwater Houston sad have you been no
I've just you know a lot of my exes are there and she's sending me photos and
videos like her whole neighborhoods gone her and like people have to put
everything outside for the insurance collectors to look at it you know so
there's just everyone's house has a pile in front of it and all their stuff and
this is like no looting please you know I saw that on TV yeah fuck dude it's
like
there's nothing stopping that from happening for months like this is the
thing about like Hurricane Irma like they have Harvey hits Houston and then
Hurricane Irma they correct me if I'm wrong but I think they said that this is
very unusual because Hurricane Irma picked up speed in the ocean which is a
really bad sign they usually pick up speed in the Gulf and the idea is that the
Gulf has water that's warmer and that's what causes it I don't know shit about
hurricanes I'm totally talking out of my ass right I don't know I really don't
understand it but I'm pretty sure that's what they're saying is that this is a
very unusual storm because it actually picked up speed and picked up size and
power in the ocean which means the oceans warmer so this could be a
consequence of having a warmer ocean is that these fucking hurricanes could get
bigger and bigger in the ocean oh and it's usually it's really unusual because
you
know you have like a such a big storm like the one that hit Houston that's
usually once a year once every couple years it's not twice in like a month yeah
and then there's like what Jose's right behind it that's craziness I think they
said there's two behind it the other one formed in the Gulf next to like off
Mexico east of Mexico so it's just another one at the same time but in a
different place sitting there right now and there could be another one forming
off of the Cape in Africa where they all usually form but fuck man we don't we
don't get hurricanes because it's cold water is that the logic behind it yeah I
think that's the move you want to live near cold water just suck it up like a
man and deal with that
cold water that water is fucking cold too when you get in the water in the
Pacific Ocean like hey what is this like this is weird it's crazy cold even in
the
middle of August it could be a hundred degrees in Malibu you get in that water
you're like holy shit this is fucking cold I've only been in it twice since I've
lived here like 13 years the first I remember the first week I moved out here I
was like I'm going to the ocean I'm running the ocean freezing never hit it
again
what is all you this you're showing us Jamie please don't say that's hurricanes
a storm of hurricanes
these are the tropical cyclones of the 2017 Pacific hurricane season so these
are
cyclones that I guess have already happened this year
I was assuming when I was pulling it up they were in the past like long time
ago
yeah I didn't know these are this many had already come here
you know when you look at this picture like if you look at this picture of the
United States gives you such a way better sense of what it really is because
that
picture like because all the browns and the greens and because I'm not seeing
cities and because it's like a perfect scale like pull back a little bit so you
see it in scale with the ocean again like when you're looking at that you
realize oh that shit kid shift left and right a bunch of times easy like there's
way
more water than there is ground like that is a fucking problem that's a giant
problem we're
next to an enormous chunk of blue it's so big dude I'll tell you man when I was
living in that house in Malibu for a couple months on the water I rented a spot
on the water
that's when you realize you go oh that's a monster that's like you're living on
the edge of a world that can just reach in and swallow you
did it freak you out did you fuck yeah you know when it freaks you out is at
night at night it like reveals its true self
because like in the day it looks beautiful the sun hits it it seems so peaceful
the birds are
squawk squawk you see you see a seal or maybe a dolphin or a whale sometimes
you see a whale people see whales out there you're like wow this is crazy
but then at nighttime when the sky is dark and the sea is black then you get to
see what it really is like oh this
is a this is a whole nother world a world of water and it's we can touch it we
can go in between worlds and that
world is far bigger than our world and then I start freaking out about all the
shit that we're pulling out of that world like how gross are
we humans we're we're like just netting everything in that world and scooping
it up just chopping it up and
stuffing it in the cans and feed it to our pets and eating it like left and
right raw sushi
yummy like the never-ending supply
fuck that word the world of the ocean it is a real trip if you
stop and think about what it really is
because if it was in the sky above your head you'd be freaked out all the time
you know if like you reached up to touch it you'd be freaked out you wouldn't
want to be right next to that thing
like Jesus it's too alien I can't I can't get away from it
but because it's right there and it's blue and we're on the ground we feel like
we're in control
we're cocky because most of the time nothing happens like no big deal it's
right there I love the beach
like going to the beach get some sun catch some breeze it's like we like
flirting with death
just standing at the edge of this impossible to control life force filled with
creatures
filled with the biggest creatures in the world right aren't whales the biggest
things on earth
I think they're you know what they are they're the biggest living thing on
earth next to this
there's like a group of mushrooms in the Pacific Northwest that are all
connected and all considered to be one enormous life form
yeah I gotta get this guy Paul Stamets I think that's his name I believe that's
how you say his name rather
he's a guy who studies mushrooms it's a mushroom scientist it's fascinating
studies fascinating articles and stuff online
it's in the blue mountains in Oregon
yeah there it is
2.4 more precisely a specific honey fungus measuring 2.4 miles across in the
blue mountains
it's known as the largest living organism on earth
several species of fungi belong to the try that word armilaria armilaria genus
genus or genus
how do you say that that's a read one that's one I read I never say
you know I never use that in a conversation unless it's super pretentious
I'd have to be like really high to be that pretentious
I'm a Maria I'm a malaria I'm a malaria armilaria armilaria armilaria genus
which is probably uh popularly rather popularly known as honey fungus
2.4 miles across I like how they give it to us in kilometers
like if you don't want to be stupid 3.8 kilometers
if you want to be like the rest of the world and do everything intends
you fucking idiots sticking to miles and inches
why do we do that?
because we're gross
it's the worst
there's parts of America that are gross
we're like nah we got it
you know like well we found a much better system
it makes more sense it's all in tens
the whole world use it
nah good luck
good luck with that fucking stupid system
I'll take inches bro
yards inches
it feels good too when you're in like other countries
and you're like why are you going 120 miles an hour
oh wait
it's yeah
it's different
so they're like 62 is like
I want to say it's 100 kilometers an hour
but I think it's actually more than that
I was just always thinking it's half
but that's probably wrong
well yeah I don't know
I honestly don't know
is 62 100 miles an hour?
100 kilometers
100 kilometers rather than 62 miles an hour?
yep
100 sounds cooler
you know
kilometers are just
they're better
we're using some old king shit
inches
it'd be weird to change now though
like we had to be born with that
like it's
well dude when I was
I mean I don't know about
when you were in high school
but when I was in high school
they were trying
there was a real push
to get people to use the metric system
that I don't think exists anymore
I don't know
but I mean maybe it was just the schools that I was in
I would like to talk to other people
that are like my age
that could remember like the 1980s
because in the 1980s
I think that they were trying to push the metric system
I think I kind of caught it on the tail end
I don't remember it at all from school
haha
United States is now the only industrialized country in the world
that does not use the metric system
and it's a predominant system of measurement
most Americans think that our involvement with metric measurement is relatively
new
but it's not right
what year did they try to do it?
1975
see
the metric conversion act of 1975
yeah
that's what I remember dude
Gerald Ford
yeah they were trying that
because
maybe it wasn't
maybe I wasn't in high school
maybe it was before high school
I think it was
I was looking something up the other day
I think it was when you asked
are the presidents allowed to change
the White House or something
and I think it was Ford
that added solar panels to the White House
I was looking up
and then
the next president
which might have been Nixon
took them out
and they didn't have them
reinstalled
I think until Obama was there
like whatever
five years ago
right
so it was like 25 years of no solar panels
when they already had them
we were already headed that way
super weird
that is weird
you see the new Apple campus
that they're gonna show
I guess next week
next Tuesday
when they have
I haven't seen much of it
but I know that it's supposed to be some
insanely impossible
huge crazy place
it looks like a spaceship
it's now finished
they have like drone footage
so that you can like
just go around
it looks just like
a round donut spaceship
and the whole roof
is solar collectors
look at that thing
that powers itself
look at that thing
yeah
that might be a computer image
I think that is
wow
who cares
zoom back in on that computer image
that's insane
that's
it must be so cool
to have the kind of money
where you could just build something
like what you guys want to do
let's make a spaceship bro
let's make a fucking giant Apple spaceship
should we make it the shape of an Apple
nah
that's too corny
they could
they could have easily made that thing an Apple
but then they would have never been able to sell it
yeah
yeah exactly
it's gonna go to like a tire company next
they would never be able to sell it man
you know
yeah
if they do
no one wants to buy your stupid Apple
you don't like the touch bar on your MacBook
I've not even seen one in person yet
this is what I think
I don't think it's necessary
I think it's kind of cute
but it does a lot of different stuff that I never use
and maybe it's me
but also there's like a Siri button
that I accidentally press all the time
while I'm typing
because I suck at typing
I'm okay
you know
I'm not very good at it
I really should practice and get better at it
I just have
every time I get a chance to write
I just write
you can turn it off right
the touch bar though
you can I think you could
you can do stuff with it
but I mean I don't know
if you could totally turn it off
because then you turn off the volume control
that's where the volume control is
oh fuck really
the brightness
the volume control
everything
the real problem is that fucking Siri button
that's right above the delete key
with my fat stupid fingers
I touch that thing at least once a day
you can turn Siri off
she's off
okay
you're off bitch
yeah but I don't
I don't want Siri on my goddamn laptop
but um
it's uh
it's just an accidental
touch thing
and it's not the best keyboard
it's a very shallow
touch
you know
and some people like that
it's very precise
I'll give it that
but I like the IBM
or the um
um
those Thinkpads
th