Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1017 - Jim Norton
Uploaded: 2017-09-29T00:49:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1017 - Jim Norton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1017 - Jim Norton' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1017 - Jim Norton

Boom, and we're live. Let's have a toast to Hugh Hefner.
Yes.
We lost one of the great dick-slingers of the 20th century.
We certainly did.
We lost him.
He literally had a place where guys could go to be leches.
Yeah.
You could just go, and you had a mansion where everybody knew there was going
to be a bunch of hoes.
And that's why they went.
Yeah, they went there on purpose, and there was guys that were notorious for
hanging around the mansion,
for going to all the mansion parties.
Did you ever go?
I went twice.
I went once for a marijuana policy project thing.
I think that was the company that was putting it together.
Or I hosted something, and there was bands and stuff like that.
That was kind of interesting.
That's fun.
And then the other time I went was for Fear Factor.
We did something for Fear Factor with the Playboy Playmates.
Did you get to meet Hugh?
I never met him, man.
No, I never met him.
He's just, I think by that time, he's old, and I think he just wanted to chill.
Yeah, he was just kind of done.
I never went there.
I tried to get in.
A girl tried to get me in, and I guess they Googled me, and she goes, I guess I
didn't have enough credits.
Oh, come on.
That's what it was.
I couldn't get in.
Really?
She's like, yeah, they have to look you up.
And she was nice, but they said no.
How long ago was this?
Probably two years ago.
Oh, my God.
I know.
I didn't qualify to go.
Like, I didn't qualify to go where there's fucking girls and fucking.
That's humiliating.
That is so crazy you didn't have enough credits.
I guess so.
Or maybe they didn't have the right credits, or maybe they just didn't care.
Like, whatever.
You know what I mean?
I didn't know.
I wasn't even that mad about it.
I was like, ah, whatever.
Wow.
Credits.
Yeah.
How gross.
Yeah.
She said something like that, but she was trying to be really nice.
Like, she was trying to let me down easy, because she felt bad, because we were
friends.
And she wanted to go, like, you just don't qualify to come here and look at
these tits.
It was just really hurtful.
It was a weird place, because it was super outdated.
Like, you heard about the grotto.
Yeah.
Oh, the grotto.
You go to the grotto, and it has a phone from, like, the 1970s there.
And you're like, what is this?
They left it, like, probably for the vibe, the old school vibe.
I guess.
Or they just never updated it.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Like, you know, he sold the place, or it was for sale, but one of the caveats
of purchase
was that he had to live in the building until he died.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it was, like, some preposterous amount of money, like $200 million or
something crazy.
Well, the land is really valuable.
Oh, yeah.
So what do they do with that now?
Do they knock it down?
I mean, is there no nostalgia to it?
Is it, like, kind of dying on the vine anyway?
Or do you fucking...
What do you do?
Good question.
Well, he has a son, and his son probably inherited it.
His son, I think, was running the magazine.
They tried for a while to have no nudity.
Oh, terrible idea.
It's like a mechanic fucking thing with no cars in it.
Who wants to just read that shit?
It's stupid.
It's like having a New York Times article with all ads.
Like, where's the fucking intellectual stimulation here, you fucking idiots?
Yeah, it's like, that's a really bad...
No nudity is a terrible decision.
Yeah.
Well, they were always in this weird area, right?
Because Hugh Hefton was, like, the only acceptable pornographer.
Like, Larry Flint, who did a lot for free speech, who did a lot for exposing
corrupt politicians,
but they would show vaginas and assholes.
Yeah.
And because of that, he was always thought as a gross guy.
Yeah.
You know?
Well, even their social commentary was...
I remember when I was a kid, there was one...
Who was the feminist Gloria...
Allred?
Oh, no, not Gloria Allred.
Oh, my God.
Steinem.
Steinem.
And I think it was a Gloria Steinem parody, but it was like, you know, her licking
a girl's
pussy that had period blood.
It was like some fucking vile thing.
He would do the most vile political...
Like, he really showed his disdain of those people.
Yeah.
He was great.
He's a crazy guy.
He's still alive, that fucker.
Yeah, he is.
He was shot, you know, and paralyzed, like, way back in the day, right?
Yeah.
Like, in 77, maybe?
Was it that late?
I think it was.
Or 76, yeah.
Yeah, he's still got a bunch of casinos and stuff.
He's still out there kicking it, but, like, who the hell is buying Hustler?
Well, it's funny you mention it.
My manager got one today.
I haven't bought one in many years.
I did an interview for them, and it was actually a really good interview, and
they quoted me
accurately, so I'm in December's Hustler, which is out today.
Wow.
So it's funny, I bought the Hustler for the first time probably in 15 years
today.
Why do magazines do that?
Or December comes out in September?
Don't know.
That's so fucking stupid.
Why do we pretend?
It's like new cars.
It's a 2018.
Well, how the fuck is that even possible since 2017, monkeys?
It's got to be something about the anticipation of getting it.
It's almost like when a Halloween movie doesn't come out October 30th, because
you're sick of
Halloween by then, so it comes out, like, you know, say, September 15th, and
then by the
time Halloween comes, the movie's finished, and you're like, ugh, fuck
Halloween.
No, but that makes sense, because they're not pretending it's Halloween.
It's just a Halloween movie.
Right.
Like, they're pretending that's a December issue.
But it's not December.
But it's not.
Yeah, I don't know the thinking.
They come out, like, way in advance.
Usually a month of before, but December, it is kind of silly.
The new car thing is always weird, because it's way ahead.
Yeah, six months.
Yeah, like, six months before the year turns over.
They're already saying that it's a 2018 model.
Like, what?
It's like, it's 27th, it's April.
What are you talking about?
It's not the 2018 model.
Yeah, it's like, it's like tricks, you know?
It's like when you buy something and it costs $9.99, make it $10, you fuck.
Like, what is this?
What is this penny stuff?
They want to say under $10?
Yeah.
I don't understand if it just looks better with the $99 than the $10.
I don't get it either.
It does for dumb people.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
It's like you're appealing to people's mind.
Like, that little part of their mind is trying to save a little, oh, I guess
that's better.
Yeah.
$9.99's better.
Sounds better.
I don't know.
I mean, comedians have addressed the gas thing for years.
There's a book about this.
It's called Predictably Irrational, The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions.
It came out about 10 years ago, maybe.
Interesting.
So, it's playing on the irrational thoughts that we have about certain things.
Yeah, and there's specific anecdotes about a Best Buy ad and why.
There's three washing machines and they're really trying to get you to buy the
middle one,
but they have two other priced ones.
It goes into things just like that all over different aspects of life.
You know what my favorite ones are?
When you're in Vegas and you see voted Best Buffet.
Oh, my God.
Best 10 p.m. show.
Like, by who?
Who voted for Best Buffet?
And if they did vote on it, why?
Who are they?
Do they have to leave the house?
Like, where are you going?
The fucking buffet vote is in 20 minutes.
We're going to miss the buffet vote.
Yeah.
Who cares?
But there is good buffets and bad buffets, right?
Like, where's a good buffet in Vegas?
Do you ever go to the buffets?
I fucking love a good buffet.
If you want the truth.
A good buffet is great.
It rules.
It's very nice.
The Wynn Hotel in Vegas has a tremendous buffet.
Well, the Wynn Hotel is a tremendous period, right?
I mean, I've walked through it, but I've never stayed there.
It's a phenomenal hotel.
It is.
It's like a very high-end place, so it makes sense that their buffet would kick
ass.
And here in L.A., they have a good one at the Four Seasons on Sundays.
I might have said a delightful buffet.
Yeah.
Oh, I've done the Four Seasons in Maui, and they have a breakfast buffet.
Oh, what a great way to get fat.
It is, right?
Oh, it's tremendous.
They make you waffles.
They have the waffle thing right there.
Something about someone making you a waffle.
Waffle.
When they pour the waffle stuff into that little press and put it down, you're
like, oh, I'm
going to have a waffle.
I'm just thinking right now about melting the butter on it and pouring.
You know what I did last time?
I put peanut butter all over that motherfucker, and then I put butter, and then
I put butter,
and then I put syrup.
Oh.
Yeah.
I felt great for about 15 minutes, and then afterwards, I just went like this.
But even you feel bad after that?
Fucking terrible.
Wow.
Like, as much as you work out, like, I'm surprised, like, you don't, because
you burn through everything
you eat.
Yeah, but you know what it is, man?
It has nothing to do with that.
It's an insulin dump.
Your body just hits, all that sugar hits your system, and your body's like,
what the fuck
is this?
And it's actually probably worse for me because I don't do it very often.
Like, if your body gets used to sugar, if you're drinking sugary sodas all day,
and you're
eating white bread all day, and if your body gets used to processing that stuff,
it has
a better handle on what to do with it.
Whereas with me, it only gets it every few days.
Right.
So when it gets it, it's like, what the fuck is this?
Especially, like, if I overload, like, get crazy, eat a banana split or
something like
that.
Like, ah!
You feel it.
Oh, yeah.
I feel it hard.
I'm bad in LA, though, with food.
Like, I fucking go out for sushi, and that yogurt stop on Santa Monica, it's my
favorite
place in the world.
Menchie's?
Is it Menchie's?
No, it's called the Yogurt Stop.
Oh, okay.
It's on Santa Monica, and I've been there four days.
I've been in LA for four days.
I've been there four times.
I can't stop shoveling that shit in.
It's my favorite fucking place.
Why is it so good?
I don't know, man.
I've had yogurt that was just as good.
It just, I'd always felt right to go out for the best sushi, and then go down
there and
have some yogurt stop.
Treat yourself, little Jimmy.
You're doing good with your life.
Why not?
Well, you know, I was having a sad day Monday, and literally, like, a fucking
fat girl.
I got my ex-girlfriend, who's my best friend, and we went and got yogurt.
I'm like, I'm really sad.
I treated myself to a little yogurt.
Why were you sad?
I just go up and down.
I'm just relationship nonsense.
I'm a fatalist.
But you're doing great.
I'm doing okay.
Do you know how many people would fucking kill to be in your position?
Successful touring, stand-up comedian, successful podcaster, successful radio
personality, loved
by all.
Chip is a great podcaster.
That's who the successful podcast in the Norton Empire is.
No, the fucking thing that you do with Matt Serra.
Matt Serra does well.
You guys have, like, the best MMA podcast in the world.
Thank you.
We have a lot of fun with that, man.
Thank you.
You do.
It's great.
I love Matt.
We talked about it last time.
I love him, too.
But it's, yeah, it's one of those things where, like, I know that.
And I know that it's a fun gig.
Right.
And I love doing it.
But it's one of those things.
It's not about, like, feeling like I haven't been blessed.
Like, show business gives me opportunities.
I fail.
But I'm not some unlucky guy.
Oh, gee, they didn't give me a shot.
They give me a million shots.
It's about being annoyed at yourself for certain things.
Right.
So, it's not about, like, I get a good apartment.
I make money.
I am very lucky.
But it's rational.
Like, when you're feeling down, you're like, ugh, I'm shit.
So, it's not a rational thing.
No.
And you can't turn it around with your mind?
No.
I'm too emotional.
Like, I react too emotionally.
But the next day, like, I've had a great week since then.
You know, because she and I talked, and I realized I'm just bei