Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1024 - Bert Kreischer
Uploaded: 2017-10-13T00:45:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1024 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1024 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-13. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1024 - Bert Kreischer

I just do a podcast say I sound like Joe Rogan but I'm not just totally same
voice everything
Hello everybody, I'm live here with super yogi Burt Kreischer newly sober
athlete
Resting heart rate of 47 47. That's pretty crazy man. I talked I called my
cardiologist right after I talked to you guys
Am I dying? I literally was like hey Joe Rogan said I'm dying
And he's like first of all he's like I respect Joe Rogan, but please don't
listen to him about your blood pressure medicine
but I read some where the blood pressure medicine and
Anti-anxiety medicine lowers your heart rate. Yes, those are beta blockers.
Yeah, I'm not on that
Okay, but which by the way I spiraled out and then my and I couldn't get my
heart rate up as I was spiraling
So I was like I was like I'm freaking out normally my heart pulse would be
through the roof
I called my doctor. He's like no you're healthy. He's like this is what we've
been shooting for is you to stop drinking?
So he's like let's just do what you're doing. He's like have a good time with
it
and so uh
But yeah, my resting heart rate's low. I'm my I've never felt better in my
fucking life to be dead serious with you
How many days in are you? I know it's right. We're 12 days in say the 12th
I'm one day ahead of that cuz I quit the day before I quit the day before
because I was because I listened to you guys and all the fucking
Armchair doctors who were like Burt you're gonna die you need to be medically
induced into a coma
Well, you were telling us that you were drinking six doubles a day by the way
I I I talk out of my ass when I'm drunk
So I don't know how much I was really drink because I was I was dead. I was
definitely terrified
I was definitely terrified coming into the the the home stretch of getting
sober
So I was like I was like man am I am I gonna die like I literally and I talked
to dr. Drew about it
I was like hey, can I like die and stuff? He was like, well, you can have
seizures like
Dr. Drew doesn't fucking help
But I I stopped drinking. I didn't even have withdrawals
It just felt good the next day. That's amazing. Yeah, that's what killed Amy
Winehouse, you know
I heard I've googled all this shit, but I think Amy Winehouse was just over the
top
You've got to be the second you wake up till the second you pass out drinking
And by the way there's on that Australian tour
There were hints of that like there was not I was flying and performing every
night and I drink on planes
I hadn't flown sober at that time and so there was I but I was I was I've
always been very
Measured with my booze so I wasn't I wasn't going nuts. Did you feel good when
you're doing that?
Like how did you feel when you're drinking and flying and you felt bad?
I felt I actually felt really bad and that and I think and I think we all
tweeted this
But I was like I was ready for this fucking month after that Australian tour. I
was
Definitely ready. That's a great way to go into not drinking is fly to
Australia do a tour for two weeks and then fly back
Yeah, I was like fucking bring it dude
You know what man? I don't drink that much, but I feel way better, too
It's weird. It's like I would have like maybe a shot before I go on stage some
nights, but some nights not and then you know
Maybe someone go you want a beer? Yeah, I'll have a beer
I may have one or two and then maybe I'd have a glass of wine with dinner
so you know on a regular Friday night, I might have four drinks and
Now nothing for 12 days and no pot I went off the pot to know because Ari was
giving me such a hard time
You can't even quit quit pot. You're an addict. That's what addicts say. I was
like alright
I told Tommy I was like I'm just gonna quit and not tell them and then break it
at the at the end of the month
Like it's easy the pots been easy, but the dreams have been different it is
really interesting
Right when you don't smoke pot your dreams like
Wrap up makes me think like what no honestly like I
Just completely objectively I mean like that can't be good to not be dreaming
like right probably something happening
I was my first few days of not drinking I couldn't get out of lucid dreaming
And I was I was having intense lucid dreams where I was well aware. I was
asleep
But I knew that if I could just I knew but I knew that I was dreaming and I was
like don't get out of this
You're having fun and so yeah, but dreaming has been intense by the way
The really my favorite thing is just sleeping good like I'm waking up at six in
the morning and going like feel good
Oh that and man and then by the way, and I I know that you're like birdie like
a fucking uber fan of podcasters
There's like a lot of people I have been introduced to through your podcast and
like Brendan Shaw is one of my favorite people
I love that guy. He's awesome, and he gets coffee all the time now
I look at that that you get gives me panic when I see him get a coffee for the
past year
I've been like dude. How the fuck is he doing that. I mean when I drink I can't
drink coffee cuz I start shaking I get way too
Blood sugary like really yeah, just regular coffee coffee. I haven't had like a
cup of coffee
In probably like maybe like eight months
Now what is it about coffee is it do you put something in coffee? No, it's just
coffee just black coffee
It's like yeah, cuz it's my blood sugar is low from drinking. I didn't sleep
well
I have a cup of coffee and it just would and then I would be like how does
Brendan take naps in the middle of the day?
Like I couldn't understand it dude. I enjoy getting up and going to Starbucks
and getting a coffee more than I ever enjoyed going to a bar
It is I get up and I feel like I'm part of the community
I like say hi to people we landed from that first sober flight
I took down I know that I'm gonna sound like a child when we landed it was me
and Brendan Brendan
Walsh was on my flight and he and he was like almost randomly he random is in
my flight
I talked to him through text the night before and I was like dude. I'll see on
the plane
We got to LAX and he was like yeah, I'm hitting up sober October with you
I'm not gonna drink either and I was like awesome, man. Really? Yeah, I said
this and I've never said this
I go hey, do you want to get a cup of coffee?
And he was like sure
We both got coffees at like 10 in the morning at the airport
I was like oh, I got a whole day ahead of me like I got coffee in me like dude
I had the funnest Sunday I've ever had that when I got home that night
I was like I won't be able to sleep out a cup of coffee. I went right to sleep.
Are you worried that?
That this is like right now you're in this really great place, right? Yeah, you're
healthy. You're feeling good
You're sleeping good, but are you are you thinking that this is just a vacation
from your other life?
Or are you changing your life my therapist when my therapist when this started
he said do not do this challenge
I think it's a really bad idea. I was like really he was yeah asshole therapist
Do you have I've heard this like Christina was mad at him yesterday at my
therapist? Yeah. Yeah
Fuck is this therapist telling him to because she's got a good therapist that
she really likes but I just don't
Maybe your therapist doesn't trust you. No, he said he said to me at one point
He goes so how you feeling? I said good. I'm not having like any epiphany. I
wish I had an epiphany
But I don't I don't have an epiphany. I'm just enjoying it. I'm really having a
good time
I was like, I don't know if I don't know how I'm gonna get back into drinking
He's like that's why you shouldn't have done this if you want to quit drinking
you should have just done it for yourself
You shouldn't done it out of spite for Tom, Ari and Joe. Yeah, but it's not
spite
It's a fun little challenge like I look I don't want to do 15 fucking yoga
classes in a month
I'm loving but we're doing it. It's great
But do you really want to have an obligation to have to do you know three a
week?
Yeah, you do it yeah, dude. I can only work in those parameters. I can only
work to the extremes
Like when we said no pot no booze. I was like I'm cool cuz I'm not gonna smoke
pot if I'm not drinking booze
I'm a teetotaler like I
Take things to I take things to an extreme because that's the way I can help
compartmentalize things
But I think my question was like at the end of this month when November 1st
rolls around. Yeah, are you gonna just go get fucked up?
Well, obviously yeah
I'm gonna be with Ari in New Orleans
Yeah, yeah, me and Ari. What are you guys doing in New Orleans?
We're doing the impractical. I'm going on a cruise November 1st with Ari, Big J,
Tony Hinchcliffe, Sarah Tiana
Like we're all gonna be on the cruise with the Impractical Jokers. Those Impractical
Jokers guys are killing it. Dude, they did the Greek
I saw 6,000 people
Fucking insane, and I would love to have sat in the front row where they sat me
and shit on their show
But I can't man. I would love as a comic to be like I'm better than this
The men they four get up there and they have such great chemistry and they're
showing like inside clips and it's just a multimedia event
Oh, so it's not like stand-up. It's like a bunch of different stuff that they
do like they show like
Pranks they play on people? No, they don't show they show more pictures from
like their childhood or like things that because they've known each other
forever
Then when they were younger, they tell stories about them traveling together
It's it it actually is really a great show
Like imagine if um me you and Ari and Tom did a show at the store and we talked
about Sober October
Tom and I would have a bunch of stuff very quickly that we could talk about our
hot yoga classes
Yeah, Ari and all our texts like like one of my favorite things ever is when
the eve of Sober October
Ari fucking puts us are he's such a cunt he puts out all our texts privately
Behind that we haven't been sharing with you on Instagram and Tom goes tell me
that isn't giving you panic right now
Because I don't know what I've said like we've all been like Joe's not quitting
weed and then Ari manned
Ari managed this coup d'etat against you for pray for Joe
Ari look I look I know Ari gets a lot of shit online and everyone's fucking
with Ari
But I will tell you this has been exponentially fun because of his involvement
because this is right in his little swing zone
Yeah, when when you said you're when you said I'm not I'm not quitting weed
Yeah, Ari then branched off to me and Tom. He's like gentlemen get ready for
the assault on Joe
And both Tom and I are like, I don't think that's a good idea
And Ari's like no, it's happening. I want you to get your comments ready. I
want them to send in we're gonna workshop each other's comments
I want you to be the first comments on this video that I post on this thing
saying Joe's not taking part of Sober October
So we're all sending it Tom. I love Tom to death be such a cuck his first draft
I was like this will not be working. It's too too pleasant to Joe
We're gonna revert and I will rewrite this for you
Well, Ari has been he I think he's handling this the least
Like he's he's struggling like he's saying this is harder for me than any of
you and I'm like, I think he's being serious
I think he likes the marijuana for self-medication
He does and you know
He has set his life up and I think if anyone looks at Ari from the outside in
he's setting his life up for him
Yeah, he's got his he's got a nice piece of cake. Yeah great apartment in
Does what he wants East Village. He's got all his friends. They all go out
every night
He's got you know, he's and he's one of the funnest guys if you ever go to New
York to just call him up and go
What's the plan for today? He's like, I don't know. Let's get lost. Let's go
find some lobster somewhere
But he's taking it seriously
He got mad the other day when I was fucking with him and I sent that text
saying that I listened to your podcast Ari
And it seems you haven't been doing all the