Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2017-10-23T07:59:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-23. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons

is it working is it live says it's alive Gregory we're live this is it this is
it yeah for there's
definitely more of an echo in this room we're gonna have to do some tweaking
ladies and gentlemen
this is episode number one in the new spot oh Jamie's fucking up already Jesus
there's extra
mics on I had all the mics on oh the back mics those are off now oh that sounds
yeah changed
everything yeah you're a wizard how'd you notice you could feel it you could
sense it in the room
he should be behind a curtain like the Wizard of Oz yeah what color was the
Wizard of Oz's
curtain it was green right wasn't it emerald city right yes yeah right emerald
city Gregory welcome
I feel so happy to be here on the first episode dude I'm honored I'm honored
that you're number one
yeah this is perfect seems perfect yeah this is perfect fuck it's crazy right
he just gave me a
tour of this place and it's like I I saw the first half and was like what the
fuck's he gonna do with
all this space the back half is bigger than the first half well it's gonna be a
gym yes an actual
full gym I don't like going places do it all right here catch your your tank
your sauna there's a 47 yard
indoor archery range in here yeah yeah that's gonna be badass yeah it's why not
fuck it yeah but the the big
thing is to set up the studio and to have it as close to the old one as
possible I mean basically we built it sort of the
only difference is the sky thanks to octo lights now we have clouds in the sky
instead of stars decided to mix it up a
little bit change the curtain color I love that it feels the same as the other
one
now pretty fucking so I mean the dimensions are are they exact very close very
close and this is this
is a standalone time this was built so it was built to the same size I mean
this was this did not exist
so this is all like constructed basically we just I had all these ideas like
well I'll do it this way
and I'll do this way and I'll make a table that's different and then and then
as time went on and I
started doing the planning and everything I said you know what I don't I don't
think I want to change much at
all like this table first of all is giant like I love this table and it's got
all this weird history to
it a little bend to it yeah well when we got it the wood hadn't been killed kiln
drive kiln dried yeah
yeah so when wood sits out or it goes anywhere gets damp and then when it dries
out it starts to warp a
little bit change and shift so it's got a little warp to it yeah like it it's
this desk got history it's
got history and the red brick wall looks exactly the same yeah pretty close
pretty close we're rolling
Jamie's over there in his spot it's pretty close I mean it's like it doesn't I
have to remind myself
that we're in a new spot that's perfect yeah I mean after we do a few episodes
here we'll be like oh
just this is the spot after a fight companion yeah yeah especially once the booze
and starts again once
the booze and the weed starts again in November
how hard has that been for you easy really super easy like as he the other day
went to Mexican food and I
wanted a margarita and I went damn I can't have margarita yeah that's it that's
literally my only
craving people talk to you about like because the initial thing wasn't quitting
weed right the initial
thing was just getting Bert Kreischer to not die so like our idea was like so
let's see if we can get
him to go sober for a month and he was like I can run a marathon I'm like would
stop he fuck this
you're not gonna run a marathon well like listen how about instead of you
running a marathon we
just have you do 15 hot yoga classes and they're like oh that'll be easy like
he hasn't even done
one yeah you don't know if it's easy and now they're they're slogging away
through like I think
they're they're all at like number six or seven do we have video of Bert in a
hot yoga class no video
no but they they take videos after him and Tom get out and they're both you
know beet red and it's
covered in sweat it's pretty obvious the towel is just drenched yeah but Bert
has done amazing first
of all his blood pressure has dropped radically he was actually on high blood
pressure medication yeah
and after this after stopping drinking just immediately his blood pressure
dropped like
radically yeah so like he doesn't even need blood pressure medication if he
doesn't drink that's
amazing it's the only thing that's doing him in is the booze right so and then
but people would
come up to me about the weed so the weed wasn't in the original bet the
original bet was just no
booze yeah which I thought would be pretty easy and then they're like all right
we're gonna go new no
weed too and I was like no weed fuck you like I'm just doing this for Bert like
I don't want to
stop smoke and then I they were giving me a hard time about it they started
this hashtag pray for Joe
campaign because I was addicted to pot so I initially thought I'll just get off
weed and not tell them
until the end and go it was fucking easy you pussies yeah but then Ari was
making such a big deal out of
it I had to say actually dude I'm not smoking pot either just to let the cat
out of the bag Tom
Segura already knew but um people come up to you like like you're not eating
for a month like you okay
yeah right how do you feel yeah are you you off heroin for good you know but it's
such a part
I don't know for you it never seemed like an addiction drugs to for my vision
of you doing
drugs is it's always mind expanding and it's always just to relax it's never
like an addiction it never
felt like you needed to I definitely don't need it obviously because I've had
some great sets too which
has been very interesting because I usually like to go on stage high I haven't
done that at all though
no no pot for 17 days is that what today is what's today the 17th so no pot for
17 days where do you
miss it the most before going on no I haven't missed it wow it's been weird you
know I was
like maybe there's gonna be a moment where like wow I'd like to have some weed
I'm a little nervous
about smoking again yeah because I know I'm gonna get so high that I'm gonna be
so paranoid and all
these demons are gonna come creeping up into my consciousness again all
paranoid yeah psychic demons
they're just gonna come floating by it's like that first orgasm after you get
your prostate removed
yeah man for real you know like once once you're back you know it's just it
just seems like it seems
like it's gonna hit you way way way harder that's what everybody says yeah you
take a month off and then
you get back on the pot then you know why everybody freaks out when you get
them high you know because
we're so used to getting high that when we get high it's no big deal yeah but
when people don't get
high and they're like oh I'll smoke a little weed with you but they haven't
smoked pot maybe like
six months or something like that yeah those people are fucked right they're in
a bad place
yeah I got a nice easy rhythm going I got the little vape pen and I'm when I'm
on the road
you know Thursday Friday night couple hits that's pretty much it and you never
do it before shows
right never never ever and you took a long time like when when I first met you
we back in the day
um when we first started out you would just quit booze right just quit yeah and
you weren't doing
nothing no pot no booze no nothing like what was it that made you realize I
could smoke a little weed
it was New Year's Eve of I turned three night 2004 whoa so I had not smoked pot
for 14 years whoa or
drank or anything and then I'm standing outside of the improv in San Francisco
and I'm with I won't
mention the manager's name but a manager who smokes a lot of pot that we all
know and love and uh the
entire cast of the marijuana logs it's Doug Benson Tony uh Kameen and um Brian
Posehn and they're all
there it's just like a weird thing where you know I don't know if you've ever
done New Year's Eve in San
Francisco but there's like three different venues that all do comedy you know
there's Cobbs there's
the punchline and then there's a big theater that the palais the palace of fine
arts or whatever
and then there's an after party at the punchline and it's the greatest after
party because usually you
go on the road and after your show you're just kind of alone maybe you got your
opener or whatever and
you hang out but this is always like you know every comic in San Francisco
comes together and I'm
standing out front and and they're standing there with a joint they hand it to
me and I just I felt
like this is the moment I'm supposed to smoke pot again and I did and uh and
then the weirdest
fucking thing happened is um I went down to help Molly you know she had a um
the van coming from
the palace and she had a box of booze that had been the backstage bar and she's
carrying a bottle of
vodka and she's walking towards the steps and this group we were talking about
San Francisco homeless
people before group of like you know they're like 21 and they're like street urchins
yeah they're like
you know it's almost like yeah the warriors come out it's like that type of
person and they grab the
bottle of booze out of Molly's hand and I'm standing there with Todd Barry Paul
F. Tompkins and like
I think Greg Proops there's like two guys in suits and so they grab this bottle
from Molly and she chases
after them I'm like what the fuck are you doing that's not your booze it's the
club's booze and
she runs right in the middle of them and they uh she grabs the bottle and she's
fighting with this
woman over it and these guys are surrounding her and I run in and I grab her
and start pulling her
out but at the same time guys fist cocked waiting to take a shot at me and I'm
yelling to these guys
hey how about a little help here and nothing and so uh I kind of pull her out
of there
and we half run away and then as we're walking up the stairs they threw a blockbuster
an m80 oh jesus and it landed right near us and it blew out oh and um
there was a lesbian people don't know what that means it's a firecracker like a
super big it's an
eighth of a stick of dynamite is it really that much yeah that's what an m80 is
jesus christ i didn't
know it was that powerful yeah i mean you feel it in your chest and uh blew out
molly's hearing for
like a year and uh people were crying it was like really traumatic and i'm high
i'm like this is the
work after 14 years i was just like this is nuts i was walking the girl back to
the hotel because she
was sobbing it wasn't tig it was it was a lesbian comedian who had a girlfriend
with her and uh
yeah it was crazy whoa yeah yeah we were talking about how san francisco is
just a little bit too
lenient with their homeless population yeah they're just a little silly with it
and we were talking
about how they have it mapped out where people shit in the streets now so you
could avoid human
shit yeah it's either a website or an app i'm not sure which one it is but they
they're basically
keeping up to date human poo stats how do they know it's human versus dog
probably smells worse
people are gross maybe there's a little toilet paper next my dog's all over the
house last night
my dogs i have a young dog and two old dogs right and my big old dog is a mastiff
and he's super cool
with every dog any dog comes over hey how you doing yeah he's super friendly
but my little dog
is kind of a twat is something going on with the lights they're just dim oh
they're turning off
oh scary scary spooky what kind of dog is the little dog what is that jamie it's
the motion sensor
that's why we're getting every place oh so things we're not here yeah oh well
how do we fix that
that's dumb okay anyway the little dog is uh he's not that little he's a medium-sized
dog i guess he's
a shibu inu english bulldog mix right nice and uh he has um he has an issue
with any dog he's a little
cunt like any dog he's like yeah and the puppy is 11 months old i have a uh
golden retriever he's the
swee