Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1047 - Andy Stumpf
Uploaded: 2017-12-05T01:34:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1047 - Andy Stumpf' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1047 - Andy Stumpf' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-05. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1047 - Andy Stumpf

Yee-haw! Andy Stump! We're here, ladies and gentlemen.
The party's already started. We're drinking something that my friend Ben O'Brien
invented.
It's called a rye brain. It's a whiskey and alpha brain.
And it's delicious.
In a Yeti tumbler.
Cheers.
Cheers, my brother. Good to see you, buddy.
Yeah, man, it's been a while.
You're living the good life.
Hey, I'm still kicking, you know? It's another good day. I'm still vertical.
Yeah, but you're living the good life, man. You're out doing what I want to do.
You're out there in the fucking great state of Montana.
You escaped.
I landed on Saturday, and I lived in San Diego for, I think, almost 10 years.
Loved San Diego.
I did, too.
No complaints about California. It's beautiful.
The beaches, there's mountains, all that stuff. I love it.
Landed in San Diego, got in the rental car, was going out to skydive,
and couldn't even see the mountains out by where I'm going to go jump
because it was all hazy and smoggy.
And it took me longer to get out of the parking lot than it does to, like, get
back to my house,
go shoot the bow in the backyard, go do a workout.
I was still in the San Diego International parking lot.
So I can't wait to go back.
Yeah, there's good and bad.
You know, there's good things about the big city life.
You know, you get a lot of great restaurants, a lot of cool shit, but you've
already done that, you know?
We moved to a town that has 22,000 people from a subdivision of San Diego that
had 260,000 people.
And I honestly, my only regret is that it took us so long to pull the trigger
on doing it.
It is unbelievable.
And have you done the winter yet there yet?
Winter's coming.
It's coming. So you haven't done it yet.
Yeah, once you get into that.
I visited the winter last year. We were there for the whole month of December.
There was a few days it was negative 10, which I found if you stand close
enough to the fire, it feels just fine.
Yeah, man, just wear a nice, thick, like a real good jacket.
You know, wear good wool undergarments.
You could be all right.
I know some people who work in the industry to make the cold weather gear just
from my old job,
and they send me some stuff, so it's really not that bad.
And there's some things in life that I will spend good money on.
Cold weather gear, rain gear, just pony up and pay the extra money because it's
going to pay off for you in the end.
Yeah, get some real shit.
My friend Tony lives in Columbus, Ohio, and the way he put it, he goes, like,
look.
He's like, here's the deal.
He goes, you can't really dress for hot weather.
He goes, but you could dress for cold weather.
He goes, you wear warm clothes in cold weather, you're fine.
And he goes, but when it's hot out, it's just fucking hot out.
You've got to go indoors.
He's right.
Or you can nude up, but then once you get to that level, you're done.
Yeah, but even when you nude up, it's that hot.
But it's like L.A. has no weather.
It gets hot, and that's it.
It rarely rains.
If it rains 20 days a year here, it's crazy.
Nobody knows what to do.
Inside, I'm not going to lie, I was laughing and very happy when you were
posting.
I was, like, 105, 106.
And up where we live is, like, 60 beautiful bluebird skies, a little bit of a
breeze.
Yeah, I bet you get sick nighttime starver-looking, too, right?
What's the stargazing up there?
I mean, it's not hard to get out of that light pollution.
You drive, you know, we're fortunate we have, probably the reason we moved up
there is we
bought an investment property in 2016, and it's in the middle of nowhere, like,
probably
15 miles out.
And you want to talk about no light pollution and the ability just to look up,
and it doesn't
look anything—unless you've experienced that, you can't describe how much you're
missing
out if you live in a city looking up.
It's unbelievable.
Yeah, it's weird, right?
It's one of the weirdest things about civilization that we've chosen to do that.
I know that a lot of—there's a lot of talk about people having, like, nights
or, like,
one time of the year where everybody shuts their lights off, and they have,
like, just
a viewing of the stars, like a no-light night.
Who's talking about doing that?
I've heard that before online.
I've heard people organizing light pollution observance day or some shit.
Yeah, I've heard some crazy things online.
I try to avoid most of the things that I hear about online.
Gatherings that start online.
I'm like, hi, I'm—no.
The picture that I put of you with your flying squirrel suit flying over the
fucking earth,
I purposely chose it because you can see the curvature of the earth in the
background.
Or can you, based on the comments?
Hey, bro, it's a fucking fisheye lens, bro!
Was that shot with a fisheye lens?
Whatever the GoPro comes with?
Yeah, it's probably a fisheye lens.
It's got a little bit of a curvature to it.
There it is.
Look at that.
There you go.
I love that suit.
I was jumping that suit on Saturday.
There's some interesting comments in there.
The internet is a very interesting environment that has no consequences and
allows people to interact in a way they never would if they were sitting across
like we are right now.
Yeah, and it also requires discipline in that regard, like the way people
communicate with people.
It just—there's no discipline in terms of, like, conserve—like, just think
about what you're going to say.
Think about if a person was in front of you.
Think about how it's going to affect that person, and then proceed.
Nobody does that.
There's none of that.
I wouldn't say nobody does that.
But it's—
Few and far between.
There's no consequences, especially if you're an anonymous person.
If you're just a regular Joe Blow.
The egg.
Yeah.
And you've got an egg, and it's like Dick Fuck 6952, whatever your name is, and
you just feel like talking shit.
I mean, I understand it.
If you put a quarter-inch piece of glass in between me and another driver on
the road, I've been known to say some interesting things that I wouldn't say to
somebody in, like, a line at Starbucks if they bumped into me.
Do you know what that's from, though, what they say?
Scientists have kind of studied the human response to critical situations where
you have to make split-second maneuvers, like high-stress situations.
You don't think of a car as being a high-stress situation, but when you're
going 70 miles an hour, and every little thing is like, you're way more tuned
in than you think you are.
So anything that happens, it's like, this motherfucker, like, you're way more
ramped up.
That's where road rage comes from.
It comes from the fact that your brain is very aware that you're going to have
to make split-second decisions.
So even though you don't realize it, you're at 7 all the time.
And just ready to flip to 11 when a guy comes.
Ready to get crazy.
I'm going to kill you, motherfucker.
Yeah.
I mean, I've seen people just lose their shit.
And by the way, here's the really crazy thing.
I've seen people lose their shit, and if it ever physically escalated, like
they did pull over, they got out of their car, they'd be helpless.
They'd be helpless.
They don't know how—I've been with people.
I'm like, listen, man, you don't know how to fight at all.
Like, what are you doing?
You're starting a fight?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Don't do that.
You're starting a fight, and you're praying to God or whatever you believe in
that this person doesn't actually follow you or pull over.
Yeah, they're in a car version of the egg on Twitter.
They just assume, like, fuck you, you're never going to see me again, and this
isn't real.
You piece of shit!
But sometimes it is real, you know?
I've seen people duking it out on the side of the road.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it's pretty ugly.
It doesn't go well for both parties, generally.
A buddy of mine from jiu-jitsu pulled over to the side of the road with a guy
once, and they started duking it out, and they both knew how to fight.
It was crazy.
They were hitting doubles and sprawling.
The other guy goes for a darse.
He reverses him.
He gets side control, knees him in the body.
The guy fucking hits him in a triangle.
They fucking—he passes the guard.
Like, the whole thing go back and forth and back and forth.
On the fucking grass.
They were on the grass on the side of the road.
And then when it's—they're both exhausted.
They high-fived each other and then got back in their car.
They were laughing.
They're like, you know how to fight, man.
Like, they're both actually—they both were like, I'm going to fuck this dude
up.
I'm going to fuck this dude up.
And then they both were—not just did they both know how to fight, they were
both at, like, a purple belt level.
A little impromptu grappling session in the car.
Yeah, and punches and kicks and the whole deal.
But they both actually knew how to fight.
It was pretty funny.
The way he was telling it was pretty hilarious.
I mean, I can't—I can't lie.
I get excited when I see people upset in their cars.
Yeah, I do, too.
Like, if I cut them off accidentally and I see them getting pissed, like, the
foot just slowly rolls off the gas.
Yeah.
And they get really close, and I'm doing 40 on the freeway, and I don't know—I
mean, I don't know what my problem is.
I'm probably just an asshole.
But the more upset they get, the more warmth I feel in my soul as I'm going
down the road watching them lose their shit in their car.
Well, don't you think that a guy like you who's been through so much actual,
real combat probably relishes a little elevation of the normal day-to-day life?
Just a little—turn that bitch up a little bit.
Let's feel a little heat.
Come on, just crank it up a little bit.
I'm probably the last person that would ever fight.
Like, I just—and I bet you it's the same with the UFC guys, right, who make
their living in that insane octagon.
Like, you think some of the things I do are a little bit atypical?
I think people who live in the octagon are absolutely out of their mind.
Dude, you flew 18 miles in a squirrel suit.
The suit did most of the work, man.
I just laid in that thing.
It doesn't matter.
The fucking—all this shit that can go wrong.
What did you say—what the temperature was when you jumped out?
50 below zero?
50 below with the wind chill, and I was rocking a t-shirt.
Because I'm not smart.
How cold did that get?
I couldn't feel my hands.
I had hand warmers, the chemical—you know, the ones that you crack open, just
for, like, skiing.
But I didn't open the bag until 20,000 feet.
You know, I didn't really think that through.
It needs oxygen.
How do you open the bag while you're flying like that?
No, up on the way up.
It was an hour flight to altitude, and I knew it was going to be cold.
So I opened up the things, and I put them on my hands and put my gloves on.
So I'm like, "Why am I not feeling these heat up?" And then I realized that
they need oxygen for the chemical reaction.
So I jumped out, and by probably halfway down, I couldn't feel my hands.
So I just had them, like, tucked up behind the wing, and I know where the
little small parachute is that you have to pull to deploy your parachute.
And I'm like, "All right. It'll be all right. I know where this is. I've done
this before."
Pulled the parachute, and I get on the ground, and then my hands started
burning because the chemicals started reacting.
Oh, wow.
So it went from freezing cold hand to feeling like I had my hands dipped into
lava, so I couldn't get the gloves off fast enough.
Also, probably a little hypothermia, right?
Probably.
That's what they say. They found a guy recently in, I want to say, Oregon or
Idaho. I don't know. One of them cold places.
And he went elk hunting, and they couldn't find him. He got lost.
And when they found him, he was dead, and he was only, like, a couple hundred
yards from his truck.
And they think he got snowed out and couldn't see where he was going.
And he had taken his jacket off, and he had taken his gloves and his hat off.
And they say that's one of the signs of hypother