Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1048 - Doug Stanhope
Uploaded: 2017-12-06T02:28:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1048 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1048 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-06. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1048 - Doug Stanhope

I got too high.
Four, three, two, one.
Mr. Hennigan, you were talking in the background.
Yeah, Brian Hennigan, he's worried about the link.
He's waiting for...
Oh, JoeRogan.Live.
Yeah, I should tweet it, right?
I didn't even tweet it.
Tweet it.
I'll tweet it while I'm talking to you.
Douglas Danhope, the mayor of Bisbee.
Wow, you're becoming the mayor of L.A.
That should be your thing, man.
300 square miles of studio space?
Twitter.
I knew when I pulled up...
Well, the Uber dropped us at the wrong place,
but then we walked a few buildings down
and I saw a pickup truck loading Epsom salt into a side door.
I go, yeah, that's flotation tank shit right there.
We got the right door.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Going live with Douglas.
I only did flotation tank once for a shoot at your house
for the man show and you had the one in the house
and we were doing it for a shoot.
So you can't really sit back and enjoy it.
But for that 30 seconds, they shut the door
until they go, action.
You're like, wow, this is fucking weird.
It's fucking weird.
It's weird and it never stops being weird.
Like even though I've done it,
I don't know how many times,
every time I do it, it's fucking weird.
It's a very strange feeling
and you can shut it off anytime you want.
That's the best part about it.
Like I love the fact that I could just get out of it.
Like if you want to do shrooms or something like that,
that's a commitment.
I mean, you're in.
You're in.
Six, eight hours.
You're not shaking it.
And you don't know where you're going
or who's going to call or stop by.
Yeah, you can't.
You're not shaking that.
You're just not.
It's going to get you.
I tweeted it.
Did you get it?
All right, beautiful.
Yeah, but the tank, you just get out.
It's awesome.
Just open the door.
It's over.
I'm sure there's some kind of upkeep
that's necessary that I wouldn't do
and I'd forget and I'd go on the road
and I'd come back
and there's bushes growing in there.
You know what you should do?
You should start a tank center in Bisbee.
Nobody has money in Bisbee.
It doesn't have to cost a lot of money.
You get like one or two tanks
and you just rent them out all day long.
Yeah, it's, again, it's, like, people have, like,
disability is the biggest form of income there.
I bet insurance will pay for it.
Maybe I made that up.
You should probably check.
I think that they'll,
well, I think it's a form of therapy for sure.
Still, the point is I'm not good at upkeep.
I know.
You don't have to hire somebody.
It's kind of an above-ground pool
that is just nothing but algae
for eight months out of the year.
That's the grossest.
Dude, I moved into a house once in Encino
and nobody had lived in it for, I guess,
like, over a year
and they didn't do anything with the pool
and the pool had become this green pond
and there was schools of mosquito larvae
swimming around in the pool.
Like, I was like,
what in the fuck is that?
Like, you could see them.
It was the weirdest thing, man.
That's a problem with the,
we're getting rid of the fucking thing.
Dude, it was a real problem.
Like, I was looking,
I was like,
you've got a,
like, a big stew of life out here.
There were so many mosquitoes.
It was crazy.
There were, like, little schools of fish.
I was like,
this is madness.
All these little things
are blood-sucking little vampires.
They're going to fly around
and find things to bite.
And where I live,
there's no other body of water
for a hundred miles
other than my above-ground pool.
Isn't it crazy?
Those little cunts,
you can't kill them off.
They just find a way
to just breed and,
like, back east,
they're way worse.
Yeah.
They're way worse
than they are here.
There's something about
the weather out here, I guess,
that keeps them in check.
The worst, by far,
is Alaska
that I've experienced.
Have you ever experienced?
Yeah, yeah.
Holy shit, man.
You get out of the car
and they just swarm you.
Huge.
Huge.
And super aggressive.
And they only live
to be, like, three months old.
So when they're going for it,
they're just fucking going for it.
It's like some wolf shit.
It's like survival of the fittest.
It's the weirdest thing ever.
They're, like,
they're a different thing.
Like, we have an idea,
oh, mosquitoes,
yeah, they're annoying,
they get you,
you slap them.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, this is a swarm.
This is hundreds of them
in your face,
in your eyes,
all over your mouth,
everywhere.
Instantly.
Yeah, we have no see-em.
So the pool was cool
when we got that house.
It's above ground,
but it's on a slope,
so there's a deck
on one side.
So it seems like
an above-ground pool
because you're above the pool,
but it's still
an above-ground pool
and it's only, you know,
four feet deep
or something.
Right.
But once monsoons hit...
Look at that.
Oh, my God.
That's mosquitoes in Alaska.
We're looking at
what looks like
a swarm of birds.
That's the worst part
about naked and afraid,
if you ever watch that show,
is the bugs.
I could go a month
without eating.
I'd do that anyway.
I'm a drunk.
I get my calories
from the mixer.
Do you have to stay naked?
Like, can you make clothes?
I don't know
how much they cheat.
Oh, no,
they have made clothes.
They have made clothes.
Yeah, I don't know
how much they...
Yeah, the producer says,
okay, you can make
the beaver cloth,
but you can't make
a full, like, hoodie.
They do it
with every one
of those shows.
They'll call those shows
reality shows,
but there's a certain amount
of, like,
plotted out ideas
and you can see
them take place.
Like, you can see,
like, the act...
You see acting
in people.
I have a whole chunk
in the book
that I'm here to promote.
Ah!
See?
But about how I'm...
I'm glued to reality
just to find
where they're lying.
All right,
that's obviously...
This is not fame.
I like the name.
Yeah, I don't know
who came up with it.
That's beautiful.
Fuck yeah, dude.
You're an author.
Like, a legit author.
How did that happen?
I don't know.
But you've written
two, like,
legitimate books.
That's pretty
fucking interesting, man.
That's a...
You're a different
kind of person
to do that.
Like, that's...
I've always felt like
an extra...
One of the things
that I love
is you actually
wrote this, too.
Yeah.
Like, you wrote
wrote this.
Yeah, there's no guy.
Yeah.
And there's nothing
wrong with those guys
because that's probably
the only way
you're going to get
a Joey Diaz book,
right?
Right.
Yeah, if a guy
is not going to write it,
yeah, get a guy.
Get a guy.
Well, Joey Diaz
could sit and tell you
all his stories.
Yeah.
He could tell him,
right,
and if you have a guy,
I'm just...
I could never trust
anyone to write
so hard.
So hard.
I've talked to so many
authors or writers
or journalists even
that they'll hand in
a piece and then
the editor tweaks it
and changes it
and an editor got
fired from the Daily
News for doing that
pretty recently
because the guy
had attributions
in his story,
the different studies
and shit,
where he got the
information that was
in it,
whatever the...
and then he got
accused of plagiarism
when he has the
original document
that he sent
to the publisher.
Oh, so the editor
was the plagiarist.
The editor just said,
we don't need
to tell people about that.
They made a weird
judgment call
and they removed
the references.
Well, you know
when you do interviews,
how often they
fuck up what you said.
Yes.
Like, I remember
I was the winner
of the Montreal Comedy
Festival.
Like, there's no winner
in 1997.
No one wins.
Yeah, they don't
understand what that means.
But yeah, if you read,
which I don't
on purpose now,
you read an interview
you did,
I didn't say that.
Now you're making me
look like a dick
and other comics
are going to see
this interview
and I didn't say
it like that.
You're like the only guy
that ever won
a comedy competition
that people don't hate.
You know?
Because you won
San Francisco.
Like, everybody who...
But that was after
that was done.
What do you mean?
It wasn't a big deal
anymore.
It wasn't a you
versus Dane Cook?
Yeah, but we were
both completely unknown
at that point.
Right, right.
But still,
you weren't unknown
in the comedy world.
But the point is
nobody got mad at you for it.
The competition itself
in the late 70s, 80s
was a huge deal.
That's when Robin Williams
and Ellen DeGeneres...
Right.
By the time I did it,
it was me
and an unknown Dane Cook.
Right.
I think competitions
are fucking weird
when it comes to comedy.
Like, that's a...
You're changing what it is.
I like the festival idea.
The festival's nice.
We don't have to make it
fucking Star Search
or whatever, you know,
America's Got Talent.
It's just shows.
That's what the country wants.
I know, they do.
Battle Royale.
It did introduce
a lot of people
like when they started
doing the stand-up show.
The fuck it is.
Last Comic Standing?
Yeah, Last Comic Standing
was the introduction
that a lot of people got
to a lot of good comics.
You know, I mean,
that's how people
found out about them.
Yeah, but as long as
you know going in
that this is rigged.
Yeah.
When you're doing...
Sort of a little bit.
I just did Seattle.
I played up there
while the Seattle competition
was going on
and a girl I know
was in it
and I had to...
No, first of all,
play to yourself.
The judges are going
to be people
like fucking morning show,
hack, AM sports talk,
DJ, whoever they can get.
It's not real.
Just do your best.
If it makes you work,
that's why I liked them
back in the day
because it made me work.
It made brevity important.
I have seven minutes.
Cut out the dead weight
in this joke.
Hit your fucking beats.
But I knew that it's bullshit.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
I'm sure I won
because I was way cooler
than Dane Cook
and I hung out
and drank with the fucking producers.
Wait a minute.
Why would you say that?
I mean,
wouldn't you just win
because you did a great job?
Really?
A funny comic?
Human beings aren't...
Oh, you know what?
Is it possible?
But it's San Francisco.
Aren't they a little bit
more open-minded
and intelligent
than the rest of the country?
Well, the people
that hired the judges,
the producer,
I forget her name
that I hung out with
the whole three weeks
and we'd drink
and have fun.
That probably helped,
but they appreciated you
before that.
I was the judge
a year or two later.
I don't like you
being self-deprecating.
When James Inman won,
I was a judge.
You're one of my favorite comedians.
It bothers me
when you're self-deprecating.
When James Inman won,
I was a judge.
Any other questions?
He's still a good comic.
James Inman's a funny guy.
I see he's funny.
But hey,
look,
my point is
Last Comic Standing
let a lot of people know
about Alonzo Bowden,
you know,
Hefron,
John Hefron.
Alfie May was the first year
he lost to Dat Fan,
which I said on Twitter
is what killed him.
He couldn't get over the shame
even 20 years later
or 15.
Is Dat Fan still around?
I've looked him up
and every here and again
you remember Dat Fan
and you search to see
and occasionally
he'd be playing a casino.
He was a guy
that I felt like
there was some really
unbalanced hatred towards.
It was very odd.
When he won
Last Comic Standing
people were really mad.
There was a certain percentage
of comics that were really mad
and let me tell you something,
I was there
when he had a set
and he fucking killed.
He fucking killed.
Whether or not
you liked that kind of material
or not,
there was like
he got a bunch of hatred.
It wasn't just
he was a young guy
like wow,
what does it create?
Because Eliza won
Last Comic Standing
when she was like
three years in,
right?
I think she said,
didn't she say that?
Three or four years in,
I hope I don't say
the wrong years,
but I mean
that's kind of the same thing
along the same lines,
right?
You're getting in
but if you do it,
you do it.
If you win,
you win.
You get eight minutes
to kill,
you can break it up.
And for whatever reason,
man,
people were so pissed at him
because he was
kind of fresh to comedy,
right?
Like he hadn't been
doing it that long,
Well,
he was ridiculous.
He was one of those
scientists that you hat