Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1063 - Tom Segura
Uploaded: 2018-01-12T02:17:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1063 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1063 - Tom Segura' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1063 - Tom Segura

this dog we're good all right we're live sort of sort of live we're rolling we're
rolling we're
rolling dog so uh so we were talking about the game we stopped because we
figured this is probably
good for the podcast so Ari finally paid off the bet I paid it off in a big way
man big way in a
big way um so if you remember I when we were doing the weight loss challenge it
was like
whoever wins decides yeah the sporting event we're all sports fans basically
you know and
and I said at the time I was like let's go see Barcelona I think I wanted to
see Barcelona
play Paris in uh you know some tournament cup some challenge a tournament that
they were playing in
and I was like you know two of the premier teams and it would be fun to go to
Europe and make Ari pay
for it you know so so I told him that he was like I'm going to like fucking
Malaysia and he just left
never heard from him again and four months later you know how it all it all
played out so when he got
back he was getting fucking slammed by people because he was supposed to pay up
this bet you know
right and people were destroying him you know that I mean online they were just
like Welcher you're a
piece of shit probably worse than that but um anyways once we got we got to
like hanging out once we did
the sober October thing um he was just like right before that actually I think
he was like
which means like what do you want to do right and I go well how about
I go uh he's like you know you picked the event I go I'm a big college football
fan let's go to the
national championship game and I remember uh in 20 at the end of 2013 season
2014 fsu and auburn
played in the rose bowl out here and bert's an fsu alum I'm a big fsu fan I was
like let's go to the
game and I remember that we met uh it was like we got somebody who had student
because they both
always in the national championship they allow students to go to the game for
pretty expensive
much less than the general public can go for in other words they're because you
want students
have the ability to go to see their school play so we got like student tickets
for I think they were
350 each and that's pretty expensive you know especially for a student but I
remember bert treated
me he he bought the ticket from me and we went to that to that game and he left
that fucking halftime
of the national championship game why'd he leave he was I'm tired I gotta see
the kids I've been drinking
he just left there was one of the best just left you there yeah we were sitting
in separate sections
but I was like are you fucking I was like texting him he was like so you were
by yourself and he was
by himself yeah yeah I mean he knew more people at the game because a lot of
his uh friends that he
went to school with were at the game too but I'm like you're gone did you just
see the kickoff return
that just did the the lead just like swung he was like I'm at home I was like
all right so all right
psycho so weird so weird I gave him shit for it I still give him shit for it
but it ended up being
just this amazing finish so anyways when I tell Ari I want to go to this I'm
kind of thinking that's
the ballpark like because that's the only experience I have so the game's in
Atlanta he buys tickets
and I'm like I go you're not flying me coach you know that he's like no you're
a champ you go first
Bert Bert is coach and I'll get him a seatbelt extension I'm like all right
cool but Bert ended up
going from somewhere else so anyways he bought the ticket he got an Airbnb a
really nice house you
know for a few days in Atlanta and then it's uh you know it's the big thing is
game day I'm thinking
like oh that's cool that you got these tickets and you got you know but I think
it's like reasonable
and then we get to the stadium it was a total fucking disaster to get in
because Trump went to the game
so it was raining it was wet secret service everywhere two hour lines to get
into the venue
and I paid a guy a security guy a hundred bucks to walk us through the line
which is which was almost
impossible because it was so packed but I don't know he just started walking us
through the line
like in front of people people were yelling at the security guy which was like
so uncomfortable
he's like a young black kid and like old white people were like the fuck are
you doing he's like
I'm security and they're like you're not security you piece of shit like right
to his right in front
of us I was like god damn like I just have never seen someone flip out like
that what we were doing
was highly unethical we shouldn't have done it but like we just weren't going
to wait in that line
and then Bert of course Bert in a crowd like that he's like it's okay I'm
famous we're famous guys
like yelling that to people which is like no he didn't oh absolutely he's like
he's like everywhere
we went if we went to a restaurant they would come up like hey can I get you
guys something to drink
and he'd be like do you recognize us we're like they were like what was he
serious I mean I think it's
part of his like you know whatever style and then and they were like I'm sorry
so part of a joke or part
of yeah kind of a joke I think he's joking but not he's like halfway in the
middle because one time
one time he was like we're famous comedians and the lady was like oh I know who
you are and he was
like isn't that awesome being famous guys shut up and he was serious I mean he's
like half serious
he's like weird but it's like you see him in his element it's like him in with
crowds is really
like you realize he really enjoys it like he really enjoys the large groups he
enjoys being recognized
he fucking like sometimes we were walking and people were like hey you're the
guy I've seen you on
Facebook he's like you want a picture and they're like okay Jesus Christ yeah
yeah he loves it he loves it
and then we were talking about how like people would say like Tom and I'm like
yeah and they're
like hey and then they would walk away they wouldn't come over to me they're
like hi and then they'd
walk another way but with Bert they're like I hug you they take their shirt off
they sing together
I love they love it and he's like in his glory with it it's perfect so anyways
we get through
this horrific line into this unbelievable 1.6 billion dollar stadium that they
built in Atlanta I mean
it's fucking amazing it's such a beautiful just standalone stadium you know it's
so state-of-the-art
it's incredible we get in there Ari got us 50 yard line so right in the middle
like 20 rows back I'm like
these are fucking amazing like you couldn't ask for better seats it has like
some club access for like
free booze free food catered food prime rib I'm like Jesus I'm like how much
did you pay for these tickets
he's like mm-hmm I go yeah I want to know
3,500 dollars each whoa I was like Ari are you fucking shit me he's like how to
do it how to do it oh yeah
but he fucking spent over 10 grand on tickets for us wow yeah it wow unreal man
that's amazing
I mean those are those are great seats dude like those are absolutely amazing
seats you know when the McGregor
Mayweather fight was going on
yeah I was hearing that people were buying tickets for a quarter million
dollars that's fucking retarded that's so dumb
to pay that much money you say that right yeah but you're balling pretty hard
right now I mean back in
the dizzy yeah you thought about some of the shit that you're you can do now
yeah that's true I would
be like that's impossible yeah so we were talking about Jeff Bezos before the
show who's now the richest man in
human history it's like it's inconceivable amount of money he's worth a hundred
and five billion dollars
right which is just like what the fuck he's like the eighth biggest landowner
in United States do you
know that he just buys it's crazy yeah I'm not stunned though no of course not
he has 300,000 acres of Texas
whoa that's a lot that's a lot yeah that's a big slab yeah I'm pretty sure it's
just balling out of control
I'm pretty sure his DC home was either I feel like it was either a museum or a
hotel before he was like
make that shit my house now it was like a museum they're like it's your house I
wonder what he's
like to hang out with because there's a photo of him see if you could find this
photo Jamie there's a
photo of Jeff Bezos from 1993 and he's got like a vinyl banner yeah above his
desk it says amazon.com
uh-huh and it's just him in this janky little fucking Ikea desk yeah like bad
clothes yeah yeah kind of
chubby yeah typing away and now he's like she's got some muscle on he's jacked
and tan and probably got
a supermodel for a girlfriend does he no he's got a wife four kids regular yeah
normal yeah really she's
an author yeah how odd I know odd he doesn't schedule morning meetings so you
can hang out with the kids
yeah wow I read all this stuff I wonder why he's going so hard hmm you know
when you hit 105 billion
yeah you would think you'd go eh we're good I know I think you just start
really collecting because
you're like because you know when he bought the Washington Post you know it's
not like he's like
I love journalism right be cool to own a newspaper you know what I mean like
what do you at that level
you're just like I like waterfalls are there any for sale or something you know
well he's got
Washington Post is one of the weird ones where you get a link someone will send
you a link and you click
on it and it's a Washington Post article and it says you obviously love great
journalism come sign up
like fuck off they don't even give you the free reads I feel like New York
Times will give you 10 free
I signed up after I you know I kept clicking those I was like I'm gonna sign up
Washington Post I feel
like click number one they're like do you want to read this you want to pay or
not yeah I'm not I'm
not paying yeah I mean I I support paying for journalism but I feel like they
should give us a taste
you know we should get a little taste it's tough to trust journalism these days
it's tough to trust
like how how fucking weird are your articles gonna be that's true it's her
journalism is tough watching
news has become man I remember when it started to skew to personality and taste
yeah now it's like off the
rails it is off the rails that's where the money is I know but it's like you're
totally just going
with who like you're gonna watch you can select what do I feel like leaning
towards yeah and then
you watch that Tucker Carlson yeah or you know yeah yeah Rachel Maddow yeah
there he is that is that
picture oh my god isn't that crazy yes he looks nothing like that now yeah it's
what 105 billion
will do he's just sitting there with that amazon.com banner I hope that's still
hanging somewhere in his
oh yeah he probably shoots loads on that thing what do you oh my god
yeah crazy that he started I remember amazon being a book thing yeah I remember
being a place to buy
books and I remember thinking how weird like an online bookstore why wouldn't
you just go to the
bookstore store where you could see the book right like and all those bookstores
shut like they closed
he killed all of them yeah there's only a few left well I know a guy who got a
deal with amazon.com to
publish a book it was like when amazon started publishing books and they blackballed
him because
of this because he had had traditional outlet deals before and you know his
books would be front and
center in barnes noble and all these other different places he's a pretty
popular author but as soon as
you went to amazon.com they're like fuck you and they just shut him out they
shut him out of all
those stores yeah and I was like whoa like there's like a weird book war going
on that I didn't know
about well they're both probably trying I mean those book people were trying to
keep their business model
going and thriving you know and yeah but doing it by threats is never the way
to go probably not no I
mean the best way to go is when amazon publishes a book that people actually
want to buy 