Name: JRE MMA Show #33 with Brendan Schaub
Uploaded: 2018-07-04T00:56:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #33 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-04. Transcript available. Joe sits down with Brendan Schaub to discuss upcoming fights.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #33 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-04. Transcript available. Joe sits down with Brendan Schaub to discuss upcoming fights.

JRE MMA Show #33 with Brendan Schaub

Three. Two. One. Yee-haw! I walked in, you guys were watching soccer. I was
hugely
disappointed. Dude, England's in penalty kicks. Oh my god, is that okay? What
happens? It's the
World Cup, man. If they win, they move on. And they just won. They just won.
England just won.
They just fucking won. Are you guys rooting for England? Yeah, I'm English, man.
I'm half
English. My mom was born and raised there, bro. I thought you were back. What's
up, bro? I know,
most people do. English, son. So you really root for England? Yeah, big time.
No shit. Yes.
Wow. Yeah. I know. If U.S. isn't in it, you know. Do you know what's happening
when they're
playing or do you only know when the ball goes in? No, I have kind of an idea.
I would say
I'm a blue belt in soccer. Really? A blue belt. Damn. Like, I wake up early and
watch the
games. Only World Cup. Wow. Only World Cup. Dude, I was in Boulder. You know,
Boulder's
like the People's Republic of Boulder. I don't have to tell you. You're from
Colorado. You
know what it's like. I went to school there, son. Boulder's rough. Yes. They're
like super
duper liberal. And people were unnaturally happy about the World Cup. Like,
super excited
that they know so much about soccer and yelling. I was at a bar and I was like,
ew. That'll
make you hate it. Ew. That'll make you hate it. But if you go to England, you'll
feel good
about it. But it was this certain type of white dude. All right, let's see you,
bro.
You know? Let's see you. They mean well. They probably had a dad that was in
the Navy or some
shit. Got bullied around at home and they just went the total opposite hard way.
That shit
happens, man. This is a tough sell, especially if you're like an athlete, like
a black athlete.
Oh my God. That's why they struggle a little bit. Like, look at the beautiful
mountains. They're like,
bitch, I don't hike. I'm from Compton. I don't give a fuck about your mountains.
That's why they
struggle, I think, recruiting. Really? That's so beautiful there, though. Yeah.
Yeah. If you're into
fucking hiking and fucking rowing and shit. Water rafting and shit. The people
are super
nice, too, though. They're all right. They don't give a fuck about sports.
Where if you
go to like a southern school like Georgia or Tennessee, you're a god. You're
getting your
dick sucked every fucking period after class. Is that bad that they don't care
or is it
good? It bounces you out. It makes you work hard. No, it sucks. You got nature
out there,
though. Eagles and shit. Bears. Fucking nature. Trying to get my dick sucked,
bro. Did you know
that wolves and bears and wolves and grizzly bears are making their way back
into Colorado?
Really? Yeah. About goddamn time. Interesting. Why were they gone? Hunters?
Well, they killed
them off in the 1800s and then they reintroduced them to Yellowstone. And
mostly they stayed
around Wyoming and Montana, where Yellowstone is. And they made their way into
Idaho. But
now they've definitely spotted them in Colorado. And they're also a very
credible source. In fact,
my friend Adam Greentree took video of what he said was a grizzly bear. And he
knows the
difference. He knows his shit. Yeah. It was in the San Juan Mountains in
Colorado last September. So
they think that there's a population of grizzly bears. Adam would know. He
would know. And if you
watch the news, like the local news in LA, which I do, especially when I get
depressed,
there's a bunch of black bears like in hot tubs and shit just popping up. In
Pasadena. Just chilling in hot tubs. Yeah. Why do they love the tubs? Well,
they don't know that it's a hot tub. They just know it's water. And so like for
them to find a spot that's filled with water, it's probably terrible for them.
Unless you have a salt pool.
You know how hot it is doing the chlorine. The chlorine. That's what I'm saying.
Like if the bear's drinking all that chlorine, jazz in that pool, you know, hot
tub. Yeah. That's like that's dick soup. Yeah.
That's like soup from them black bears. Yeah. What percentage of hot tubs do
people fucking? 100% is the answer. 100%. Well, in Pasadena, it's a little
older.
Especially in Pasadena. They're just rocking it out out there. Yeah. There's a
lot of bears up there. There's a funny video, man, of this dude in Pasadena.
And he's on his phone. And he's walking down an alley. And as he turns and
walks down the alley, he's just on his phone. And he's looking down. He's not
looking where he's going. He looks up and there's a fucking bear right in front
of him. And the bear doesn't do shit? The bear doesn't know what to do. And he
just runs. Both of them are like, what the fuck? See if he can find that.
Dude, homie is just not paying attention. Dude, I would shit my pants. Oh, yeah,
for sure. It's very dangerous. Like you saw the homeboys in Seattle get fucked
up. Well, one died by the mountain line. Yeah. That's super hungry mountain
line. Yeah, just on a bike. Apparently the mountain line was emaciated. It was
all fucked up and sick. And it only weighed like 90 something pounds. But it
still fucked both of those dudes up. But they tell you like, oh, use your bike
as a shield and scare them off. That line's like, what? I don't give a fuck
about your Trek bike. Yeah, they hit it with the bike apparently.
It didn't do shit. How about homeboy was like, dude, you're going to attack. I'm
going to run and get help. Way to go, asshole. Yeah. Runs off in that line and
goes, where the fuck you going? And then kills him. Yeah. Homeboy got away. You
know, that happened in Beijing, too, with the lady who got out of the car and a
tiger attacked her at the wild animal park. Yeah, that's what you get. She got
out of the car. The tiger attacked her. Here it is. Damn, that's a big bear,
bro. It's a big bear. That's a fucking terrifying bear. So this guy, he's on
his cell phone. Where's the...
Dude, that's a big ass bear. Here it is. Here it is. Watch. The dude's on his
phone. Look at this. He's like, fuck, which is, by the way, the worst fucking
thing you could do.
Oh, to run? He just got super lucky. See if you could pull back, you could see
like where the bear walks behind those bushes. Yeah, right here. This is
hilarious, dude.
Look, the bear's walking right there. The guy walks down. He's not even looking.
Oh, shit. Dude. So you're supposed to get loud, right? Like get as big as
possible. Yes. You definitely don't want to run away because their instincts
are to chase.
Yeah, but they say when you get loud and like challenge. I'm like, you hear
about that. It's fine. I don't know why I'm laughing. You hear about that Boy
Scout leader?
No.
Who they ran. They saw a bear and, you know, it's like play dead or do your
thing, you know, or when you play dead or get real big and loud.
Like they don't know exactly what to do, but I guess in the Boy Scout fucking
handbook it says to get loud and like make a scene.
I don't know if I got loud and made a scene and that bear was like, oh, cool.
Hey, kids, watch this. Ate them asshole first in front of the whole squad.
Oh, no.
Yeah. So they don't, I don't think they know exactly.
Well, the problem is bears are just like every other animal, right? Like think
about dogs. All dogs are different, man.
Some dogs just come over their house and they're like, hey, what's going on?
How you doing?
And then some dudes come over their house and their dog's checking you out.
Like, I don't know, motherfucker. I'm not sure about you.
Exhausting.
And they get around you and the hair comes up and you're like, oh my God, his
hair is up?
The worst.
Your dog has his hair up? What's going on here? I think bears are probably just
like dogs. They're just, they vary.
They say it also depends where you're at. Like they walked into his cave. So he's
like, you're in my house? Give me that asshole.
Oh, that's terrifying.
I know. Thank you for that Cub Scout. You're like, oh my God.
Apparently the worst thing that could happen is you walk into a female with
their cubs.
Game over.
Yeah. A female grizzly with their cubs. She'll just light you up.
You don't have no chance. It's not like you're going to, what do you do?
I was listening to some bitch on the news because they were talking about black
bears in hot tubs and if you run into one, this lady was saying, go, so
hilarious.
Punch them in the nose.
Oh my God.
Their noses are super sensitive or go for the eyes. Yeah, let me try that.
They bite each other's faces. People have to understand, like when they fight
with each other, which they do all the time.
They do all the time. They're always fighting.
I've seen bears in person fight in the wild. I've seen it. They just fight,
especially during the rut, like in the springtime.
They fucking bite each other's faces and it doesn't even look like anything
happened.
They're good.
They bite the shit out of each other and nothing happens.
So you punch that thing in the nose?
With you little bitch ass hands. Like, what are you going to do?
Callan has an old bit where, he's dead on a special, so you won't mind me
saying it, but Callan has an old bit where people go, oh, just punch a shark in
the nose.
Did you ever try to punch it underwater? He's like, all slow.
That's so true.
I've thought that exact same thing.
I've thought that exact same thing.
Like, how much could you generate underwater?
Like, people go underwater to work out. You've seen that famous photo of Ali?
Ali used to do a lot of shadowboxing underwater.
And John recreated it. Have you seen the John Jones one? It's fucking dope.
That's right.
It's dope.
You know, GSP does a lot of work in the water.
He was the first one I knew he was doing work in the water and actually for, I
mean, months would drive down to Laguna Niguel where he was working out and we'd
do these water workouts.
And we're in the pool. We're in the pool for like two hours. I was like, bro.
I did it for two weeks. And he goes, he goes, you coming in on Wednesday? And I
go, it's the worst.
That sounds more like someone with a mental disability. I have problems with it.
I sound like Stephen Hawking.
You definitely sound like someone who doesn't know English that good.
Not good. So anyways, he goes, you coming on Wednesday? I won't do the accent
again.
And I was like, nah, I'm not, man. I'm sick of the fucking pool.
He'd be in there for like two hours. He'd have these things. He'd just be in
there doing this stuff.
Well, he does a lot of jumping, which is really interesting. I was thinking
about it. I was like, yeah, well, you could generate maximum force like jumping
in the water.
And it's probably like real easy on the joints in comparison.
It's easy on the joints, but I was listening to one expert talk about it.
Actually, I think Lauren Landau was telling me he's a strength coach for the
Denver Broncos now.
He was saying it's good to mix in, but to do it every week all the time,
especially in the sand or water, you're not getting the same explosiveness.
You're not generating the same explosive power.
So you should mix it up.
Yeah, because if you're just doing that, it's actually going to make you less
explosive.
Wow.
See, those dudes like Landau, but those dudes that are just on the cutting edge,
they're constantly like comparing studies and just trying to get that little
extra edge.
And it is so interesting now.
It's so like the world of strength and conditioning has never been like more
complicated.
Because there's no more bro science though also, because there's actual experts
who are like, you can look it up now.
Like back in the day, my buddy was like, dude, just eat fucking egg whites,
which we know is a terrible thing.
Just eat egg whites and drink milk and you're going to get fucking swole.
Yeah, everyone used to say that.
No, everyone had all sorts of weird fucking diets or just take this BSN NXO
explode and you'd be jacked, bro.
Yeah, there's so many variables still.
There's still some variables, but when it comes to like the guys that get paid
big bucks to train top