Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1179 - Nikki Glaser
Uploaded: 2018-10-04T00:31:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1179 - Nikki Glaser' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1179 - Nikki Glaser' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1179 - Nikki Glaser

go see a boxing match he doesn't even want that to be the three two one
we live are we live yeah we were just talking about uh silver october and uh
orange fear and
the the speculation that he may be in fact uh doing running some shenanigans we
do not know
there it seems to be shenanigans at play here he's he went too strong the first
day i just don't i
don't believe that you could sustain that amount of that heart rate he was at
80 plus it's interesting
you look at his graph because he was at 80 plus percent of his max heart rate
for more than an
hour and 20 minutes which uh look he might just be trying to kill himself it he's
got a strong will
does he yes i know he's shifty and honest like the thing is he shifty and
honest because he'll
eventually come out with this is what i did and of course i did that you guys
knew i was doing it the
whole time that's what he'll say that's a good impression of aria yeah thank
you oh come on yeah
of course of course i was gonna do that so yeah but he is shifty and on like he
you he he's a prankster
he's a prankster he's definitely gonna do some weird stuff to get ahead in this
but he also knows
he's gonna lose too do you know what he did in legion of skanks no he he shit
in a box and brought it
onto the stage and he had it like sealed up and then opened it in front of
everybody and apparently the
smell was like so horrendous people were bailing out of the room and gagging
and throwing up it's like a
public health hazard you're not supposed to like have human in public
he's so weird he's the best love him and the leisure skanks they've seen
everything yeah for them to be
running out of the room yeah they've done everything and seen everything and ari
still freaked them out
i can't believe that i just now heard that story like that should be like a
headline that someone
shit in a box and brought it into a room where the live prod podcast was taking
place it was a
small room too i mean it was like a room with like a hundred people in it i
love it i love someone who's
not scared to talk about shit and deal with shit yeah no ari's not scared of
that i mean look the fact
that he entered into this contest at all and he doesn't work out at all for 10
years and then
he's like there's a fitness contest and the loser has to do something we haven't
totally determined
what the loser has to do ari wants us to like drink each other's piss he wants
to drink your piss
that's what ari wants to do he's going to lose right he might not lose right
now tom segura is in the
bottom tom segura's at the bottom i think tom is gonna try i think he i mean
you're obviously set
to win this thing but i think tom's gonna sneak up he's playing it down you
looked at his wrist
yesterday you go what's a thousand something oh that's nothing just the
calories he burned that
day a thousand tom's tom's sneaky yeah a lot of people feel like that i really
think he's gonna
he's gonna do something on this he's gonna be the one to beat you gotta realize
though bert ran
a marathon he did run a marathon i know he's got this is this is fun i have to
say because i don't
any one of you could pull ahead but you're the i mean can we talk about what
you did yesterday yeah
i worked out for three hours and 20 minutes i'm trying to i'm trying to double
everyone yeah i'm
trying to break bert's will that's what i'm really trying to do because he
talks all this mickey mantel
gene i'm like motherfucker i'm crazy you don't understand i will work out twice
a day like that
i will i'll try to give you a heart attack you fat i would love to see you will
too he'll you'll kill
him you could kill him i just don't know if he's gonna i don't know how long he's
gonna keep it up
because like bert's very competitive up to a point like the the with the weight
loss challenge tom stayed
steady and tom won in the end and one but bert tried he tried to sprint towards
the end right but
it's too little too late and tom was talking the entire time like i know what
you're gonna do you're
gonna off until the very end then you're gonna try to catch up but it's gonna
be too late and he was
right yep burt i don't know if bert's will can be broken has it been broken
before uh well it's not
his will it's the the discipline aspect see when you're dealing with an entire
month you have 31
days of having to get after it so how often do you get after it normally see
that's the thing yeah the
difference between me and bert is i work out almost every day already so for me
it's just like those
days off don't exist anymore so what i've decided to do on my days off is just
do that i wouldn't
normally do so i'll do the elliptical machine for two hours or i'll do
something else i just i'll do
something else but the whole time i'm thinking i'm gonna break bert i'm gonna
break burt
fuck your milky mantle gene yeah you guys were talking about like who you think
about when you're
really trying to get past that point where you're either you're kickboxing or
even on an elliptical
sometimes you got to get angry yeah and you think of bert right now you're
thinking about right now i'm
thinking of bert thinking of breaking burt breaking his will i don't understand
you guys are all addicts
in different ways and this is so interesting to watch because you're right you
already work out a lot
you're a extremely healthy guy but you're now going to take it you're ex i can
see the excitement on all
of you to take this to just an excruciating level because it gets obsessive and
it gets fun like you can
work but that's the thing i'm excited to talk to you at the beginning of this
when you're still
pumped up about it and it's like you get a high from working out for three and
a half hours a day
17 days from now i'm going to be a beaten man yeah you are and you're going to
get a surge at the end
when it gets close again but 17 days you're right that's not going to be a fun
day for you
yeah well i don't know who knows you know did you ever see there's a really
interesting documentary
with eddie izard and eddie izard who's not a guy in really good should you see
it i didn't see it but
i know what he's done i love that guy he's so impressive he's amazing what he
did was he ran
around europe he did a marathon a day with no training i mean no training he
wasn't he wasn't
in shape he was overweight his feet weren't prepared his feet got destroyed and
i watched this in the
beginning i watched it i was like how is he going to do this and then towards
the end i was like wow this
guy is a force of will just sheer will i mean his lifestyle is not that he's
exercising consistently
and this is just he's just going to do a little bit more and really push
himself hard no no exercise
yeah just like i don't think he exercised at all or if he did it was just he
just had a normal body
you know he didn't have a body of someone you look at him you go a marathon a
day out of this guy
anyone could do that but it's it's so mental mental yeah and i think i think a
lot of comedians have
that maybe i'm just doing the thing what comedians do of patting themselves on
the back for being more
interesting than other people like we do all the time like we're so much more
broken and we have such
more willpower but i think that there's i get obsessed with exercise too and i
really get into
it and i kind of i remember louis ck doing some interview where he said that he
runs five miles a
day because on that fourth mile when he doesn't want to do the fifth he thinks
about like a day where
he'll be on set and want to just call it a day and not push through and it's
like how it all relates
like or you'll be in the middle of an hour set and you'll be tired and you just
everything can relate
to being on set or in the middle of a set and that run five miles a day making
yourself do that
means you can get through anything and so i run a lot and i have i think of it
the same way it's just
endurance to perform for an hour every night like that's insane that we do that
well if you have
more energy you definitely can put out more during a show so if you are in
better shape you'll have more
cardio you won't get exhausted you'll be able to put out more energy you'll be
more vibrant more robust
you know you you you really kind of i mean in some ways if you're doing like an
hour a night especially
if you're doing two shows a night right you owe it to yourself to to have an
energy reserve yeah yeah
it's just that i just think that running can running so monotonous and there's
so many times where you
could go i could just not do this i could just start walking and who cares but
something about pushing
yourself through a run when you could give up it always you never regret it i'll
say that yeah
you never regret keeping running when you could just walk it's like a moving
meditation in a lot
of ways yes you're you're forcing your mind to take control of your body and
you're forcing your mind
to ignore all of the aches and pains and all the the desire to quit that's what
people say that run
marathons you know that you just have to like my friend john joseph says it
best he said you got to
tell your your mind has to tell your body who the the boss is god it is i just
did dancing with the
stars holy shit i just got eliminated last week that's a lot of work it was so
physically exhausting
for it was a month of my life every day four hours a day dancing and i've never
danced before
and um but it was i didn't realize how mental it it all really is in the end
like
athletics it's so mental i didn't realize it because i've never been an athlete
my whole life but before
i got into this competition i was like reading all the books about like well i
am where i am physically
that's not going to change so i better figure out a way to mentally overcome
some stuff and i was able to
but man it is it's all that yeah i i feel like a lot of times and it broke me
in many ways mentally and
physically but it was i mean it was my sober october for sure it was my you
working out every single
day and giving it trying to beat bert it's definitely not easy there's no there's
nothing i did um a bunch
of uh dancing lessons for a movie that i was in called zookeeper with kevin james
yeah way back in the
day and uh i had to learn how to dance and then i had to learn how to dance
with leslie bibb you know
from talladega she was my ex-girlfriend that i was trying to win back from kevin
in the movie so i had
to learn how to like there was a scene where we dance in this ballroom and uh
you know it's you realize
how difficult it is like for hours we're practicing these moves and it's monotonous
and here's the thing
i don't give a fuck about dancing so it's something like i had to force myself
to do
that i didn't really want to do it's not that i don't give a fuck about like
dancing's fun if you
just do whatever you want but when you're doing this very specific pattern to
certain music and you did
oh yeah i could oh yes this is the scene kevin james rosario oh my gosh look at
you yeah we had to
practice this over and over again for weeks and weeks was that you yeah it was
good it was exhausting
there was a lot to it it was so stupid it's so hard dancing is so hard and just
like you i wow that's
good i don't i don't care about it i i i don't it's not something when i want
to be good at something
i will give everything to be good at it and here's the other thing if you have
a natural ability to
begin with if someone goes you've got a you've got a knack for this you go oh
well i'm good i'm going
to keep trying when i walked into this i've never no one's ever been like you've
got rhythm girl no
one's ever no one's ever given me even the slightest nudge towards any kind of
um playing
you know having any musical ability or having any dance ability if anything i've
been shamed my whole
life and then they asked me to do this literally my whole life i've never
danced at weddings i don't
dance at concerts because i just know that i'm going to be made fun