Name: JRE MMA Show #43 with Brendan Schaub
Uploaded: 2018-10-04T05:39:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #43 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #43 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-04. Transcript available.

JRE MMA Show #43 with Brendan Schaub

Still no main event for Madison Square Garden.
I don't know.
Four, three, two, one.
Booyah!
Yeah, no main event for Madison Square Garden so far.
The rumors were John Jones and Gustafson, but I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know why that hasn't materialized.
Are they just waiting to announce it till after the whole Connor-Khabib thing?
Why would they do that?
I think if they announce something, it's got to be this weekend.
I mean, what is it, November 3rd or something?
It's soon.
So it's a month.
Super soon.
Literally a month.
Today's the third, right?
Second?
Today's the second.
Today's the second.
Yeah.
Fuck, man.
That ain't good.
Yeah.
Maybe they just don't want to steal any shine from the Connor-Khabib fight.
I don't think so.
I don't know, man.
I think they just don't have a card yet.
I think they were banking on Jones to fill that main event, but it's been
tricky to fill
that slot.
But also, why not have, if you're going to do this, why not announce Nate Diaz?
Diaz, Dustin Poirier is your main event.
That's a great main event.
I can ride with that.
Why not do that and then announce John Jones and Gus Finn or John Jones and
Kane if you
want to.
But the main event is to be announced versus to be determined.
That's the weirdest main event I've ever seen.
I've never seen a fucking pay-per-view a month out that says to be announced
versus to be
determined in the main event.
Does that mean they have somebody booked and then they're not an opponent for
them and
they're not even announcing it?
Or they just decided to just be funny and write both versions?
That's a very good point, Jamie.
That's a good point, Jamie.
That's a very good point.
I would say they have no idea.
I think you just nailed it.
Maybe.
I think they have a guy that they want to fight another guy.
I'd heard, actually I heard from you.
Damn, bro.
They were trying to do John Jones versus Kane.
That was the rumor mill that I got.
Little birdie told me.
Yeah, I'm all over that.
I would be all over that.
This card's actually better than this weekend's card.
Stylebender's fighting Derek Brunson.
That's a great fight.
That's the sleeper.
That's the sleeper on that card right there.
We got Luke Rockhold, Chris Weidman, too.
Ooh, that's a good fight, too.
I forgot about that.
Jacare and David Branch ain't terrible either.
Where is Rockhold Weidman on there?
The bottom middle.
What?
They're not in order yet.
Oh.
No.
What?
This thing's all over the place.
It's like a puzzle?
The guy who runs the UFC website took the month off.
Rockhold versus Weidman.
Very interesting.
That, listen, Gegard Mousasi, that guy is the fucking sleeper of the 185-pound
division.
The fact that he went over to Bellator, very fucking fascinating to me.
He just wrecked Roy McDonald.
Completely wrecked him.
It's tough to watch.
Roy should not be fighting at 185 pounds.
No.
Especially against a guy who's fought at 205.
He's held titles at 205.
I agree.
Especially a guy in Gegard Mousasi who's just as talented, just as skilled.
Maybe better.
Might be better in some other aspects.
Then when you go skill for skill, then size comes into play.
And you saw how that pans out.
Bert Crusher says Mousasi has a giant dick.
How would he know?
He was in a sauna next to him.
Oh, that makes sense, though.
You know what?
It's a giant hog.
Mousasi has that big dick energy.
He just carries himself like a straight badass, doesn't he?
He does.
Nothing really gets him going.
You know why?
Because he's a giant dick.
Giant dick.
You know what?
Bert's probably right on this.
Makes sense.
God, this makes sense.
You're brilliant, Bert Crusher.
Well, he saw it.
I mean, it's not even like he figured it out.
I mean, he's got like eyewitness.
He's seen that thing.
He's there.
He's in the room.
Nothing's ever made more sense than that.
He's a hot cedar box with a big old sweaty dick.
Dude, that Gay Guard Amspam dick.
Everyone's like, how come he doesn't get more emotional?
Because he's the fattest dick in the world.
He swore it was bigger than his fucking water bottle.
I go, fatter?
Fatter than a water bottle.
He goes, dude, I'm telling you, it was giant.
I'm like, wow.
All right.
That makes sense, man.
It does make a lot of sense.
Yeah, but Gay Guard Mousasi.
Now Bellator's an interesting kind of predicament
because they have that welterweight tournament going on.
Now you have your champ who's going to enter the tournament
as the title holder.
In the first round, he's supposed to fight John Fitch,
who isn't an easy fight,
but he's just coming off a loss and got destroyed.
And also, it looks like he had some nose damage,
which was his issue before.
Yeah, his nose had been fucked up for a long time.
And, you know, he decided to take a whole year off
just to try to fix his nose, just to try to let it heal.
That's serious.
Yeah.
A whole year off.
I mean, think about it.
That was like part of the delay in his initial fight in Bellator
was that he left the UFC.
You know, his nose got smashed in the Robbie Lawler fight.
I mean, that was hard to watch.
Remember when he was in agony on the ground
because his nose was just shattered?
Yeah, he said every time he got hit,
it'd just go white like sparks.
He couldn't see anything.
Oof.
It was a bad injury, man.
Well, hey, here it is.
There he is.
One of the best fights of all time, by the way.
One of the greatest fights.
One of the greatest fights.
Oh, sure.
He earned that shit.
Yeah.
But now, with Rory, you know, what's sad too, and it's happened to me, it's
happened to
some other fighters, I'm sure, but Rory goes, I just didn't feel like fighting.
I wasn't in the zone.
Just didn't feel like fighting Gegard and Musashi that night.
That's a annoying Gegard, you know, Musashi.
He doesn't get enough recognition how good he is.
He's an absolute monster.
You've got to think about all the guys that he's beaten.
He's on like a six or seven fight win streak, which includes Chris Weidman, Vitor
Belfort,
Talos Latis.
Who's the guy in Bellator?
The former champion?
Shlomenko?
Yeah, I always call him, I won't call him Shevchenko, that's fucked up, that's
the girl.
But Shlomenko, something like that, yeah.
He's an absolute knight, man.
He's a monster.
He's a monster.
I'm surprised UFC let him go.
Now, when I say let him go, it just didn't match his contract, you know,
because Bellator
probably offered more, and they're like, ah, we're good.
The UFC could use him right now at 185.
They certainly could, yeah.
Well, I mean, it's like they had Yoel Romero, they've got Robert Rittiger, who's
the champ.
They've got so much going on at 185, but Gegard might be the best.
I mean, he's certainly in the running.
If you looked at it objectively, it's entirely possible.
If he's not number one, he's number two.
Top three, easily.
Number three, yeah.
But also, you look at his fight, if him and Robert Rittiger were to fight, that's
not an
easy pick-em fight.
You'd be like, damn, that's a fucking fight.
You're my favorite Gegard?
You don't know.
For how big and long he is and scrapping.
I personally, listen, Robert Rittiger is a monster.
He's phenomenal.
I mean, he's phenomenal.
But so is Mousasi.
So is Mousasi.
And Mousasi has a full game, man.
His ground game is phenomenal.
And the biggest dick in the division.
Giant dick.
There's something that has to be taken into consideration for all this.
Might be, no.
Yoel's, I bet it's bigger.
No way.
I bet it's bigger.
No, bro.
He doesn't carry that energy.
He's too aggressive.
What?
Yeah, when you're that aggressive, you don't have that fat of a dick.
There's no way he looks like that and doesn't have a big dick.
I don't know, dude.
You see Batman.
Batman the comic drew a dick.
And he's, that's Batman.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, Batman has a dick now.
What?
The new comic, there's like this new like kind of X-rated Batman they're coming
out with.
And they show Batman's dick.
That's how I pictured.
This isn't even Batman.
Yo, Romero.
This isn't Batman.
These are millennials.
This is nonsense.
These are fucking millennials that think they're going to rewrite history.
They're making Iron Man a woman.
They're crazy.
Yeah, that's true.
These people are out of their fucking mind.
Captain America is now a woman.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, man.
Iron Man is probably gay.
Everyone's, it's this, there's a weird revolution right now in comics because
they're trying to
sort of social justice warrior up all the comedy, all the comic books.
What's going on?
What are you laughing at?
It is true.
It is true.
Hulk Hogan's, uh.
Look at this.
DC Comics, sorry for showing everyone Batman's penis.
That's yo, Romero, bro.
Now it's good size.
That's not real.
That's not real.
See, that's a comic book and it's a comic book that's, by the way, was created
in like,
what was, let's just take a guess when Batman was created.
I'm going to guess like 1940.
What do you think?
Super old school, 1940, 1950s, probably 50s.
You can't rewrite Batman's dick in 2018.
Also, think about the guy drawing it.
Yeah.
Probably didn't have the biggest dick.
Probably his tiny little dick.
And just mad.
Yeah, mad.
Maybe he thought that was massive.
Probably thought it was the biggest dick he's ever seen.
Yeah.
Probably scared to watch porn.
And then, and then got backlash.
He's like, what the fuck?
I thought this was a big cock.
And was like, no, dude.
Not for Batman.
It's Batman, you prick.
Yeah, Batman's the weirdest superhero ever because he's basically just a rich
guy.
He's Elon Musk on steroids and can fight.
He's Elon Musk.
Yeah.
Yeah, basically.
That's what he is.
With a bunch of stuff.
Yeah, no special skills.
Well, he knows how to fight.
Yeah.
But he doesn't have any superpower.
There's nothing.
He's just a rich dude.
That's why I got angry at that Batman versus Superman movie.
I'm like, bitch, Superman would, first of all, he moves so fast he can make the
earth
spin backwards in reverse time.
Dude, he has lasers in his eyes for God.
There's no fight.
But they're like, Batman made a suit out of Kryptonite.
Superman would fuck him up before he even got the suit on.
Yeah, it's not even a fight.
How's Lex Luthor a valiant adversary for him then?
It's not.
Okay.
He just is bored.
He's bored.
Keeps that dude around like a side piece.
He just wants to have some fun.
He's like, let this guy pretend he's kicking my ass.
Venom drops this weekend.
Yeah.
Tom Hardy?
You know what?
Maybe I'm just a Debbie Downer, but I don't know.
It looks all right to me.
And I know I love Tom Hardy, too.
Venom is like an evil Spider-Man?
What is that?
He's like Spider-Man's alien.
It's an alien?
Yeah.
It's an alien element that grabs someone's body.
It's an alien that merges with his body.
Yeah, and he's evil.
I don't know, dude.
Fucking kids today.
I know.
I know, man.
I know.
I mean, I guess it's better than remaking the Hulk for the 98th time.
I'll take it.
I mean, how many Spider-Mans are there now?
There's like 80 Spider-Mans.
Whenever Spider-Man starts making some money, they go like, nah, playa.
We got a new one.
We need a new one, bro.
We got a new one.
Tobey Maguire's my Spider-Man.
If you're Spider-Man's anyone else, fuck you.
Yeah, fuck you.
That's the real Spider-Man.
Hell yeah.
They had two new ones since him, right?
Hasn't it been one guy that never even got any traction?
Tom Holland.
Who the fuck's Tom Holland?
Sorry, Tom.
I'm sure you're wonderful.
They want to make Donald Glover Spider-Man.
I think he's the voice in this cartoon they just announced today.
This comes out.
Into the Spider-Verse gets stunning new trailer ahead of New York Comic-Con.
I was talking to Chris Pratt about Comic-Con.
What'd he say?
You know, because he's got to go there for Guardians of the Galaxy.
Oh, dude, he's probably like, what the fuck?
He's like, he goes, I'm in the middle of this place, and I just said to myself,
I don't belong here.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't belong here.
It's a different vibe.
He is the nicest guy.
He goes to a bunch of UFC events, yeah?
Yeah, he's been to one.
There'