Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2018-10-29T22:39:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz

I said that once you're clean for 29 days without smoking reefer that's it why
go back what yeah
I like it no if I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days I'd go I'd let
my lungs
fucking heal from the abuse I have inflicted on him the last dirty fucking what
about edibles what
first of all I haven't had an edible since like I broke it in Boston September
29 so out of respect for
sober October I didn't do an edible I haven't done edibles I had something was
wrong with my stomach
so I figured out I was lactose intolerant lactose intolerant I fucking eat
mozzarella cheese or
milk and I'm farting up you know it's a nightmare so I had to cut that out of
my diet no mozzarella
cheese light on the American cheese now no Swiss no more no Cuban sandwiches
really it's fucking
crazy and then I had a cutout the edibles would give me a weird feeling like it
had just gone
it had just gone somewhere else and I didn't like the hunger issues oh the munchies
the hunger issues
after 11 o'clock were just monstrous like here I am working hard to lose weight
I'd stick to it and then
I go home I start with an apple another apple a banana another banana then you
gotta bust out the salami
sandwich with the fucking you know it was just it was just getting bad I could
not control it could
not uncontrollable the hunger from edibles every minute after 11 o'clock for me
was uncontrollable well
you get blitzkrieg you don't just get like a little fucked up no and it starts
early it was starting early 2:00 in the
afternoon then pop another 2:00 at fucking 6:00 do you like vaporizing
no no no just smoking like if if you're worried about your lungs you don't take
vapors at a hotel
to get the party started in the morning while I'm having coffee in my hotel
room writing my notes for the
thoughts of the day mm-hmm because I don't wake up with hunger see that was my
problem all those years
I would need till 1:00 if you want to be a fat fuck don't eat till 1:00 when
you wake up
because then you got to make up for it the rest of the day so now I have to
force myself to eat what do you mean
because a lot of you guys like the intermittent fasting I can't live with that
what do you mean my shit goes up and down my blood pressure my blood sugar so I
could never intermittent fast
but in the old days I'd be coked up and I'd wake up speedy still right so I
wouldn't eat breakfast
but I'd start eating at 1:00 or 2:00 o'clock and would not stop till fucking 2:00
in the morning you saw me
yeah I'd be in those pink dot sandwiches like they were nothing two meatball
sandwiches at 12 o'clock because I wouldn't
eat breakfast I forced myself to eat you know for years we was eating every six
hours you're supposed to eat a smaller portion you know I'm saying so yeah that's
what people were thinking I gotta eat breakfast and I could eat two egg yolks a
piece of wheat toast and fruit and I'm good like for sober October I gave up
bacon I
only eat two pieces of bacon it's four five points on Weight Watchers that's
all I'm
allowed but at least I'm allowed two pieces of bacon two pieces of bacon is all
you really need that's all you need more than two pieces of bacon let me tell
you
something greedy when I was 418 between you and I my wife who's from the south
would make the whole packet of Oscar Mayer center-cut bacon the whole pack
every
morning that was my breakfast you eat the whole packet the whole package with
three
eggs a half a loaf of wonder bread and butter and a 16 ounce coke the boot a
coke on top of it oh yeah I
could drink two cokes for breakfast oh remember I grew up in the East Coast and
I
caught a bad habit early on after my mother died I caught that I didn't have we
need it
no I would leave and eat at the deli I went on there remember when fucking
cream cheese and jelly on a on a roll was big oh yeah you know what that does
to your system
cream cheese and jelly for breakfast I sure I used to open up with cream cheese
and
jelly on a poppy seed roll with a 16 ounce coke for breakfast for years and I
was in
shape that that's the thing you know you can't be living remember that nobody
eats
cream cheese and jelly for breakfast on a roll no more cream cheese and jelly
no
because people know better now in Jersey and those diners they got those brand
muffins you're going to get those brand muffins they put them on the grill with
butter on them good googly moogly oh my goodness you just chopped now I got I
got a
yum yum donuts I got a brand muffin with raisins in it and it's got no butter
or
nothing but they cut them in half on the East Coast those East Coast breakfasts
were horrible now how long you been doing this Weight Watchers thing now since
December 9th so almost a year yeah 11 months now yeah ish 11 months ish 30
pretty good 30 pounds that's nice and that's a good weight over that amount of
time because it's gradual and I didn't the only week I missed my fitness goals
I
have to have 72 points of activity and I only missed it one time what's a point
of
activity how do you get so if I go to a movie tie at nine I only really it's an
hour class but I only put 30 minutes down to movie tie training if we do
circuit
training with a ball and ropes and shit then I put whatever the amount if it's
eight stations at 30 seconds a station do you wear heart rate monitor anything
or no
no no no I don't want to hear listen I don't want to hear I want to see you
know
what when I had that fucking ear infection I used to have to work out with earplugs
on
and I get high and go throw sidekicks for Jesus you don't know what life is
when you
had the ear infection the earplugs kept your equilibrium in balance no would
keep
sweat from going in my ear you don't know what life is when you're working out
you
can hear your heartbeat but yeah but that's trippy shit you know everlast has a
ticker he's got an artificial valve and he puts the microphone up to his chest
here
no I don't want to hear that shit like 60 minutes like the beginning of 60
minutes
fuck you it's trippy man he's had it in there for what'd he say like 18 years I
think yeah he had a heart attack a long ass time ago yeah yeah yeah yeah but if
I
was clean of off weed for 29 days I might as well go for it for at least a year
yeah
let's wrap back around to that why I enjoy marijuana just make a comeback just
to see what would
it be like I'll tell you one thing that did happen last year when we did sober
October and I took a month off when I started back again I get nervous yeah I
get real nervous yeah I get scared to do it and I go on stage I feel real
strange
yeah no no somebody once told me a great woman once told me that uh if you
think
getting high and life is weird wait till you stop getting high and it's a
different
fucking adventure and she's true in a lot of aspects I called you one October 2nd
one night I got home from the comedy store you know when you get home from the
original
room dog especially when you go it was one of those nights when I went in there
and I
was Rocky Balboa I just touched gloves and I measured and I just started going
to the body
for 15 minutes I remember driving up Laurel Canyon going what am I going to do
with myself and
I went home it was like October 2nd it was 11 30 and I started smoking reefer
to calm down
a little bit and I went down I started with sign of the times by Prince mmm and
I just left it on
autoplay and it just took me into a Prince fucking cave and I ended up on
beautiful ones when he starts
singing do you want him and I called you up I'm like this is why I can't do
sober October yeah because
I get so high at night to come down off the stage you get off stage you need
something and since I
don't drink I'm scared to come up that hill drinking I have to smoke reefer to
come down at night
and music that's the only thing that calms me down at night do you write at
night after your sets I
write about what happened yeah I try to write how lucky I am that I'm still
performing at the store at 55
I write about that I ate a bag of dicks but I'll get them tomorrow night you
know like whatever whatever
just is flowing through my head while I have music on I'm drinking a water and
I'm just I'll go on the
back and fucking talk a fucking 22 hits off a pipe and I love listening to
music at night that's my
hobby it's a thing to like when you get out of the store it's a thing to sit
yourself down and make
yourself work and write you know because you're like I'm done I did it got a
good set in I'm good
but that's the best time to write I think everything's popping well I'll go
home and make corrections
maybe I said that fuck too early or maybe I said that and I shouldn't have said
it but uh no I won't
try to write at night I'm gone at night I like to try unless something's really
tired or I think my
brain is shot at night because is it because you did you already did your stand-up
you got ramped up
did the stand-up play with the fucking kid you know did a podcast talk to
people all day about shit
that doesn't matter by night I like to I like to get up I play with mercy I
talked to my wife
I'll do a protein shake I'll drop mercy off I'll go home and then I go to the
coffee shop and for 30
minutes I'll call my peeps in Jersey check in and then I'll get eggs at the
coffee shop bacon
once my breakfast is gone I write my thought page down for the day then I take
my iPad out and I either
write a chapter in the book I try to write towards the book and while I'm
writing the book you write in a
book right now I'm trying I'm trying how long you doing this 22 fucking years
Joe Rogan
22 fucking years you know but I forced myself and with the iPad you know there's
a whole thing on there's a whole
writing thing so I could just turn that chapter off and go to another document
and click on to post Netflix
material and then I got a thing that we're working on the immigrant mentality
so I think about that I'll go to that
so now my that's all great I think just doing that exercise every day is good
for me I don't need to write comedy every day
I'd rather just go down to the store throw something out there and fucking get
excited and like I told you
I'm not going anywhere else no more in Los Angeles
I'm going back to the store no improv spots spots especially after I shot the
Netflix special and everything
it all came to me after that that 10 years and especially after she died you
know people you ever
go to like an acting class and people refer to Stanislavski and all this shit
10 years from now people
going to be referring to the Mitzi Shaw technique there was something that
every kind I was talking to
Duncan about I talked to Ari about it I know she said something to us at one
point that we were like
wow something I remember I was telling this on my podcast that there was a time
she didn't like
you doing that in a cold bit in the main room she wouldn't let me do it in the
main room in the
original how fucking crazy is that that's to show you her genius in a way like
she was like Joe
you can light yourself on fire in the original room I don't give a fuck but in
the main room you can't
do that because you're killing my room like the comics afterward just could not
follow it like they
could just not follow that wasn't right there it was about it was brilliant but
it think about it
there's no good versions of that bit anywhere this one version that I did that's
up on you it's
terrible it's a terrible version that there's no solid versions of that bit but
that bit was right
right when that guy died Jay Howard Marshall he died and it was all about him
getting Anna Nicole
Smith to do shit to him before he died but father she's trying to take your
money I don't give a
fuck I want to get my balls licked or something like that crazy bit but Mitzi
didn't like it too
because she didn't like bits that were making fun of old people because you
know her health was
deteriorating too she there was a couple of bits that she didn't like this
fucking picture of him
he's a million yea