Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1192 - Tony Hinchcliffe
Uploaded: 2018-11-01T02:34:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1192 - Tony Hinchcliffe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1192 - Tony Hinchcliffe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-01. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1192 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Powerful young Tony Incliffe. Hello. I'm smelling this weed. In 12 hours, I'll
be free.
I'm excited for you, dude. I didn't do shit for Sober October.
Did you stay drunk? I didn't stay drunk. I just had a drink or two pretty much
every night.
Would you ever consider doing something like Sober October?
I mean, like, if, you know, if I was a part of it and, like, I got all that
promotional push that everybody's giving themselves.
Hell yeah. For the business point. That's the only reason why you do it?
That's the only reason I would do it. I have no reason. I'm in, you know, I'm
in perfect shape.
Feel good about life. Every day is good. You know, I've been cutting back on
things naturally.
Like, I'm done with my, like, college years of, you know, getting wasted at the
store and things like that.
Like, it's like. Well, you're also not smoking cigarettes anymore.
Right. I'm off cigarettes, which helps a lot, by the way.
You know, I got to say, for anybody out there, the drinks and smokes, the two
correlate.
You quit one, it's going to help with the other big time.
I mean, I'm just saying, like, cutting back on smoking, because the two go so
good together.
Yeah, you were finding that those pens weren't really helping you that much,
huh?
The nicotine pens?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, I love them.
Yeah.
But did it help you quit?
Yeah.
Because you were still, you were saying that it's not the same.
It's not the same.
I mean, when you're, when you love cigarettes and both of my parents smoked,
not my mom quit when she got pregnant with me and then started again like a
year later.
And she would smoke like in the little, you know, the little house that I grew
up in.
And it was just always like my whole life was, I was built to be a cigarette smoker.
Those two were probably smoking ciggies while banging, making me like it was
like, I just love cigarettes.
I even still love the nice gust of secondhand smoke.
And now that I'm a non-smoker, it blows my mind hearing people all those years
say, oh, cigarettes stink.
Like, it's like, I fucking love it.
Really?
Oh, I just love it.
It just makes me feel good.
It's weird.
And I know because it's pure poison.
It just goes to show like what a dark lord I am.
Is that you or is that just cigarettes in general have a grip on people?
It's a dark grip.
It really is.
It's so crazy because what else gives you nothing and takes everything.
And still, it's just, this is my favorite part of the day, favorite part of the
night, after sex, during coffee.
They said that Johnny Carson, when he was on his deathbed, was just rotting out
from the inside.
He was just falling apart.
He was like, those goddamn cigarettes.
Yeah, it's one of the main reasons why I actually quit was reading about Johnny.
Really?
Yeah, because it's sort of correlated.
I still, you know, go on runs every day, pretty much every day, short jogs and
this and that to wake up and get the day started.
And there was a while there where I was, had a lot of like, coughing up shit.
It was like coming up, not really coughing up shit, but it was sort of just
like it was there.
And I'd have to clear my throat before going on stage and it started to get,
like, it wasn't on stage, but it started to creep up during work hours.
Like, it's like, well, like, Joey Diaz just murked a room and I'm next and he's
bringing, you guys ready for your next command?
I'm like, it's like, oh, I got to get my shit together.
Did you ever cough up anything black?
No.
I've talked to people that have hocked up shit and it was black and they spit
it on the ground and they saw black, like a black loogie.
Yeah.
I was like, why did you quit immediately?
Yeah.
Like, no, six more years.
Yeah, but I read about Johnny and he was talking about, like, not only was that
a major thing, like those damn cigarettes, like that's, he just kept repeating
that on his deathbed.
But they also talk about, like, how he was, like, swimming, which he loved to
do and he just, like, couldn't do it anymore.
So, he was, like, almost drowning all the time and stuff.
Like, it was just, like, he was out, he was gone.
He just couldn't breathe.
That guy went through a rough patch.
Like, not just that.
Do you ever read the divorce settlements that Johnny Carson had to go through?
No.
He was one of the most famous, like, divorce rapings where you just go, oh, my
God.
Like, you find out how much he had to pay his ex-wife, like, oh, Jesus.
Oh, no.
He got taken.
Oh, man.
Eddie Murphy had a bit about it.
Eddie Murphy had a bit about Johnny Carson's divorce in his act.
I think it was in Raw.
Did it on one of his specials?
Yes.
Wow.
It was that bad.
Jeez.
Yeah.
This is on the National Enquirer, but it says 220 grand a month was not enough.
Wow.
Carson's wife rejects settlement and asks, $220,000 a month in living expenses.
$17 million is not enough, she said.
That's still fucking...
Wow.
What year does that say at the top left?
80?
83 or 93.
What did she look like?
She looks kind of hot there.
Like, that dirty 40, that dirty 40-year-old look.
I like that.
My goodness.
Back then, that's like a million a month.
Close in on her.
That was the one he split up with?
He gives up fast life and is secretly seeing wife again.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, that's the Enquirer.
I mean, that's why I was going to the caveat.
So that's the gal he was married to, that he had to give up 17 million bucks.
Oh, so he's married to her for a long time.
Yeah.
Well, how many times did he get married?
That seems like the same gal there.
Most expensive...
World's most expensive divorce settlements.
Johnny Carson and Joanna Holland.
20 million.
That ain't shit now.
We were going over some last night, or yesterday on the podcast.
Steve Wynn gave up a billion.
Oh.
Oh.
What could she have possibly have done to earn that?
Nothing.
There's nothing she could have done.
She had that voodoo pussy, son.
Unless she had all the ideas and he's just not admitting it.
Yeah.
It's like...
You should start a casino.
Maybe I'll start a casino.
You should have craps.
Maybe I'll open up a craps table.
Even then.
Even then.
How much is a consultation fee worth?
A billion.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that may sort of...
Look at him, by the way.
He looks like he's wearing a mask.
He looks like it's Halloween 24-7.
Yeah.
Third divorce unlikely for Steve Wynn.
Wow.
Poor guy.
Good Lord.
You think a guy...
Yeah, these guys just keep going in.
That's what's crazy.
They're like, no, no, she's the one.
Ugh.
No, no, it's never going to change.
Yeah, he's got it all figured out.
No, no.
No, she's the one.
Ugh.
Yeah, it's a strange thing.
You know, it becomes humorous.
Like, Elizabeth Taylor, who was stunningly beautiful when she was young.
Did you ever see Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Uh-uh.
It's a must-see.
It's a great, great old movie.
But Elizabeth Taylor was probably in her 20s, I guess, when she did that.
And she was just so beautiful.
But as she got older, like, she was...
Wow.
See if you can see...
That's a pretty good picture of her.
But if you can see, like, her whole body and everything, I mean, she was just a
bombshell.
And she was a bombshell in, you know, what was it, the 50s or something like
that.
Like, that picture of her black and white on the second level where you see her
body.
Yeah.
That's a real body, too, dude.
There ain't no gym time there.
That's just straight-up genetics and whiskey.
Like, look at them.
Look at them legs and...
That's just biology.
But then towards the end, I mean, she had been married and divorced.
Don't show the old pictures.
Don't show the old pictures.
You stop it, Jamie.
You should...
Google Elizabeth Taylor amount of times married.
Because I believe she was married...
A lot.
Yeah, I want to say she's like seven or eight times.
No fewer than eight times.
Yeah.
She married a couple guys twice.
Eight marriages, only seven husbands.
She married Richard Burton twice.
She married a bunch of gay guys, too.
Huh.
Bam.
Allegedly gay guys.
Her first marriage, one of the heirs of the hotelier...
That's a weird word.
Hotelier.
Hotelier.
Hotelier.
Is that how you say it?
Conrad Hilton.
Ended in divorce after less than a year.
Yeah.
She was a wild woman.
Wild woman.
I wonder if she got paid for all those.
That's its own business, right?
Well, she was rich as fuck.
You know, she was really successful as an actress, so she probably had the
money in a lot of them.
Because she was dating some guys that looked suspiciously homosexual, you know?
Like, Liberace homosexual.
Like, wait, what?
Like, yeah.
She paid a million dollars to play Cleopatra in 1963.
Yeah, a million bucks in 1963 is probably, like, 20 million bucks today.
What is a million...
Google that.
What is a million dollars in 1963 worth today?
That's crazy they paid her that much money.
Damn, whoever her agent is, dig that motherfucker up.
This is what DollarTimes.com says it's worth 8.1 million.
Eight?
Yeah.
That's it?
So, yeah.
Wow, I thought it would be, like, 20.
Annual inflation over this period was 3.88%.
That's, um...
And when you think of, like, who's the top paid female today?
Is it Jennifer Lawrence, maybe?
Probably, yeah.
Close.
Yeah.
What does she get?
She probably gets, like, 20, right?
Somewhere in that 15 to 20 range, probably, yeah.
So she shits on Elizabeth Taylor.
Mm-hmm.
Fucking Hunger Games.
Bitch!
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But anyway, she married a bunch of gay guys, I think.
See if you find out Elizabeth Taylor married gay guys.
Because that was, like, always a stand-up comedy joke.
That, uh...
When I was first starting out, I remember a bunch of guys had jokes about
Elizabeth Taylor.
But I remember a chick had a joke about it, too.
About Elizabeth Taylor always marrying gay guys.
Like, not knowing that she's so old and fucked up on pills, she doesn't know
the guy she's marrying
are gay.
That's crazy.
I wonder why she would do that.
She probably won companionship.
Yeah.
You know?
She was...
I think, in the end, there was rumors of substance abuse.
I mean, I'm proliferally associated with these news stories.
I don't really know them that well.
Yeah.
I just remember reading something about substance abuse and drinking.
Yeah.
The end is always rough, man.
The end's rough for a lot of people, bro.
Yeah.
Those pain pills and everything get you.
It's happening.
That's the roughest of the rough, man.
Yeah.
People who go out with those pain pill addictions.
When you think about...
We were talking about...
Joey Diaz and I, we were talking yesterday about Prince.
You know, he called me up and he was singing to me.
He was singing to me that song.
Do you want him or do you want me?
Because I want you.
He's like, purple rain, cocksucker.
Joe Rogan, when was the last time you listened to purple rain?
He goes, I'm stoned as a motherfucker right now listening to purple rain.
Goddamn, Prince was good.
And I was thinking about it.
Like, Prince was just one of the many greats that we lost to pain pills.
Just real recently.
Tom Petty.
Prince.
Who else?
We lost several big name, powerful celebrities to pain pills.
Michael Jackson.
No, he was Propofol.
He wasn't pain pills.
He was that shit that they used to put people under.
Yeah.
But he was in a lot of pain, right?
Wasn't that one of his things?
I don't think so.
I think he was just so fucked up in the head.
He had so much anxiety and he just couldn't sleep.
You know, he was just a mess, man.
What?
There's rumors that he was addicted to pain pills.
Michael Jackson?
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, and he was working.
Because of all the dancing and shit he did.
Yeah, and he was working to make that big comeback thing at the time, too.
So they had him out there dancing and shit, looking like a bag of bones.
I'm pretty sure they said that the Propofol is what killed him.
Yeah, because he couldn't sleep also.
Yeah.
You need to sleep.
And what he was doing was just getting sedated every night.
I mean, that's the reason why his doctor went to jail.
He called it milk, right?
Can I have some more of the milk?
Oh, God.
I'm having a little