Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe
Uploaded: 2018-11-21T00:59:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-21. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe

Here we go. Three, two, one. And we're live. Tony Hinchcliffe. Hello. Jake the
fucking snake. I can't believe it, man. In the flesh, sir. I gotta do this.
What do you know, Joe? You've never heard that before, have you? I've heard it
a couple times. I've heard, hey, Joe. I heard you shot your old lady down. Yeah,
there you go. A few times as well. There you go. I gotta tell you, man, I
watched a documentary last night, and it's fantastic. I appreciate it. It is.
If that thing doesn't bring tears to your eye, you need to go to a doctor. Yeah,
you're not a human, man. No doubt. Dallas is a fucking saint. He really is.
Hard-headed. Without it, I'd never made it. Us junkies, we like to lie a lot.
And alcoholics do, too. But it was a tough, tough road, man. He guided me
through it. He's amazing. He never gave up.
And I can never thank him enough for what he's done for me and giving me a lot
of life back. Not only my life, but my family. I got my kids back. They're all
digging me now. I'm a great-grandfather. Probably the best grandfather ever.
You know, I'm just saying, because it's true. I mean, I'll fix anybody up, man.
I mean, no.
The detailing of your recovery, though, and him taking you in to the... What
does he call his house? That house? The accountability house?
The accountability crib, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he's a special guy. He really is.
It is, man. I mean, you gotta understand. I mean, no man in his right mind
would bring one, much less two, drunks into their home.
You know, you gotta expect tragedy. You know, there's gonna be something come
bad out of this. And he was able to hold us together, man.
I mean, there were a couple of brief moments that got kind of escalated and got
kind of stupid. But he wouldn't give up, man.
Well, I got to know Dallas when he came on the podcast. And one thing that you
get about him is this guy, he's not just about himself. He is really about
helping people out.
He gets a buzz off helping people, which to me is just so amazing. And I've
picked that up off of him. I search people out now in the crowd that are having
a hard time walking or you see something going on or they're overweight.
And you go like, man, you know, I'm so-and-so. And it gets me in using the name
Jake the Snake. I can talk to him. Hey, you ever thought about trying some DDP
yoga, man, because it works.
Yeah.
And if you've never done it, DDP yoga is without a doubt the number one thing
out there for getting healthy, man. And it makes your body healthy, makes your
mind healthy, you know.
And for him to be out there, he's just a soldier.
Yeah, he really is.
He pushes all day long, man. And here's a guy that could be handling it in a
totally different way, but he still picks up a phone and calls somebody and
thanks them for buying the program.
Yeah.
Who the hell does that?
Right. Who does do that?
Yeah, he does it because he wants to know. And the next thing you know, he's
been on a 25-minute phone call and they're sending him photos of the before
picture.
And then he wants them to look at him in an after picture, you know, six months
from now. The stories, he's got a million of them success stories.
We played a video when he was in of a gentleman who was...
The paratrooper?
Yeah, a guy who could barely walk.
Yeah.
I mean, he had done a bunch of paratrooper missions, you know, parachuting out
of planes and landing on his knees. His knees are destroyed, legs are destroyed,
backs are destroyed, backs are destroyed.
Everything's fucked up.
But he starts out, barely can stand, barely can walk.
Two canes.
Yeah, two canes.
By the end of the video, this guy's running.
Yeah, man.
He's running.
Yeah.
He's doing full yoga poses.
Yeah.
And it's these incremental steps, incremental steps. But he kept getting better,
kept getting better, kept getting better. And that is, it's so symbolic of like
your journey in life.
If you just decide to give up and decide to just fuck the world, I'm just going
to just eat and drink myself into oblivion.
You have been there. You have been there. You can talk about that.
Yeah, I stayed there a long time, man.
But then you turn it around. But that's, I fucking love that. I love stories
like that.
But it's a one in a million shot, man. Unless you have a Diamond Dallas Page in
your corner.
Right.
Because it wasn't only about Dallas helping me. It was the whole crew.
Right.
See, Dallas, you know, he came up with the idea, him and Steve, you, as a
business manager or whatever.
And they said, look, you know, we're going to bring you back through this. We're
going to film the whole thing.
I'm like, I don't know about that because I got burnt bad in a film a while
back, you know.
And they just cut me a new one, man. They lied to me and didn't fun.
Anyway, it happens.
We're going to film this whole thing.
And at the end of it, if we put it together and you don't like it, it'll never
go out.
Really?
You're going to give me that right. You're going to invest this money and this
time because I stayed there for three and a half years because it took me that
long to get clean.
That's amazing.
You know, I couldn't go in for six months. I've done that. I couldn't go in for
four months. I've done that.
Hell, the time I went in for four months, man, I go across the stage, you get
my diploma, so to speak, from finishing this course, being in rehab for four
months.
I go out the other side, pick up a pay phone and call my dealer.
He meets me outside the damn door, man, with big rock, you know, in a stem.
Thank you. I made it.
But that's the insanity of the disease.
The disease will let you sit in a place for three or four months and not touch
you.
Won't even come knocking on your door because it knows right now you're locked
in. You're going to do this.
But it's over there doing push-ups in the corner, man, waiting on your ass.
As soon as you get away from these idiots over here, they're teaching you bad
habits, Jake.
I'm going to get you where you need to be. And that was the thing of being
there for that long period of time.
What was the feeling like when you did slip up?
Because you slipped up a couple of times.
Oh, devastating. Yeah, four or five times I did, yeah.
Yeah.
It was horrible. I wanted to die.
Because not only did I feel like I let myself down, but I let him down.
And that really sucked.
Because here's a guy that's opened up his wallet and said,
You come live with me. Don't worry about your damn bills. I'll take care of it.
Excuse me? Oh, I'm damn sure in now.
Hang on. You don't have to talk twice to me about this crap.
Yeah, I'm moving in with you, brother. If you're going to pay all my bills, man,
will I get healthy?
But I never even thought it was going to take three years.
Wow.
But see, he would take, you know, like if he had to go do a con or go do some
music, you know, go do a movie or something,
he had people that worked for DDP Yoga, specifically Garrett and a young kid
named Dylan,
who I really got the kid messed up, you know, because he had to share a room
with me.
I don't wear clothes.
And I guess it looked kind of freaky.
Here's this old wrestler that I've idolized for years, and I'm seeing his junk,
all gray hair and everything.
His junk is horrible.
You're seeing the snake and the bag.
I accidentally bent over picking something up right there by his bed.
I had no idea my asshole was in his mouth.
But, yeah, Dylan, he lived through some horrible things, and Garrett did too.
But Dallas always made sure I was taken care of.
You know, he, whatever he had to do, the first thing he had to do was take care
of Jake.
And he put me first.
I didn't expect that.
Well, the solidarity and the camaraderie that you guys all have, and Razor Ramon
as well, when you guys were all in that house together,
like the experiences that you guys shared, working together and then still in
life.
You know, you guys have a bond that's very, very, it's very hard for most
people.
They can't get it.
Yeah.
You know, it's like guys that are, you know, in the service together, man.
There's just something that becomes, they become brothers in one, man.
You know, and with Dallas, you know, the thing about him was he's never went
down that addiction road.
You know, he used to run nightclubs, but he never became an alcoholic.
He's a freak.
Okay.
Piss on him.
Screw him.
He got a better card than I did.
Okay.
I get that.
But I like my cards now, man.
My cards now are awesome.
My life is so good to, to go from hell.
That's where I was at, man.
You have no idea what it's like to wake up and be angry that you woke up
because you didn't want to.
You want, you want it to be over.
And there's been so many years that were like that for me that I wouldn't go
out shopping unless it was 3 a.m.
Because I didn't want anybody to see me.
Because I'd gotten to the point that I hated myself so much that I'm begging
God to die.
When I would hear another wrestler had died, I'd get angry at God and curse him
for not taking me instead.
When Piper died, we were just talking about Roddy before the show started.
Man, I was so pissed off that he got to go before I did.
And that's just wrong, man.
I mean, even when I tried to OD a couple of times, you know, I really tried.
I took 100 Valium.
Jesus Christ.
110 milligram Valium.
Woke up.
And all I've done is puke on myself.
And I said, what a fucking loser you are.
You can't even die right.
You're a piece of shit.
What kind of mind says that?
It's a mind that's given up, man.
Yeah.
The torture that people put themselves through being an addict.
People have the wrong idea about this shit, man.
And they think, yeah, they're out there getting fucked up, man.
They're happy.
No, we're not.
No, we're not happy.
We're not enjoying getting high.
I quit enjoying getting high 30 years ago.
But the problem was, I couldn't live without it.
I mean, I would feel like my heart was going to burst.
I couldn't breathe.
I was scared to go anywhere.
It was horrible, man.
Was it everything or anything?
Like, what was drawing, what was pulling you?
What drug or what alcohol?
Yeah.
Was it booze?
Was it pills?
For me, it was more.
More.
It was everything.
It was just more.
More of everything.
I'm lucky I didn't get into heroin.
You know, I probably wouldn't have beat that one.
But, yeah, I would because this is what I'm meant to be doing right now.
But to go through 25, 30 years of doing cocaine, you know.
That's amazing.
You know, I thank Vince McMahon for affording me my addiction.
Because without it, I'd be in prison somewhere.
Because I would have killed somebody for my drug.
No, without a doubt, I would have, you know, knifed him, whatever, man.
That guy's got an eight ball.
What's this?
Done.
Life meant nothing to me, man.
And he gets to a point where you put yourself in such a dark hole.
There is no light.
None at all.
And it takes somebody that's special.
You couldn't have sent me to rehab right then.
It wouldn't have worked.
I'd have been out in minutes.
Even when Dallas offered me to pay the whole trip and you'll move in with me,
I'm going to feed you the best damn food on the planet.
We're going to get you healthy.
We're going to get the bullshit out of your system.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to last about a week.
Because I knew me, and I'm like, dude, if I make it a week, I'm going to be
doing good.
Because at the time, I couldn't do 24 hours not doing cocaine.
Wow.
If you wanted me to get up out of bed, bring me some cocaine.
Wow.
That's where I was at.
Because life was too ugly to want to go out there.
When did it start?
Did it start when your pro wrestling career started?
Or was it going on before then?
No.
The cocaine and alcohol, alcohol was always there.
I mean, I started drinking when I was 11 or 12.
Whoa.
My grandfather was an alcoholic, drug addict, slash drug addict.
Because this started with an oil field accident.
He got his legs crushed.
And he refused to have his legs cut off.
So he stayed in the hospital for 18 months.
Well, back in the 1920s, t