Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1290 - Bryan Callen
Uploaded: 2019-05-04T00:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1290 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1290 - Bryan Callen' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1290 - Bryan Callen

brian callen yes and we're live brian callen we're live we are live live we are
live i've been
listening to radio lab on the way over here and um they have a new episode out
about the asteroid
impact that killed the dinosaurs yeah holy shit man right apparently they tell
me if i'm right
about this before you tell me more because i want to see if i have a little
knowledge
there is an under like there's a very hard layer of rock that covers a large
part of the earth right
and that is proof that somehow there was an asteroid that hit and it got really
really hot
and the rock got that is a moron's version of the science that they clearly lay
out
and by the way it's the worst thing i'm also like there's rock that got melted
that was under
the ground undeniable evidence of a rock of from the space area there's a layer
of the earth the
crust of the earth is super hard because it got really hot after an asteroid
hit everybody died
and they found dinosaur bones in it yeah bro they can i don't believe in
dinosaurs because i'm you
know i have something called the bible at home some people don't believe in
dinosaurs do you know that
right yeah this flat earth folks oh well they believe dinosaurs are fake why is
it that most flat
earthers from my experience are generally super good at like a discipline that
has nothing to do with
astrophysics like jiu-jitsu like they spend a lot of time on a mat but then
they have really strong
political opinions about the central banks i think it's just a lack of real
education and then yeah you get
caught up in these youtube things that show you a secret and it's very
attractive it's very attractive
to like find out about some hidden stuff yeah like oh my god i can't believe
they did this they hid from
us the fact that the earth is flat jesus christ space is fake too bro space is
fake satellites aren't real
they're low flying planes they're planes they're that's they're constantly beaming
down these
information from the sky satellites are not real yeah nuclear bombs they're not
real yeah they're not
real they're just big bombs but then the problem is when you break your leg and
you have to set your
bone or you get staff and and you have to trust big pharma to cure it or you
use your your iphone
and it works and you're talking to somebody in that's a big one yeah it's a big
one so but why
is that technology something you trust and your stuff is not your iphone has a
global positioning
satellite chip in it stop chorus it it links up with the one that's in the sky
and it tells you where
you are on the map that's why your google maps works jesus christ i think there
are probably only
five or six flat earthers no there's a lot yeah there's thousands of them well
okay trust me but that
really means only five or six in the grand i think the problem with all of them
is that they just got
married to the idea and then they're fighting it and if you fight it with
someone who doesn't know
what they're talking about not that i do know what i'm talking about but if you
fight it with like a
sean carroll or like a real astrophysicist a real scientist somebody studied
yeah they there's so much
evidence that the earth is round and no evidence that the earth is flat it's
one of those things
where it's just like what are you guys doing you're chasing your tail yeah this
is crazy i'm too busy
i'm way to follow your youtube i'm too busy for bigfoot ideas yeah that's
definitely and that
might have been a real thing right you think so yeah it was a real animal there
was a creature
yeah there was a real creature called gigantopithecus it was a real animal it
was like eight foot tall
bipedal hominid it absolutely existed probably yeah like a giant a giant ape
dude if a gorilla didn't
exist imagine seeing a gorilla right like jesus christ what the is that thing
six
foot 600 pounds hulking huge hairy black beast with a giant chest and enormous
arms and pounds on his
chest runs on all fours and you're like fang yeah when they fly through the air
at each other and clash
it's crazy smash into each other and fight holy man if you didn't know that was
real i know and you
ran into a gorilla you'd be like what the and by the way they didn't know
mountain gorillas were even a
thing until the early 1900s they were a legend yeah yeah yeah when was the
discovery of mountain gorillas
don't they think those giant chimps in the congo are hybrid no they don't
anymore because they have dna
they they're they're the only chimpanzee species or subspecies i guess you'd
say that they found that
one that has a crest on its skull like a gorilla 1902 bro damn yeah a german
explorer captain robert von
bering the mountain gorilla was named the gorilla gorilla beringi in honor of
the captain wow yeah man
fuck look at imagine that thing how about those that guy who is an anti-poaching
uh agent he he helps uh
protect gorillas from poachers yeah and he got them to pose standing up in a
selfie and even better
there's video of him tickling the gorillas and the gorillas laughing laughing
like a person yeah it's
crazy so was there a a big foot yeah there was a big foot yeah it was a real
thing that's why there's
so many stories about it and it probably died off a hundred thousand years ago
or something right you
you know do gorillas ever eat meat or they're just they're just vegetarians not
gorillas no yeah
gorillas are we are closer to chimpanzees than chimpanzees are gorillas is that
true yeah wow
well i i think it's interesting in goma where those groups of male chimps
expand their territory
they kill other males and then move their women and children into the area that
they annex yeah isn't
that crazy vicious they just as groups fall down fall on the smaller you know
tribes of of chimps and
and decimate them they are so many so many similarities to humans yeah so many
yeah but these um bondo apes
they call them this is the um the giant chimp there's these they nest on the
ground too like gorillas
are they as violent as they live in large communities like chimps the the
locals have two names for
chimps over there they have one that they call tree beaters those are regular
sized chimps and the other
ones they call lion killers damn they're so big they've they've got videos of
these things eating a
leopard what yeah they don't know if it yeah they're enormous chimps so they
don't know if it killed
the leopard or if the leopard died and then they're eating it they don't know
but they do know one was
eating a fucking leopard so you gotta think yummy kitty cat when they're
standing up they're taller than me
i'm five eight they're six feet tall you're six feet tall yeah so that your
height yeah your height
but a chimp and a jack chimp god it's probably 250 300 pounds well they say
they're 400 pounds the
ones in the zoo they have some in i don't believe the city zoo no i don't
believe they do i think they
do no they have two giant chimps if you look they're just big chimps those are
just big chimps
they're huge though yeah they do they've they've had chimps that are over 200
pounds they've had some
enormous chimps but they've never had one of these they live in a very specific
area of the congo but
they've seen them yes they have video of them they have photographs of them you
can see videos and you
see camera trap photos they're a real animal it's a really big animal man it's
a really big chimp
that's amazing can you imagine seeing a six foot chimp
no dude no no they eat your face and your genitals no thanks just imagine
standing there you turn a
corner and there's a chimp as tall as you looking at you disaster yeah i have
to go low have you ever
seen yeah you're not going low no it doesn't matter what was that they had a
there was a traveling
circus where they had a chimp and they would muzzle it and they'd have any man
the biggest man that just
to hold the chimp down for six seconds if you could do that or three seconds
and no man is ever able to
do it they just of course there's just this is a 150 pound chimp yeah and you
wouldn't even
even if it was muzzled man it could still rip your arms off like what are you
doing yeah you're made
out of jello i've ever held i've held a small one a baby one it was playing
with my puppy and it was
i was it his back felt like wood wood yeah like wood like that's a perfect way
to describe that's
exactly like dan henderson probably feels exactly like dan henderson he's he's
got to be part chimp yeah
but i i had a two one two-year-old one once uh on uh fear not fear factor news
radio and when
we're on the set the scene actually got cut out we never wind up using the
scene but there was a guy
who was like an animal trainer and he had a couple different animals with him
and one was a baby chimp
in diapers and this baby chimp got on my back and beat beat on my back a couple
times and i was like
what the yeah it was like you hitting me yeah i was like wow this little tiny
thing just wailed on me
jesus they're so strong dude yeah their little bodies are just just hard like
corded no neck
take crazy punishment yeah but um that thing in the congo man it's apparently
in a very difficult
spot to reach it's very dangerous to go through there you know when justin wren
goes through there
he has some hair raising stories about being held up at gunpoint you know
people thought they were
gonna they were gonna kill somebody and yeah a lot of the people a lot of the
apparently a lot of the
sort of uh soldiers and people that committed atrocities from the the uh war in
rwanda kind
of when their bands kind of moved into the congo and lived in them in you know
in the jungle and who
knows who justin is a lot of crime justin wren is a saint yeah he thinks wells
he's a legitimate saint
yeah really is he's gotten malaria three times god visiting the congo and
building wells unbelievable
it's amazing yeah he told us some amazing stories heartbreaking it's amazing
the cash app um which
is uh one of my sponsors also sponsors fight for the forgotten they give people
they give five dollars
every time someone signs up and uses the code joe rogan and they've built a
they're building wells
right now because of that really yeah they what was the latest number i forget
what the number was
they sent me uh an updated like very early on they were they had built two
wells and then they built a
bunch more and provided water to a ton of people down there i don't know the
exact statistics the guy who
wrote moonwalking with einstein uh the hell is he it's a book about memory and
stuff really smart guy he
lived with the pygmies in the congo for a long time oh well that's what justin
wren's doing yeah and said
that they smoke copious amounts of wheat at least the tribes that he lived with
is that the book yeah
joshua four four really interesting what a name yeah we are four yeah and i
said what is it you know
these are people that truly have been almost untouched by western civilization
and he's like well no i
mean they die of stupid things like you know you get an infection yeah and you
just you know you don't
have antibiotics well there's a lot of bacteria and parasites and stuff too to
get stomach parasites
from water skin diseases and weird things like that yeah the jungle's not even
if you've evolved to
live in it it's not a very i spent enough time in the indonesian rainforest i've
never seen bugs like
that in my life i've never seen anything like it it's so loud it sounds like it
take the loudest street in manhattan and i'm not kidding
that's how loud the insects and birds and everything are and then you have to
carry a bug spray does not
work did i ever tell you this the bug spray you got to carry a sulfur coil yeah
good luck with the
mosquitoes bug spray they laugh at your fucking at your bug spray you got to
carry it you have to burn
a sulfur coil and just carry hold it that's correct in certain times when you
wake up they just they're
all over the place what year was this that you were doing this oh god i wa