Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1296 - Joe List
Uploaded: 2019-05-15T06:07:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1296 - Joe List' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1296 - Joe List' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-15. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1296 - Joe List

Joe List, ladies and gentlemen.
Joe List!
I'm already in.
I'm already going.
I want to do it like one of the morning DJ guys.
I appreciate it.
Hey, Joe, I hear you're in town for the funny fuck.
I am.
I'm doing the funny fuck this weekend, tonight through Sunday.
Excellent.
Actually, you are working with me tonight.
We have two sold-out shows at the Hollywood Improv.
I appreciate it.
I'm excited to be there.
It's going to be fun.
It's going to be The Machine, Bert Kreischer.
I love Bert.
And Cheeto Santino, Andrew Santino.
You know Andrew?
I know Andrew, but I don't know him personally.
You just know of him.
He's hilarious.
Yeah.
Yeah, it should be a good old fucking time.
Yeah, I'm excited.
Thanks for having me.
My pleasure.
How long are you in town for?
I leave tomorrow morning.
Ah, okay.
Got here on Sunday.
I got here Saturday, actually.
But I stayed down Manhattan Beach.
Oh, what are you doing?
You're posh, hanging out with the people by the beach?
It was night.
I was down at the airport.
My wife is here.
And I said, let's go down to Manhattan Beach for lunch.
And we were enjoying ourselves.
So we got a hotel and made love and walked on the beach.
Whoa, you made love.
Yeah.
You must really love her if you made love.
I do.
Ooh.
I went to a party once in Manhattan Beach, and the guy collected toasters.
Oh.
And I was like, what is this?
And he was like, oh, I just collect toasters.
I'm like, okay.
From all different time periods.
Like he had an ancient toaster from like the 50s with all this patina on it.
And then he had modern toasters.
But I think he was trying too hard.
You know those, some dudes just wear bowling shoes and shit.
They just try too hard to be wacky.
Yeah.
Was he like a hipster?
Or was he like an old sage?
He was a girl, he was a guy who was trying to fuck my girlfriend.
Oh.
And she wanted to go to this party.
So I was like, all right.
Wow.
I think she was an actress, and I think he was in the movie business.
Imagine getting cucked by a toaster collector.
Yeah, almost did.
Well, it was one of them squirrely deals where she was like, I'm so not
interested in him.
I just want to go to this party for networking.
I was a young lad.
I had just moved to Hollywood.
I did not know the ways of this goofy fucking town yet.
Yeah.
I hadn't exercised myself from Hollywood.
I was still doing the thing, acting, going on auditions and shit.
So it was like, when you first get here, you're like, what is this?
Especially in the 90s, it was super squirrely.
Because everybody was trying to get a development deal, and everybody was
trying to get a sitcom.
And they kind of let you think that that was the only way.
You have to get a sitcom.
You want to be like Roseanne?
Don't you want to be like Tim Allen?
What about Seinfeld?
He got a sitcom.
You should get a sitcom.
Damn, I want to get a sitcom.
And so everybody was out here just trying to do the acting thing.
I did it for a while, and after a while, you're like, these people are not
worth it.
But you did get a sitcom, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a couple of them.
Yeah, I was on a couple of them.
It seems like fun.
It's fun.
Stand-up's more fun.
Yeah, it's not something I'd be interested in doing, but...
If you could do a sitcom with all stand-ups, that would be the shit.
That would be the shit.
Like, if you could do a sitcom with really good writers who are cool, and all
the people on the show were stand-ups, that would be fucking monstrous.
But it's not usually like that.
No, and it seems very, what do you call it, corporate, and you got to do this
and this, and a lot of rules and stuff.
It seems like podcasts are...
Well, they're trying to make money, you know, and they can't make money if
people do things and get people in trouble.
They say things and get people angry, or someone calls up human resources, and
Joe List was talking about his dick.
And the craft service lady heard it, and now there's a lawsuit.
I think with podcasts now, most of us comedians with podcasts have no chance of
getting any corporate job.
I don't think that's true.
Really?
I get offered shit all the time.
I think that we don't need it, though.
Right.
I think it actually will get in the way.
Have you ever written on a sitcom?
No.
Written on anything?
No.
When you write, there's a trap that comics fall into that are good writers.
They get this sitcom writing gig, and it's a sweet gig.
You get paid thousands of dollars a week.
Your bills are covered, so you feel good.
Right.
But you're never going on the road.
You're in town all the time.
You're just doing sets around town, so you're pretending that you're still a
comic.
Right.
But you're really a sitcom writer who kind of has a hobby of doing stand-up,
and you never develop on the road.
And there's a bunch of guys.
Do you know Owen Smith?
That's another guy I don't know.
I've met him a couple times.
Fucking hilarious.
Yeah.
One of the best comics in the world.
And he's just been spending so many years doing these sitcoms.
I saw him one night at the comic store.
I'm like, how the fuck is this guy not gigantic?
How does he not have a Netflix hour that everyone's talking about?
How is everybody not trying to book him places?
It's just because he's been doing this sitcom writer thing.
He's trying to break out of that now, though.
Tommy Johnigan's another guy.
Do you know Tommy Johnigan?
I've heard of him.
He's one of the best comedians I think there is.
He's a writer.
But he's been writing on a TV show.
But he's happy.
He likes it.
He's got two kids, and it keeps him off the road.
But to me, it's a bummer as a comedy fan, because I'm like, ah, I want to see
that new hour.
But I think he still works a little bit.
Yeah.
Mitch Hedberg had a really funny bit about that, about how comedy, like when
you're a comedian,
it's the only job where someone asks you to do another job.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody, when I first moved to New York, there was a guy that was like, do you
do any writing?
And I was like, well, I did all that writing.
I wrote all that.
But that's why I never liked writing other than stand-up, because stand-up, I
can write all day
and then go do it that night.
Whereas when I'm writing like a movie or a TV show, I'm like, ah, I'm wasting
my, this isn't
going to get made.
Which is not, my therapist says, that's not the way, that's not what should
inspire you
to write.
You should be writing because it's a way to express yourself.
Your therapist is right.
But then again, if you are writing something and nothing happens, it is fucking
stupid.
It feels wasteful when I could be writing jokes that I do on stage.
Yeah, you just get into that sort of thing where you're just like, what am I
doing here?
And then it steals your thunder.
Yeah, I feel that way all the time, unrelated to comedy.
Just life.
Yeah, what am I doing here?
You write, write.
You sit down and write.
A little bit, yeah.
I try to, but a lot of times, a lot of times I'll start writing and then I end
up just
Jerking off.
Jerking off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Although I do that less than I used to.
Well, Louis said that he kept his, he had one laptop that could not connect to
the internet.
He had it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, he still does that.
But if you do that, like, what if you want to Google something while you're
writing?
Well, I do that a lot and I'll use it as an excuse.
I'll be writing and then I'm like, what's the origin?
Let me Google that for research.
And then before you know it, I'm just going through Instagram and I'm jerking
off.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, you gotta have discipline.
That's all.
I give myself an hour.
I have one hour that I have to write.
And then if I enjoy it, I keep going.
But for one hour, there is nothing going on but writing.
See, that's ambitious.
I have to go literally, I'm not even joking, like 10 minutes.
I'm like, let me do 10 minutes.
And usually I'll go a little longer because I'm like, all right, all right.
Well, now I'll do like 30 minutes.
And I'm like, then you can treat yourself.
I'm a child.
I am too.
But I found that, I mean, obviously we came in here, we were, me and Jeff were
embroiled
in a quake death match.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we wouldn't stop to say hi.
I said hi briefly.
I appreciate it.
I felt bad.
See you in 15 minutes.
I felt like I walked in and you fucking.
You were a little early.
Well, I got here early and I was going to, I'm always compulsively early
everywhere.
Good.
I spend a lot of time just doing laps around places because I have so much
anxiety.
But I parked and I was like, I'll just sit in my car for 10 minutes.
And then a big guy came out and was just looking at me.
And so then I was like, I think this must mean I have to get out of the car.
Yeah.
He's armed.
So I got out.
Oh, is he?
Oh, great.
Of course.
Oh, I'm terrified.
But yeah, so I got here early.
I was on camera, but I would have showed up, right?
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
All right.
We shouldn't have snuck in that extra game.
It's just, we get, the problem is you play one game and then it gets gone.
Like we play for a half hour, play to a hundred points, a hundred deaths, and
then it gets intense.
And then if one guy beats the other guy, gives him a drubbing, then the other
guy wants revenge.
And then you have to play that second match.
Yeah, it's addictive.
Then you start off your day with two ass kickings.
It's like jerking off.
A hundred deaths.
Yeah.
You start off your day with two jerk off sessions.
You're like, man, I have a lot of catching up to do if I want to make this a
productive day.
Are you still jerking off a lot?
Of course.
I feel like I don't jerk off that much anymore.
What?
Well, I have a wife and we have sex.
Yeah, I do that.
But even when she's not away.
I got one of those.
When she's away.
Then you jerk off?
I'll jerk off a little bit, but I have less than I used to.
Is something wrong with me?
I can still get my vagina hard.
I'm just not as interested.
Nothing wrong with that, man.
But when I'm with her, I'm very turned out.
Then you're interested.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, yes.
I get it.
But in your free time, you've got other shit on your mind.
Yes.
You're focused.
I am focused on about 5,000 things at once.
Yeah, me too.
In the world of being a comedian.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
Yeah, Louie's idea is a good idea on paper to not have anything connected to
the internet.
Well, I think about doing this now.
He has two phones, like a flip phone that 12 people have the number.
And then he has a smartphone that he'll leave behind.
So, like, his kids can call him or his, you know, mother or whatever.
I'm one of the 12.
But, like, someone can get in touch with him and you can call 911 or whatever.
But there's no Twitter, Instagram, whatever.
So, that's, like, a decent idea is two phones.
Because I'm fucked up with.
But then, you know, obviously you're friends with Ari.
He has the flip phone.
That's it.
Louie has the flip phone.
But what sucks is when you're hanging out with these people, they still need
the shit.
So, they end up using your phone.
Exactly.
Like, I'll go hiking with Ari or whatever on a trip.
And he's like, pull up your Google Maps.
Can I use your phone?
And then he just has my phone.
How about have some discipline, Ari?
Yeah.
Get a real phone.
I don't want anyone to have my phone.
It's not like I don't have crazy porn or whatever.
Don't be touching my phone.
I don't like people holding my phone.
That's like someone wearing your underwear.
Yes.
It's worse.
Hey, can I borrow your underwear?
What?
You can take my underwear.
Can't you just go raw dog?
Just put pants on?
Yeah.
Do you have to have underwear?
It's weird.
You don't need underwear.
You do.
I sprinkle a lot of tinkle.
Yeah, but if you have a good pair of underwear, it's better.
If you're wearing jeans and shit and your dick's rubbing against your zipper,
shit's annoying.
Yeah, that's no good.
Good point.
You need underwear.
I take it back.
I want to walk back my underwear.
Ari just needs some discipline.
He just needs some goddamn discipline.
He's