Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1303 - Tommy Chong
Uploaded: 2019-05-23T16:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1303 - Tommy Chong' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1303 - Tommy Chong' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-23. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1303 - Tommy Chong

Tommy Chong ladies and gentlemen. How are you sir? I'm fine man. It's great to
see you again man. You too Joe. I tell everybody that one of my first ever
experiences with comedy recordings was listening to Big Bamboo when I was a kid.
My parents had it and they'd let us listen to it. We opened it up like a big
old packet of rolling papers and pull out the albums back then the actual
record you know and so I've been a fan for
a long time. I can tell man. I can tell. How are you? The lover of the weed. I'm
fine man. I couldn't be better. I'll be 81 Friday. Wow. That's amazing. Does
that sound crazy to say? Because I'm 51 that sounds crazy to say. When I say it
I'm like Jesus is that true? Fuck. I'm 30 years older than you. Wow. Wow. That's
something. But I feel good man. You know all the systems are go again. You know
and that that makes a
big difference in your life. Yeah. That's what I found out the fountain of
youth is the pussy. That's it? Yeah. That's all it is? Drink out of the
fountain of youth and you'll live forever. Really? Yep. Okay. Yeah. What about
if you're gay? Well I guess. Long pause. Yeah I had to think about that one.
Well I guess. It might be dick for them. I guess it no. No it has to be the
fountain. It has to be the fountain. So even for gay
folks it's got to be pussy too? Well how long what's the longest living gay guy
that you know? That's a good question. Huh. Like Bob Hope man. Was he gay? No.
At least one night I knew him. No that's my fountain of youth. Yeah. You know
because it. Sure romance. Well what happens is your body when it reaches a
certain stage it it starts
disintegrating because it's getting ready for the recall and the reboot and you
get a new body and the way you go again. But if you keep this body healthy it
feels that there's no need to to leave because you obviously still got more
shit to do. Yeah you're still enjoying it. Yeah you're still producing you know.
Are you exercising and everything? Oh yeah. Yeah what do you do? I got a
trainer now. Yeah. But my main exercise is tango.
Tango? Tango. Tango. Really? I will turn you on to tango. Tango is old folks
sex. The whole thing about tango is it's so intricate. It was a
the original tango was a mating dance from Africa. Really? And what they would
do the
the tribes the young kids would get together and dance and flirt with their
feet. And so when the slaves got taken you know from Africa
put on the boats and put on the boats and that. They ended up crossing the foot
dance with the adagio French dance. The dance of the brothels. And so the so
then they ended up with the music or a dance called tango which was a
combination. Tango itself is a word that means small drum. It's an African drum.
Just like mambo. It's an African word that means storytelling. Really? Yeah.
Dude story.
Time with Tommy Chang. Oh yeah. Man I was in jail. I had nothing but time. And
I wrote a whole paper on tango. So anyway tango. Like I go to Argentina with my
wife a lot. And it's very tough dance to dance with your wife. You have to
dance with a stranger. And she has to dance with a stranger.
Why is that? I think it's you're too intimate too personal. You know each other
too well. If you're a stranger then all you can respond to is the dance signals.
Like the man has to lead. But he has to lead in such a way that you can't see
him. You know he can't pull her around. He suggests.
Oh ok. And so he'll suggest a certain move and then the girl. His partner will
understand that move and then she can do a couple of steps. And that a certain
way.
Like one is called the fuck I can't remember the term. Ocho's. Ocho's. Which
means back and forth. And out of those combinations. Once the guy gets a girl
going into Ocho's for instance. Then he can move on to another. He'll stop her
with his foot. And then he'll move on to another series of moves. And they're
all designed.
And but the stranger. And you know the woman has to really listen to the moves
if she's dancing with a stranger or a teacher.
Hmm. And that's how. And then it has to be a close embrace. And the woman has
to be cuddled up against the guy. Not always but for the most part. So you're
not looking at your feet at all. And it's all about feel. And so you have to
feel the other person's body.
And it can get so intimate man. That you really felt after a good dance with a
good tango teacher. You really feel like having a cigarette.
Well. And relaxing for a bit. You did you study this. Did you like take classes.
I got turned on to it in Paris. I was teaching. I were finishing up the Corsican
brothers. And I was we got offered to do the Cisco kid. And they sent me the
script. And in the script said tango dancers.
And so there were we. My wife and I. Girlfriend at the time. But the wife now.
We used to drive by this place that said tango and neon lights.
And so we stopped and took our first tango lesson from this George and Rosie. A
couple there. And George was too old to get out of bed. He was in his 90s or
something. He was in bed. Rosie came and met us. And she showed us the first
little bit of tango.
Well my wife Shelby who was an excellent dancer. She's been studying dance. You
know. Ever since I can remember. You know. And so she started doing salsa first.
And then I found out about that. And I had to learn salsa. But then we started
learning tango together.
And then she went on to really learn how to dance. How to dance with the pros.
Me. I'm still struggling to be a pro. And it's very hard. It's like MMA
fighting. You know. Like she's a pro. I'm an amateur. And so. When I. When we
go down to Buenos Aires. Like we went down for her birthday. I was the video
operator. Because I didn't know how to dance. You know. That well. I take
lessons almost.
20 years now. But I still don't have the skills to. To be a professional. Like
that. But. Yeah. So I went down and videotaped her. And then I came back. And I
made a vow. I said. This is embarrassing. You know. Because people know me from
years ago. And I still can't dance. So. So it's about time that I learned. So I
gave up everything. To learn tango. And now. Really. Like what'd you give up?
Golf. More than anything. Really? Yeah. There's a lot of guys right now that
are going crazy. Why would you give up golf for tango? Well. Actually it worked
out really well. I played a tournament golf last week. And I did the best I've
ever done.
If you lay off something. You forget all your bad habits. Oh. That's true. True.
And you're probably really enthusiastic about playing on a camp. Oh. I loved it.
Yeah. I wasn't. I did good. I got. About two pars.
incredible for you know for me i'm you know i got about a 36 handicap something
like that but uh so
but i gave up golf because it's too much energy it's taking too much energy
sure you gotta walk
around all the time yeah i would also imagine that the tango dancing all the
movement and the footwork
would actually probably make you more steady and stable balance better so it'd
probably make your
golf game better oh it did totally totally i noticed that with uh yoga yoga
makes pool better
yeah some weird way like it makes it stand stronger yeah yeah so well there's
also a a pause
and comedy someone asked me about the secret of comedy i said it's a pause
and and the tango is a pause too the timing timing waiting yeah waiting and
using that that that
silence you know before you say something to give people to a time to formulate
their own thoughts
about what you're doing or to concentrate on what you're going to say next and
and that's the same
same thing with tango is this you yeah look at you oh that's me with uh peter
were you on dancing with
the stars yeah oh yeah how hard was that to do oh it was incredible look at you
kane or everything
what the hell is going on here good lord what are you saying to her there we
did it we did it we did it
wow yeah randy couture uh looked like randy was crying yeah what's his name uh
uh kevin hart kevin
hart was the judge yeah he gave me a 10 oh that's the only 10 i got look at
look at she had to carry
me off there wow oh man that tore my butt up man i imagine literally serious
fucking training for that
i came off i came off that with rectal cancer whoa yeah i got i found out on
that show wow how'd you
you don't think you got it from dancing i think i got it from uh no smoking and
uh and the stress
from no smoking weed no smoking weed i quit smoking weed during the show why'd
you do that i thought it
would help me with my uh coordination or something well with my being there
listening you know yeah
because uh it's hard to learn things when you're stoned sometimes that's what i'm
saying yeah like
in jujitsu uh most people agree that it's not a good idea to smoke pot when you're
learning skills but
it's a good idea to smoke pot when you have the skills yeah yeah it'll calm you
down yeah when you
roll and you already know what to do it's like instinctive then you can smoke
some pot yeah but like
learning like if someone shows me a new move and i'm high i can't even figure
out where the body's
going like wait where's your arm like what is how am i doing this you get too
high and then what am i
doing you get baffled yeah yeah well that's the same as tango well so you
really think that that
happened to you because of that see i had prostate cancer and and it was a kind
of prostate it was so
slow acting the lazy ass doctor said well we won't do we'll just leave it alone
and you'll probably die
have something else before that happens and so that was his attitude that was
their attitude
jesus christ yeah it happens all the time you know because you know prostate
can be very slow
and i had a slow one and but i had a biopsy when i had one to find out because
i was going to do the
growth hormone uh and that's why i had checked out my blood to make sure you
know i didn't have cancer
found out i had prostate cancer and but they did a biopsy and i think that
could have done it you
know the biopsy they come and take a piece of your so you think that taking a
biopsy could have
caused damage which could have led to cancer could have could have uh caused
the cancer cell to to hit
the rectum the way it did oh and so i got a bag now i got a glossomy bag you
know so but now i'm i'm
totally healed now and and i'm i'm i'm good to go you know the only thing and
so i don't know if if it
was the the lack of weed and and the stress and and the fact that i had
prostate you know so when
they fixed the rectal and i got the the best one of the best doctor kajandian
what'd they have to do
they had to operate they had to take out change the plumbing from uh from the
front from the back to
the front that's a class me bag so so i i i have no more rectum wow so i'm a
virgin again i'm kidding
and then you put the background to the front and uh that's all they did there
and then i had then they
but what they did they swept the prostate clean with the radiation they said we're
we're down there
anyway so we might as well do their prostate too so they fixed the prostate and
thank god i never had
it taken out because now i can i i got the sleeping giant is awoke again
sleeping giant yeah i woke the
sleeping giant up i think it was the weed that did it too plus my gorgeous wife
but yeah i started getting
these urges and i thought oh oh what's happening here and i'm doing
testosterone that's probably what
did it yeah the testosterone and then and then i'm going in for a shot tomorrow
that's it's a it's a
new procedure that they use apparently to help induce labor because it's all
about blood flow down there
and so it's going to induce i i tried pills i tried viagra you know it doesn't
it doesn't work enough
and so i'm i'm going in tomorrow for uh an injection of some some help the
blood flow to help the giant
get a little more awake now when you went to jail you had a your your your case
was horrible i mean it
was it was so depressing to hear that you were going to jail for making bong