Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1305 - JD & John Witherspoon
Uploaded: 2019-05-30T01:30:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1305 - JD & John Witherspoon' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1305 - JD & John Witherspoon' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-30. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1305 - JD & John Witherspoon

I do this all the time.
We're live, ladies and gentlemen.
What's up?
It's hilarious seeing the two of you guys together.
When your son told me, when he told me he was your son, first of all, he
instantly became
my friend.
And second of all, I was like, what is it like having John Witherspoon as a dad?
That's got to be crazy.
But mind you, I only told you because he was asking me, because I go to the
clubs all the
time, hanging out and whatnot, and just kicking it with friends.
And he said, who's at the club, Nat Bage?
The impression is perfect.
He was telling me, he's like, J.D., who is it that, who's the bringer there?
Who the funny one?
Who the ones?
And I was like, I mean, there's a bunch of them.
It's like, you know, Brennan, this, that, and that.
I said, Joe's always there.
He's got a bunch of people comes to his show.
He's like, Joe Rogan.
I'm like, I know Joe.
That's my man.
My man, Joe.
We worked together when I was at the comedy store.
Yeah.
And he told me to say hi.
Years ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Last time I saw you, I think, was Caroline's in New York.
We were doing, I was doing like the eight, and you were doing a ten or
something like
that.
No, I would do two shows, but it probably was on a Thursday, you know, you
probably did.
Something was happening.
We were doing it close to each other.
It was a long time ago.
Yeah.
A long time ago.
It was a long time ago.
Like maybe, maybe 15 years ago.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I haven't been there in a while.
I haven't been to New York in a while.
I stopped going to New York for about a second.
Caroline's a weird one.
Have you done Caroline's?
I haven't done Caroline's.
It's like a touristy place.
All tourists.
And foreigners.
It feels like you're doing.
Well, it's right in Times Square, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It doesn't feel like you're doing stand-up in New York.
It feels weird.
Oh, yeah.
It feels like what people want New York to be, but they're from somewhere else.
Yeah.
Like a good percentage of them are.
Guatemala.
But it's great.
Look at you like.
It's a great club.
Oh, yeah.
But it's just, you know, it's different than The Cellar or, you know.
Dangerfields is my favorite.
Joey Diaz was just down there, and he said he did Dangerfields like five, six
nights.
I never did Dangerfields.
Nobody does Dangerfields.
No.
It's half full all the time.
It's amazing.
That they're still around.
Yeah, they're still around.
Somebody's got to be selling Coke.
Somebody.
Somebody, yeah.
Well, somebody must be on Coke all the time.
They keep that place like that.
Well, the name alone probably brings people in, but it's an iconic place, man.
Yeah.
I like New York.
I haven't been back since Letterman gone.
I don't go do his show anymore.
I haven't been to Caroline's in about three years, four years.
But you do a lot of clubs.
Oh, I do 40, 40-something clubs.
Wow.
40 clubs a year?
You know, my agents come to my house in January, and they tell me all the clubs
I got that year.
They tell you what date we go over it.
We go over every one of them.
All right, June 15th, in case you're going to be in so-and-so.
Y'all like the money we're going to get?
Yeah, okay, that's good.
That's a go.
That's a go.
So we do 40-something clubs.
I said, man, this is too much work.
I ain't been 52 weeks in a year.
Yeah, that's crazy.
I got to have some time off.
What about me?
Y'all worry about this money?
But when you have time off, all you do is complain about not being on the road.
I complain about people telling me what to eat, what to drink.
Oh, my goodness.
I like to get me a little taste every now and then.
Everybody need a little taste.
That's what I'm saying.
Everybody need to keep the wolf off your back.
That's right.
So I get me a little taste.
The real problem is that travel, though.
That's what we're talking about.
Oh, that's too much.
The air travel over and over and over again.
And then we were freaking out about 837s, and you were explaining to us that
mostly they use them overseas,
and some Southwest.
And in African countries.
And in Asian countries, they use them.
Well, they had like two planes that just got lost, right?
One from Malaysia and all the other ones.
I think that's all pilot.
Pilot doing all that.
Lex Friedman is a software engineer, and he specializes in AI.
He's a professor at MIT.
And he was explaining to me, basically, the software glitch was making it nosedive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
That's not something I would want to hear.
Not when I paid $2,200.
I hunted to get in my seat.
Well, if you're a software engineer, you would have to up the pilot or co-pilot
to let them know, like, hey, someone has to...
Obviously, they all know what they're doing in the cockpit, but does someone
know what to do if the computer's going down?
That's a really good question.
Do they have any training in how to reboot computers?
Yeah.
Or is there a bypass or a workaround for the computers?
Yeah.
Lex does artificial intelligence.
That's mostly what he does.
He works on, like, cars, autonomous cars and planes and stuff.
And he was talking about as these things get more and more updated, you just
have...
Glitches happen.
It happens all the time with your phone, right?
You get a new bug and Twitter will just crash on you all the time and they
release an update.
But if you're on a fucking plane...
What are you doing?
Yeah.
And how do you react?
How do they practice it?
Wow.
You'd have to go through a flight simulation of, hey, there's a bug in the
plane.
Here we go.
How do they run over all that software before they put it on a plane?
You know, they had the plane that crashed...
What was the last plane crash?
That was where?
In Africa?
I don't know.
There was two in short...
Was one Russia?
No, it wasn't Russia.
I think it was in Africa.
Anyway, those pilots are trained to the end, to the hilt.
They train those pilots, but they don't know themselves, some of the guys who's
training the people, what the heck's going on.
It was a pilot that was off work, that was on the plane just before this plane
crashed.
Same plane.
They had trouble before, and he came out of his seat and went up to the cockpit
and saved the plane.
Jesus Christ.
He knew what to do.
Yeah.
He the only one who knew what to do on the plane.
You should imagine being in that fucking plane, watching that guy, looking down
the aisle, watching that guy walk into the cockpit.
Yeah, what are you doing?
You don't see no one.
They protect that.
They put the food cart in front of the...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that food cart stopping anybody?
No.
But they got a bolt on the door.
Yeah.
All those doors to the cockpit.
But the pilot is in the bathroom taking a boo-boo.
Yeah.
That's what that is.
They don't have their own pilot's bathroom?
No.
They can't fit it.
Can't fit it on the plane.
They blocked the area.
Yeah.
They put that food cart there.
See?
Yeah.
I've seen that many times.
That's a weird move.
Like, don't you have, like, a dedicated thing for it?
Why is the food cart the thing you...
Yeah.
Don't you have, like, a...
You should have a gate.
Someone will leap that.
Right.
They should have another door, just like they got on the cockpit.
Yeah.
They should have, like, some, like, a...
Like, you know, they do one of those metal gates in front of glass windows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have one of those.
Click, clamp it down.
Well, they knew that didn't work, because they had the riot in 66, and they
tore all them
down.
Oh, the gates on the doors.
Yeah.
I remember that.
I was watching them guys.
Something they did to the lock.
That's like a flu open.
Yeah.
What could you do to stop someone from bum-rushing the cockpit?
Like, those flight attendants are not going to stop it.
No, no, hell no.
Well, they should probably prepare planes with a flight attendant who has
training like
that in the future, like a female or a male who's just...
No, that's too much trouble.
Those are to fuck people up.
That's too much money.
Too much money.
Too much money to hire airplane security.
The pilot is locked in the bathroom.
The other pilot and the stewardess is locked in the booth where they fly the
plane.
So you ain't getting in there anyway.
I guess, yeah.
Unless when the pilot come out the bathroom.
I wonder how...
Then he's not, when he opened the door, but they got the other guy, the stewardess
pilot's got to come out.
He got to go in.
It's too complicated now.
Then the people that said, now I'm going to know what's happening.
They ain't going to jump up.
I know somebody better not trying to...
That's chaos on a plane if you start seeing all that that you're talking about.
Well, don't you think turbulence is chaos?
I was on a plane once and two dudes almost got into a fight.
The lady stopped serving them.
One guy was putting his luggage in a spot above another dude's head.
And the guy said, that's for my stuff.
And he said, no, whoever gets there first is the one who gets it.
And he's like, bullshit.
And he's like grabbing his arm and like, you know, it got like physical for a
second.
I had a, you know, I took my bag off to get some out of my bag.
I'm on the plane first.
Some guy walked past me.
I said, okay, excuse me.
And then I'm looking for my stuff.
He going to put it.
I said, hey, hey, hey, hey, bro.
You see this bag here?
That going up there.
He said, well, you should have had it up there.
I looked at this sucker.
He said, sorry, sir.
And he got in his seat.
Now, he's sitting next to me, too.
For the rest of the flight?
Whole flight.
He ain't saying nothing.
You should have had it up there.
Get the hell out of my way.
Take that crap out of here.
He thought I was a crazy man.
Tough guy, huh?
I wasn't tough.
I just didn't know.
The plane is full now.
Yeah.
One seat next to me open.
He going to put his stuff down.
I'm getting my stuff, trying to find my earphones.
This punk going to put his stuff up there.
Before you just come in, there's a place for you above my head.
I'm in my bag.
You don't think that's my bag.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you were going through your bag to put the stuff up there.
I'm doing like this, looking for my thing.
Some people just look for an opportunity to be a dick.
I think planes are the closest that people get to walking that emulates road
rage.
Yeah, the line.
It's the closest thing.
When people get up, and they get up too soon, and then they're pushing forward
already,
and you're like, come on, man.
Let everybody get up in the line.
Some people are like, nah.
Don't push through.
Yeah.
I was at the gas station just now, and you know how they have the big oil tankers.
They have to bring the gas to the gas station.
They were blocking in where people needed to go to park, and the guy who was
there was telling
me that some lady was just there, and she was mad at him because he pulled in a
few
minutes after she parked to get gas in her car.
And he was saying that she was like, you're blocking me in.
He's like, lady, I'm either going to block you in, or I'm blocking the street.
I can't block the full street with all the traffic.
And then by the time she was ready to go, she finally was nudging her way out
of the
gas station.
And the guy was trying to help her, and she's like, don't help me.
I don't need your help.
And he said, I'm sorry, it's going to be a minute.
She's like, I don't got a minute.
And then I asked him, I was like, what kind of car is she driving?
He was like, a Range Rover, new Range Rover.
I'm like, oh, she's got plenty of time.
She's got a minute.
She'll be okay.
One guy put his seat back before the plane took off.
You know how you put, get comfortable here, the seat all the way back.
And he said, hey, buddy, hey, you cannot put your seat back before the plane
get up
in the air.
He said, what the fuck was it?
Got your knees on, dude, somebody's legs.
I got the back of the chair on someone's knees.
He said, buddy, I've been doing this for 20, 30 years.
He said, I don't give a fuck what you've been doing.
You cannot do it today.
He said, they got into a spat.
Oh, my goodness.
Two passengers.
Two passengers.
Th