Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1326 - Maynard James Keenan
Uploaded: 2019-07-30T01:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1326 - Maynard James Keenan' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1326 - Maynard James Keenan' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-30. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1326 - Maynard James Keenan

young jeremy three two one ladies and gentlemen my favorite farmer
hey you're my favorite farmer i'm your favorite farmer yeah i don't know that
many of them but
you're number one all right i have a feeling that i don't quite farm the things
you would rather
use what do you mean like marijuana is that what you're trying to say i i wasn't
going to say it
but if you're going to bring it up i love wine dude you make killer wine okay i'm
a fan of your
wine so there you go i have yet to try your food but i want to i didn't even
know what an osteria was
until i talked to you see i didn't know are they use falcons to kill birds and
that thing you sent
me is dope as yeah so you have hired falc you hired a person and a couple that
raises falcons to kill
pigeons that are with your food starlings sparrows anything anything that's
messing with the grapes
they have these falcons come through and then the thing is the collective birds
in the area
they'll have a memory of that so like if you have this hawk come through the
the vineyard and they
just pulverize and there's feathers everywhere that the community of birds kind
of go oh i don't think
we should go this way we should go that way the cage with the feathers
everywhere and then the pigeons
on the other side is like what yeah that's a snack i was in venice recently
last week i'm still jet
lagged i'm completely i haven't slept solid in five whole days my body does not
know what's going on
i'll go to sleep completely exhausted and i'll wake up two hours later feeling
like and i can't
go back to sleep right but when i was in venice um there was a guy with a falcon
he had a falcon with
him and and i was like why does this have a falcon and then the pigeons come in
like crazy and when
the guy's there with the falcon the the pigeons just ghost they're gone they
take off so this guy
stands there by the dock in venice as the gondoliers pull up and uh he's just
got this falcon just
sitting there to so that the people can eat their food the pigeons are insanely
aggressive it's it's a
ridiculous place until they see they see that falcon done this yeah you ever
see videos online where um
the mongols use uh they use eagles golden eagles to hunt for wolves come on
dude it's wild an eagle
which weighs like what 15 20 pounds they wolves up they swoop these wolves are
just running for
their life as death swarms down from the sky we were gonna use the drone to get
some footage of the
falcons and we're like she's like yeah that's probably not a good idea and like
yeah because the blades he
goes no no no your drone because the falcons will go full force into your drone
and destroy it
so whatever you paid for it try getting your insurance company and going hey my
drone broke what did
you do flew near a falcon they're gonna go yeah good luck well perogen falcons
don't they go like 200
miles an hour they're the fastest animal on the planet boom fuck what 200 miles
an hour yeah destroy your
drone i mean that doesn't even make sense what do you got oh this is the mongol
so look these dudes run
the wolves are running away the wolves know the drill too man and this eagle
just comes down and jacks the
wolf and that's how they skin these wolves look at that two of them boom good
god yeah they are
death from the sky and these guys raise them and then they wear the wolf hat
yeah they will the
the skin the furs everything but it's just so so that's it what are we talking
about what whatever
you want to talk about fella i hear you got some news yeah so i figured i know
there's a lot of uh
there's probably some tool fans that'll probably tune into this specifically to
hear some news
yeah so rather than being a dick and waiting to the end to tell them i probably
we should probably tell
them up front are you like softening in your age no not at all i just care i
just i care about the
as long as things have taken for us because we're a very difficult band we're
very stubborn and we're
you know we're kind of ignorant to what goes on in the rest of the world and so
people are like
guys come on guys uh and you know i mean to their credit like we did the whole
betamax thing didn't
work for us and neither did laser disc so we have this new thing called digital
media and streaming
we're gonna try it out you're gonna stream it's a new thing it's a new thing
streaming
so you can just get it oh like spotify that kind of deal yeah you heard of it
yeah it's just brand
new it's brand new yeah it like works on your phone or something to us it's
brand new what are you
doing with it uh we're gonna put some songs on it oh so you can listen yeah
when you're not even like
plugged in anything correct wow so here's what i'm gonna do now because this is
by the time this
actually airs this will have already happened but you're filming me doing it
right you're gonna
upload a tweet i'm gonna do a thing let everybody know i'm a i'm a tweaker do
you have it prepared
and everything not really so you you're doing this because your fans which are
very rabid you have
rabid fans the tool fans are particularly enthusiastic they're pretty they're
pretty aggressive
they yeah well it's because you guys are awesome thank you you up you made an
awesome band you got
some radical fans okay so uh when if you release this podcast the idea was that
if you set it on the
podcast without letting them know first yeah they deserve to hear first they've
been very patient with
us very patient so okay this friday august 2nd dum-dum-dum-dum the catalog the
whole catalog catalog
goes up on napster on napster are you familiar with napster i've heard of it it's
great that
lars guy's really upset about it yes you should talk to lars about this he's
got a whole thing he's
gonna try to figure out figure out how to undermine them yeah he's gonna stop
it in its tracks kettle goes
up on all digital and streaming he's doing this on his phone right now as we're
talking streaming
so up until this time mats you never have had anything up and available no you're
like
what's his name garth brooks yeah he doesn't have anything up either no comment
garth brooks doesn't he he just wants his but it's kind of like a good artistic
choice
he doesn't want his stuff to be broken up into songs he wants you to download
or to buy his
entire cd because he feels like there's a correct order for songs he says that
that's what he says
yeah we tried to we tried that one before and people feel like no no we want
you to hear our whole
album as is you know in sequence and people like like you play them live like
oh yeah
we i we've never played right straight start to finish but of course i'm not
the guy that said
oh no we want you to hear it yeah that's because that would be an absolute lie
you know yeah garth
brooks has some weird things of course uh garth brooks is being currently
harassed and away we go
by tom segura so what's up there you go up there beautiful it's out there in
the ether it's out there
immediately so why have you guys not had anything on streaming up until this
moment
i yeah no i can't i love my brothers i'm just gonna take the fifth on that one
okay so there was
some sort of internal discussion or or no discussion or no discussion yeah just
the the typical tool time
of like what was there was a meeting well again this is what you get with great
artists you don't get
great artists who are also the best promoters correct the ones who are the best
promoters usually
they're not the best artists here's what here's also what we're gonna do today
yeah you're doing
another thing is this like one of them late night things where you're selling
knives oh yeah extra yeah
yeah do you want a knife because i sell them you also have some old stock and
beta and samurai swords
and yeah uh no i'm gonna announce the name of the new album you like that yeah
you're doing it on your
phone first fear of a black planet and fear of a black planet uh fear inoculum
white guy spinning on
an album called fear of a black planet would really go over well and yeah that
would be the least woke
thing you could do yeah cowboy chironi would buy the first copy uh fear inoculum
is the name of the
album uh fear inoculum who'd you say would buy the first album i'm not going to
say that again i
didn't hear what you said i might have said cowboy chironi cowboy ceroni yeah
why would you say that i
don't know because he wears that cowboy hat and i just assumed that he's got a
lot of black friends
does he you're out of line i'm totally trains with all these black guys so now
he's going to be mad
at me now i gotta apologize you're joking he probably won't hear this all right
it's probably too busy
jumping a jet ski over a bridge i'm just jello of his of his hat so august 30th
you can go in them
hats you got some money you got a hat of your own yes i do it's like a sinatra
hat it's uh that's if
you weren't so cool that would be a douchebag hat that's some breaking bad
right there i like it
you like that i like it on you i like it on you it looks good on you it does
there's there's things
that people like you could pull off one of those uh buckskin pioneer jackets
with the fray
you could pull you know that have the what is that stuff called the tassels
that hang down from the
size of the jacket and away we go and away we go yeah you put it on instagram
as well we've just
i just put it on instagram first we'll get it on twitter in a minute because i
got more important
things now people will shut the up they'll leave you alone i like that little
setup too that you got
there with the laptop slash ipad i didn't know that they made that kind of a
case that doubles as a
keyboard right yeah look at you all right farmers with technology right beep
beep boop beep beep so
how's the wine business uh it's good uh we're a little late this year um things
are about two weeks
behind so i wanted to ask you this because this is something that like a lot of
people that are dealing
with in the arizona area that you guys had a lot of rain right yeah yeah yeah
so i know like hunters and
people that are like into the wildlife and everything that are really excited
about this fall because
there's so much moisture it's like they think the animal populations would be
very healthy uh yes and
i mean it's you know with anything there's there's always going to be both
sides of that with with
extra rain in the spring comes extra foliage extra ground cover extra grass
right and they
fuck with the root systems no then it uh then there's extra fires because then
when the rain dries up you
have all this extra fuel yeah so fires there's probably you get a lot of those
gonna be a pretty intense
fire season i've been evacuated three times yeah i got evacuated in october it
came real close burnt three
houses right in front of us we we were in the epicenter of that woosley fire oh
god yeah it was
pretty crazy it's what but you know it sucks and it's terrible but if you live
through it the thing that
it lets you know is you're not your you're not your stuff oh yeah absolutely
when we left
you know we had to wake our kids up at two o'clock in the morning and i said to
my wife i'm like you
know so we're fine we gotta i'm just grabbing my laptop and some underwear you
know you go to the
store and buy new pants and like if you lose all your stuff you're alive the
only thing i know i make
sure i know where it's at is the is the photo album yeah photos that i haven't
scanned or whatever on my
cloud or whatever got the photo album and the dogs and then remember to grab
the family yeah remember that
that's important but yeah it's like natural there's something crazy but that's
one of the things that i
really do miss about uh living on the east coast with the horrible winters is
that there's something
comforting in the brutal force of nature that just forces you to recognize that
you are helpless
you're helpless to the blizzard yeah michigan i remember you know the drifts on
the side of the road
five feet ten feet yeah it's 